“I want to hear you say it” he said menacingly, enjoying my obvious discomfort. He knew how much I hated this; he already controlled every aspect of my life physically and now he’s trying to take over everything I say? Clenching down on my jaw I allow the burning pain of it to fizzle away my anger. I’ve already sort of apologised; It still counts in my eyes, he’s just being mean. I took a deep, calm breath before speaking.
“You know I mean it and that I have said it… like mentally or whatever…”
“Apologise!” he grimaced, glaring at me.
I shifted from foot to foot avoiding Adrian’s intense gaze. For the past fifteen minutes he has been trying to make me apologise and I literally cannot bring myself to say it. Joey’s presence was behind me, making me even more nervous. After everything he’s told me I know it will be just rude to not apologise. But that fact didn’t make it any easier. I didn’t want to give him any more power over me than he has already. I’m already a puppet on his strings and if I get a chance to quit being a marionette, even for five seconds, I was going to take advantage of it.
“Megan…” I hear Joey whisper behind me.
I turn around and give Joey the saddest, most heart-rending look I could possibly make in an attempt to see my point of view. However, he completely ignored it. It was then that my brain managed to register the failure and realise that surrender truly was the only option. I had to apologise.
If I’m going to apologise, I’m going to do it my way.
Sighing, I moved forwards and roughly pulled Adrian into a hug, the impulsive being I am. I embraced him tightly grinning at his rigidness. He just refused to relax. I leaned towards his ear ever so slowly and I gave him my own little message.
“I’m very sorry for almost killing you. But remember who trained me to be so good with a gun. And I don’t care that you saved Joey’s life- you are still a heartless bastard” I whispered sweetly, pulling away and giving him the creepiest smile I could muster. Joey remained oblivious to the whole scenario. Ignorance is bliss after all.
“Was that hard?” Joey asked me, smiling before jogging towards the whiteboard before rummaging through Adrian’s desk. I smiled sweetly at an obviously shaken Adrian, who avoided my gaze and suddenly became infatuated with his white tie.
“It wasn’t hard at all” I answered dryly before the white board flickered into life. All of a sudden, a plan of a building came into view. A very intricate building from the looks of it I think as I move closer to the board to get a better look. My eyes water from the brightness from the screen and I back away slowly, my eyes releasing emotionless tears.
“That” Adrian said obviously still shaken from my ‘apology’. “Is the uh, diamond place. Turns out you did manage to um, get that thing in the back of Justin’s neck after all.”
“I’m gonna get a job as soon as possible and you are going to continue what you’re doing with Justin because in two weeks, we are going in” Joey continued, frowning at his brother’s sudden state of unease. I nodded, retrieving my bag from the floor in a not so subtle attempt to signify that I was ready to leave and move on. It seemed like Adrian had managed to find his voice at that precise moment and he pushed a button on his remote again to lock the door. How did I know? Because the once flashing green light and abruptly switched to this fire engine red flash that would put the police to shame quite frankly.
“And where do you think you’re going?” he asked cockily, staring at the blood stains on his shirt that I had so happily given him. Call it southern hospitality.
“To surgeon so that I can get my butt plants removed” I muttered sarcastically, glaring at him in annoyance. When he however remained completely mute, I felt the need to leave my sarcasm at the window and give him the most obvious answer to his stupid question. “I’m going to my so-called home, where else would I go?!”
“You walk down the street looking like that and the FBI will be all over you like a dog on little puppy steroids” Joey remarked quite seriously, leaving the room momentarily before coming back with a bundle of clothes. “Put these on.”
“Yeah and how does that explain the blood everywhere else on my body and the smell that comes with it Einstein?” I said, getting more and more angry at every passing second. Yet again, he remained mute like his idiot of a doctor brother. I mean, does this guy even have a degree in Medicine? Because someone as ‘smart’ as him should notice my sarcasm a mile away.
“So?” he asked, more to himself it seems than me. I scoffed, not actually being able to believe that this was actually happening. So? So?
“Because seventeen year old girls walk around looking like the wife of Frankenstein and smelling like a blood bank on speed!” I shrieked, not being able to stop the cynicism that is all me.
“There’s a shower outside in the second hall?”
“Thank you!”
Gosh, you would think I was asking them to decorate the planet Jupiter and bring it to me without dying. All of which is impossible if I must point out. Minutes of my life I will never get back all because they’re too stupid to handle my sarcasm, I think as I march down the hall accompanied with some new clothes. Opening the door with quite roughly, I locked it behind me and took in the pristine white area that surrounded me.
