I took a huge gasping breath and sat up straight, my heart pounding painfully with fear, my forehead clammy with sweat. It had only been a dream.
Katerina was sitting next to me on the bed, a damp cloth in her hand, eyes worried.
"What's wrong?" we both asked at the same time, talking over each other.
"Is he back?" I asked, beating her to the next question.
"No, my lady. Are you well?" she enquired, touching my forehead with her cool hand.
Her touch and the memory of my nightmare made me shiver, and I collapsed back among the soft pillows and warm blankets tangled around me.
"I'm fine, Katerina. I only had a bad dream."
I could still recall it. All alone, I stood at the top of a dark winding staircase. The stale, damp, and cool air in its well was drifting around my face like a black fog, making all the hair on my body stand to attention. There was... something, or someone at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for me, but I couldn't reach them. I was too scared to move, to descend into the black abyss. The stone steps were extremely narrow and slippery, I couldn't see how long they were, nor where did they lead. I clung to the newel post for support, but one of my feet slipped anyway, and I screamed...
Katerina looked at me, an eyebrow raised in a silent reprimand. "You scared the young lord. He came to wake me up in the middle of the night saying he heard you screaming. Repeatedly."
Oh, great. Have I just been screaming all night? "I'll apologise to him as soon as I see him. Where is he?" If he had been where he was supposed to be at night-- in his own chamber at the bottom of the corridor-- he would not hear me scream.
"He and the Captain are in your husband's library. I sent Clara to bring you some breakfast. And if you miss your wolf, he dashed out as soon as I opened the door. Gone hunting, I would say," Katerina informed, as composed and precise as ever.
"How late is it?" I asked, still half buried in my pillows, impressed by her cold efficiency.
"Late enough for you to get up and have your breakfast. You did not eat much yesterday..."
I wasn't hungry at all. A tight knot settled in my stomach, and I knew it would not go away until Vlad came back home. But there was no way she would give me a choice-- if I refused to eat, she would most likely feed me.
Sighing, I resigned. I would let her win this battle.
"Could you get me a dress then, please?"
"Won't you choose it yourself?" she asked.
"No." I couldn't care less what I would wear today. "Any dress will do."
Both of Katerina's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and I knew I did something very 'unsamaresque'. It obviously wasn't like me, not to care what I wear. But I didn't care.
She pressed one of her hands to my forehead one more time, then shook her head and left, muttering something under her breath.
I sat up again, soaking up the lingering heat trapped in my blankets, steeling myself against the coldness of the chamber. Finally, I stood up and walked across the room, pausing by the fireplace.
It was a dull and grey morning, the snow still falling heavily outside. The windows, choked and blinded by the infinity of fluttering snowflakes, were giving the room a somewhat lifeless, muffled atmosphere. It was silent and peaceful like a tomb, just as it had been the previous night. Suddenly, both the place and my situation in it seemed bizarre-- me, standing in this castle waiting for a husband I didn't know I had until a few days ago. Feeling sick with worry for him, missing him like crazy.
I stretched my cold hands towards the fire and shivered when the heat rising from the flames engulfed me, touching my bare skin through the thin linen of my shirt like a caress, reminding me of other caresses... Where is he? Maybe Junior and Ioan knew something, and that's why they were already in the library.
"My dress, Katerina!" I called impatiently. If she didn't hurry, I would go to talk to them in my white shirt.
"I'm coming, my lady," she responded from somewhere close by, depositing what looked like an armful of sunshine on the oak bench behind me.
"Really, Katerina," I started, examining the yellow and honey coloured velvet embroidered with gold. It was the last thing I would have chosen to wear today, in my current mood. Leave it to Katerina... "Fine," I muttered, stepping inside the gown and letting her fasten all the hooks and laces on my back.
Taking advantage of my low spirits, she made me sit down and pulled my hair tightly up, brushing, twisting, pulling, and adjusting. And I let her. Whatever. Nothing mattered today, only getting to the library as soon as she took her hands off me.
A new, strange Samara looked back at me from the mirror as I washed my face. My grey eyes seemed larger due to the unaccustomed hairdo, lacking the usual frame of loose strands flowing around my cheeks. They looked brighter, silvery and... haunted, underlined by the large dark rings caused by the night filled with nightmares.
I was turning towards the door leading to the library when someone knocked on the door of the chamber, and Katerina let in Clara, followed by Alina carrying my breakfast.
Clara, my new companion, joined me for the meal served by the unpleasant maid. And she was a perfect companion indeed-- the shy girl I met the day before was gone and this new Clara chatted all the time. She was a funny and intelligent young girl, seemingly a perfect match for her Captain.
As I studied her in the light of the day, I noticed how much we resembled each other. Apart from being more or less the same size as me, even her hair was similar to mine, only a shade or two darker and less curly. The biggest difference between us lay in our faces, in Clara's rosy cheeks and warm brown eyes, compared to my fairer complexion and the cool silver of my irises.
According to what she was saying, by allowing her to live in the castle, I sped up her and Ioan's 'official' engagement. They would announce it as soon as my husband was back, she said, smiling shyly. And then, at some point, they would get married. Her only trouble at the moment seemed to be her lack of clothing. She was saying something of the sort while straightening the creases of her slightly worn out brown gown.
