We had two weeks before the next race - Barcelona. The team members were always excited about the Spanish GP, but not because they liked the circuit itself. In fact they already got bored of it, since it was also the place for the winter testing. Instead, everyone liked the atmosphere of the city with the sunshine, the beach, the food and drinks.
But until that, we still had more or less a week to spend with work in England. Well, the team tested and held briefings and I spent most of the days in the medical office. There was another team doctor working in Milton Keynes, but I didn't meet him. He was on vacation, so Lee and I had to substitute him for the week.
Wednesday afternoon I was sitting in my chair with my feet up on another one - bad habit I knew but it stuck while working long shifts. One had to grab every opportunity to prevent formation of varicose veins.
I closed my eyes for a minute to think through the topics of the first FIA training for the team doctors I supposed to held next weekend in Barcelona. I consulted Dr. Conrad on the phone that morning, and he was still very excited about the idea. We agreed on sending out the application emails next day.
Honestly, I nearly fell asleep when someone knocked on the door.
"Come in," I shouted. The door opened slowly an inch, and Daniel's head popped in. He got an anxious look on his face and I froze in the chair. Last time we talked was Sunday at the GP closing party in Baku. He was flirting and dancing with some fangirls, and I got so pissed about it. Well, I had no right to speak to him so rudely like I did, but it hurt for sure. Especially after having such a great time together previously.
"Hi," he started, still not brave enough to enter. I could just resist a smirk, remembering the last time he came into my office he nearly teared the door down bursting in.
"Hello Daniel, come in," I said with an indifferent tone and took my feet down from the chair.
He did and closed the door behind him. He stood there so hopeless I almost felt pity for him.
"Can I help?" I asked, raising my eyebrow. He sighed and ran his hand through his brown curly locks.
"Look, I know I was an asshole in Baku," he started. "And I feel like shit since then."
He in fact looked like shit. I wasn't the one who thought Daniel Ricciardo was not handsome in any circumstances, but standing in the sterile medical office atmosphere he just looked lost and sad. He got on our team shirt and training trousers. I'm sure they were testing all day in the lab and it's supposed to be his lunchtime.
I softened by his repentant look and shook my head.
"Hey, it's OK, I, too probably overreacted it," I murmured. "I had a little too much of your tequila."
"Well, it was your tequila," he said, and a little spark appeared in his eyes. I looked up and smiled at him. This broke the ice and he let himself giggle a bit.
"Yes, it was mine. But you poured!" I protested. He nodded and raised his hands protectively.
"OK, I admit I poured. It was my fault. May I have some forgiveness?" He asked with the most adorable puppy eyes I ever saw. It even made me bite my lower lip. I enjoyed the view for a few seconds then I nodded slowly.
"Sure."
He was now grinning like fool. He even took a step closer to the table I was sitting at.
"Awesome," he said, and a second later a faint shadow of doubt appeared on his face again. "So I wanted to ask something else," he sighed. "Back in the club."
I froze again, waiting for him to finish, as the uneasy feeling overcame me again.
"So Carlos is organising a party in Spain next week before the race," he explained. "He did one last year, it was pretty decent," he continued. "Most of the drivers were there, but no media. We are still laughing about the photos," he explained and judging from his expression, those pictures must have been worth heavy money to the press.
"Kimi made a selfie with everyone around 4 am. Including the dozed off Nico, who wore only a spanish flag at that point."
I chuckled on the thought as I tried to imagine the situation. It wasn't that hard based on the stories I already heard about these guys.
"I see." I answered still laughing.
"So, would you like to come?" He asked out of nowhere. I stopped laughing and looked at him with surprise.
"If you don't want to it's OK," he continued, a little less eager. "But I'd be happy to have you there," he added.
"Oh, I'm happy to go," I said. "I mean it sounds fun."
He grinned again, and nodded with excitement.
"It is, you'll see," he said. I smiled at him, but I still wasn't sure what I just agreed in.