There is just something about white that I don’t like. I guess it was because of past experience with everything being so white that I loathe it now. It was just a blank canvas, it’s past non-existent as it’s only purpose is to show what the painter wants. To show what the painter wants everyone else to see. Just like me I guess. I’m nothing more than a blank canvas orchestrated my Adrian to cater to his needs. My past means nothing to him, only my future concerns him.
You shouldn’t think like that, I scold myself mentally as I peel off my sticky, blood clad clothing. I’m more than that. My past makes me who I am. People used to like me, the real Hannah, not this Megan façade. I step inside the white shower, shutting the shower screen that lead to the real world that I wasn’t ready to face so soon. I spent a few precious moments studying the detail, as I do with many objects, watching the flowers and leaves almost climb up the screen playfully. Several neon blue lights almost assault my eyes as they switch on to about a million watts. Everything was too bright, I could recognise the little black dots that blurred my vision.
“You’re a great person” I tell myself in an attempt to cheer myself up as powerful jets of water shoot out and beat against my skin. By now, my eyes had gotten used to the lights and I stood there watching the murky browny-red water swirl down the drain to another world entirely, starting a journey of its own. Out of nowhere, a pink like soap started frothing out of some of the jets and alarmed, I did try to escape before deciding the strawberry scented froth offered no real threat to me whatsoever.
What am I actually doing with my life? The question took me by surprise and I pondered over it for a second. The sad thing is, is that I don’t know the answer to that question. I always just assumed that I would just finish this mission and leave to try and reassemble what life I had left. Even more so now that I know Joey needs that diamond.
What about the note?
I froze, my mind suddenly referring back to the note I had found several weeks ago when I was at maybe one of the lowest points in my life. What had it said I think urgently, turning off the shower and stepping out gingerly onto a baby blue mat. I have been so pre-occupied with this whole palaver that I have completely forgotten about that note. Now where did I put it?
“Are you done yet?” Joey’s voice echoed through the door.
My bag.
“Yes!” I scream, shoving on the sweatpants and sweater that they had given me. I didn’t care how I looked, my number one priority was to get that letter back. The urgency was suffocating at this point and that was all I saw; this intense urgent need to find that letter. Because I think that along the way, I’ve forgotten all the implications that this had.
Throwing open the door, to the point of potential breakage, I push past Joey and scream some nonsense about cleaning my room before I dart down the hallways. Nothing disturbed me as I ran, my feet pounding the concrete floor. Lights flickered as made my way down the final steel passage and I glance at my reflection on one shiny steel wall. Inhaling deeply, I tried not to be disturbed by what I saw. There, looking back at me was a girl whose eyes were red to the point of no return and dry cracked lips in dire need of some moisture. Her hair was limp and straggly, the stark darkness making her skin seem so deathly pale. Searching her eyes, there was only one thing present.
Confusion.
*
Ten minutes later and I was frantically throwing out the items in one of the small duffle bags that held what little clothes I had when I was in training. I don’t really know why I kept them. Maybe it was the familiar smell or whatever or maybe the fact that these clothes are literally the only ties I have with England. My home. I sniffed in self-pity for a moment, I tried to ignore the burning sensation in my chest. Just move on, I told myself.
Finding the remnants of the trousers I wore almost all of the time, I started searching the pockets in panic. My hands closed around a crumpled piece of paper and I screamed in a moment of happiness. I knew I left it in there!
“Come on…” I urged myself, smoothing out all the creases in the paper until it lay as flat as possible and I read the scrawny writing for a second time. My heartbeat instantly picked up again and I remembered exactly why I didn’t want to be involved with any of this in the first place.
‘To whoever reads this note, do not struggle. To be here anyway is a danger sign. Do what they say and when they are finished with you, run. Once you have fulfilled your purpose, you will be disposed of. It’s a family thing and hopefully, this note will not be read in many more years to come. But if not, do what they say, finish the job and run for your life. Change your identity. It isn’t like you’re not used to it. Get your hands in the watch of gold, it will aid you in-‘
Everything just came back. My eyes widened and I struggled to maintain my breathing. It was like someone had placed this large object on my body and with every dying breath I took, I came closer and closer to death. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think clearly. My hands were clammy my feet kept tapping against the floor in what? Fear? Worry? Uncertainty? I guess I ticked all the boxes.
