Chapter 8
By the end of the next month everything had toned down. There wasn't much talk about anything except the school dance that was scheduled for the following month and no one seemed to remember my blundered when I'd just arrived. The Body had become more accepting of my presence at their table, whenever Jayden or Jonie called me over to have lunch with them—all except Erin of course. There hadn't been a spike in anyone trying to snag Jayden's attention since then either. Despite what Jayden had said, there seemed to be a small rumor going about that Erin had staged that whole scandal, as a means of teaching Carmen to leave her man alone and for all the truth it lacked, it was still enough to scare many of the girls onto the path that was straight, narrow and headed in Jayden's opposite direction. I confess even I would have avoided him if I thought she'd been behind something that big but for once, I had been an insider. I knew what really happened and I wasn't afraid. It was perhaps for that reason that she still glared at me whenever we were forced to be in the same spaces and why I didn't stay away.
It was the strangest thing; this new life I'd wanted seemed to be working out. No one spoke about me any more than they did anyone else and I had friends—real friends both within my class and within the Body. School became my haven. When I was here, I was truly happy. There were many lunch hours that I found myself laughing so hard I could cry. I wasn't the alien. I wasn't the apathetic girl that stayed by herself, rejected by society and it felt...strange. That was the only way I could describe it. But even with all this, I just couldn't get over my past. I'd learned to smile when 'jokes' were told but there were still times I didn't find them funny. My sense of humour was not quite at their level. Every time I tried to forget, it would all simply come crashing back to my mind with haunting force.
Much to my utter shock and horror, I realized that I really liked Jayden but something prevented me from telling him. Fear, uncertainty, stubborn will, whatever it was, I kept this fact to myself. It wouldn't do me any good. He might not have felt the same way and I refused to allow things to fly south just when they were finally looking good. Alternately, he might have felt the same way then we—more specifically me—would become the talk of the school and the subject of all new rumours for the next millennium. It wasn't a risk I was willing to take, not even two months into this new school career.
Jayden was different from all the other guys I'd known; he was thoughtful, considerate, funny and even his arrogance was attractive. For that reason, I wouldn't lose him by proclaiming feelings that for all I knew could prove fleeting within another week or two. Human nature was fickle by design; it was not worth taking big risks for.
"Hey who are you guys going to the dance with?" Madelyn asked as we all sat down to lunch. I hadn't thought of that. I forgot I needed a date entirely. Dances weren't exactly my thing. Up until Sydney talked me into it, I didn't plan to attend this one but that girl had way of turning the most adamant 'no's into yeses. I still wasn't sure I wanted to go but this was the first time in a long time I had a reason to and friends that would support me through it. Seemed like bad karma to throw an opportunity like this back at the Universe. At first I was going to ask Jayden but every time I tried it just seemed too hard so I gave up. It wasn't something I'd ever done before and the fear of choking or having him tell me he was already going with Erin was enough to keep me quiet.
"A Fifth Year asked me to go with him but I'm not sure if I should." Hayley admitted with a shy little smile in place.
"Why not? He's only two grades higher than you." Lara protested. As far as I knew, she was still on the date hunt as well.
"I know . . . but what if people stare?" She was a little shy. The thought of everyone's eyes on her scared her as much as it did me—though for very different reasons.
"Relax; everyone will be too busy staring at Kai and her date." Say what now? I pried my eyes off Hayley in order to get a good look at Madelyn. Did she know something I didn't? "By the way Kai, have you asked Jayden to the dance as yet?"
"Um...no and actually I—"
"Oh here he comes! I'll go ask him for you." She shot up from her seat faster than I could grab hold of her and force her to stay put.
"No wait—" Restraining Madelyn was like restraining the wind. By the time I'd turned in my seat, the girl was gone.
It was too late; she was now standing by Jayden with a ridiculously wide smile. I sighed. I wasn't exactly sure that he wanted to go with me, and besides I wasn't sure if my mother would let me go in the first place. That was always the glitch in my new found life. At the end of each day, I would have to go home and everything would go back to normal. There was a good chance, she'd tell me no and it took some of the pressure off finding a date. In the end, I might not need one. I watched as she spoke eagerly to him and he stared back as if he was bored and in a hurry. Luckily Jonie had taught me to read lips. She was saying something about the dance and he was saying he had to go.
It looked like it wouldn't work and I tried to put away my disappointment. Madelyn mentioned my name then his face lit up with that challenging grin of his. Oh no, she did ask. I watched them walk up to the table, glaring at her as she smiled at me.
"So Deneiro, I hear you want to be my date to the dance." The arrogant son of a bitch was enjoying the fact that he had the upper hand. This was the wonderfully frustrating thing about Jayden. Half the time I didn't know whether I wanted to hit him or hug him—right now it was leaning closer to hit but the idea was still there.
