Patrick
River
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'My head hurts and it's all your fault...'
'I beg your fucking pardon?'
'If you never gave me alcohol-'
'So you prefer going to a club, get wasted and go home with a random bitch?'
'Touché. Wait, where are your clothes?'
'I am in my underwear as you can see. Ooh la la!'
'What happened?'
'There is are 5 condom wrappers filled with cum.'
'WHAT!!?'
'Although, the billion dollar question is, to whom does it belong? Mine or yours?'
'You are not freaking out over the fact that you slept with me?'
'We were drunk and we decided to play 'truth or dare'. I think it was inevitable we slept together. Besides, didn't you tell me literally yesterday that you had a boyfriend? What's the problem then?'
'The problem is that you'll decide to throw me out.'
'Because we had sex?'
'Erm...'
'Look, I might look like a douche bag, but I actually am a good human being. I am not heartless so, I am going to take a shower and feel free to take one too. After me, that is.'
'Can't I slip in with you?'
'Feel free to do anything you wish.. My ass doesn't hurt at all so I am assuming I went down on you. Can you walk?'
'I ca- HELP!'