"Listen, I have to go now," he checked his phone, then opened the door. "But see you around, OK?"
"OK," I nodded and waved as he left. I was smiling long after that, imagining the drivers on those party photos.
Next day, in the evening I was with Max, sitting in his apartment, eating chinese food and just talking.
"Nah, I don't think I'd want anything serious right now," he grimaced as sipped a bit from his beer. We were talking about relationships - well, we were talking about his relationships, I carefully avoided direct answers so far on my side.
"I just want to focus on my career now, maybe have a bit fun on the way," he grinned.
I laughed, but anyways I completely understood him. He was under an enormous amount of pressure, and having a girlfriend had its ups and downs and required a lot of effort. If he didn't feel like putting in the extra work, then there was no point in forcing it.
"The other thing is that this life is not for everyone, you know," he looked at me. "Usually, girls think it's all a great fun, but in the end of the day they get a dead tired guy with like five minutes of free time per day," he explained. "Then realising this they get hysterical, and things doesn't end well," he sighed as he finished his sesame chicken noodle.
"So, what about you?" He asked suddenly, offering me another beer. I took it to save some seconds to think.
"What about me?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.
"Is there someone you're interested in?" His tone was too casual, it made me suspicious.
"No, there isn't," I lied.
However I didn't think it would be a hell of an idea to confess that actually, I have an affair with Charles Leclerc. On the top of that, since Daniel's invitation today, I felt like I'm cheating on him. Wait, is it cheating if we are not even dating?
"Look Clara, it's OK if you are not ready to tell me. But don't think I can be fooled with a dumb no, followed by a long, heavy silence."
Fuck. He gets me.
I sighed and buried my face in my palms.
"Sorry, I'm a mess, really. I don't even want to admit it to myself, so please, let's leave this thing alone," I said, and looked at him pleading. He looked back at me for a couple of moments, then slided a little closer on the couch and scooped me to his side with one arm.
"Come here," he said in an understanding tone. We were quiet for minutes. He was caressing my back, and I was thinking about my fucked up lovelife.
"Let's play darts," he proposed after a while. "It'll get your mind off things if you see how good I am."
I snorted, but agreed in playing. We got off the couch, and Max went on to find the darts. I checked my phone while he was away, but I didn't have any new notifications.
"But anytime, if you are ready to share that who is it with the texts and the mysterious disappearances at night, I'm here." He said when he returned with a box.
Fuck.
I looked at him and I felt all the blood getting drained from my face. I found no words, but he didn't wait for any response, instead he started the game. He threw the darts and scored 95 points.
"Your turn," he said, looking at me with his blue eyes that were telling me much more than he actually did.
Later that night, when I was already in the guest room of Max, getting ready for bed, Charles called me. I picked up with a lowered voice.
"Hi."
"Clara, hi," I felt his voice is too loud, so I checked my door to be closed. "Bad time?" He asked.
"Well, I can't really speak now," I began. "I'm at Max's house..."
There was a short pause on the other end of the line. I squeezed my eyes shut, I knew he won't take it well.
"I see," he said, his voice was much weaker than before. "I just wanted to ask how are you."
"I'm fine, thanks," I said. "How are you?"
He had this new habit, calling me. Basically he called every day since last weekend, and I couldn't really see where was this leading.
"Great," he answered, but I heard him sigh. "I miss you," he added a second later. Somehow, I couldn't get myself to say the same. And it made me feel shit.
"It's only a couple more days," I said to cheer him up a bit. It seemed like it worked.
"Yeah, I wanted to ask when do you plan to fly in?" he asked a little more enthusiastic.
It made me think, because I didn't know exactly. We are supposed to have a briefing next morning about the team flight schedule.
"I think it's Monday?" It was more of a question than a statement.
"Fine," he said curtly.
"Why?"
"Because then I'll fly there on Monday as well," he explained it if it was as plain as day.
