If you watch vampire diaries then a part in this chapter will remind you of this gif. COMMENT WHEN YOU THINK YOU SEE THAT PART!!:)
Aven Brooks
I've always been scared of what I didn't know.
Sickness was the only feeling I understood in my body right now. My mind was blank of thoughts, my limbs absent of feeling. I was totally detached, but the only thing I could decipher was the nauseous feeling in my stomach. It was like an outer body experience, feeling like this. My soul felt like it was on vacation and my mind was just left with a bag of bones called my body. I felt dead, maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't actually driving down a long deserted road with the radio playing and the wind flying through my hair.
Maybe I actually was shot dead at that gas station.
I slowly turned my head and stared at Harry in the drivers seat. The wind blew his hair in different directions, his eyes disguised by sunglasses and on the road. He drove with his one wrist resting on top of the steering wheel, sat still in his seat.
We haven't spoken a word and we left the gas station half an hour ago.
The radio playing endless songs was the only distraction between my empty state of mind, but even with that I wasn't listening.
He looked pale, his skin was a little flushed.
My arms have been crossed over my stomach, my eyes staring back down at my feet because I was too nervous to look elsewhere in the world. The world felt very unsafe right now, it was too surreal for my brain to function.
"You should probably try and sleep, get your mind off of what happened." He spoke calmly for the first time since the getaway.
I kept my eyes to my lap, my arms clenching my stomach even harder. I felt so sick, I could barely think of anything else. I couldn't think to speak, but I know sleeping wasn't an option.
I stayed silent, my hair blowing softly in the wind.
"We need to gets things clear on what happened." He added, given I was silent. "I didn't plan for any of that."
My head stayed down, my eyes shutting behind my glasses. I know if I was in a different state of mind, I'd have endless questions. But I couldn't feel anything in me right now besides nausea, I couldn't even think to form a sentence.
"Aven." He says more assertively. "Say something to me."
I turn my head again and look at him, seeing how he was still looking at the road. I stayed silent, staring at him. I could tell in the tone of voice he was getting frustrated, he just doesn't get it. He was actually very flushed of colour, was he going to be sick?
"I watched a man get shot and die today." I spoke, my voice cracking as I did. I nearly forgot what I sounded like after all this time.
He went silent in pause. Suddenly he turns his head to look at me, eyes hidden behind the black sunglasses. I couldn't read his expression, the shades weren't helping. His cheekbones were very prominent from this angle, the wind blowing his curly hair.
He turns back and looks at the road again.
"He was in the wrong place at the wrong time." He brushes it off, making a right turn up ahead. He didn't seem mourned about it at all, but I didn't expect him to be I guess.
"It was a human life." I whisper back in defence.
"And now he's free from this hell we call earth." He spoke with coldness. "He was working at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, those guys probably did him a favour anyway."
My lips parted, shock flooding my veins from his careless words.
"You did not just say that." I mumble in impact.
"Oh don't get all offended with me sweetheart." He shakes his head, approaching a small town.
"Y–You are talking about an innocent man..." I didn't know if I was sad or angry all the sudden, it was the first emotion I was feeling since the getaway.
"Human life is all the same." He protested.
"And you don't care just the slightest bit that harmless man got shot in the chest today?" I turned in my seat to face him more.
"See that's your problem Aven, you assumed everyone is innocent." He looks at me for a second before back on the road. "How do you possible know that man was harmless? He could've been a serial killer, a rapist, a pedophile, many things."
"Your argument is delusional." I shake my head, not believing we're having this conversation.
"No, it's not. You can't go walking around life trusting everyone you don't know." He shakes his head, keeping his cool but his words were insane to me.
"Who says I go around life like that? Stop acting like you have any idea what kind of person I am." I argue but also keep my voice down.
"Stop acting like you're so difficult to figure out." He rasps under his breath in a moody tone.
I look at him as he keeps his eyes on the road, the last statement making me really mad now. I analyze his face, looking at his one hand now clenching the steering wheel.
"I don't know why you're being so cruel about this situation." I murmur under my breath.
He chuckles to himself, smiling a bit while driving.
"If needed to remind you, I'm a cruel guy princess. Not your friend."
Here we go with the princesses again.
"I can't believe you." I shake my head, in awe of his behaviour.
"That were not friends?"
