Our story is a story about fall-the season, but it's also a story about love-the act of falling in love, not to be mistaken with the act of falling out of love, of falling into despair.
When we laid in bed that night, we looked into each other's eyes and I felled once again instantly for him. It felt like arousal, that feeling that rushes from the pit of your stomach up your body and makes your chest swell when the feeling finally hits your heart, except when it's arousal the feeling is primitive and when it's love it's primal; it's a completely different emotion. Every time he looked into my eyes I could feel the motion of love sweep over me.
Actually, I never told him that I loved him. But I did love him. Despite him wearing flip flops. Despite my pet name-"annoying." There also came a time when he had to go to overseas for his business. Two years later and we were still friends. He still used to call me to see how I was doing. He use to say, "I'm sorry" when I use to tell him I've had a bad day. I can still hear him saying "annoying" on the other end.
But I let it lay low, the feeling. I didn't call him, because I was self-conscious, because I worried of being bothersome. But I always picked up his calls, like when he'd be away for work and called to tell me he missed me, or when he called and told me he couldn't wait to see me.
Until he was back from overseas and called me again and met me outside my cafe after work. And we went for a long walk to a joint among buildings and statues and the green summer grass. He'd bought a ticket to the movies. He asked me to join him, but I'm not one for movies. So instead we sat on a bench and spoke for hours. It had rained earlier and the air was thick with moisture and I still remembered that I was dressed in all black and my fringe bangs became side bangs from my wet palms pushing them to the side, but he didn't notice, he just saw me.
At least, I think he saw me. That's what I thought his smile said anyway. After that, we went to dinner at this cute restaurant with parrots and healthy organic food. I even gave him a hug when he dropped me at my doorstep and the hug felt more like a new begining.
There even came a time when I had to choose between my career and him. So I told him what I felt right at that moment just before I was suppose to move away from Chicago. I still remember I was back at his house, back on that same couch where we would sit together. So finally after mustering up the courage I told him,
"I have to tell you something, and you don't have to say anything back, but I have to tell you because I want you to know," and that's when I said it.
I said, "I love you."
He wasn't shocked, he wasn't gaping at me but he just listened to me and after what felt like hours he asked if I meant it. I said, "Yes."
"But I couldn't love you" was his immediate reply.
I knew he would say something like this only so I just smiled.
"That's okay."
"No, Laiba you're taking it wrong. You know very well that I'm against of all this relationship. I want to get married instead of courting. And now, I'm not ready to get settled, yet. Out of everyone you know what my plans are!!" He looked at me
"And that's why I said, that's okay!" I smiled once again.
But everything changed when he showed himself in the airport just before I was about to go through the final process of check in. There were tears in my eyes when I looked at him among the many heads of the travellers. He had once said that he want to stand out in the crowd so that his "Queen" wouldn't have to search for him and just like that I didn't had to search for him.
I walked back to the main entrance where he was standing for his Queen. His hands stuffed inside his jean pocket, his bangs perfectly falling on his forehead, his classic smirk present. I ran my finger through the straps of my backpack as I stood in front of him ignoring my name being called for boarding.
No words were spoken and there wasn't even any need to speak. Everything was crystal clear as the saying goes by "Action speaks louder than words." But that didn't stopped me from biting my lips and shifting my weight from foot to foot when I was suddenly pulled. It took me a second to realize that I was in his arms.
I did inhaled a breath but it was too shaky as I rested my forehead on his left shoulder hesitatingly, too afraid to ruin that moment but even before I could have bring myself to calm down he again caught me surprise when he went down on one knee.
I can still here my friends rooting for us which made me realized that all three of them were standing right there but my gaze was only set on him. He didn't said anything just looked in my tear full of eyes before taking out a ring and holding it in between his fingers.
That moment was the very first moment since the day we had met each other that both of us were this quiet. It was as if the only our eyes were talking and the only proof of that magical moment was the tears that were glistening our eyes.
He knew that he didn't need to ask me.
I knew that he didn't needed an answer.
It was confirmed.
It was sealed.
Sealed when he slipped the ring on my ring finger
And the bond was tied when he pulled me closer and ever so softly whispered in my left ear,
"I Love You."
It's almost three years and I still get the dream of when we first met, the same place, same feeling, the only thing that changes every morning is more love in his eyes for me and a bigger smile on his face. I think that is what really matters to me, his happiness.
People say we fall in love only once, but I fall daily...with the Same person. The only one thing that I would want to keep with myself forever is HIM. Because everyday I want to fall in Love with Him... The same way.
"Hey, where are you lost?" Ashar wrapped his arm around me before bringing me closer to him. I was sitting in the balcony and reminiscing those moments when we both confessed our love for each other when Ashar came and sat beside me.
I didn't noticed this before but he had covered both of us in one blanket, scooting himself more closer to me. Was the air that has become intimate or was it him that was screaming intimacy? Looking at him I found his gaze was already locked at my lips. One look at me and he leaned down pulling me more closer towards him, pressing my sides to him as my fingers got lost in his hair.
"You didn't answered me!" He rubbed the side of my lip.