"Oh you don't need to..." I began, but he cut me.
"No, Clara I don't need to. I don't need to until Wednesday evening according to Mia. But I want to," he stated, and in the end it made me smile, finally.
We were casually chatting about the upcoming weekend and his time in Monaco for a few minutes and I was looking at the door all the time. My heart was pounding in my chest as I was sure Max will come in any minute and discover my secret.
But he didn't and we said goodbye agreeing we see each other on Monday evening the latest.
On Sunday night I was packing at home. Previously, Vicki and I agreed to fly together earlier to Barcelona. She wasn't invited to Carlos' party, however she promised to accompany me on the way there, and we also settled plans for a girls night out.
"It's going to be so exciting," she grabbed my wrist as we decked the plane.
I flashed a nervous smile towards her but nodded anyway. I was excited about the party on Tuesday, but was a bit nervous about Daniel inviting me to it. I kind of wanted and didn't want to go at the same time.
Arriving in Barcelona was truly a refreshing experience. Being the end of May, the weather was excellent, hot and sunny. Vicki breathed in the smell of summer and turned to me with an enthusiastic grin.
"Jesus, please say our first thing is to go to the la playa!"
I couldn't do else but smile and nod. So after checking in to our hotel, we catched a taxi and headed towards the long beach. Hence the good weather, the place was packed with tourists. We didn't mind it anyway, at least there wasn't any reporters around for once. We found a quiet place to lay down our towels, and I settled down for catching some tan.
Vicki laid next to me, massaging a little more sun block into her skin.
"So, Daniel invited you to the party," she began, in a chirping voice. She was laying on her back, half of her face was covered with her sun hat. I sighed, sort of knew what was coming.
"Yes," I answered simply, but it wasn't enough for her.
"I didn't know you are on such a good terms," she said. "I mean I guess you find him OK, but didn't think you would accept his... " she continued then stopped. She lifted her hat and peeked at me with only one eye.
"Wait, is this a date?" She asked and a shit eating grin appeared on her face.
I frowned and gasped in disbelief. What? Of course it isn't a date. Why would Daniel Ricciardo want to date me? No way, I'm sure it's only an offer coming out of his pity after being a drunk dick last weekend at the party.
Anyways. I shook my head before Vicki could think much more into the situation.
"No, it is not," I stated. She was still grinning at me, clearly not convinced by my answer.
"You really should see your face sometimes," she said and lowered her hat down again. "Your silence and startled expression said it all. It's a date," she said, and didn't wait for any response.
I gnawed on my bottom lip, and felt my stomach to form a tight knot. I started to think and soon realised my real problem was besides that I perhaps could be going on this weird party with Daniel Ricciardo, truly was the unanswered question about whether if Charles will be there or not to see it.
I soon got the answer to my question. After we returned from the beach, Charles called me.
Luckily I was in my room, just before showering and getting ready for our night out with Vicki.
"Hello," I greeted him, accepting the call.
"Hi Clara," his voice was happy.
"Have you arrived? How was the flight?" I asked.
"It was ok, nothing special, you know," he said. After a deep breath, he added: "It was short. Or you know, I was only excited to see you."
I blushed and gulped so loud I could only hope he didn't hear it.
"Good," I grunted. I could hear his relieved little laugh on the other end.
"So, we meet today?" He asked hopefully and it made me bite my lips.
"Well," I started with a grimace, "I have plans with Vicki," I admitted. It didn't seem to break his enthusiasm.
"Ok, we could do something all together then," he said simply.
I honestly, didn't understand him or his ad hoc ideas. Does he really think these things through before saying or these are just random things to make a girl dizzy?
"Charles, you know we can't," I said. Now, it was time for him to sigh.
"Fine. We will talk about this later," his voice was far less happy than a minute ago. "So, see you after your program?"
"I don't know when will we finish but I'll text you ok?" I gave in.
