[Sina's POV]
Harsh winter. And because winter came on, we cannot travel temporarily due to the heavy snow. The weather is bitterly cold and everyone is in furs, working in the forest by chopping up some firewood.
The snow is beautiful, white, and crystal-like. The trees are gorgeous, and the grass is no longer green but white, what a wonderful sight to see.
Levi orders our squad to clean inside the headquarters from top to bottom, so we stay busy in this weather. Our horses also need to be sheltered for warmth and well-fed to keep them sane. This whole time, we have been keeping ourselves busy until the winter becomes less troublesome, so we can continue on other expeditions.
Suddenly, I remember Erwin, and what he said to me about the walls. His desire to find the truth is also something that motivates me to change the world, but I think the world will somehow change me. I hope it's for the best so I can live a happy life. Because of that, I started to believe there's a bigger world waiting for us out there.
My eyes are constantly wide open to the extraordinary fact of existence. Not just human existence, but the existence of life. Humanity was born from conflict. Maybe that's why we all have a dark side. Some of us choose to embrace it and some have no choice. The rest of us fight it. But in the end, it's as natural as the air we breathe. I think that if we are going to reform the world and make it a better place to live in, the way to do it is by leading humanity to face the truth beyond the walls. Maybe that's what Erwin meant the last time we spoke to each other.
⚔︎
The snow stops falling in the middle of the night and I finish up leading the horses back to their stable. After doing so, I rub my hands together to warm them up and my breath is visible in the freezing air. In the corner of my eyes, I notice a warm light flickering in the woods, so I decide to go see what it is. Upon arrival through the snow, there is a lit campfire for this cold night. Wondering who might be staying here, I can't help but sit next to the crackling fire to warm myself up.
As I relax by the fire, I hear footsteps in front of me, and to my surprise, my eyes meet Zaiya's when she returns with more firewood. Zaiya was in shock when she had unexpected company, but without questioning me, she set the firewood next to the campfire. For some strange reason, she sat right beside me and I awkwardly laughed to break the ice between us. "Sorry, I didn't know this was your spot."
"It's whatever," she says rather bluntly. "It's been a long day so I do not care too much."
"So what brings you out here?" I ask just to spark a conversation with her. I would regret not getting to know her better, and we are the only females on the squad. Might as well have a lady's talk for once.
"I don't know if I'm being honest." Zaiya sighs, leaning forward to hug her knees and rest her chin. "This place brings me some comfort and reminds me of home a little..."
Hearing Zaiya say that makes me pity her because she has a struggle of her own as well. I then ask, "Don't you want to go see your family?"
"I'm afraid I can't yet." she sounded hesitant. "Not until I'm done fighting."
"But what about your sister? And your father? They must be really worried."
"I'm sure they're fine, at least for now," Zaiya says calmly. "If anything ever happens in Trost District, I will find them."
We both stare at the campfire as the cold wind whistles into our numb ears. Despite her frightening appearance, she is soft. I can sense that the fire is reminding Zaiya of her dark past, and as expected, she speaks up. "My family and I are from Wall Rose, and ever since we got here, I think back on the moment when my village was attacked and burned down by thieves. They tortured and murdered us on the spot; we were like slain cattle." she then continues, her voice shaking. "I even watched my mother and little brother get crushed by our house as they were being burned alive. Their blood-curdling screams are still engraved in my head... it keeps me up at night..."
What a pitiful sight of outrageous robberies and bloody encounters.
"I'm so sorry..." I reach my hand out to give her shoulder a gentle squeeze, wanting to absorb all the emotion she is feeling. Zaiya does not mind the feeling and raises her head from her knees.
"I do not plan on going back there now that the village is invested by wolves," Zaiya tells me. "We had nowhere to go at the time. We were homeless until we settled in Trost District."
Zaiya suffered bitterly for years and now she is risking her life to protect her family within the walls. But in the walls, there are more obstacles to face amongst humanity. She was entitled to believe that all human beings were evil by nature, whether they were tormentors or victims. They could only create meaningless tragedies since they weren't intelligent enough to accomplish all the good they were meant to do. In truth, we humans are not born innocent.
"Before the attack, I had a childhood friend who taught me how to hunt." Zaiya chuckled at the bittersweet thought. "She was a little younger than me, but she knew so much about survival. Her name was Sasha."
"Where is she now?"
"I don't know. Ever since my village was attacked, I lost contact with her." Zaiya sighs in disbelief. "Honestly, I doubt she's in danger. She's very talented when it comes to hunting."
"I do not doubt it." I give her a small grin, hoping one day they can see each other again.
Zaiya then glances over at me, returning a smile. "You're the only person I shared this story with."
I was surprised and pointed a finger at myself. "Why me?"
"Because I believe men can't understand what I want to confess and they think differently than women like us. Out of everybody in our squad, you are a good listener, so thank you for that."
Her sudden compliment caused my face to flush, so I waved a hand at her in embarrassment. "S-Seriously, you didn't have to say that."
She finds amusement in my reaction and her giggling was quite refreshing. "Well, what about you? What's your reason?"
"My reason?" I blinked, which was brought to my attention.
"Why are you here? And what did the titan cult want from you?" Zaiya then added and before I could respond, the bushes behind us were rustling. It's not the wind because the sound is coming from one specific area and Zaiya shakes her head in disbelief.
"I know that's you, Abel. Come out."
Without a doubt, Abel reveals himself from the bush and awkwardly laughs while scratching the back of his head, knowing he was caught eavesdropping this whole time without me knowing. Zaiya cannot be messed with that easily, which is why she is such a character.