"No, I know we will never be friends. I just can't believe you really think people are that disposable. I understand I didn't know that man and he could've been evil as well, but everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Maybe he had a family, young kids, a wife. Maybe he was one of the nicest guys you'd ever meet, but I'd never know that because he was shot before I even got to say a word to him." I spill, rambling about things that I know he won't listen to.
"Grow up kid." He mutters under his breath, belittling the situation.
"I'm two years younger then you." I state in reason.
"And look at how much more immature you are then me." He glances at me for a second with furrowed brows.
"Immature?" I turn to him and clarify.
"Immature." He confirms.
"Not all of us are psychopaths." I spit in imager.
"I'm more of a sociopath if anything." He corrects like this was all funny.
Right as I was going to blow my top out of frustration, he pulled over in front of a store. I didn't even realize we were in a town yet until I saw the street full of stores and diners. He pulled the car into park at the curb, the street had people all over.
"What are yo—"
"I'm thirsty." He cuts me off, shutting off the vehicle.
I glance up at the fact we were in front of a convenience store.
A little too soon for this don't you think?
He opened the car door and hops out, taking the keys with him. I stay sat in my seat, watching him get up and shut the door. He walks around the front of the car towards the store, stopping once he gets to my side.
"Are you waiting for an invitation?" He noticed I wasn't getting up.
"I'm staying here." I state stubbornly.
He chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief.
"Suit yourself blondie." He turned away, walking tall towards the front of the corner store.
The last thing I would want is to be in a convenience store right now after what just happened. I understand Harry is different and I can't expect he has the same thoughts and morals as me, but I was surprised to see how much he really lacks human compassion. I have yet to find out why he's wired that way, but honestly I have no actual motivation to figure that out.
Like I said—I've always been scared of what I didn't know, and I could assure you I know nothing about Harry.
One moment he feels normal to me. We will sip strong whisky while he bothers me about my personal life in a lighthearted demeanour, but the next moment he's out for blood with me or someone else. I've never been less like myself then with him; I actually yell. It sounds so stupid, but yelling is a huge deal for me. I've rarely ever yelled before meeting him— he gets a rise out of me that I can't control.
Then one moment he's saving me from two men that would've shot me; then treats me like garbage after.
He is toxic, and I'm mad that I've gotten to this point in time with him. He's done nothing but hurt me really, so why do I even get myself in these situation? A smart person would be avoiding him at all costs— but yet here I am, sitting in his car and waiting for him to come back from the store after he just called me immature and to grow up.
We're falling into a bad pattern.
He thinks I'm weak, I know it. It's why he calls me princess after all. He thinks I'm useless, and it's awful I put up with it. I'm a quiet person, I never was one to speak my mind. But because of that I get into situations where my silence is taken as obedient. I don't know how to argue, I don't know how to fight back and stand up for myself. He is so opposite to me, he knows how to fight and he knows I don't. So he takes advantage of that and makes me feel small.
I need to learn how to stand up for myself.
I look over at the convenience store, seeing him vaguely in the back looking at one of the racks. My jaw clenched from just looking at him, I was mad.
I open the car door, undoing my seatbelt. My eyes stay to the store, seeing if he noticed through the window. I got up out of the car, shutting the door behind me. Once I'm out I bend down and grab my camera in the seat, putting the strap around my neck. I peer at the window one last time before walking away and down the sidewalk, keeping a quick pace.
I'm probably an idiot for doing this; but I can't let him treat me like this anymore. I was always so scared of consequences, but I'm more scared of where I'll lend up if I keep letting him push me around. I know he's dangerous, I know he can threaten my life, but I simply can't live like this anymore. What I just witnessed back at that convenience store was still numb to my brain but I know it will come back to haunt me. I was still in traumatic shock, none of what happened felt real.
I've yet to understand what he does in his free time but I've gotten many tastes and it's left a bitter remanence on my tongue.
I walk down the sidewalk with no sense of direction, passing people and little shops all over the place. What do I hope to get out of this excursion? I have no idea. But all I knew was I needed to be alone. If he leaves me here, so be it. I'll figure it out I guess, we couldn't be too far from Washington at this point.
I walked down the sidewalk, feeling lost in my head just as much as I was lost in where I was going. I wanted to take pictures, that's a nice distraction.
I turn the corner and continue to make my way through the small town on this warm morning. As I past normal people on the street I quickly understood I was different from a lot of them but probably looked just as normal. No one knew what I just experienced a half hour ago.
I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and looked up at the sky, seeing how blue it was and how it perfectly framed the short buildings. I raised my camera and took a landscape picture, taking my time with it.
