I stood by the array of mats all lined onto the floor, looking up at the tall bulky man addressing us.
"And so advanced combat, though essential for everyone, is especially vital to all Alphas. I hope you are bringing your A game here, but as alphas, you can be assured that the enemy will bring in no less!"
There were excited cheers all around me and I just stare. What the hell is all this about? I have been a pretty decent fighter to the point that defeating the previous Alpha and taking over my current position was a little more than a cakewalk for me; and that was just me being a regular werewolf. Now with my heightened strength and reflexes, I am pretty sure I got this. It would give me a great opportunity to test out the spectrum of my personal skill set, as I have been too busy in my Alpha duties to actually pay attention to myself.
"You, the new Girl." the Coach says, ushering me, "Come on up. Let's see what you are made of."
I step forward, and a familiar whiff of seduction assaults my nostril. Goosebumps immediately rise up on my arms and I assess Gabriel standing in my peripheral vision. Like everyone else, his eyes are on me. I can feel his stare like a physical weight on my body.
"So you think you have what it takes to be a part of this class?" Coach calls out, coming up to me.
"I would like to believe so, yeah." I say lightly. I don't want to brag but I am eager to show off my fighting moves.
"Let's see what a female Alpha can do" The coach gives me a pat on the back, "Dylan! You're up."
I turn around to see a scrawny kid jump up excitedly. He is atleast 4 years younger than me, if not more. And he totally looks like an over enthusiastic kid going to get himself an ice-cream as he bounces his way happily over to me.
Is this some sort of joke? Is the Coach trying to make fun of me by pairing me with a kid? No way am I beating up a kid to prove myself.
I look at the Coach, a question on my face.
"You are gonna face each other in 3 bouts. Standard rules apply, and everything goes, except neither of you are allowed to shift. Begin." And the Coach steps away. Silence falls in the gym, and I can feel all eyes on me, as I start to circle Dylan warily. I am not Dan to derive joy from beating up little kids. The coach should have-
"Oof!" I huff out as suddenly, a little lump crashes into me so fast that he is a little more than a blur. I fall on the floor in surprise and he has already landed two blows by the time I can regain myself.
I quickly throw him off me, reflexively more than anything else and my wolf growls in annoyance. Little boy or not, I am not losing this fight. But I can end this quickly, and spare him the pain and humiliation.
I launch into attack mode and head for him, eager to pounce and pin him to the floor. Clean attack and quick victory. But he quickly sidesteps and kicks my legs out from under me. Before I know it, I am lying on the floor and a smattering of applause arises from all the other witnessing my humiliation.
This really riles me up. Fun time is over. I am gonna destroy this kid.
With a shriek of anger I launch myself, bringing my A game in, and I saw fear flash in his eyes. Oh yeah boy, you messed with the wrong girl. I feint to the left and he leaps at the chance but I quickly move to the right and jab him hard in the ribs. He reels; my strength is clearly unexpected for him. I don't back away instead continue my assault with a flurry of moves that he is unable to anticipate. My wolf frowns; restless, needing blood. Defeat does not sit well with us.
Dylan, meanwhile seems to have upped his game as well. He gives a mean growl and comes at me with full force and I realize with a jolt of surprise that he had been holding back as well, clearly testing me. The fight turns savage as we trade blows, more wolfishly visceral as time passes until at last Dylan is flat on his back with me on his throat, my wolf hounding to establish dominance.
The whistle rings in the distance, but I still have trouble reigning in my wolf. The coach comes over and has to physically snap me up from the boy lying there, grinning.
"You are the best fighter in your Pack? You? Seriously? This is what werewolves have been reduced to?" The Coach doesn't mean it as an insult but I see genuine disgust in his face, clearly annoyed at my apparent defeat at the hands of a ten year old. As am I. Shame floods me as I stare at the mats, letting his words sink in. I let my defences down, I had not expected to lose so soon and so easily.
"You have signed up for the advanced combat class, and I took you in believing you were Alpha and expecting a certain standard. But seeing that a kid half your age and size could knock you flat on your back twice in a row, I don't see you being able to do much here."
"But I wasn't prepared' I thought-" I try to ague, only to be cut off.