"I—uh—that is—well-um—" My words were failing me, as they had been doing every other time I'd wanted to ask him. It must have been a sign.
"A simple yes or no will do." Definitely wanted to hit him.
"Um, yeah sure." I said, trying for my most casual tone and a shrug. It would not seem like a big deal. There was no way I'd let him think his 'yes' would make my day because then his ego would be unbearable—endearing but unbearable. I could only handle it in so many doses.
"Well, that's too bad because I refuse."
"You what?!"
"You heard me, I refuse; I don't wanna go with you."
I felt like I was the one who just got slapped in the face but I wouldn't let him know that. Like I said, his 'yes' would not make my day and in that same breath, his 'no' would not break it. It wasn't as if I'd been the one to ask, it was Madelyn. I'd simply shrugged and agreed...tentatively. I stood so I could be closer to his face. This helped with intimidation tactics. "Well that's good because I didn't want to go with you anyways." I informed, more heatedly than someone who didn't truly care. It was something I was still working on. By now everyone in the cafeteria was staring at us and listening to the expressive discussion. He stood taller, trying to regain the upper hand in the conversation and that was when I straightened fully, unwillingly to bend.
"Really?" He asked raising his left eyebrow slightly. I could tell I hit his ego and it felt damn good.
"That's right, Madelyn's the one who decided to ask you but even if you had said yes I would have set the record straight." I smirked to add a nice touch to my sentence, knowing it was just the nail in the coffin I needed. Sometimes it amazed me just how at ease I was around him. He was the first guy I had ever been comfortable enough around to actually show my true self, which was pretty argumentative at times and I was most certainly unwilling to fuel his ego further.
"And why is that?" He challenged, trying to seem unaffected.
"Because," I said with my smirk still in place, "I prefer guys with less of an ego and I like getting my own dates."
He put his face close to mine with his own devilish smirk. Oh no, now he had the upper hand. "What makes you think I would say yes if you asked personally?" A challenge, he was only baiting me.
"What makes you think you can refuse me?" By now, a little voice in the back of my head was warning me that this conversation was about to take a dangerous turn, the kind I would no longer find humorous and entertaining but I'd grown so use to passing banter with him in the last two months that I paid it little heed. Jayden held a lock of my hair and began twirling it idly.
"You know, you may be right, I might not be able to refuse you." He put his mouth to my ear and whispered, "In fact I might not be able to stop myself."
A shiver ran down my spine and I felt my stomach knot. This was it. I didn't intend for the conversation to take this turn. It was where the joke seemed less like a joke and more like something that had happened...continuously. My hands reached out to create some space between us. "Don't..." I whispered, taking a step back.
The look he now held was one of someone who'd suddenly been hit by reality. "I'm sorry." He said softly, kindly taking his own steps back. It was never a good idea for two argumentative people to go at it. Neither would stop 'til one got hurt and my skin happened to be the thinner of us two. I looked down, unsure how to proceed now. Out of nowhere Jonie appeared. I hadn't seen her in days and here she was, no doubt recording data.
"I explained something to you over the weekend and yet here you go and do this." She whispered furiously as she grabbed hold of my hand and began dragging me away. What had she told him? Was I missing something? As I was being dragged out of the room I heard a lot of whispering—the usual response to any scene that took place in a public area. By now, I was convinced the masses simply couldn't help themselves. It'd be interesting to hear what explanations they came up with for the suddenly derailed conversation we'd been all too happy having moments earlier. I would also have to ask Jonie what she told him. Jayden was typically apologetic, whether he knew what he'd done wrong or not but this time, his eyes were filled with a certain kind of knowing. The sort that came with finding out things you shouldn't have.
The bell rang at the end of the day and Madelyn and I walked out of History. Dismissal. It was almost bittersweet for me. On the one hand I was done learning but on the other hand, I had to go home.
"Kai, honestly, I don't get it." Madelyn complained, her frustration ringing clear in her voice.
"Get what?" I asked, coming to a stop by my locker and yanking it open.
"How you could be so stupid. What the hell's wrong with you?!"
"What are you talking about?" Honestly, sometimes I had a hard time following her. This was one of those times.
"I see the way you and Jayden interact." She explained, leaning against the locker next to mine. "You could have easily talked him into being your date."
Not this again. For the whole of sixth period she wouldn't stop bothering me about the exact same thing. Blowing my date with Jayden. Ruining a perfectly good flirting session. Being so uptight when it was obvious he was in to me. "Yeah but he probably already has a date, remember Erin still exists." They may have forgotten, but I hadn't.
"No he doesn't, "Hayley said, coming to a stop by us. "The girls in the Jayden Pryce Fan Club keep a close eye on him and they say he's still indecisive." Was she kidding me? Jayden Pryce Fan Club? I could now see what fueled his ego and the thought was painful. These girls, whoever they were, were doing no favours to mankind. No wonder he was the way he was. Arrogant, self-righteous, egotistic . . . intolerable . . . amazing . . . good looking—oh my gosh I really needed to stop thinking so much, it wasn't healthy. He wasn't healthy. The boy was obviously bad for my health.
