Clark was never one to follow through on his own promises. The promises he made to himself were always the hardest to follow through on. He always managed to promise to himself one thing, and do the next.
He broke his promise when he said he'd stop eating so many chocolate chip cookies after his mother had reprimanded him on his sugar intake.
He broke his promise when he said he would quit football after his knee injury in the tenth grade.
He broke his promise when he said he'd never fall in love with Blake Graham.
And now he broke his promise as he stood hidden to the side of Cambridge's large auditorium.
He couldn't even remember what made him leave his dorm, what made him trek to the opposite side of campus, what made him enter the auditorium.
But as he watched the familiar brunette hurriedly walk across the stage, he remembered that she was the what.
Clark had been a royal mess lately and he hated every single second of it. He spent his nights in an endless cycle of studying for his courses, indulging in his never ending stash of cookie dough ice cream, and sleeping it all away.
But during the day was another story. He was perfectly put together. Clark Ellington was always the best at putting on a mask. He never let the world see him, he let them perceive him and label him. They saw a perfectly cold golden boy, while those he let in saw anything but.
He never let just anyone get a glimpse into his feelings, they had to be special. Only a certain handful could get to see the real Clark Ellington, the dorky, romantic, and cheeky boy.
But recently, he had closed off. His mask was back on, but this time he refused to take it off. It was hardwired shut. He refused to take the mask off even around his best friends and brother, who had come for a short visit. He didn't want them to see him suffering. He couldn't. Because he deserved it.
On the outside Clark was all crisp uniforms, pristine shoes, styled hair, and cold scowls but on the inside, he was lost.
He knew everything was his fault and he deserved everything that came to him, but he couldn't help but feel crushed. But he knew that since he had earned it, he couldn't show his brother or friends how he felt. He had to suffer, that was his consequence.
He refused to speak more than a few syllables, refused to let his lips turn up in a genuine smile, refused to let his eyes crinkle like they had used to do so easily. He merely existed like he used to do before, and while he thought no one had noticed his change in demeanor, some actually did.
"Did Clark say he was coming?" Nico lowered the megaphone he was holding to whisper to Luca, keeping his eyes trained on the stage where their friend was accepting her diploma.
"Didn't say anything, but I highly doubt he'll come. Checked up on him before leaving and he didn't look like he was going anywhere. I overheard him whispering to himself about promising that he wasn't going to go anywhere, I'm betting it was here he was talking about."
"Shit." Nico muttered, meeting Luca's dark brown eyes. Nico felt sad, he hated seeing his best friend like this. Although the world saw Clark as a closed off boy, Nico knew that Clark loved to smile at millions of little things, laugh at his friends corny jokes, and grin at their constant mischievous antics. "How long you think this will last for?"
"Nic... it was his first love." Luca sighed, running a hand through his dark curly hair. "Even if he did something wrong and royally messed up, he still loved her and whether we'd like to admit it or not... he's heartbroken."
"Shit." Nico repeated, feeling glum about Clark's state. How he wished he could help his best friend out and bring him back, but it was almost impossible. Clark wasn't an easy shell to crack.
"Whooo! Blake! Let's go! Fuck yeah my bi-" the loud voice blaring through the megaphone was cut off as Luca snatched the device out of the hands of Dakota Spaulding. This was the fourth time Luca had pried the megaphone from the blonde's hands but he kept managing to steal it back.
Dakota and Nico had snuck in megaphones, posters, and little confetti cannons which they would use whenever Blake's name was announced or they would see her. Although both boys were being a bit too celebratory, Kota had managed to gain a few side glances from his vulgar cheers.
"Is he.... is he always like that?" Dean asked Luca wearily.
Dean was a little scared of Kota, mostly due to them being polar opposites. Dean was reserved and shy while Dakota was... insane. Luca sadly nodded looking as if he was in pain, causing Dean's eyes to widen and the young boy to scoot a bit farther in his seat away from the model.
On the other side of the auditorium as Blake Graham's name was called to receive her diploma, Clark stood in the way back watching. His expression was unreadable, arms crossed almost defensively as he watched the girl in the white sundress and blue robe end the newest chapter of her life and begin to start the next.
He smiled sadly as he noticed how happy she looked. He knew she was looking forward to this moment even months in advance, an almost forgotten memory pushing to the forefront of his mind.
It was a little while after Clark's seventeenth birthday, and the two were furiously working on their Intro to Medicine essays. The pair had decided to work in the school's courtyard, mostly due to Blake pulling Clark and claiming that they needed the fresh air.