"And you have the guts to make excuses!" The coach thunders, his angry eyes zeroing in on me. "With combat skills like that, you can't even keep standing and hold your ground to protect yourself, let alone your pack. Weak and pathetic. That's what you are. I always thought females couldn't be Alphas but you are giving me new revelations by taking it to a whole new level. No skill in combat and the guts to sign up for the Advanced Class! Trust me girl, it's a miracle if you can even manage to not flunk Basic Combat. This class is obviously not your speed. Do yourself a favour and resign from the post of Alpha. You are not doing anybody any favours by staying. Joe, you're up next!"
And so Coach moves on, leaving me standing there. Dylan walks up to me and murmurs, "well – fought" with a sly grin. Clearly enjoying the speech and my ensuing disgrace.
I go back to stand in my place and feel people on both sides step away from me inconspicuously, clearly wanting nothing to do with me. My eyes involuntarily veer towards Gabriel; my wolf always wanting to latch onto him for comfort. But as soon as I catch his eyes, he looks away, his jaw clenched and his lips perused. That was the last nail in the coffin of my dignity.
The class passes by in a blur. I'm too damn trapped within myself to focus on the surroundings. As soon as the bell rings, I rush out of the school towards the surrounding woods. I'm done for the day, and desperately need a run.
I shift into my wolf and let the voices of the birds and the wind currents guide me. My head is a jumble of emotions, rage and pain and a wounded ego. I made a huge fool of myself today and let down myself and the name of my pack. How does t reflect on me and on them? That their Alpha was beaten by someone half her size and age? Maybe I am a mistake. Maybe I'm not meant to be Alpha at all. I'm clearly not strong enough.
Up ahead I see a clearing and move towards it unconsciously, and the bushes and the undergrowth parts to reveal a cliff with a beautiful waterfall. My breath catches, awestruck by the beautiful view before me. I see the mountains stretched out over the horizon, covered in green and the waterfall falling and making a lake flowing off into the distance among the trees. I shift and move closer to the fall, close enough to feel tiny occasional droplets fall on my face. I take in a deep breath, and it instantly calms me down a bit. My emotions are still in turmoil, my pride wounded and my ego hurt but somehow, being here comforts me. The sounds, the sight and the scent ease my pain, as if understanding and accepting me for who I am. I sit down by the trunk of a tree and let my tears run, letting out my anger and frustration.
I am lost. I don't know what to do. I have nobody to guide me, nobody to tell me its okay. Even the abilities I do have, I obviously don't know how to manoeuvre. I have increased strength and agility with no idea how to use them. How does that make me better than Dan? As much as I have tried to be better and do better, I have only ended up failing miserably and managed to make a laughing stock of myself in the process. I don't deserve to be Alpha. I am a failure. I'm not strong enough.
I hug my knees up to myself, and let the tears fall. This place truly understands me. I feel comfort and solace, and I let myself truly give away to doubts and fears. I live out my worst case scenarios and let the demons in my head out.
I don't know for how long I stay there, but finally, the tears cease and it's just me lying by the waterfall. I know it's almost night, but I can't make myself get up. I can't make myself bother about the pack business, or even my own safety. I can't make myself care.
Fighting my inner demons has left me drained and exhausted.
And then, I head a crunch of leaves and feel a presence. There is somebody here. And if I can sense him, he can obviously sense me too. Curling up in foetal position, I close my eyes and resign myself to whatever fate is walking my way. Maybe I deserve to die today. Maybe the pack will be better off without me. With my combat skills, apparently Dan is the only one I can successfully fight off.
Another few steps and the presence is closer. I can feel his presence but I don't care. I have resigned myself to my fate. I can't fight today.
And then the familiarly alluring scent hits my nostrils, making a zing rush through my body right up to my core. 'Mate', my wolf whimpers. Even with a wounded pride, she longs for the comfort of his arms, for the warmth of his embrace, for his words of reassurance, for him.
But I am too stubborn and too proud. The look on his face when he turned away from me after the fight is like a heavy weight within my chest. How is he even here in the first place? How did he find this place? How did he find me?
"Claire?" he calls, and walks over to where I'm lying curled up on the forest floor; and I pretend I don't hear him.
He settles in easily next to me, not touching, but close enough that I can feel his warmth against me. His scent washes over me, subconsciously calming and soothing me. I take in a deep breath and it instantly relieves my pain. We sit in silence for I don't know how long, me breathing him in.
Finally, he says, "What are you doing here Claire? How did you find this place? Are you- are you okay?"
