[chloe]
"Are you sure that you don't need me to come with you?" Jodie hadn't stopped asking me that question since I had told her that Matthew wasn't going to have anything to do with the baby, something which he had made abundantly clear and I wasn't going to fight him on it either, and I had also told her that I was going to be keeping the baby. She had been over my shoulder non-stop and didn't know when to leave me the hell alone.
I loved Jodie and I really did appreciate that she was there for me, but she was being overbearing and giving me too much love. I didn't need her to be my mother, not when I already had Debra breathing down my throat and being the mother to me which my mother wasn't being, but it didn't matter how many times I told Jodie that, she was still acting worse than Debra.
Her mother understood that, while I clearly needed a mother figure to be there for me and to actually support me, I also needed space and I needed to be able to make my own decisions. Jodie, on the other hand, was treating me like a child rather than as the pregnant teenager I actually was—I had told her how annoying it was but, Jodie being Jodie, she didn't want to actually listen to me and continued with everything she was doing before.
"Yes, Jods. I keep telling you that I already have someone who is coming with me," I smiled at her.
"I know you do. But you will have to forgive me if I don't believe you when you won't tell me who this person is," Jodie threw her hands in the air in exasperation.
Braydon had told me that I wasn't to tell anyone that we were attempting to work through things, and he had also made it clear that I was to tell people that he wasn't the father of the 'thing' which was growing inside me. He didn't want his family finding out that he was back with the girl who couldn't keep her hands off another male, and he didn't want his friends knowing that he was willing to make an attempt at fathering a bastard child which was the result of some one-night stand.
I couldn't stomach the thought of being alone and having to raise the baby without some male figure in its life, so I was willing to do as he demanded that I do, just to ensure that I didn't end up spending the rest of my life on my own. I knew that he was poison and I was absolutely positive that our relationship was nothing short of poisonous, but that didn't stop me from going back to Braydon, and it sure as hell didn't stop me from doing whatever it was that he wanted me to do.
It had been a month since Braydon had turned up at my house and told me how it was going to be, and that meant that it had also been a month since I had had any real contact with either my brother or my parents. They hadn't been there for me and I am almost certain that they didn't give a shit about me either, I could probably drop dead tomorrow and none of them would even notice that I was gone, that's how little attention they have been paying to me.
And, even if my parents had remembered that they had a daughter as well as son, they would have forgotten about me in the end anyway. They have been too busy arguing over whether they were going to get a divorce or whether they were going to attempt to make their marriage actually work to even acknowledge that they had children, but I wasn't bothered either way, not when they hated me and I hated them just as much.
"If it makes you feel any better, you can come to the next scan with me?" I chuckled.
"But I want to come to this one, Clo. This is the one—"
"I know. This is the one where they will tell me the size of the baby; whether I am having twins; check the heartbeat of the baby and then give me a due date," I didn't need her to tell me any of those things again. She had done more research on all of this than I had actually bothered to do since finding out that I was pregnant, but when I had Jodie around, I didn't need to bother doing my research. She keeps telling me everything which I need to know, and so much more than I actually need to know.
"And don't forget—"
"—About the first trimester combined screening where they check for abnormalities in the baby?" I raised my eyebrow slightly, even though she couldn't actually see me because she was on the other end of the phone. I knew that if she had her way though, she would be at my front door this very second, and she would be begging me to let her come with me but Braydon had said that it was to be just the two of us. I didn't want to ruin any chance we may have with each other to reconcile our already fucked-up relationship.
I wanted this to be considered the first real step in Braydon accepting that I was pregnant with another man's baby and I wanted it to be the moment where he realised that it was actually happening. The girl he loved was pregnant with another man's baby and there was nothing he could do to prevent that reality. If he really did want to be with me then he was going to have to accept that I was pregnant, and he was going to have to accept that I wasn't going to be killing the baby either.
"I have taught you well," Jodie's laughter came from the other end of the phone.
"I didn't really have a choice but to remember it. Not when you practically force the information down my throat on a daily basis," I stated seriously, but she didn't seem to catch the pissed off undertone to my voice, as she thought that it was hilarious and started laughing at what I had said. "Look, I have to go. There is someone at the door."
"Tell you invisible friend that I said hello, and also tell them to make sure they take good care of you," Jodie continued to laugh and I made a mental note that I needed to slap her the next I saw her. She wasn't in the slightest bit hilarious, no matter how many times she told herself that she was.