The couple sat in the grass besides a large pine tree, the part of the courtyard they were in wasn't very popular, due to it being a bit farther away in the corner. Away from any prying eyes, they didn't need to pretend to be the perfect people they were portrayed to be, there they were just 'Clark' and 'Blake'.
Whilst Clark had his back supported by the rough bark of the tree and the shade to cover him, Blake was laying in the grass with the sunlight blanketing her in an almost ethereal glow.
After months of being in a relationship, Clark had taken note that Blake was attracted to the sunlight especially if it was on a crisp day such as that one. She always would say she was 'photosynthesizing' but she was actually just soaking up the rays.
Clark couldn't help but keep getting distracted as he watched the girl lying in the grass, her brown hair fanned around her like spilt coffee, her eyes shut in unbothered bliss, and her soft pink lips were just the slightest bit curved upwards. Her hands were crossed over her stomach, and Clark could see the multiple rings on her fingers reflect and glitter lazily in the light.
Just looking at her relaxed figure made him feel better, calmer. He could feel the weight of his lies bringing him down, but ironically when he was around her it seemed to lessen. The love that he held for Blake flowed through him like warm butterscotch, filling his veins with the undeniable warmth and sweetness of love.
As Clark watched the girl he loved more than anything, he could feel his lips curve into his own smile. His essay long forgotten, he couldn't do anything but gaze lovingly at her.
"I can feel you staring at me," Blake mumbled, straightening her bent legs.
"I'm not staring." Clark fibbed, a blush tainting his cheeks a shade of dusty red.
"That's what someone who was staring would say." Blake cracked an eye open, the icy color looking like a frozen lake on a cold winters day.
"Maybe I was just lovingly looking at you," Clark met her eyes with a smile.
"Really?" She opened her other eye, looking skeptically at the brunette boy.
"Really." He nodded, before looking back down to his essay. He had one paragraph left, and he couldn't wait to slam his laptop shut as soon as he finished the bloody assignment.
"Ugh my eyes," Blake complained, shielding her eyes with a grimace.
"Why don't you... I dunno? Sit in the shade instead of burning your retinas?" Clark sarcastically proposed as he rapidly typed, his long fingers dancing across the keyboard.
"Because I'm photosynthesizing." She proclaimed in a duh tone, like that was going to make Clark suddenly comprehend her logic. "I am energizing. I am one with the trees." She spread her arms out and signaled to the multiple trees surrounding them.
"Sure," Clark tilted his head, "One with the trees, got it." He winked.
"I am!" She protested.
"No, you're cold." Clark concluded, knowing that she always would do this whenever it was even a bit chilly. She would sit near a window, a skylight, or a ray of sun just so she could feel warm.
"Nope," she shook her head quickly.
"I know you're cold, you always do this."
"No, I speak to the trees!"
"Just come here, you're going to go blind if you keep staring at the sun like that."
"I hate my eyes." Blake grumbled, scooting her way next to Clark under the shade of the looming pine.
"Well I like your eyes if that makes you feel any better." Clark gave a boyish smile to her as he removed his school sweater, revealing his white uniform button up. He handed Blake the sweater, to which she happily took from him with a kiss on the cheek, before pulling it over her head and mussing up her hair even more.
They sat in silence once again until Clark finished his essay, shutting his laptop and taking a small breath. "I never asked this but- are you... happy to be graduating?"
Blake looked up from her textbook, pausing to meet his deep green eyes, the bright color akin to grassy planes that could continue on for miles and miles. "Yeah I think so. I mean, I am. It's a chapter I'm ending, albeit early. But I'm going somewhere I want to do something I want, which is rare for me. I... am looking forward to it." She said the last part quietly, scared that her words would hurt Clark. But he didn't show it.
"Do you think... it'll all be different?" He asked in almost a whisper.
"I hope not," she shook her head, stretching her hand out to hold his. "I really hope not."
The memory dissolved like a wad of toothsome pink cotton candy in a pool of water, leaving only traces of sweetness in its wake. The pairs hopes of everything staying the same was soon crushed into pieces, all because of him.
Clark couldn't stand to be in the auditorium for another second, the memory had brought up too much pain and it was claiming him and slowly pulling him into a dark oblivion. He spun on his heel and slowly made his way to the exit, holding onto the handle he decided to spare the scene one last glance.
What a mistake that was.
