***I feel like this song perfectly goes with this entire chapter. PLEASE REMEMBER TO VOTE!!!***
It's been a week since our first therapy session Toni and I have been talking quite a bit more which really has been nice. During her most recent doctor visit, she had another test done to determine if our daughter could have the same condition as I do which I'm nervous about.
Working on the letter Shay wanted us to write to each other was super hard. I feel like we've already made some good progress with each other and I don't want this to take us ten steps back. I had to deposit money in the bank from the clubs so I met Toni at Shay's office. I was running a few minutes behind because of a car accident on the way there but I was relieved when I made it to the office ten minutes later.
I got out of the car and quickly walked inside. Shay's receptionist let me through and I made my way to her office I knocked on the door and waited a few seconds for Shay to open it. "I'm so sorry I'm late, there was an accident on the way here and I got caught in traffic." Toni and Shay both told me not to worry about it as long as I got here safe.
"So how have things been since our last session?" Shay asked. "I think they've been good, we've actually been talking a lot more. We went to lunch after our last session and that was nice." I replied and Toni nodded "I agree, things have been good obviously nowhere near as good as we once were but I can definitely see the progress we're making and that's all I could ask for." Toni added.
We spent some more time talking as our time was near ending I was getting more nervous about reading the letter. "I know we haven't addressed the letters yet and that's for good reason. I want you guys to spend the entire weekend together either at one of your places, go to a hotel or something. I want you guys to just focus on each other this weekend no distractions. And at some point this weekend I want you guys to read the letters to each other. After you've done that I want you to burn them. And then talk about what you got from each letter. Do you think you could do that?"
Toni and I both nodded. We wouldn't have another session for another two weeks so it would be interesting to see how things would pan out in that span of time.
Once we left the office Toni and I stopped at her car to talk "how about we get out of here for the weekend? We can go up to the cabin we could bring the dogs with us or I could ask Veronica or Jug to watch them?" Last year my parents bought a big beautiful cabin in the mountains about a two-hour drive away and I thought it would be the perfect place where we could go.
"Yeah that sounds perfect to me, can we bring the boys with us you know they love running around in the little creek." Toni replied "yeah we can bring them then. How about you go home and pack a bag. I'll go to the house and get the jeep and pack my bag and get the dogs their stuff. Then I'll pick you up and we can get on the road?" Toni smiled and nodded "alright I'll see you in about an hour. Change into something comfy too." I said as I playfully glared at her. I made sure she got in her car safely before getting into my own. Once I got home I let the dogs outside so they could use the bathroom and tire themselves out a little so they weren't hyper on the drive. I went up to my room and pulled out a duffle bag and grabbed a few changes of clothes and some clean socks, underwear, bras, and briefs. I also grabbed two hoodies and two different pairs of shoes and put them in my bag.
I went into my bathroom and got my necessities and put them in the side pocket of my bag. I changed out of my clothes and put on some sweat shorts and a hoodie and put on a pair of jordans that matched. I put my hair up in a high ponytail and I was ready to go. I grabbed my bag and went downstairs and put it in the Jeep right away.
I went back inside and grabbed a small bag of dog food for the boys and took it into the garage and put it in the back. I didn't need bowls for them since my parents had all that other stuff at the cabin for them already. I went back inside a final time to lock up and to let the dogs inside I grabbed their leashes and set the alarm. They jumped in the back seat and laid down right away.
I called Toni and let her know I was on my way and a few minutes later I pulled up to her complex. I rolled the windows down a bit for the dogs and ran up to get Toni I know she's not helpless with things but I didn't want her carrying her bags. Once I got her stuff in the back and helped her in the passenger seat I got in the driver's seat and we were off.
"They look so damn adorable" Toni cooed looking in the back seat seeing Storm and Zeus sleeping with their heads on top of each other. "They really are, and they're so chill most dogs would be climbing and slobbering over everything," I replied. We stopped off at the gas station so I could fill-up the tank and we grabbed us some snacks for the drive up.
"How are you feeling?" I asked Toni as we were listening to the playlist we made together for our little road trips I thought it would be a nice touch to what we were doing. "I've had a little more morning sickness with her. When I was pregnant with Ocean but nothing super bad and I'm a little more sleepy with this pregnancy. Other than that things have been good."
"I'm sorry I haven't been around constantly like I was with Ocean. I hate how things have been with us and how so far gone things seemed to be. But I'm committed to making things better I don't want things to go back to the way they were I want them to be even better than before. I promise I'm going to be around more for baby girl and for you too I don't want you to hesitate to call me for anything alright?" I said glancing at her every few seconds making sure I kept my eyes on the road.
"You don't need to apologize I know we'll get back on track and I agree I want things to be better before. We need to be better for baby girl I know that I need to make more progress with myself but I'm happy with how things have been with us. I mean look at us we're able to be in such close proximity to each other and are actually able to talk again." Toni said.