"Whatever," I muttered and then hung up the phone, not even bothering to say goodbye to her before I did so. I was annoyed with her and, when that happened, that meant that I didn't have to be nice to her and I could simply be one hell of a bitch to her because it's what I felt like doing.
Being pregnant did hold its advantages. It meant that I could be a bitch and then blame it on the hormones which caused me to have mood swings, just like I could turn on the water works at school if a teacher was to tell me something which I didn't like and they would immediately issue me with an apology. They then wouldn't dare speak to me a couple of days afterwards for fear that they would upset me again.
I checked myself in the mirror, noticing the small bump which was becoming more obvious as the days passed and I got further into the pregnancy, and I actually managed to smile at myself as I touched the bump. I may have been a teenager and I may have been what some people considered young, but that didn't mean that I couldn't be a good mother, and it sure as hell didn't mean that I couldn't love my child unconditionally once they were born.
I opened the door with a smile on my face, assuming that it was Braydon who would be on the other side, so I was somewhat surprised when I saw that it was actually Matthew and the blond who thought that she was actually exclusive to Matthew. But he was still fucking anything which had a pulse and he didn't see her as anything other than another mark in the tally of girls he had managed to conquer in the last two years—which just so happened to be more than half the entire year.
"What?" I didn't think that I had to be pleasant to either of them, not when they had turned up to my house without an invitation, and certainly not when she had made it her job to drive me from the school with her cruel comments and incorrect rumours about who was the father of my child.
"I am actually surprised that you are still here," Matthew looked around the inside of the house, his eyes landing on the stairs, and I found myself remembering the shame of what had happened between the two of us on those stairs.
"Why wouldn't I be here? This is, after all, where I live," I shrugged. I might not have been wanted here and my family may not have paid the slightest bit of attention to me, but that didn't mean that I was just going to leave. I didn't have the money to be able to go anywhere else and I didn't want to feel like I was imposing on Debra by spending all of my time around there with Jodie, so I was stuck in this house until I could actually afford to leave and make a life for myself.
"It is my understanding that your entire family hate, your boyfriend ended things with you, and you only have one friend who actually gives a damn about you," Matthew laughed and, while I didn't want to let his comments get to me, it was impossible not to do so. I could feel my hands ball into fists at my side as I prepared to put my fist in his face and knock that smug look off his face.
"And, let us not forget that the entire school think you are some kind of slut who throws yourself at anyone who is desperate enough to take you," Lydia giggled. Her blond hair and fake boobs were the only reason that she got half the males that she did, because apparently that's what guys looked for in girls these days. But I wasn't going to change the way I was simply to please the small-minded males who only wanted a quick fuck and that's all the saw women as—sex objects who were there for the taking.
"Sweet. Their lives must be so boring if I am the only person that they can talk about." I mentally high-fived myself for coming up with that answer as quickly as I did.
"If you were to tell us who the father is, then perhaps people will change their minds about you. All you need to do is put a name to the face of the person who slept with you and gave you the gift of a lifetime," Lydia laughed again. But it wasn't one of those sweet, girly laughs which you would love to hear over and over again, it was one of those which went right through your ears and sent chills down to the bone.
"World's best kept secret that is," I shrugged and watched from the corner of my eye as Matthew shifted uncomfortably on the spot. I had agreed that I wouldn't tell anyone that he was the father of my baby, but he was supposed to be staying the hell away from me in return and leaving me to get on with my life.
I had absolutely no problem in keeping my side of the deal. I had no doubts in my mind that I didn't want people knowing that Matthew was the father of my baby, but he seemed to be having issues in keeping to his side of the agreement. Everywhere I turned, he was there and he always had a different reason for being there, though none of them were even remotely believable. He was beginning to get on my last nerve now and I was close to just revealing to the entire school that he was the person I had slept with.
I would even tell them that he wanted nothing to do with his own child. That he wanted me to abort the baby and move on with my life as though I had never been pregnant with his child. I had the power to destroy his reputation with just a few words and, for a guy who didn't want anything to do with his child, he didn't seem to be understanding the concept of staying the hell out of my life and was doing everything he possibly could to push my buttons.
"Who would even sleep with someone like you anyway?" Lydia looked me up and down disapprovingly, pursing her lips in disgust as she took in my outward appearance. "You aren't even that good looking. You aren't popular. And you sure as hell don't have the body for someone who is built for sex. Whoever it was that slept with you must have been pretty damn desperate."
