"Congratulations, celebration
Cause my heart is the hardest to break
Break up to make up
Just to wake up with mascara all over my face
And I'm no cry baby, but you make me cry lately
I'm no cry baby, but you make me cry, baby"
- Demi Lovato
"I didn't answer your call to talk about Gabe, Des." I rolled my eyes while sitting in the twenty-four hour cafe that's nestled inside my condo building.
"I know, I just want to see the both of you happy again, and I know how much you guys make each other happy." I sighed, rolling my eyes slightly.
In all honesty, I needed to talk about Gabe, to get everything I've been holding in over the years out. It just isn't a simple thing to do. Everyone seems to think that Gabe slipped up one time and cheated on me which resulted in him having a baby. I foolishly let them run with that narrative because I didn't even want those closest to me to know how stupid I was over him, how stupid I still am over him because I'm still holding onto hope of this marriage.
Gabe and I didn't have the most traditional marriage, and we didn't care either because we were happy. I never went into details about my marriage with anyone other than my husband because no one would really understand the dynamic of our relationship. If I did try explaining it to someone they'd probably be confused on why I left him over him having a baby on me.
"How much we made each other happy. Things change, we changed."
I'd let so much slide in our marriage, let him get away with so much because I knew the bond we shared was unlike any other. I loved him, and I knew he loved me, so I ignored a lot because we both were getting what we wanted out of the marriage. I didn't believe in acting out, causing a scene, or trying to fight him if I knew I was going to stay in the long run. Gabe and I had an agreement when we got together. All I asked was that he kept his dirt out of my face, kept his dealings private. As long as he didn't embarrass me, I'd never embarrass him. I didn't police him and he didn't police me.
"Tell me how you feel, Bry. Honestly." Honestly. I knew I couldn't do that.
My mother would always tell me to never police a successful man. Never stress out a man who takes care of his household. Gabe did just that. He bought us our first house, my first car, my exoctic dog. He's always been a provider. When my scholarship ran out, he footed the cost of law school for me. It wasn't only that either, he provided in attention, communication, made sure we always had things planned to do with each other. We sat down the night he proposed to me and we made a list, a list of our dealbreakers. Infidelity wasn't on that list. A side family was at the top of the list. We both agreed that we wouldn't have children outside of our marriage and he broke that promise.
Cheating didn't make me feel threatened, because sex isn't something that any woman can hold over my head. Sex is temporary. Now a baby, that I'd been struggling for years to conceive, that was enough to make me feel insecure in my marriage. That was enough to break my heart. A baby is the one thing I couldn't give my husband. The one thing the next woman had over me, and boy did she flaunt that like a trophy. A trophy that I knew I'd never win.
"I- I can't give him a baby, Des. I'll never feel adequate in the relationship knowing there's something that I can't provide." That was the truth. It may not be my full truth, but it's enough to make her back off for a litte.
"Do you know what he named his daughter?"
"Mama Eve calls her Rae I think." I said absentmindedly, not really wanting to talk about his child. I drank some of my orange juice, staring out the window at the sunrise. It's almost time for me to head to the office.
"Her name is Braelynn." My entire body felt like it'd been set on fire. Pissed couldn't even describe how upset I am right now.
"I have to go." I ended the call and rushed out of the cafe.
"I already have a name picked out and it works if it's a boy or a girl." Gabe spoke excitedly as we sat in the examination rooms. I smiled, looking at him with general interest.
"Really? What is it?" I absentmindedly placed my hand on my flat something, wondering how long it'd take for it to actually start growing. We're still barely in the first trimester, but I'm just excited to hear our baby's heartbeat today for the first time.
"Braelyn. The spelling will change depending on the gender, but I love that name. It reminds me so much of you and our baby will be just as perfect as you are." I could see the love in his eyes and that only sealed the deal on the name. There wouldn't be any other name, this is the one.
"If it isn't my favorite expecting parents. You ready to check on your little bundle?" My doctor excitedly spoke while making her way into the room. I laid back on the bed, pulling my shirt up to my chest.
"Hell yeah. We've been waiting all week for this." Gabe responded while rolling his chair over to grab my hand. She squeezed the gel onto my stomach and began the ultrasound. I held my breath, waiting to hear those small thuds.
I held my breath for so long waiting to hear a heartbeat that never came. There's a part of me that's still holding her breath in hopes of that heartbeat becoming real. I sat behind the wheel of my blacked out Tesla and released a scream so loud it caused my ears to start ringing. My hands balled into fists and I found myself slamming them against the steering wheel. I needed to release my anger and there was only one person who deserved me to unload on them.
Starting up my car, I made my way to the hotel he was so anxious to provide me the information to the other day when he came to meet with Moses. Bypassing the front desk, I rode the elevator up to the top floor and and located his room number. I didn't think twice before beginning to bang my fist against the door. I'm well aware of the time and how loud I'm being, but I don't care about any of that right now. The door swung open and the mug on his face immediately dropped at the sight of me.
"Brynn, baby, what's wrong?"
"You gave your daughter my baby's name. Why would you do that? Do I really mean that little to you that you would disrespect me like that?" He reached out for me and I quickly moved back. "Don't you dare fucking touch me. You came to me for help with a child you named after our failed pregnancy. You're a piece of shit! Do you realize that?"
"Come inside so we can talk." He tried reaching for me again, and again I moved back.
"No. Fuck you! How'd you think I was going to react when I found out? You're sick! You're literally disgusting! Having a baby on me just wasn't enough, you had to find a way to fucking taunt me as well." He reached out for me again I slapped him with all the strength I could muster. "DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO TOUCH ME! I FUCKING HATE YOU!"
"You don't understand." I slapped him again, not wanting to hear him speak. He reached out for me again and I lost it. Any part of his body I could get my hands on I did. My hands slapped against his chest, his face, his arms, until he had me fully wrapped into a bear hug, restraining me from moving.
"How could you!" My voice cracked and I found myself releasing the ugliest sob ever. This isn't what I wanted. I didn't want him to see me this vulnerable again, yet I couldn't stop the rush of emotions that was hitting me. As soon as the first tear dropped, the others raced down to join the pity party.
He pulled me into his hotel room, not loosening his grip on me. He didn't say a word as I had my breakdown and for that I was grateful. He moved us to the couch, carefully laying back while keeping a tight hold on me. He began rubbing circles into my back and that was all it took to calm down my sobs. I hate that he still has a such a calming effect on me. I blame myself for utilizing him as therapy when it came to my anxiety. I made him my calm, and to go so long without the natural drug that is him left my mind in a whirlwind.
Being near him right now is making me weak. It's as if all of my strength dissolves when he touches me. I no longer have the urge to fight and that scares me. I hate that I'm even giving him this. How could I go from wanting to kill him to wanting to just be in his arms for the rest of the night. He hasn't even given me an explanation yet, and here I am being pathetic.
I know you guys aren't going to like either main character starting off, but once you get more insight to their character and the dynamic of their relationship/marriage their behavior will start making more sense to you.
How do you feel about the story so far?