About an hour into the drive Toni fell asleep I took off my hoodie and rolled it into a makeshift pillow for her which she gratefully accepted. The nervousness set in as we got closer to the cabin. I was beyond nervous about reading the letter, but I was nervous being in the same place with Toni for an entire weekend with her it had been several months since we slept under the same roof. I stopped off in the little town and grabbed us some Chinese food for dinner and about thirty minutes later we were finally at our destination.
I gently woke Toni up and let the dogs out they went to do their business and then ran and sat in front of the front door. I gave Toni the key to open the door while I grabbed all of our bags and our food along with the dog's food.
Toni already had the fireplace lit and the lights turned on by the time I got inside. I set everything down and took our food into the kitchen. We started eating right away while we started trying to come up with some names for our daughter and Toni writing them down in her phone when we agreed on names.
After we finished eating we cleaned up our mess and put the leftovers in the fridge I took up our bags and handed Toni hers it was weird being somewhere together and knowing we wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed.
We agreed that we wanted to get the letter situation out of the way now so we could just nip that in the bud. We sat on the floor in front of the fireplace and faced each other "can I go first?" Toni asked and I nodded.
𝒥𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝒩𝑜𝑒𝓁𝓁𝑒,
𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝓅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝒾𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒 𝒶 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝒲𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝒹𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝒹𝒾𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝐼 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒾𝓃 𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓇𝓋𝑒𝒹. 𝐸𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝒾𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝒶𝓉 𝓂𝑒. 𝐼'𝓂 𝒾𝓃 𝒶 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒹𝑜 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝑔𝓃𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓃𝑜 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝓁𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒. 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝐼 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝓃 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝑒 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒾𝓉 𝑒𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉 𝐼'𝓋𝑒 𝓅𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒'𝓈 𝒶 𝒽𝓊𝑔𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑒𝓁𝓈𝑒 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝑒.
𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝐼 𝓅𝓊𝓉 𝓊𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝒶 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒 𝓌𝑒 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝓌𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝑒𝓃𝑔𝒶𝑔𝑒𝒹 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁, 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝑒𝓌𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓌𝑒 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝑜𝑔𝑒𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒 𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓉𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓌𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓌.
𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒩𝐸𝒱𝐸𝑅 𝓂𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑒𝓁𝓈𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓈 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝓂𝑒 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓂𝑒 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁, 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑒. 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓈𝑜 𝓁𝓊𝒸𝓀𝓎 𝑜𝓃 𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓁𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓁𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝓊𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓉. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓈𝑒𝓈 𝓂𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓈𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒥𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀. 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓅𝑜𝓁𝑜𝑔𝒾𝓏𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝑒𝓃𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓅𝓊𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃. 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝒻𝒾𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉.
-𝒜𝓃𝓉𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒
Hearing her letter made me emotional as much hurt she's put me through along with our family I truly never wanted her to hate herself that's honestly the last thing I ever wanted her to feel.
"I guess it's my turn now," I said clearing my throat.
𝑨𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆,
𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒃𝒚 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒚, 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏. 𝑵𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔.
𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒓𝒖𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒖𝒔, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒓𝒖𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆. 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒖𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑶𝒄𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒆. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒂𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒂𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒏𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕.
𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝑰 𝒈𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒓𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕. 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒂 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅. 𝑰 𝒂𝒍𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒇𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔 𝒖𝒑 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆.
𝑰𝒕 𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏 𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆, 𝒊𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕, 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒅𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓. 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒃𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆, 𝒐𝒓 𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒗𝒐𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒅. 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒖𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒅𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒂𝒍 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒑𝒍𝒆. 𝑩𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒙𝒊𝒄 𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒘𝒆'𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒏. 𝑶𝒖𝒓 𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒘𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓.
𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒖𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒅𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏. 𝑵𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝑻𝒐𝒏𝒊 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕.
-𝑱𝒂𝒅𝒆
After I read my letter I could see the emotions swirling in Toni's eyes. "I'll be right back I need to use the bathroom," Toni said as she quickly got on her feet and ran upstairs. I just sat there for a few minutes in silence I decided to go check on Toni when she still hadn't come down.
I went to the room where she was going to stay in and listened through the door and heard her crying I didn't even bother knocking I just opened the door and saw her sitting on the bed with her head in her hands.
I walked over to the bed and sat down next to her and grabbed one of her hands gently pulling it away from her face. "Why are you crying?" I quietly asked.
"Just hearing in your letter that what I said the day everything happened made you hate yourself. I swear to you Jade the fact that you were born intersex never made me feel any type of way if anything it made me love you even more because I saw how strong you were dealing with people and their fucked up views when they found out about it.
And the fact that even after what I did to you that you couldn't even hate me and that you still loved me through it all. I don't fucking deserve your love and I know it. I hate what I did to you, what I did to us I'm so fucking sorry Jade. I'm so sorry baby." Toni replied now crying very hard.
I pulled her towards me and set her on my lap she wrapped her arms around my neck as I wrapped my arms around her waist and her face was in the crook of my neck getting wet with her tears.
"Look at me please," I asked. Toni moved her head and looked at me her brown eyes looking into my grey ones. "Now everything is out there we need to stop bringing up the past. When we burn those letters that has to be the last time we talk about any of that. We need to move on. I don't hate you, Toni. In fact, I love you with all of my heart babe."
I leaned forward closing the distance between us and brought our lips together it was just like the first time we ever kissed. At that moment my heart was full nothing could top the feeling kissing the woman that would forever have my heart.