"Yeah. I guess they must have been," I replied through gritted teeth, my nails digging into the palms of my hands. I could feel the warm flow of blood as it seeped through the wounds which I had inflicted on myself, simply in an attempt to keep my mouth shut and to prevent myself from saying something which I would regret.
"I bet it was one of those nerds. You know, who have never slept with a girl before," Lydia almost appeared to be in deep thought as she considered who the father of my child could be.
"Or, maybe it was someone who thinks that he is a gift to all women, and will sleep with anyone just to say that he has slept with them," I snapped, keeping my eyes focused on her grey ones, while out the corner of my eye I could see that Matthew was silently urging me not to say another word.
"You never know what people are like these days," Matthew muttered.
"I find people pretty easy to read. Especially those who are more concerned with their reputation and what would happen to them if the truth was ever to come out about them. God forbid what would happen if someone was to open their mouth and spill the secret which has been so very well preserved until now," I surprised even myself with the answer which I gave, and I wasn't even sure where the sudden burst of confidence actually came from, but I was grateful for it in that moment.
I didn't miss the way in which Matthew tensed under my intense stare. He was easy to read and his actions were too predictable, so even the player wasn't safe from my watchful eye and I knew exactly the right thing to say so that I could get under his skin. I knew every single button to push and how to get the reaction which I wanted from him.
Lydia, on the other hand, was far more confusing to read. She was looking between her boyfriend and myself, clearly attempting to work out what was going on between the two us, but she found herself unable to read the reasons behind our contrasting expressions. Her outward face was one of confusion and as though she didn't know what it was that she was supposed to think, but then there was also that underlying air of confidence about her which said that she knew our secret and she was going to blow it to the entire school.
"Look, I am only here because—"
"You want to know the father of my child? Really? I never would have guessed that for myself." I quickly looked behind me to see that Braydon would be here to pick me up in five minutes, and I was stuck having a childish argument with my two least favourite people, because neither of them could get the hint that I didn't want them here and I wasn't going to tell them anything either.
"Just tell me who the father is, or I will find out the truth for myself."
"Be my guest. I am sure you will love the answer when you discover who it was that actually had sex with me," I laughed at her lame threat. If she was to find out that it was her boyfriend who was the father, then I knew her reaction would be comical and the highlight of my entire year, but I also knew that it would be one of the most dramatic events to have happened.
"Babe, come on. Like I told you when you suggested this, she isn't going to tell you who the father is, so we should just leave it now." Matthew pulled Lydia away from the situation before she could force the issue any further.
"When you do find out the truth, please make sure that I am the first person you come and see. I would love to personally laugh in your face," I shouted after the pair of them with a satisfied grin on my face, waving them off as they got into the car, and it was made all the more humorous because of the insults and profanities which Matthew screaming at Lydia.
I couldn't prevent the laughter which bubbled up once I had closed the door behind me. I knew that Braydon would probably turn up early and, if I wasn't ready when he arrived, it would only result in an argument about how he had told me to be ready by that time and how I was the reason that we were going to be late—I had learned this early in our relationship and so I always ensured that I was ready before the time Braydon told me that he was going to actually be here.
"How could you be so stupid, Sparky?" Jason's voice spoke from behind me. He actually made me jump a little and I wondered just how long he had been stood there for, and how much of the argument he had actually heard me having with Matthew. "I mean, Matthew. Seriously?"
"I don't know what you mean." I knew that he had worked out that Matthew was the guy I had slept with and he was the father of my baby, he wasn't an idiot and I didn't exactly make it unobvious that Matthew was the one who had gotten me pregnant.
The last time that we had had this conversation was the night of the dinner, right after Braydon stormed out of the house after discovering that I had slept with the 'jerk' and was now carrying a whole other life inside me, and that didn't end on spectacular terms. Now it almost seemed as though he did actually care and that he wanted to be there for me—the Jason I knew and loved had decided that now was an appropriate time to make a reappearance.
"I'm not an idiot, Clo. He's the one who got you pregnant." Jason took a bite out of the apple which he held in his hand and shrugged his shoulders carelessly.
"Pfft. That's just ridiculous," I laughed but, as soon as those words left my mouth, I noticed the genuine care in Jason's eyes. After three months of the cold shoulder and not wanting anything to do with me, he finally decided that he did care and that he wanted me to actually talk to him. He wanted to listen to what I had to say and to hear my side of the story.
"Do John and Vivienne know?"
"No, and I have no intentions of telling them either. Just like I don't plan on telling anyone that Matthew if the father," I sighed in defeat. It was pointless to keep up with a lie when he had already seen the truth, and he wouldn't have dropped it had I continued to lie to him.