Well, I wouldn't expect a miller's daughter to have more than a couple of dresses.
"You can have any of my dresses, Clara," I told her. Her size and colours were ideal; any gown that had been made for me would suit her perfectly.
"But I couldn't, my lady..." she said, surprised into shyness again.
"Of course you could. I know that after the wedding Ioan will give you anything you need and desire but until then, I'll look after you as I have promised your father," I insisted, not leaving space for argument, ignoring her blush. "Let's join the men in the library, shall we?"
As we stood up, I looked towards the dressing room, wanting to tell Katerina that we were leaving, but my eyes met Alina's cold gaze instead. She was holding my black coat from the day before in her arms, probably meaning to put it away. Seeing it, a fleeting thought about the key to the spiral staircase flashed in my mind, gone before I could trace it, followed by the image from my nightmare. No more winding stairs. Not for a while.
"Tell Katerina we are in the library, would you?" I asked the maid.
She curtseyed silently before averting her gaze and nodding her understanding. No. She doesn't like me.
"Let me accompany you, my lady," Katerina materialised from behind Alina. She walked over to me and Clara and preceded us down the corridor and into the library, talking about Cook's lunch and dinner plans for the day.
The men looked towards us from the writing desk where they were discussing something, a note, or a letter. Whatever it was, they made it disappear in a blur as we approached, warned about our presence by Katerina's loud voice. Was that why she came with us? I wondered. To give them time to pretend... that everything was fine?
Junior caught my eye and looked pointedly at my dress, distracting my train of thought. It was the brightest thing in the dimly lit room, a stray ray of the non-existent sunshine. Too brilliant. Too cheerful. And I knew that he knew just how much I hated wearing it today, feeling blue as I was.
He was rapidly becoming my new best friend, I noticed, a person able to read my unspoken thoughts, feel my changing moods. A friend like Lia had been, in my other life. I missed Lia. I might never see her again, I realised with a sudden pang in my heart.
I raised my eyebrow at Junior and lifted my shoulder in a mute 'I-have-nothing-to-do-with-this' gesture and a sharp gaze addressed to Katerina, who was busily feeding wood to the fire.
He shook his head apologetically and mouthed, 'Isn't she just awful?', making me smile.
"Any news?" I asked, noticing Ioan glancing at him before he said, "No, my lady."
"Nothing of importance," Junior specified, "just instructions for Ioan."
I waited for Katerina to exit the library before I asked him, "From your father? Is he all right?" I hated the way my breath caught at the words. I didn't want Junior or Katerina to know how worried I was.
Junior paused for a fraction of a second, considering his response, long enough to make me shiver. The room was freezing despite the tall flames dancing and hissing in the fireplace. Or maybe it was just me. I walked closer to the fire, hoping to warm up, and Junior followed me there.
He put his hand on my shoulder, making me look up at him. "You mustn't worry. They will... manage the situation as well as they can. It's not the first time..."
Did I really want to know? No. Yes. I took a deep breath and asked, "Will you tell me what's going on?"
He bent his head to observe the tips of his shoes, thinking. "Later," he said simply after a few moments, and looking over to Ioan and Clara, who seemed unable to keep their eyes, and hands, off each other, added, "We shouldn't leave them alone for too long. You have your responsibilities for the girl."
I smiled at him and moved towards the couple casually, while Junior produced a chessboard and placed it on the desk.
And so the morning passed, or rather dragged itself, towards lunchtime. I couldn't wait for it to end-- not that the game wasn't interesting, but just sitting there next to Clara watching them play chess was leaving me too much time to think... And seeing Junior's green eyes and Ioan's shiny black hair, I couldn't stop thinking about Vlad and speculating about what had happened. About what Junior will tell me. My mind was running wild.
When Katerina finally appeared to summon us for lunch, I was about to start biting my nails, not caring how improper or unladylike it would look to them.
I stood up hastily from my chair when I saw her and asked before she could say anything, "Katerina, I'd like to eat in my chamber with Lord Vlad. Would you accompany Captain Ioan and Clara to her grandmother? You should stay with them," I added in a whisper as I approached the nurse, looking significantly at the couple's joined hands.
"Very well, my lady," Katerina agreed after she glanced towards Junior. Was that a silent warning of some sort? I couldn't say, as he looked back at her smiling broadly, all innocence. "I'll send someone up with your lunch."
"Am I getting you into trouble?" I asked after Katerina shepherded Ioan and Clara away.
"I'll be alright, don't worry about me," he laughed.
While he put the chessboard away, I walked to the window. It had stopped snowing at some point, but the sky was still filled with grey, menacing clouds. A few errant rays of sunshine pierced bravely through them and glittered off the long icicle that grew above the window. For a few fleeting moments, the ice glowed and shone like the diamond on my ring in the firelight. The ring that I caught myself turning and caressing constantly, as if the simple movement could conjure up the one who put it on my finger like magic.
Junior left me to my thoughts and only spoke when Alina appeared curtsying in the doorway, announcing that our lunch was ready.
"Come on then, let's feed you, Human," he said, offering me his arm and leading me towards my chamber.
"Tell me everything," I breathed as we settled at the table laden with food, reaching for a cup of mulled wine. I couldn't seem to warm up.