"You have to go find him and tell him you change your mind, it'll boost his ego and make him feel like he definitely has to say yes. You know, make him feel important." Madelyn suggested.
"Great, so I should boost his ego by tearing down my own? I don't think so." I said stubbornly. Jayden had shot me down first. All I'd done was retaliate; it was perfectly fair.
"Kai, you're a girl, you don't have an ego—or well you're not supposed to have a big one. Swallow your damn pride and go find him!" I shot her an incredulous look. He should have swallowed his pride and come to ask me again. I'd said yes, I told him 'sure', I made it clear that if he wanted to, we would go together and what did he do? He smirked and outright refused. Not even in my wrong mind would I be able to bring myself to find him and ask a second time. In all technicalities I did ask first and he harshly shot me down. Why subject myself to that again? If he wanted me as a date he most definitely had to ask, he had his chance to feel important earlier now it was my turn. "Don't look at me like that, if you don't ask then you'll have to watch him walking around with some other girl around his arms for the whole night."
That sentence alone struck deeper than it should have. I didn't think I would have been able to watch something like that.
"Exactly, I figured you wouldn't like it so go. Chloe told Kara who told Alice who told me that she saw Jayden in the Board Room having a meeting with the Student Body Reps so you should hurry." Sometimes I wondered if she listened to herself when she spoke and if she ever questioned her sources. It was always a run around with her and yet (with a certain margin for inaccuracies) she was usually right. I thought to protest, to deny caring who Jayden took as his date in the end but she was right, there was no time.
I sighed then made my way to the board room. The noises behind the door left me frozen. Jonie rule #4: if you hear talking behind a closed door don't make any sudden movements, get whatever info you can to inform yourself further. I put my ear to the door.
"She asked you to be her date to the dance?!" That was definitely Erin and she didn't sound all that happy. I peeked through the key hole to get a better look; found her pacing the floor with all the agitation of a caged wild animal.
"Not exactly . . ." Jayden answered.
"What was your reply?!" She asked, flashing around to face him.
"I refused."
"Why?!" Sydney, another member of the body, demanded. I had a few conversations with her and she seemed nice.
"What do you mean why?! Jayden is my date, no questions asked, that's how it's always been."
"But it's not a rule or anything and besides, technically Kai asked first." She...was on my side? I thought the Body had a habit of sticking together; them against the rest of the student body. I saw, vaguely, Jonie sitting in the corner taking everything in. This must have been a gold mine of info for her and though she wasn't making notes, I could tell she would remember everything and analyze.
"What did you just say?!" Erin fumed.
"She did." Sydeny repeated in her most matter of fact tone. "You didn't even think to ask so I think Jayden should tell her yes. What do you think Kyle?" Apparently they were an item.
"Well I don't really see the point in dating outside our little group, "He glanced at Sydney, who was now pouting, then quickly added, "But Kai could be a welcomed change."
"You see!" Sydney was now grinning widely. "Pick Kai! You know you want to. I don't see why we're even having this discussion to begin with. Next order of business!" And for what I thought was effect, she banged her fist against the table, mimicking the sound of a gavel after a verdict.
"Kyle how could you say that?!" Erin demanded incredulously.
"What are you going to do Jay? Is Kai your date or is Erin 'cause either way one of them is going to have to find another date before they're all gone." Seth said, leaning into his seat. Of everyone in the room, he looked the least concerned but I had come to learn that his nature was more laid back than anything else.
"It's true; you need to cut Erin loose now so she can begin date hunting before it's too late." Sydney was quick to add. She seemed happy enough that the argument was swinging in her favour.
"What?!" Erin shouted. She, on the other hand, was not too thrilled with how the conversation was turning out.
"I didn't say that." Seth continued, choosing his words carefully.
"Thank you." Erin said with a sigh.
"Then what are you saying?" Sydney challenged.
"That he shouldn't reconsider his refusal of Kai's request." He explained calmly. Whose side was he on anyway? "He's already told her no. Right now she could be looking for a new date for all we know." Wait. What? No I wasn't! It took everything in me not to suddenly throw the door open to set the record straight. Impulse control, it was what I was working to restore and the thought of what would happen after was enough to prevent me from performing this particular action. "Whereas Erin is dateless and furious and telling you she'd like to be your date."
"No, Kai wouldn't just go up to a guy and ask for a date. She also wouldn't say yes to just anyone." Jonie finally interjected contemplatively. Thank you; someone that understood. There was no way I could bring myself to go up to some random guy and ask him to be my date. There were so many risk factors involved. I could leave myself open to unpleasantries that I'd long tried to put behind me. I didn't know them, they didn't really want to know me except in a biblical sense and it just so happened in those instances I was non-religious.