I continued to walk, passing diners and small markets. The weather was beautifully warm, so unfitting for a day like today. I noticed a little gift shop, the doors being wide open and turning racks sitting outside of it. I looked up at the front sign;
Winona's Gift Palace
I felt attracted to the small gift shop that looked so alive and cozy. My feet followed my heart because before I knew it I was inside and browsing at the merchandise. There were a few people in here so I felt secure. They were gazing at postcards, an old couple maybe in there seventies.
I didn't even know what town I was in right now. I was always bad at geography, so I have no clue what's between Atlantic City and Washington DC.
I glanced at the rack of keychains, seeing how there was so many of them. If I was in a better state of mind then this mirage of colourful keychains would make me smile. I grab one that stuck out to me, reading the towns name on it.
Newark, Delaware.
I guess that's where we are.
The keychain was a steel rectangle with a drawing of the small town. It was what looked like Main Street. It was cute, I always want to collect keychains.
I take it with me off the rack, deciding on purchasing it. I don't know if getting a keychain was a good idea for a day like today, but I wanted it and I didn't care.
I walked up to the cashier, placing the small three dollar keychain on the counter. The tall grey haired woman picked it up with a smile, scanning it as I fished my hand in my jean pocket for a crumpled twenty. I glanced at her name tag, this was Winona.
"I like this one too." She said kindly.
"Yeah, it kinda stuck out to me." I didn't smile back but I was friendly with my words.
"Are you just passing by?" She asks as I tried to decrumple the twenty out of curtesy.
"Oh, yeah." I nodded.
"I thought so, you don't look like you're from here." She giggles a bit in tease.
"Why is that?"
"I don't know, you seem very lost." She says to my unexpected thoughts.
Well I feel pretty lost so she's very spot on.
"You have no idea." I chuckle, shaking my head.
I hold out the twenty dollar bill I tried my hardest to straighten out so it wouldn't be all messed up in the register. She looks down at my bill then back up in my eyes.
"Just take it." She rejects my payment.
"What? Why?" I furrow my brows, now I was lost.
"You just look like you need something to better your day a bit." She warmly grins, pushing the keychain on the counter towards me. "Take it."
This was just a kind woman.
"Oh.." I tuck my hair behind my ear. "Are you sure?"
"Yes darling." She insists.
I pull a small half smile, slowly putting my money back in my pocket. Something like that has never happened to me before, it felt weird. I graciously took the small keychain, smiling softly to her one last time.
"Thank you." I nodded while stepping back.
"I hope you find what your looking for." She says before turning away to help another customer.
I turn around and look down at the keychain, forming my lips into a line. Her words were meant to be taken like a grain of salt, but they kinda hit me harder then they were suppose to.
I walk out of the store to a soft breeze, continuing to stride down the Main Street. I didn't really know where to go, but I wanted to go far where he wouldn't find me. I hope he leaves, I don't want to be around him.
I was slowly learning not to give a fuck.
I turned a another corner to a smaller and much quieter side street. It was more lonesome and no stores continued down it. Naturally my feet pulled me that way, I walked a couple meters up to a curb.
I sat down on the lonely cement curb, facing the side of a soft yellow building. Where ever I was, it was too wide for a little alleyway but also not a street. I think it was just a cut through road on the side of buildings to get to another street.
I stay sat down and shut my eyes, tucking my knees up. All I heard was the sound of cars driving by and murmurs of distant voices on the other street. There was a witted breeze softly blowing my free strands of hair. It's almost like you don't feel timid wind until you shut your eyes, like it's something you need to focus on.
I felt so untouched with the world, maybe because I've never seen it in this sort of light. Despite my complicating past with my parents, life has always been very average for me. I lost all my baby teeth, learned how to tie my shoes, I got my drivers licence, went to prom, had a hobby, almost failed a class, had a favourite television show, went through a hard breakup— all of it.
My perception of the world was always understanding in my eyes, up until I took his job.
Since the moment I rolled up to this employment position, the world was not what I always thought it was. Life threw me through the ringer and I had no sense of how to get out. The amount of things I've seen within this short amount of time has been insane. I don't let myself really look back on everything I've went through since being affiliated with Duplicity and all their glory.
Hostages tied up and beaten to a chair, mass amount of drugs and weapons, drowning, stitches, being chased, drugged, feared for my life, and now shootings.
