Liam's POV
"Two kit kat milkshakes please," I ordered for us. My arms were still wrapped around Charlotte's waist.
The lady taking our order shook her head, "Sad day when you have to go on a date at 1AM so you avoid press."
I chuckled, "We aren't avoiding anyone. We just happened to be up and felt like some ice cream."
She clearly didn't believe us. Looking at Charlotte, she said, "Whole lot of ugly out there, miss. Their fans are crazy. Brace yourself for it." Smiling weakly, Char thanked her for both the milkshakes she had handed us and the advice. We wandered over to a booth in the far corner of the tiny shop.
I slid into the seat pulling Charlotte in after me. I tugged her close. She came rather willingly.
"How you doin'?" I asked, stroking her tanned arm.
Her smile was unsteady –her mouth twitching. "Fine."
I gave her a light squeeze attempting to comfort her. "I heard about the tumblr post. Char, I'm sorry. I'm sure the majority of fans don't mean to be hurtful or absolutely creepy. They are just curious."
She sighed, "I know." Her eyes we grey, not the normal electric blue. "It just puts a knot in my stomach and a stab in my heart that I don't know how to make go away."
"Do you think telling would make it all better?" I asked her.
She didn't answer right away. She leaned her head back positioning her body away from me, leaning her head lightly on my chest.
"My mom," she took a deep breath, "she always said that not telling something is just as bad as lying. Lying makes people upset. But so does the truth sometimes. That's what is confusing me. I feel like even if I tell the truth, people are still going to be sending me hate or creeping on me. Then again, if we avoid it, people will be upset at us for, in all technicalities, lying."
I moved my hand to her waist to hold her so she wouldn't fall. Using my thumb, I stroked the bare skin exposed by her shirt riding up. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I heard a light gasp when I touched her skin.
"I completely understand what you are saying," I murmured. I took a deep breath causing my stomach to rise and fall beneath her. "Tonight, I got a good scolding from the boys." Her normally bright eyes looked exhausted as she silently told me to continue. "They told me that I'm playing everything too safe and that I can't be so afraid to get my heart broken again otherwise I'm gonna lose you. I know that they are right." I lowered my head, "But I'm also afraid that announcing a relationship so soon could screw everything up, too. What happens if either way, I lose? Then I'm left right back where I was to begin with."
She didn't say a word, sensing there was more I had to tell. "Apparently I was being stubborn and I started a fight really. Then, after everyone had stormed off into different rooms, Niall came in to talk to me. The great thing about Niall is that he knows what I'm going through. He didn't actually tell me anything. He fought my own stubbornness with questions. He gave me too much to think about but he got his point across. That's why I was awake when you texted me. My mind has been spinning, thinking, and it won't turn off!"
A small smile crept among her face, "Wait, what are you afraid of?"
I lifted my head back up meeting her eyes, "I don't want to lose you, Char. I'll be the first to tell you that this is the happiest I've been in a really long time."
"I hate to break it to you, but I don't really have plans to go anywhere anytime soon."
"You say that now, but look at how that tumblr post affected you. I mean I've noticed you are jumpy."
She laughed hoarsely, "Wouldn't you be surprised if I wasn't?"
I nodded. She was right.
"Liam, I kinda figured that this would be difficult from the second that I heard your song on the radio all the way back during the first week of August. It's almost October.... I could have easily ditched you by not texting you at all or continuously making up excuses not to see you until you eventually got fed up and left me alone. But guess what?"
"You didn't." The corners of my mouth turned upward.
"No, I didn't. I sent you a snarky text. Met you at your hotel room and heard you out. You had a legit reason and I didn't waste my breath being upset. I made plans to hang out with you again, and again, and again. I've never texted anyone so much. So yes, I did figure this was going to be hard. But don't I get credit for being brave enough to put up with it?" a line creased on her forehead. I couldn't tell if she was upset or just frustrated with me.
I took her hands in mine, "You do. I'm sorry. You're right. You didn't have to put up with me. You chose to and now I'm just being stupid."
The crease on her forehead deepened as she scrunched her nose, "Now, that's not what I said. Liam, I totally understand that you've been hurt before. But what I don't know is why and how. Everyone says "Liam went through some tough times. It's nice to see a smile on his face." That makes me feel all warm inside because I love being able to make people smile. But it also plays at my heart because I don't know what hurt you so much!"