"Exactly!" Sydney said, banging the table again as if an idea had just popped into her head. "She trusts Jayden enough to flirt with him and Erin can get just about any other guy out there. Seriously, why are we still discussing this? It's a done deal. Jayden, get your ass up and go find Kai!"
"Just about?" Erin said, raising her eyebrow. I straightened a moment, trying to work the knot out of my back from all the leaning but dared not look away too long. Eavesdropping was still just as wrong as the first day I got here but this had gone to a whole different level. Meetings like these made me question how they ever got anything done. It wasn't the sort of constructive discussion that would benefit the school.
"Yeah, you sure as hell can't get Kyle."
Erin rolled her eyes.
"Anyway it would be a big inconvenience for Jayden. He's already told her no and if he changes his mind he'll have to go back to Kai and she will most likely make him beg. Furthermore, if she's afraid of men as Jonie says then he won't be begging in private where no one can see them." I was not afraid of guys! What on earth would give Jonie that idea? Alright, so maybe they scared me a little bit but that didn't mean I would be afraid to be alone—with Jayden that is. No matter how much I pretended, the same could not be said for others. There would always be that subtle reservation. He was right too. My aim was to break Jayden's ego. He would have had to beg—in front of everyone.
"Huh...I never thought of it that way." Jayden said.
Sydney turned to Seth, looking like he'd blown a giant hole through her entire argument. I had to adjust myself to get a better view. "You know if I didn't know any better I'd say that you just want Kai for yourself." She accused. Her words sent the blood draining from my face and shivers through my spine. Everything in me hoped she was only joking.
"Me?! I want Kai for myself?!"
"Well do you?" Jayden asked.
"No, of course not, but Sydney if I were you I would pay more attention to Kyle."
"What? You're not making much sense." Her limit was fast approaching. Accusations were flying about the room rapidly and lines were beginning to blur.
"Did it ever occur to you that Kyle is only siding with you because it would mean that Erin would be dateless so he can go with her?"
Sydney turned her back to him at once. "Nope, it hasn't even crossed my mind for a second." She turned to Kyle and with a sad tone she continued. "That's not what you're doing, is it Kyle?"
"What? No. Of course not. You're my date remember?" Kyle answered defensively. I adjusted myself yet again so I could get a look at Jonie. As expected she was still taking everything in silently. It was almost certain they'd all forgotten she was sitting there and perhaps that was her intention. They were all getting it out and the reminder they were being scrutinized might have caused some of them to fix up their acts a little. Something that would cloud her results no doubt and there was nothing she hated more.
"Jonie what do you think about all this?" Jayden asked curiously. She looked up at him, now drawn from her thought. It was a wonder any of them remembered she was still in existence.
"I think we both know that you want to pick Kai and that you were an ass for turning her down in the lunch room because now your pride is going to get in the way of you getting her back." Blunt. That was how Jonie Matthews worked.
"Jonie!" Erin hissed.
"What? He asked me what I thought."
"And I agree with Jonie." Sydney stated.
"Well I'm still not sure about it." Seth said, folding his arms across his chest. "I don't see—" There was a loud crash; I had bumped into the Janitor's equipment when I moved having not realized how close I was truly standing to it. Everything went crashing to the floor and at that moment, I knew I had been found out. My first instinct was to make a run for it in the hopes of at least hitting the adjoining hallway when the door swung open.
"Oh great, what do you want?" Of all the people that could have come to check, it had to be Erin. It was perfectly in line with my luck I supposed.
"Um..." This was bad. My brain, unlike the rest of me, had hit the other hallway, leaving me behind to muddle my way through an excuse that wasn't coming. There was no way to make this look less horrible than it really was. Spying on the Body; listening through a conversation Erin was losing; none of it was any of my business.
Jonie walked to the door then shook her head at the pathetic sight that was me. "Kai, what's my number one rule?"
I looked down. "Don't get caught." As if I had a choice in this matter. Who left equipment randomly lying around the hallway with reckless teenagers?
"Exactly, so what the hell's with all the noise? Up until the racket I thought you were doing a pretty good job." My eyes widened in shock. She...she knew I was behind the door the entire time? But how...when...there was nothing to indicate she was aware they were being spied on. Why hadn't she said something? Why did she let them continue?
"This meeting's adjourned." Erin said walking pass me but not without a hard bump to my shoulder. I winced a bit, it still being sore from mother's latest onslaught a few days earlier. She kept walking 'til she disappeared behind the other hall and in that moment, I felt bad for whoever would run into her on her way out of the school. As I watched her go, I couldn't help but wonder why was this happening again? At my old school I was blamed for stealing guys and now I would be known here for the same thing.
The thought left me with a sinking feeling of defeat. I sighed. Honestly, why me?