I can’t trust these people, I thought in a final conclusion. They cannot be trusted. Before the whole ‘family’ thing confused me but with the information I have obtained now, I have as much right to be wary of Joey as I do of Adrian. It doesn’t matter if they do want this pink diamond to get rid of the bastard who killed their mother but this note insinuates that they have done this before. I’m almost certain that they have done this before; they even got my details mixed up.
Joey’s watery eyes came back into my view and halted me in my haste decisions. Would he really lie to me about something so serious? Something that concerns the rest of my life? Am I just being a stupid little girl, with a stupid little crush? I admit now that he does captivate me. He makes me a different person and his pain seemed to be like my own pain. I couldn’t help it. And I guess one day, some time ago, I believed that he really did care about me. His jokey demeanour, the hug he gave me when I was breaking down all those weeks ago and giving me the phone so I could speak to my parents one final time? He wouldn’t possibly do all that and go to all those lengths in order to just pull a fast one. He must care, at least a little.
“Look at me” I whispered spitefully into the air. “As if he’s my boyfriend or something.”
Maybe it’s because I’ve never had a boyfriend before. Maybe he really is taking advantage of me. Maybe he really doesn’t care and he used my vulnerability to his advantage in order to make me comply with what they want me to do. I’ve become reliant on him I realised with sadness. He’s made me weak.
He’s made me into a weak pathetic little girl who is living a fairytale of ‘love’.
Slowly, I began to cry, big fat tears that had been held back falling onto my cheeks. Why is it now that the only stable thing in my life has been ripped away from me in the worst discovery possible? I can’t rely on him. I won’t even consider relying on Adrian.
I can’t rely on anyone but myself.
How long can I stay here and not tell anyone a word? How long can I keep on lying and lying to the same innocent people? Justin Garcia is probably one of the most adorable people I have ever met and I just know that he doesn’t deserve this treatment. He doesn’t deserve to pine after a girl who is gonna do nothing but betray him and make him believe stupid lies.
“Miss Chivonsky?” an articulate voice boomed behind my door, knocking me back to reality. It’s all good that I know that this betrayal from Joey is a very high possibility but what am I supposed to do with this new found information? They have me wrapped around their thumbs. They say jump, and me like an idiot asks how high. Like a marionette I can’t do any independent actions without them; If I try to escape they will find me and they will most probably kill me. Swearing several times under my breath I bite down on my tongue in an attempt to calm down.
“What do you want?” I yelled back rudely, fuelled by my new found disgust for my gullible nature.
“There is a Mr Garcia here for you” she replied sourly, obviously offended by my tone. Turning to the door, I pulled out the nastiest gestures I knew of. Guess what old lady; I don’t give a flying hoot about my tone. I was so pre-occupied with insulting this woman as much as possible I completely disregarded what she had actually said.
“Justin?” I asked shocked, rising from the ground.
“Yes Miss Chivonsky-“
“Give me five minutes!”
I don’t know what it was but I felt this need to freshen up a little. Call it a girl’s seventh sense or whatever but I knew I couldn’t walk out of this room proudly in sweats and bloodshot eyes. He already believes that he will make me remember all the good times, if he sees me crying he will become more protective than ever. Hurriedly, I grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and I went to work on making my face look presentable. I think I must’ve broken some invisible record in how fast I had pulled on my clothes and squirt eye drops in my eye to make them look less red.
“Coming!” I shriek as I tried and failed to put on my Uggs. Unfortunately, I had also chosen that exact moment to pry open my door, the end result being me falling.
Of course.
It was almost like slow motion, the little flurry of wind blowing my hair back as I felt myself getting closer to the floor. On pure instinct, I pushed my hands down and flipped myself over into something that resembled a standing position. And lo and behold, Justin Garcia is standing in front of me with an amused expression on his face. Just seeing him I froze and everything I had been deliberating had come back. His brown eyes were so… innocent. There is nothing else to describe it, I just know that he shouldn’t be the one who suffers from this as well as me. Before he could say a word, I jumped into his arms, embracing in the warmth his hold gave. We remained like that for what seemed like hours, even though it was only seconds. I pulled back and stared him in the eyes.
“I need to tell you something-“
“I was just about to-“
“It’s important. It not only concerns you” I interjected politely whilst holding my stare. “It concerns your father and his business.”