The world didn't feel like the same world I grew up on. For the first time in life I was seeing the other side, the dark side. And what boggles me the most is I've never once tried to figure out what all of this means.
Who is Harry Styles, and what on earth is his role in all of this?
Harry, Niall, Louis, Liam— who the hell are these men and what have the done?
They were no longer a rock band in my eyes, and I'm sure they know that. Whatever 'band' they are is a cover up for something greater and more horrid. I've never tried to further investigate it because I was scared, I still am.
But today two armed men killed an innocent victim right in front of me—looking for Harry.
Whatever Duplicity really is, it's so much bigger then what I probably know. The more I keep trying to avoid it, the worst things will get. People are after them, and not the police. They are involved in something grand, something probably too complicating for me to get.
So much has happened that all my feels were numb now. I was on information overload, over stimulated to the horrors of the earth I didn't know.
"Aven!" I heard a bark of anger.
I opened my eyes and turned my head to the street, perceiving the tall darkly dressed man who's starred in all my troubles and nightmares. Sunglasses on his face and white cup with a straw and lid in his grip.
"What the hell do you think your doing?" He stomps over to me sitting on the curb. I didn't have a need to run or be afraid, I just stared up at him as he walked over to me.
He stomped right up until he was the shadow blocking the sun, standing right at my toes. He was mad, but I was used to it by now. I'd be mad at me too, I did just leave out of nowhere.
I stare at his knees aligned with my eyes, having no urgency to move. My hands were laying dead on my propped knees, my eyes frozen to his legs in front of me.
"When I was twelve, I was in a car accident." I murmur under my breath, my tone numb.
It went silent for a moment, my words never being spoken out loud before but yet it was like I could say them so easily.
"I don't care, get up." He says back in aggravation.
"It was right before my mom left my sister and I, Winnie was only two. My mum pulled me out of bed in the middle of the night, put us both in the car before I even realized I was awake. I remember the pyjamas I was wearing, the itchiness in my sleep deprived eyes, and the sounds of my moms clunky shoes running around the front of the car to the driver seat. But I don't remember the time between us leaving the driveway to the moment paramedics were lifting me out of the totalled car. I was so tired that I must've slept up to the point the crash happened. But as the paramedic was unbuckling my seatbelt, my mom was no longer in the drivers seat. I didn't see her again until she was dropping me off on my grandmas front porch, but even that's all hazy." I went on with my story, even if he didn't want to hear it.
"Why are you telling me this?" He wasn't amused, but I didn't expect him to be.
"Because," I keep my eyes forward. "That moment in my life was the only thing that made me feel lost in the world, up until I met you. I've hated the person I've become since knowing you." I finally look up, staring into his eyes behind the sunglasses.
He stares down at me for a moment with a straight face, but eventually pulls his eyes up and chuckles with a head shake.
He turns around and steps to my right, sitting down on the cement curb next to me. Our outer legs touched as he leans his wrists on his knees, holding his drink and taking a sip. The liquid going slowly up his straw was bright red and icy.
He was drinking a slushy.
"Alright Aven, and who is it that you've become?" He huffs like I was wasting his time but played along.
I turn my head and look at him as he sips his drink.
"Numb."
He looks at me and freezes as his straw sitting in his mouth, the red liquid sitting half up the tube.
"I've been scared for so long, it's starting to make me emotionless. I'm always on sensory overload and if I keep going on with this life, I'll end up just as impassive and reckless as you." I stare right into his eyes, my words coming from the deepest and realest part of me.
He turns his head down and pulls out his pack, replacing the straw in his mouth for a cigarette. He lights it slowly, a new cheap lighter he must've just bought at the store in his hand.
"You know Aven," He takes a sharp inhale of his cigarette, his jaw sharpening and his cheeks hollowing. He wasn't as pale anymore like he was in the car ride. "You say you're numb, but I think this is the most alive you've probably felt in a long time." He blows the spoke out the corner of his mouth, staring at the yellow wall ahead of us.
I shake my head and turn it to face the wall as well.
"That's a matter of opinion."
"Maybe," he inhales again, eventually blowing out more debris. "Or maybe it's the undeniable truth you're just scared to face. It's not being numb, it's called being strong and moving forward."
"You think it's strong to not feel emotions?" I protest.
"Aven the reason you've made it this far on this tour is because you've learned how to deal with your emotions and not let them chase you away."
Wrong.