"They have the right to know. You can't keep something like this from them, not when that baby is their grandchild," Jason argued and, while he did have a valid point in that they had the right to know, I had also made an agreement with Matthew in which I had sworn to keep my mouth shut on the entire thing when I was around his parents.
"This was Matthew's decision. If you feel like having an argument, then go after him," I snapped in annoyance. I didn't need to be dealing with this, not on top of everything else, and I certainly didn't need the extra stress either. John had already warned me that my blood pressure was too high for that of a pregnant woman and, if I continued to put pressure on myself, then I ran a risk of losing the baby.
Though he did only tell me that after I collapsed outside of the school last week and Jodie took me straight to see him. I hadn't told anyone else of the incident and I didn't plan on telling anyone else either, not when it was the reason that Jodie wouldn't leave me the hell alone and had decided to become more protective of me than my own parents had ever been.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" Jason finally asked.
"You don't tend to speak to people who ignore you for months on end," I muttered.
"I handled it badly, and for that I am genuinely sorry. But, when you told me, I didn't know what I was supposed to think—" Jason ran his hands through his hair as he turned his back on me and released a long sigh, "—You are my little sister, Clo, and you have your entire life ahead of you. When you told me that you were pregnant, I guess I just thought that you had ruined everything for yourself."
"I have never had a life plan, not like you. I was just doing what I needed to do so I could get through school because, honestly, I never had an idea on what it was that I wanted to do when I finished," I paused for a moment as I walked over to the chair which was beside the door and sat myself down on it, taking some of the pressure off my feet and giving me time to relax a little before I headed off to the hospital. "Sure, I never thought that I would be seventeen and pregnant, but now that I have come to terms with it and accepted that it is happening, it is one of the best things to have happened to me."
"What about college though? I thought that's where you wanted to go and do something with your life," Jason replied.
"I never wanted to actually go to college. I only applied because I thought that it would, just once, make my parents proud of me and I thought that they would actually acknowledge me as their daughter."
"Chloe—"
"They were so disappointed with me. It didn't matter to them that I have only ever gotten straight A's and that I was considered to be a perfect student, it was still never enough for them to actually tell me that they were proud of as they had been proud of you. I just wanted to be a part of this family and, instead of being seen as the reason our family has fallen apart, I wanted to be seen as the daughter who had done just as well as her older brother." I knew that it was pathetic and that I should have just done what it was that I wanted to do with my life, especially knowing that my parents were never going to be proud of me, but I was foolish enough to think that there was a chance and that they would finally accept me as part of the family if I did as well as Jason had done when he was my age.
"I guess it doesn't help that, when you told me you were pregnant, I looked at you with disappointment as well." I found myself actually smiling at my brother's words because I had waited for over a month now for him to admit that he was disappointed with me, and it was a relief to hear him actually say it to my face that's how he felt about it.
"I understand the disappointment, Jason, I would have been the same had I been in your position. But I wouldn't have ignored it as you have done. I would have talked about it instead because, believe it or not, I actually need your support right now." I could feel the tears in my eyes as I admitted that I did need him and I turned away so that he couldn't see me because I didn't want him to see me getting emotional over something this trivial.
"I didn't know what to say to you, Clo. I had always thought that you would be in your late twenties and in a stable relationship before you told me that I was going to have a niece or nephew."
"I have missed you, Jase, and I need my big brother back. I need the brother who is going to be there for me no matter what and the one who loves me regardless of what I tell him, not the cold-hearted monster who is currently in his place," I sobbed. I didn't give a damn about the rest of my family right now, not when I knew that they were never going to care about me or even be there for me when I needed them, but I really did need Jason to be there for me. I was desperate for our relationship to go back to the way it was before and, even it wasn't quite the same as it had been, it would still be better than having nothing.
"I still can't accept that you are pregnant, and knowing that fucking twat is the father making it so much harder to want to accept."
"We can work on that. I just need to know that you're going to be there for me because, right now, having no one other than Jodie is making it pretty damn hard to actually cope with this all." I walked out of the front door, subtly wiping away the tears which had fallen, and left Jason to think about what I had told him.
All I could do was hope that my words were enough to get through to him and that he was going to actually be there for me, rather than constantly treating me like I am the enemy. Because, throughout all of this, it would really help knowing that my brother—the one male who had always been there for me and was my rock—was going to be there for me and that he was going to get me through this in the end.