I open my eyes to see that he has his back resting against a tree and his legs stretched out, and I don't know how I ended up on his legs, with my head cradled in his arms. I examine our positions, the back of my mind reminding me that this is wrong and that I must move away, but I can't bother to act upon that impulse. Instead I relax and breath in his comforting scent, passively noticing how well the curves and contours of our bodies fit together, as if made to order. Is this what it feels like to belong? If I let myself go, is this what I will have, forever? Suddenly, the prospect doesn't feel so terrifying enymore.
"Claire?" He asks softly, nudging my forehead with his lips.
"Hmm?" I ask absently, busy in my train of thought.
"How did you get here? And find this place"
"I ran." I whisper, not wanting to break the spell the scenery had cast on me. I felt like I was in a bubble, and if I made a sound or spoke too loudly, the bubble would burst and bring back all the worldly hostilities.
He chuckles low and throaty in my ear, his voice matching mine in tone and pitch as if he understood my fears and was protecting my bubble too, "Sure you did. Even Alphas can't fly."
That elicited a grin from me, and closed my eyes. "How did you find me?"
"I come here often. It is my special place, but I have never ever brought anyone here, so nobody knows it exists. I come here when I need to get away from the world. You know I like to think of it as my second home."
I realise then why I was attracted to this place. I didn't just stumble upon it by happy coincidence. My stupid wolf followed her mate's scent right into his happy place. No wonder I felt so happy and relaxed here. His bloody scent was all over the place, only I was too busy to notice. I thought the place was cheering me up, but even without being here, it was him all along.
I stiffen in realisation and his hands reflexively tighten around me like they are holding me together. I want to protest, but it feels too good so I say nothing and let myself enjoy the moment.
"How are you?" he finally asks, after we have sat a while in compatible silence.
My mind can't help but shift into defence, "Funny you should ask. Especially when you couldn't even bear to make eye contact after I made a fool of myself in front of everyone." I wanted it to be a jibe, but the hurt in my voice is too evident.
"What? No!" I can feel the way his body physically recoils. "You thought that was me being ashamed? Hell no."
He lowers his voice again, gathering me close. Night has fallen and stars twinkling in the clear skies are reflected in the lake formed by the waterfall below. It's breath-taking.
"When it comes to you, I don't know what happens to me. I-"he takes a deep breath, as if bracing himself, "I have never been like this with anyone before. Except Jessica. I don't know what this is, but I can't get you out of my thoughts. It's like my wolf latches onto every little thing that you do and wants to obsess about it for hours, he wouldn't shut up about it. It annoying and frustrating. I have tried everything and nothing helps, mainly because I can't focus on work without thinking about how you look when you are trying to read; or about how your eyes widen in surprise when a teacher scolds you or how they flare with fire when –"
"Well you see what I'm trying to say is that I know this is totally irrational. I already have a mate and you are obviously not my mate because we don't have a bond or anything. I have looked into your eyes and- nothing! No bond formed nothing happened. If we had been mates, I would have realised it the moment I looked in to your eyes, right? And you obviously don't feel that kind of attraction for me. And mating bonds, as far as I know, are two-sided. What I don't understand is this undeniable pull that I have for you. You are like a magnet attracting me to you and I don't know why."
"Even today, when I saw Coach yelling at you, all I could see was red. I wanted to rip his head off and tear his body to shreds, and feed them to the dogs. You don't know what it took to take that quietly. I have never even been like this for Jessica. She and I have always been okay with being in our own spaces and I have never had any problem in controlling my wolf in regards to her. But when you come into the picture, my self- control is practically a myth. It wasn't at you, but I was trying so very hard to not do something very very stupid."
Hearing him say those things makes my heart soar and my wolf yelp in delight. She like a pup again, wants to tell him the truth about us. But I know I can't. It would be wrong to my pack to entrust their future into the hands of a guy I barely know, even if the Moon Goddess has chosen him for me. It would be unfair to me because I would be breaking a promise I made to myself. And most importantly, it would be unfair to him, to reveal to him that I am his mate and then to have it all taken away in a flash.
I take in another deep whiff of his amazing scent and relax against him. Fair and unfair and all the other problems of the world can wait. Tonight, I let myself feel the safety and comfort of the strong arms that I could have had in another situation, another universe, another life.