"Sure," he agreed, and soon we hang up. I had a slight sting of consciousness because of not spending time with him. But I never promised him I would meet him. Anyways, I felt like I wasn't right and it made me feel guilty.
After I got ready I met Vicki. First, we went out to a local tapas bar to have dinner. It was in the centre, so we decided to walk there from our hotel.
"I love this city so much! It's a bit crazy, right?" Vicki asked while walking next to me on a little street next to La Rambla.
"You know, I lived here for more than a month," I said and smiled on the waves of the good memories that came to my mind from that time.
"Really? It must have been incredible," she smiled at me.
"It was." I said, and smirked. We arrived to the restaurant so we didn't have more time to talk about my participation in the exchange program during the university. Thanks to that, I managed to make some friends from other countries and also develop an endless love for Barcelona.
After a pleasant dinner and a bit of sangria, we decided to head in the direction of Port Olimpic, a strip of clubs on the beach. We visited several bars, and after a while we stuck to a dance floor to dance carefree while giggling on the others. We acted like teenagers but I couldn't care less. We had fun and that was the only thing that mattered. After a good couple of hours spent with drinking and dancing we finally decided to head home.
"Shit, I'm so tired," said Vicki next to me in the taxi. I smiled at her, and accepted her leaning to my shoulder half asleep.
"It's fine, we are here to rest and let some steam off before the weekend," I said, caressing her back. I looked out of the window and admired the lights of the city.
"Yes, exactly. So you should," she mumbled. "You should do it with Daniel."
First I thought I heard her wrong, but she giggled so viciously it made my eyes go wide as I scoffed with disbelief.
"Vicki, you are drunker than I thought," I said. She giggled some more with her eyes closed.
"No, you don't see it. But he's head over heels around you," she said.
I could only blink listening to her words. I simply refused this matter, it was so absurd. We are talking about Daniel fucking Ricciardo, who is damn happy all the time, and kind to everyone, joking around. He was head over heels just living, right? How on earth would she know if he likes me?
Thank god, by this time we arrived back to our hotel.
"Come on girl, we are here," I tapped Vicki's back gently to wake her up from her drowsiness. I paid for the taxi and soon, we parted ways in the elevator. We were in the same rooms for the week booked by the team, so we ended up on separate floors.
"See you in the morning, chica," I hugged her goodbye.
"See you, Clara," she waved and then she winked. "Consider my advice," she said. "He's a decent guy under the clown gown."
I was still blushing when I opened my door. I sighed and sank down to the couch. I took my phone from my pocket. It was after 2 am, and seeing the time made me realise how sleepy I am as well. The flight, the sea, the beach, the long strolls, the drinking and dancing all made me feel smile but were tiring. I lowered my head down to the puffy pillow next to me, and sighed contently.
I slept for a couple of minutes, tops, when my phone began to ring loudly next to me. I jumped, and my heart rate rose immediately to the sound. It was a reflex, sleeping in the hospital on calls meant if you're woken up you jump and run. Lives were at stake.
Not now though, since I saw the caller was Leclerc. It was 2:17 am. My heart was still pounding hard in my ears as I answered.
"Charles? Is everything all right?" I asked.
"Yes, sorry I know it's late. But if you want to meet, I'm down here," he said. I frowned, and walked to the window to look out. I could see the parking area of the hotel from my balcony, and I recognised a white Alfa Romeo near the entrance.
"I have an idea, come on," he continued.
Since he woke me up, and scared the death out of me, I didn't say no. I hang up and hurried down to the hotel's entrance.
At the exit, I saw Charles sitting in the Alfa, smiling at me. His eyes seemed tired, a little purple around, but still happy. I quickly hopped in next to him.
"Did I wake you up?" He asked with a concerned look as he started the car. I couldn't lie.
"Well, I just fell asleep," I said and yawned. He smiled, and casually put his right hand on my thigh. I felt his warmness, and it made me ease at once.
