Chapter 16 | Ships Will Carry Us Home
After I told Reece my name, he was evidently shocked. But he got over it within seconds, a million watt smile gracing his lips and his blue eyes twinkling with happiness. Just from one look, I could tell he was beyond proud of me. He kissed my forehead, then my nose, and then my lips.
He pulled away to say, "Beautiful name for a beautiful girl."
I couldn't have loved him more than I did.
"Can we wait to tell the others?" I sheepishly asked, "I just want to let this soak in."
"Of course," He agreed, and we danced like it was just us. I felt like I could do and say anything I wanted to. It was a natural high of happiness, and I honestly didn't want it to stop.
The number of people started to dwindle as the minutes kept ticking by, already too tired of celebrating. By one in the morning, the party was half it's size. But we still swayed to the music, despite the upbeat song that was playing.
I lifted my head, "Let's go tell them."
"Whatever you want, Cha-- Park," He said, catching himself.
The way he said my name was refreshing. Reece murmured it in a soft tone, like he was testing new waters. He said it with satisfaction, finally able to put an actual name to the face of his girlfriend. A thousand feelings washed over me. I thought it was an important moment for the both of us. A time where I really sealed our everything.
We walked over to our friends, who were gathered at the couch and just chilling out at this point. I gave them a nervous smile once we got closer.
"Hey, guys," I greeted, "Having fun?"
"Yeah, Chance," Lizzy grinned that crap-eating grin. She then wiggled her eyebrows at her twin and me, "You two seemed really cozy tonight."
"Lizzy," Kate scolded, almost looking bewildered, "Anyways, do you wanna head out now? It's getting pretty late."
"Yeah. But-- um," I twisted the hem of my shirt, "Uh, I have something to tell you guys--"
"Did Reece already get you preg--"
"What?" I exclaimed, "No, no, not at all." Lizzy started cackling while I felt my cheeks growing warmer. Kate was smacking Lizzy upside the head and Luke was stifling a laugh. I glanced at Reece, his head ducked down, his expression hidden from my view.
"This is serious," I was feeling even more anxious now.
The three of them stopped what they were doing, immediately catching my tone. I had told them almost everything except the one little thing that they should've known since the beginning. Their eyes were on me, not easing me up at all. I started to panic and I didn't know why. They were my best friends, even if one of them just made a stupid joke. I shouldn't have to be afraid.
"Are you okay?" I distantly heard.
I was occupied with trying to steady my breathing, looking down to the floor like how Reece was not too long ago. I felt an approaching panic attack, and I needed to extinguish the fire before it got worse. I knew how to deal with it since I had gotten a lot of them after my brother died.
Breathe.
I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, so I nodded my head and said, "Excuse me for a moment."
I quickly let go of Reece's hand, which I had been unknowingly grasping. I made my way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. My hands clasped the sides of the sink as I took deep breaths. I didn't understand why it was hard to tell them my name. I didn't understand at all. It just went from zero to one hundred really quickly.
There was a knock on the door, and I knew it was Reece before he even talked, "Park? Can I come in?"
I felt like I was depending on Reece too much, but I considerably calmed down when I heard his low voice, knowing he was there.
"You don't have to. I'm fine, just gimme a minute, okay?"
"We both know that's a lie. Just let me in."
I opened the door, and he slid in before closing it again. He sat on the closed toilet seat while a I stuck to the ledge of the bathroom, significantly able to breathe better than before. We sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to compose what to say.
"You know Lizzy didn't mean it," Reece said.
"I know, Reece," I told him, "I got scared for a different reason. I don't get it."
Reece moved so get sat on the tiled floor in front of me, resting his chin on my knee. He looked deep in thought, "Maybe you're afraid of trusting too many people at once," He paused, "Were you having a panic attack?"
"Not entirely. I stopped it before it got worse," I answered, "How did you know?"
He shrugged, "I used to get them, too. I'll tell you about it sometime later."
"Reece?" His eyes attached to mine. Referring back to the original conversation, I asked, "Do you think that's why I panicked?"
"Most likely. But it's okay, I'm sure they'll understand."
Talking to him was like a cure for my mind. Reece Collins was my rock, my tether. And that was saying a lot, especially since we just started dating. I think it was always like that, though. He was just there in the months we knew each other. No questions asked.
We both quieted down again for a few moments before I finally decided it was time to stop hiding. I breathed in and smiled at my boyfriend. I was fine, absolutely fine.
Once we were about to walk out, I grabbed his wrist, "Can you tell them?"
He looked at me, "Park, I know you as well as I can. You'd never let me fight your own battles."
"But what if I can't do it?"
"You're one of the most strongest person I know. You'll be able to do it," Reece took my hand, a sign of being there, "I'll be there to support you. I'll hold your hand, or play with your hair, or make jokes to make you laugh. But I can't fight your battles."
It made sense.
The both of us approached Lizzy, Luke, and Kate again. They were in the same place we had left them, looking concerned. I felt guilty that I did that to them. Here they were, worrying about my well-being. And there I was, scared to tell them a secret, even when they deserved it. They deserved it from day one, because that's where they were, by my side.
"Oh, Chancellor," Lizzy said, relieved, "I'm sorry for that joke. It was stupid of me."
"No, I'm sorry for that," I apologized, "I was just scared, and-- oh my god, I have been so emotional for these past few days."
"It's okay," Kate slightly laughed, "We get it. It's a big step. How 'bout we sleep it off, and you tell us when you want to."
"No pressure," Luke added, "We're not gonna do that to you."
They were honestly too good for me.
*~*~*~*
The next day -- techincally, today -- I skipped school. It was bizarre for it to be open today, but I guaranteed that no one would show up. My mom and dad weren't so sure about it until I convinced them to not let me go. I hung out with them in the morning before they left for work. Afterwards, as predicted, I met up with my group of friends, ready for anything we were going to do.
We met up in A New Chapter, somewhere we haven't been to in a long time. Lorelei, the owner, welcomed us with a warm smile as always. She noticed Reece and I holding hands and winked at us. I ducked my head at the gesture.
We sat shoulder to shoulder and knee to knee despite the decent amount of space. And just... talked.
I wasn't very surprised when Reece and Lizzy told me they're parents were divorced. I've recognized the signs, but it still hit hard. The reason for Reece's panic attacks, he told me, the fear of separation.
Which led me to talk about my own panic attack.
"Yesterday, I had a panic attack," I started, telling them something they probably knew, "I started to get them after my brother... died."
There was a short silence, not exactly pitiful but not comforting either.
"Your brother...?"
"Yeah," I breathed out, not entirely aware of who asked the unfinished question, "It'll be four years in a couple of months."
They all acknowledged it, but didn't say anything that made me feel worse. I was grateful that the four of them understood and didn't pry at what they weren't told. Reece squeezed my hand and Kate gave me a solemn smile.
"It sucked, y'know? That's why my parents and I moved out here. To forget," It was the sad truth, "But I don't want to forget anymore."
"Who wants to forget anymore? Remembering makes a person who they are, Chancellor." Lizzy pulled at the loose threads on her jeans.
"Park," I blurted out. "My name is Park."
Even though we've all known each other for a few months, it was a new beginning. They all felt that, I'm sure of it.
"Nice to meet you, Park Chancellor."
_____________
A kind of crappy way to end this crappy book, but I hope you can like it a little bit. But there is an epilogue, guaranteed.
-islandarc