Lucy's phone was going off every 10 seconds. Angry accusations filled her screen from Georgia and Hempo. Concerned messages from her parents came in waves. Texts from Keira haunted her notifications. One missed call. Two missed calls. One voicemail from Kei Kei. Lucy couldn't see any of them.
Tears poured down her face as she sat on the bathroom floor, cold, miserable, alone. She dropped her head in her hands and gripped her temples tightly to attempt to relieve the pain that was bursting from her. She couldn't speak, she couldn't hardly breathe. She screamed till she couldn't anymore to get out the feelings she couldn't explain. The heartbreaking, painful feelings.
She pulled up her legs to her chest and held herself tight, trying to hold in the sobs that shook her entire body. She wanted someone to hold her, she wanted Keira, but she had no one. She was all alone.
She figured she deserved it. She was the one who chose this life. She was the one who left everyone to seek something greater. It wasn't great. It was miserable. She thought she could work it out. She thought she could handle it. Well, she was wrong.
She didn't know how long she was there, hunched in a ball, sobbing her heart out. She didn't notice when she stopped crying, she was so numb. After the tears stopped coming, she was still and sick and empty. When she finally stood up, she turned around and looked at herself in the mirror.
She was an absolute wreck. Her eyes were red, with tears glassy over them. Her face was pale and strained. Her nose was red, her throat burned, her ribs ached and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She hated the person she saw in front of her, the person who was being accused of hurting Keira.
She stumbled in the shower and numbly let the burning water run over her. She felt vulnerable and cold, weak and guilty. Regret and pain filled her heart. She wished she could literally cry her heart out so that she wouldn't have to deal with the hurt that filled it.
Everytime she felt like she could push past the doubts and the fears that she had failed everyone, she was broken down by another reminder of Keira, of her old teammates. She had always been proud of being strong, being what everyone knew as the tough girl. But this time, she didn't want to be tough. She wanted to fall apart, she wanted to hide away forever, to never have to deal with her aching heart.
Every breath she tried to take got caught in her throat, every inhale stopped short, every exhale made her ribs ache. She didn't think she could carry on. Weakly she pulled herself into bed, her eyelids shut and she fell asleep, almost wishing she didn't have to ever wake up.
When she did, she worked up the nerve to get out of bed. She swiped away all of the notifications, from G and Hempo, from Steph, from Stan, from her parents, and paused when she got to Keira's texts. She stared at them, guilt filling her eyes in the form of tears.
She started to play Keira's message and she dropped to the floor. All over again, Lucy was sent into a spiral of despair. The hurt and emotion in Keira's voice, the helplessness. Lucy would never forgive herself. After sitting there, numb and depressed for too long, she snapped out of her thoughts.
"I have to call Keira," she whispered to herself, unable to speak proper after at least a day of crying, screaming, and silence. She fumbled around with her phone, trying to contact her best friend.
The phone rang, no answer. Again. Keira didn't pick up. "Please," she whispered to herself. "Please." Keira wouldn't answer. Collapsing, Lucy gave up.