I lived, but it felt like I was dead. I smiled but it never felt more fabricated. I sang my heart out, but it didn't help me heal any faster. My heart spoke through the countless nights that I spent crying, the pain I felt couldn't be put into words.
My body was aching because of the pressure I put myself under, but despite the agony I never stopped thinking about her. My Lisa. There wasn't a single night that she didn't cross my mind.
"Hey, bro! When do you plan to leave the practise room? Will you just move in here?" Jimin joked in his happy voice.
All of them knew what was going on, so they tried to be as supportive as they could. They witnessed my suffering and tried, in every way, to make it more bearable for me.
Although they gave their best, I knew that I could never go back to being the same person I was. I experienced a situation that changed me from within.
"Oh, hyung, hello," I greeted him and smiled a little.
"Maknae, come here," Jimin invited me to sit beside him.
"What is it, hyung? Do you need me?" I asked and took a gulp of water.
"Actually, I just wanted to ask, how are you?" he said and looked me straight into eyes.
"I've been better, but thank," I said and tried to stand up. I didn't want us to start another conversation where I'll be tearing up.
"Listen to me for a minute, Jungkook," he said seriously and pulled me back to the spot I was sitting a few seconds earlier.
I didn't look at him. Instead the floors seemed incredibly appealing to stare at.
"It's been a month and a half already, right?" he asked quietly.
I nodded silently.
"I just want to tell you that I'm very proud of you," he added and I could see that his stare was now on me, so I turned to face him too.
Before I could speak, he cut me off by saying: " I want to let you know that you should let yourself be sad for some time, but I also want you to promise me, to promise yourself that you will try every day to do a little better.
And no, I don't mean that I want you to become a better singer or performer, I want you to become better version of yourself, for yourself.
You should try to give your heart a chance to heal, you should try to give yourself a time to overcome this situation as well as you should have hope that everything will be just fine.
You will survive, it's just that you won't be the same anymore. You will be stronger. And by that, you will be able to protect your love more powerfully. I will be cheering for you, maknae!"
He gave one of his widest smiles and a spark in his eyes suddenly gave me the hope that everything will be alright.
The days passed by and I started to feel better. I would go to the gym more often, boxing was now something I did everyday (even though it did remind me of her) to relive the stress I was under, I even hang out with my hyungs from time to time. It seemed like I was getting better until...
I was randomly strolling down the streets of Seoul, enjoying my fully masked outfit and a warm beverage I just got from Starbucks.
No one seemed to notice me as they were all lovely dovely, it was White day after all. I on the other hand didn't have anyone to receive a gift from. She wouldn't even text me back. Did she move on? Could she?
I swear that I don't know how I got there, but I found myself hiding in one of the streets from where I could view her dorm really well. It was all quite but it seemed like she was still out (probably preparing for their album – found out from Jimin), so I stayed. I had to see her, even from afar would be just enough for my aching heart.
20 minutes passed, an hour, two and a half...I decided that at this rate it's pointless to wait any longer. Just when I turned around, ready to leave, a black SUV passed by me and that millisecond when our eyes met, felt like a year.
I could see every single emotion in her eyes, but what surprised me the most was that she was longing for me, I could see it in her eyes. Did she miss me? Did she still love me? I had to find out, I couldn't back off now. I had to speak with her.
Her manager stopped the car at the entrance and she quickly jumped out. He drove off immediately after that. She was all alone and so was I.
The street was strangely quiet too. The only thing I could hear, were my footsteps. I was running towards her, I had to reach her before she enters.
"Lalisa!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, when I saw that she was disappearing behind the large wooden doors.
She halted.
"Lalisa, please, let me talk to you," I said and put my foot between the doors.
She didn't say anything.
"Lalisa," I called her name softly.
Only then she opened the doors, so I could face her.
When I looked at her eyes again, I realized, once again, that they held everything my soul yarned for. I knew that she was going to try and hide her feelings, but I also knew that even thought she was a master at hiding her feelings, her eyes never lied.
She missed me and she still loved me. The tears in her eyes weren't the angry tears, they were the tears of joy.
But how? Didn't she hate me? Didn't she resent me for what she saw me doing?
"Jungkook," my name against her lips felt like a prayer.
I looked at her in anticipation. What was I expecting actually?
A tear slid down her cheek and, in that moment, it felt like my already shattered heart was being pierced through once again. She was crying because of me.
It didn't matter why, but she was crying.
I pushed the doors to closed and the walls hid us from the street eyes. I took her face in my hands and tried to wipe off the tears that left a trace behind. All that time I was looking her straight into her big, warm eyes and she didn't take her gaze of me as well.
We let the eyes talk. The pain, the suffering, the hurt, the longing, the loneliness we went through...but beside those, there was love. And that was the most important emotion.
She was the first one to break our eye contact. Her gaze moved all across my face and landed on my lips. It made my already fast beating heart, beat even faster. Especially when she licked her own.
I knew what she had in her mind and I understood her, because I wanted her just as much as she wanted me. The heartbreak teared me up, over and over again, but she managed to bring me back to life just by staring at me with her gentle eyes and biting on her sweet lips.
Before I realized, I felt her, cherry flavoured, lips pressed against mine. I tried to fight the growing thirst I felt for her, but instead I found myself staring at her euphoric face.
I always had that need to open my eyes while kissing her, just to see how much she was enjoying every touch we shared. It made me feel even more excited.
She wanted to pull back, but I stopped her by putting my hand back on her face and pulling her even closer to myself. Her eyes looked at me for a second but then she gave in and let me take the lead. At first our kiss was passionate and slow, I even lost a track of time, but the atmosphere started to heat pretty quickly when she bit my lip.
I sucked her tongue in my mouth, kissing her so lustfully that my kisses caused her lips being completely bruised.
She pulled away, to get some air, so I just proceeded on with her neck. I began sucking and nipping on it, causing her to moan in pleasure.
I didn't only hear her soft, yet evident gasps but also felt myself becoming harder with every touch we shared.
We were slowly but steadily moving towards her room without breaking the contact. When we finally reached her bed, I gently pushed her down and hovered over her.
We exchanged one last glance, before becoming completely lost in our sensual kisses.
I took off her hoodie, leaving her in a bra only. I felt her soft skin against my lips while she undressed the upper part of my body as well.
Taking off her leggings was a piece of cake as the lust in me kept rising to the point where I was totally lost in it.
"Jungkook," she breathed.
"Yes, honey?"
"Jungkook," she repeated again. Her voice sent shivers down my spine.
"Hey, Kookie! Wake up, we are going to be late!" I heard J-Hope.
It was a dream. Yet another one. At least I saw her there. But why did my dreams feel so real? Why did they have to make me feel completely empty? I'm well aware of how much I miss her and even more aware of my pain that wouldn't leave me.
But even though those dreams were my only connection to her, it hurt. It hurt that I could only see her in my dreams.
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An update! I hope you like it! Thank you all for reading and special thanks to those who upvote and comment. Love you guys! Stay healthy and well < 333333