"Sorry, am I interrupting something?" Abel asks out of vulnerability and Zaiya looks over at him with a cold stare. "Yeah, can we ladies not have a conversation in peace?"
"Well, I'll let you get back to it then..." Abel was about to turn on his heels until I caught his wrist, having him stop. "You can sit with us!"
Zaiya looks at us in disgust. "No, he can't—"
"Come on! At least have him sit by the fire. His hands are freezing." I force Abel to take a seat right in between us and Zaiya just rolls her eyes in dismay.
"Well, aren't you a lone wolf?" Zaiya crosses her arms, scanning Abel with her eyes. "Why aren't you with Viktor?"
"Do you really think I'm his retainer?" Abel scoffs. "I don't follow him around like a stray dog. I have my own reasons to find some alone time."
"So this is your alone time? Stalking us from that tiny bush like a damn pervert?" Zaiya retorted, which caused Abel to wave his hands at us to diminish the misunderstanding. "I-I swear that was not my intention!"
"Whatever." Zaiya then grabs a firewood from the stack and tosses it into the blazing fire. "What's up with Viktor anyway? He's been kind of quiet."
Abel and I look at each other, not really sure why either. The last time Viktor and I spoke was when we were cleaning in the headquarters, but he did seem to be under the weather lately. Was it also because of that time when he accidentally swung at my head and the guilt still lingers in him?
"It's hard to read what's on his mind sometimes," Abel admitted, even though they are close friends. "But lately, he's been kind of sick. This weather is really getting the best of him."
"What a loser." Zaiya has no boundaries. "If only he wore a thicker coat and ate better, he wouldn't be at his worst right now."
"No way." I noticed Zaiya's concern for Viktor which got me thinking. "Do you actually care about Viktor?"
Zaiya's face turns bright red in an instant and she sits up straight defensively. "I-It's not that I like the bastard! He only likes you, Sina!"
"Zaiya," I laugh at her shocked reaction. "I promise you that Viktor and I are just friends. I care about him just as much as I care about you guys."
My words warm their hearts and Abel takes my hand with a smile. "You are such a kind soul, Sina. Unlike somebody..." he dragged, looking back at Zaiya and she gave him the finger.
Though she is visibly upset, I can tell she has feelings for Viktor. Slowly, she relaxes her shoulders and heaves a long sigh in the cold. "Sorry for doubting you, Sina. I wish I was more like you."
"You're just jealous." Abel strikes back and I smack him on his shoulder to drop the attitude, which caused Zaiya to laugh a little.
"What are you idiots doing out here?" That familiar voice came from behind us and as we swung our heads back, it was Captain Levi. "You all look miserable." There he goes again.
Abel waves at him to come over to the campfire. "Hey, captain! We were just talking about Zaiya's first crush!"
"WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?" Zaiya jumps up to stand on her feet in the snow, her face is entirely red this time. Not sure if she's angry or embarrassed. Maybe both. She then runs her fingers through her long hair in distress. "I can't believe I'm going to say this... Viktor and I are just comrades. It's not like he has feelings for me anyway!"
"Just comrades?" Well, I'll be damned. It's fucking Viktor as he shows up late to the party.
Levi shoves his hand into his pockets as Viktor approaches us by the campfire. "What brings you here?" he asks sternly, trying to appear more dominant by slightly puffing out his chest. Is he doing this because I'm here?
"Well, I heard Zaiya's big mouth so I had to come see what was going on." Viktor teases which earns him a smack in the head from Zaiya. She is quite cute when she is mad, almost like a child throwing a tantrum.
"Yeah, I said it! We're just comrades! Nothing more than that!" Zaiya exclaims, which makes Viktor smirk while looking down at her pouted face.
"Really? After all the things we've been through? I thought we were more than that."
"Have a good night, everybody. I'm leaving." Zaiya clings onto her fur coat and storms out of the woods, stomping in the snow as we watch her scurry back to the headquarters.
⚔︎
[Zaiya's POV]
I can't believe what just happened earlier by the campfire. I made such a fool out of myself that I wanted to hide in my room forever. Hide myself from the world.
As I entered my dark room, I hastily undressed until I was left with my undergarments. Finally, I plop into bed with my body facing down and take a moment to breathe in from my pillow, then out as I turn my head to stare out the window beside my bed.
For some strange reason, I want to cry not because I'm embarrassed, but because of my past.
I recall the dramatic suddenness of the undisguised robbery at nightfall. The screams sounding throughout the night in the village still wake every fiber of my being. The villagers were held in only the most tenuous way, a large party of thieves caused such an alarm that the women and children had crowded into a room, where they huddled together, holding one another and crying.
By the light of the fires, we saw savages tormenting and murdering the innocents. They gave orders that every living thing except children should be killed without mercy.
The cries of the helpless women and children were heart-rending. They robbed us of everything they could find. The shrieks were so great, that they made the ears deaf of those that followed them. Many were wounded with great wounds, and they suffered to escape. There were some so cruel and butcher-like, that they killed old and young. They hastened to the houses to rob and filled their wagons with the spoils of the goods.
Aside from my mother and brother, my father at the time was fortunate enough to help us escape the village. Ever since we settled in a small house in Trost District, his health became our concern as he grew weaker. My sister and I struggled to bring home natural remedies because, unlike Wall Rose, Trost is not a place to gather resources.
As of now, I have to carry on the responsibility of caring for my family. And it's all thanks to my father for giving my sister and me a second chance to live. I mustn't die, just not yet.