"Harry I haven't ran yet because I'm scared of what you'll do. Not just to me, but to my family. The reason I'm still here is because I am more scared of my sister and grandmother getting hurt rather then what I have to put up with on this tour. What I feel isn't because 'I've learned to deal with my emotions', it's because I'm pushing my emotions away to make it easier for me." I justify, my words a monotone as my heart felt.
"You're dramatic." He scuffles.
"I don't expect you to understand." I shake my head, knowing I wasting my breath on the topic of emotions with him.
"Life gets tough, it's your choice on how you deal with it. Think whatever you want when it comes to being numb, but at the end of the day emotions is what keeps you up at night. If I felt things like emotion then I wouldn't be where I am today." He defends, holding the cigarette between his fingers while his wrist rested on his knee.
"And you like where you are today?"
He chuckles through his nose, smirking to himself.
"Fucking love it." He nods. "But it's not for everyone."
"And what is it you do Harry? After today I know you don't just rob banks and beat hostages for fun." I ask something I've been avoiding since the moment I caught him backstage.
I turn and look at him again, seeing how he was smiling to himself. He threw the cigarette to the asphalt ahead of us, blowing out the last little bit of remains. He then gets up to his feet so he was a tower next to me, right before I thought he'd walk off or tell me to get up, he stepped in front of me instead.
He squatted down to face me, eye level and right in my line of vision now. He had a little sadistic smirk on his face, his hands grasping my knees between us.
"You'll find out one day baby." He fake smiles, reaching up to tuck my hair behind my ears. His tongue was red from his drink when he spoke, his two fingers tucking my hair back. Right after that action he gently placed both of his hands on my cheek, stroking my cheekbones with his thumbs. "But for now I just need you to keep these perfect diamond shaped lips shut about anything you've seen today, you think you can do that for me?"
I froze staring at him, his words full of that sadistic tone I've come to well to know. He continued to rub my cheeks, grinning at me with a carnival of evil behind it.
"Do I really have a choice anymore Harry?" I spoke in a dead tone, so used to being in this demonic situation.
He laughs to himself, his hands were so cold on my face like his tone. When he's like this, it erases any good memory I have of him. Even if there isn't many.
"Oh you always have a choice baby, you're just smart enough to go with the easy one." He nods, deviance in his voice.
I shut my eyes and drop my head, feeling like this was an endless cycle. No matter how much we make any civil progress, I end right back up in this position with him. When he talks to me like this, it meant I needed to listen or he would give me an ultimatum to listen. I was so tired of it, so physically tired of this man.
He was different then when he was standing in the car and blaring Cupid's Chokehold earlier.
"Oh princess, don't be sad." He murmured as I felt his presence get closer, soon enough I felt his heavy arms wrap around my back and my body was pulled into his chest. My forehead fit into the crook of his scented neck, my hands in fists and pushed up against my chest. I stayed frozen as he was wrapped around me, I didn't hug back.
"If you listen to me, I'll keep you safe." He spoke into the side of my head, his words were nothing but controlling. "Don't you want to feel safe again?"
I was frozen paralyzed in his manipulative hold, feeling his hand place on the back of my head. My heart felt like it was racing so fast being in the arms of a psychopath. My airways felt tight as this was the coldest hug I've ever experience in my nineteen years.
He wants me to rely on him for survival and security, he wants me to be subservient to to him, he wants to own me. He knows I'm so lost in my mind right now that it's his opportunity to swoop in and murmur some words that will make me cling to him and obey his every word.
He really was a psychopath.
I will not fall for his antics anymore— it was time to do something. I couldn't let him push me around any longer.
"Yes." I put a fake whine in my voice, pretending to answer how he wants and be submissive to him.
"Okay." He whispers back, rubbing the back of my head as I was frozen in his hold. "Then let's go back to the car where you can rest."
I nod into his shoulder, obeying.
He pulls back and stands to his feet, reaching out his hand for me to take. I look up at him with fake puppy eyes to play up I was sad—just as he looked down at me with a fake smile. I take his hand as he pulls me up, placing his grip on my lower back and walking me back out to the street.
We walked silently and calmly back to the car only about a block away. Still parked there untouched he lead me up to the passenger door and opens it up for me. I get in the black leather seat, giving him a small smile as he shut the door.
The second he shut the door I came face to face with my reflection in the car door mirror. The minute I was staring back at myself and he couldn't see, I let my face drop to the true look of rebellion on my face.
He needs to be stopped, and be the one that does it.
//
oh fuck what do we feel after this chapter?