"I want to show you something," his voice was secretive, and made me think. I looked at the way we were driving, and it made me smirk after a couple of turns.
"Are you taking me to Tibidabo?" I looked at him. He looked back to me in surprise.
"How do you know?" He asked.
"I used to come here with my friends. Well, at least we planned to come here several times, but never made it, only once." I explained, and the memory made me grin. I decided I'll text them when I get home.
"I see. So it's nice?" He asked, as he took the last corners. Soon, the beautiful panorama laid ahead.
"It is marvelous," I whispered as I got out of the car.
I was in awe, just walked to the railing, and tried to take in the sight. The thousands of lights were in perfect order - all leading to crossings. Crossings meant plazas, lines were the carrers, all soaked in this gentle craziness of their beloved Gaudi. And now, in the middle of the night it was all mine, nobody was around.
Charles stepped next to me and hugged my waist from behind.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked, but he was just looking at me.
"It is," he nodded.
We were standing like this for minutes, enjoying the view. I tried to show him the places I could make out and remembered the name of. Charles was listening patiently.
"And this area just below us is called Sarria, it's where our dorm was. It's a rich district, full of amazing houses, where..."
I couldn't finish the sentence, because his lips suddenly captured mine. He pulled me closer to him in a tight hug, and his mouth didn't leave mine for what felt like hours. I was leaning to the railing with my back to the city, both of his hands rested on my sides and his eyes were holding my gaze when we took apart. A stupid grin appeared on my face.
"You know, I was serious before," he said. I frowned, as I wasn't sure what he meant.
"When I said we could go out together," he said and I still didn't get it. "With Vicki, seeing us. I mean publicly." He explained further until it hit me. I glanced back at him, and tried to lean away, but he didn't let me, holding me stronger to keep me in place.
"What do you mean?" I asked in a high tone. "To go out as a couple?"
He nodded surely.
"As a couple," he said and placed a peck on my parted lips. It seemed to wake me up. I shook my head.
"You are insane, Charles. Pretty sure I'm twice your age. You are famous, rich, gorgeous and I don't know. You are supposed to be in the French Riviera now getting drunk with your friends skinny dipping from a yacht..." I explained, but my still high tone made it more of a cry.
"We can still do that together," he smirked. "And it's only ten years..." Him mentioning our age gap was the next thing sobering me up.
"Do you hear yourself?" I asked, shaking my head desperately. "It would be simply selfish to tie you to me. And it would hurt both of us in the end."
He wasn't smirking anymore, in fact his green eyes were fixing mine sadly. He was still holding me, making little circles on my skin with his thumb.
"Don't you enjoy? Being with me?" He asked quietly.
"Of course I do," I stated the obvious. In fact I enjoyed being with him very much, but couldn't overcome the feeling of all this being a terribly wrong mess.
"Then don't worry so much about the rest," he whispered in my ear, giving a small kiss beneath my earlobe. It made me shiver, which he must have felt because he pulled me closer to his chest.
"I agree to being like this for now," he mumbled in my hair. "But I will convince you about the rest."
His body felt so warm and his arms hold me so strong, it made me comfortable. I began to feel sleepy again, and didn't find the strength to fight back anymore.
We were quiet on the way back. In front of the hotel, we said our goodbyes. None of us felt that spending the night together was a good idea at the moment.
"Sorry, but we can't meet tomorrow. There's this party..." he began to explain but I knew the rest. It was better to cut is short.
"I know. I'm going," I said. He looked at me in disbelief.
"Where? To Carlos'?"
I nodded. I was determined not to reveal anything about Daniel, I believed it would lead to catastrophic consequences at that point.
"Max invited me," I added curtly.
He watched me for several seconds silently. I saw he had his own opinion just on the tip of his tongue but he too, didn't want to make things worse.
After a long, desperate kiss we parted and I headed back to my room as fast as I could. I was dead tired, and I had a strong feeling about the next day won't be less tiring than today was.