I clicked my tongue. I knew she would eventually want to know. Maybe I was hoping that she would let it be –but I was smarter than that. I glanced around the shop. We were alone except for the lady who had served us, but she was far back in the work room.
"You know about Danielle?" I asked her.
She shook her head slightly. "Yes but not really."
It was time to fill her in. "She's a dancer –an amazing dancer at that. We met when she was dancing on X-Factor. I immediately took interest because she's beautiful. We got to talking and it was fine. Although, I was seventeen and she was twenty-two." I saw her raise an eyebrow cheekily. "Don't judge. She's sweet. I wouldn't have dated her if she wasn't. Anyway, after I eventually worked up the nerve to get our relationship going, the feelings were mutual. We started dating and things were going great. Despite the crazy schedules, we managed to work things out. I might say that it was rather challenging meeting her expectations. I mean she is five years older....Whatever. So we dated and stuff got pretty serious. The longer we were together though, the bigger the band got. I missed her and I missed having someone to be with. I never even considered cheating on her –honestly there wasn't time for it. I didn't think she'd cheat on me but... but I guess you can talk yourself into believing anything."
Her eyes flickered with pain as she understood where the story was leading. "I didn't even hear it from her. It was Niall who found out. He's friends with the guy's friend. I know, it's a long distance thing but I had a hard time believing she would cheat. When I asked her about it, I was joking around... she wasn't. She told me it was true and that it was just so hard being with me and..." my voice cracked.
"Char, I'm not the emotional one. I'm usually sensible and all that but... I really did love Danielle. It crushed me, what she did. My mom said it drained every ounce of trust I had in people... The fact that I still cared for her is the reason why I came up with the cover story that it was mutual. It's true. I couldn't stay with her after that. Sh-she, well, she cheated on me. I know that people can overcome mistakes but the fact that she told me she didn't think it was a mistake..." my voice cracked again. I clamped my mouth shut and cleared the tightness out of my throat.
I finished what I was saying, "When we ran into each other at a party a few weeks later, we confronted each other. She told me that she loved me but that she had made the right choice for her. I can't hate her. I hate what she did. I hate the guy she did it with. So, I've been informed that I spent the next weeks in basically a state of depression. No one did anything because they didn't want to push me too far. Apparently, I came close to the breaking point a countless number of times. The smile I put on convinced the outside world, but once I was alone or with the boys, I was back to feeling sorry for myself."
"Not a day went by when I didn't question what I had done wrong. I continually blamed myself for what had happened. I told myself crap; like if I had been a better boyfriend or if I had been with her more it wouldn't have happened. All that, it changed the way I viewed relationships. Basically, I avoided them. I told myself nothing was worth the time, pain, or suffering."
Charlotte blinked. My story had caused her to be fully awake. Her face was twisted with an unreadable expression.
"This is going to sound stupid, but until you came and sat next to me on that plane, I spent my time feeling bad for what had happened to me. Then, you showed up. You didn't know who I was. You were prepared to completely change your life. You were open and honest and for the first time in two months I had a real conversation with someone that didn't consist of me whining about how much my life sucked."
"When I gave you my number, I didn't think that all of this would happen. But I have to tell you I wouldn't change it for anything." I paused for a second. Placing my hand on her chin, "When I was twelve I had my first heart break. My mom told me that sometimes, you have to endure the pain in order to find greater happiness. I'm thinking that applies here, but I can't seem to erase how much the past affected me. It made me way more cautious. I'm so careful with everything—whatever I say or do. That's why I'm so freaked out about telling everyone. For two months, I was a wreck. You came and suddenly I didn't hate life as much. I know that sounds cheesy but Char its true. I can't afford to go through that kind of pain again so soon. I just can't take it."
I blinked my eyes quickly, diminishing tears that were welling in the corners of my eyes.
"Liam," Charlotte's voice broke. She placed her hand on my own that was still cupping her cheek. "I'm so sorry that girl did that to you! You do not deserve that and it's clearly her loss. She must be insane if she doesn't want someone as great as you." I closed my eyes tightly. Scabbed wounds had been reopened. My heart was beating a million miles an hour. "I don't expect you to recover from that quickly. That's a pain that lasts a while, but I promise I'm here and I will help."
She shifted her position so she was facing me. Her arms tightened around my back as she pulled me in for a hug. She kissed me on the cheek, gripping me tighter.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered, attempting to apologize for various things.
"Don't," she said against my neck. "You have absolutely nothing to apologize for."