"I was just randomly reminiscing our memories which reminded me that you never told me when did you fell for me?" I asked him looking into his eyes. To which he just smiled.
"You really wanna know?" He asked brushing away the little hairs from my face. I nodded, resting my head on his shoulders, intertwining my hand in his.
"At that time although I was born twenty one years back, but I felt alive eight months ago at that time when I met you for the very first time. I didn't know, you were the one whom destiny will choose for me, though it had to. Every time I saw the moon, I always say I have a perfect replacement of a partner after you. A lonely guy in a strange place, with juvenile age, had a friend, partner- Moon. It's difficult to accept when someone you are used to gets a replacement. Even the Waves leaves the shores for a reason. But this, it happened to me in a moment..."
There something in his words which made me pull my face a bit up as I pressed a kiss on his nose making him chuckle.
"The day I saw you first time, ambitious, self-loving, strong and bold, I was hanged for an instance and that was the only time I couldn't make the decision- whether to Praise you or to Love you. You have your own style of describing everything, you know what I'm saying. I just love those small idiotic mistakes you make and make those cute expressions... Yes! I get flattered on them. I can not watch a deadly interesting match playing in-front of me, but Ignoring your small, silly expressions, jokes, is not at all affordable for me.
I'd always try to sit close to you and yet maintained my distance just so that I could admire your beauty. Your face transmitted peace and serenity. Your long, wavy, dark hair made me realized that I was a goner. You were the one that I always longed for.
I would always imagine walking through the city streets with you by my side. Talking about the beautiful and strange buildings, commenting on everything around us. Then we would sit on a bench and talk and laugh. After that, we'd go somewhere to eat and have a good time.
We then started having lunch together more often. We'd talk about many different things and laugh. We would always ask for the menu. You liked soda, but I preferred to drink water. I liked salad and you liked pasta. I would ask for fruit for dessert, whereas you'd ask for an ice cream. I'd always look in your eyes and imagine us on some island sunbathing and swimming in crystal clear waters." He looked down wiping away my tears which I didn't even knew was there.
"I won't say if you keep on crying like this" he pouted and I quickly wrapped my hand around his, kissing his knuckles while he just kissed my forehead.
"Your face was the only thing I could imagine whenever I use to close my eyes. I haven't loved myself as much as I love you. Because when you love someone, you don't remember about yourself and your presence is an illusion to yourself. Yeah! that is what unconditional love is all about for me.
Days passed, dates changed, but the thing which did not turn over was My love for you. Having someone like you is something that no one can afford, I seem to be the prince of this fairy-tail. One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that your presence and absence, both mean something to someone. I can see the whole world in your eyes because I knew they were always searching me in the crowd. There were and are times when you said and say something in your mind and my heart comes to know, that is because silence always have the echo, and you must be able to hear it only in silence." He smiled looking at me.
I'm Falling in Love... Once Again...
"When you meet the person you are destined to spend your life with, something automatically clicks. Well, it all depends on the situations and the intensity of love. Life is so unpredictable and so are our moods and circumstances. Many a times two persons meet and they instantly connect.Over a period of time their connectivity becomes still more strong.They are just meant for each other. And again there are cases where two individuals take their own time to start loving each other.Whatever may be the situation what matters is the way how both of them grow together and how much they value their relationship.
Falling slowly for you meant that I was falling for your personality and I genuinely like you for the person you are and I enjoyed being with you, however, falling for a close friend could maybe affect your friendship and make things awkward and that's what troubled me more and made me scared and I took a step back when you came that day and confessed.
Yes, Laiba, I loved you back then but I was scared to lose my Hazel. I was scared that I won't be able to provide you with all those luxuries which you deserve as I was still struggling and getting settled at that time was not even in my mind and you knew very well that for me commitment meant getting Niqahfied. So yeah, I was scared, damn scared to lose my Hazel" He said bobbing his nose against mine.
"But when you left that day, at that moment, I stopped listening to what my brain and my heart was saying. I plunged into a dark, bottomless pit. My mind kept on flashing the look you had when I told you no and I felt a rage that I hadn't experienced in a long time. So, I did what I should've done way before. I followed my heart."
"And I just loved the way you came back for me." I smiled.
"I had to...how can a king run his kingdom without his Queen?" He said bumping his forehead with mine. "But, Everyone have a hard time in there lives, we've got too. But they never seemed hard because you were the part of it, always with me and there for me." He said with so much sincerity that all of a sudden the things which were buried deep inside me started pricking me one by one.
"How can you say that Ashar when all I've given you is pain and pain. When I'm the cause behind your every sleepless nights and days" I whispered looking down at our still intertwined hands.
His finger was on my lips, "Shh...All that matters is You gave me the reason to dream, to live, to resonate, you made me know who I'm, by making it difficult for yourself to change for me!!" He said slightly biting down my lower lip. "But you know what Laiba?"
"What?"
"Our story isn't a story about summer, it's a story about fall-the season, this is a story about love-the act of falling in love, not to be mistaken with the act of falling out of love, of falling into despair."