From hundreds of feet away he had somehow managed to meet the heartbreakingly familiar pair of frozen eyes. The haunting color tugging every single heartstring of his until he feared they would snap. The pair held their gaze for the first time in what felt like forever. The frozen lake and grassy planes collided, until it all became too much. Because Clark sharply looked away and swiftly exited the room.
I gave the courtyard one last look, feeling the bittersweetness of this entire moment consume me. I smiled at the gurgling fountain, the memory of almost falling in but being caught by Clark seemed almost eons ago.
"Please don't leave me," Kota whimpered, giving me a sad puppy dog face.
"Kota, we work for the same agency, I'm not leaving you." I reminded him with a smile.
The graduation ceremony had concluded a few hours ago and it was finally time. I was to leave Cambridge for good in just an hour.
I had bid my goodbyes to all my friends earlier, but now was the hardest part. The three boys surrounded me, all ready to say their goodbyes.
"I'm gonna miss you, Graham." Luca was the first to give me a hug, his arms tightening around me. I returned his hug, before putting my hands on his shoulders and meeting his brown eyes.
"I'm going to miss you too, Luca. Remember, you have to stay in touch or else I'm going to personally hunt you down, got it? And also, you still owe me that trip to Italy to see your mom's collection." I reminded him with a laugh.
"I remember, don't worry I'll bring you there soon." Luca ruffled my hair playfully.
Next was Kota, who hugged me so tight that I thought a rib was going to crack. "Please take me with you I don't think I can survive here without you here please save me!" He wailed loudly.
I laughed at his dramatic claims, giving him an equally bone crushing hug.
"Kota, I'm gonna be seeing you in a couple weeks, remember?" I prodded him with my elbow, mentioning the campaign our agency was going to be doing in Australia.
"A couple of weeks is forever!" He sniffed.
"Just don't cause too much trouble around here when I'm gone. I swear, Luca's already going gray because of you." I laughed, causing Kota to hold a hand to his heart in mock offense.
Lastly, was Nico.
"Hey," I whispered to him, a sad smile on my face. "I'm gonna miss you a lot."
Nico nodded, a wave of sadness being contained in his hazel eyes. "I'm gonna miss you a bunch."
I threw my arms around his neck, giving him a tight hug.
"You have to call, text, and email. Remember, you promised."
"I pinky promise I will, no matter what." Nico's voice cracked, his eyes becoming watery.
"Stop it, if you cry then I'll cry and then..." I hiccuped, already beginning to tear up.
"Just-" Nico paused, running a hand over his face to rid the tears. "Just please try and live your life for me. Be happy, smile, laugh. Don't be someone you're not for the sake of others, you shouldn't have to pretend anymore. You deserve to be happy."
I let out a choked laugh, the hot tears slowly running down my face.
"I know you're hurt and it's going to take a while, but please don't let it claim you. Blake, you're someone who's shining through and through. Don't change that. Stay golden."
I gave Nico one last hug, wiping my eyes. "Damn you Nicholas Barnaby Caldwell for making me cry." I joked. I was about to turn and prepare to leave when I suddenly remembered.
I reached into my purse before pulling out a folded white envelope. I held it out to Nico, before pausing.
"Can y- can you give it to him? I just need him to have it, that's it."
Nico nodded sadly, taking the sealed envelope from my hands before putting it into the pocket of his trousers. I bid the boys one last tearful goodbye before turning around to exit.
As I began to walk, one thought clouded my mind. The sight of those green eyes I hadn't expected to see at graduation caused my heart to beat a little faster. After that moment I had finally decided to give Nico the letter before I left. With my suitcase in tow and hope on the horizon, I exited the iron wrought gates of Cambridge Preparatory Academy.
I could feel the liberation as I stepped out of the school and into the cool Swiss air. The multitude of trees surrounding me, the fresh air, the expansive lake, the castle looming behind those secretive gates, and the heirs and heiresses hidden inside.
Contained within those gates weren't just those entitled to fortunes, there were secrets, expectations, rules, friendships, romances, and people. People who were just like me, waiting for the one day we would be freed from our golden shackles. Today was my day.
In the year that I had spent hear, I learnt what true friendship was. I learnt what true happiness was. I learnt what true love was. I smiled, I laughed, I cried, I screamed, I loved, I hated, and I lived. And I wouldn't take back a single moment that I experienced.
A sleek black car idled in the front, the passenger seat rolling down to expose the chauffeur.
"Name?"
I gave him a smile, pulling on my large sunglasses to shield my eyes.
"Blakely Graham."
la fin