五月蝿い もううざい くらいに Cry を掻き消す様な 世界なら 抗ってたいのに 降り出した空の泣き声は透明で 「わかない、もうわかないよ！」を何遍も。
If the noise of this annoying world drowns out my cries, then I want to defy it.
The rainy sky cries out transparently, "I don't know, I still don't know!" over and over.
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It was raining again, the heavy downpours, overcast skies, dark, gloomy days.
Everyone shuffled about under their umbrellas, heavy coats pulled over their shoulders, endless complaints about the terrible weather.
As you walked silently back to your apartment, alone, you couldn't help but wonder if the honeymoon period was already over.
Those soft, sweet kisses.
Those painfully gentle caresses.
The way his fingers laced gently into yours.
Had he forgotten you, perhaps?
It couldn't be. It couldn't be.
Not after those sinful words. Those unending "I love you"s. It couldn't be.
Definitely not. No, not after he said, in that attractive voice, that he would put a ring on your finger.
You could still remember it. The way he kissed your ring finger, his lips brushing oh-so-slightly over it.
"Once we finish university," he said.
And you'd taken that promise to heart.
But it seemed now that he was lying back then.
You hadn't seen him in three weeks.
Every text to meet up was rejected.
"I have swim practice."
"I'm sorry, I'm busy."
"We have team dinner that day"
Had he forgotten, perhaps?
What you had done. For him.
The way you slaved every day to pay the rent for that tiny apartment.
Working part-time, to pay for that tiny, piddly room, so you could be in a part of Tokyo close to him.
/Tokyo sure is expensive, huh?/
How you had deprived yourself of any treats just for that extra $700 to buy that slightly larger bed so the two of you could share it.
You knew you shouldn't complain. It wasn't his fault. Swimming training is hard, and you knew that his university pushed results. And he wanted results too.
You knew it was difficult for the two of you to match your schedules. After all, you went to different universities and so you obviously had different commitments.
But it kind of stung when you saw your friends laughing about with their lovers.
It kind of stung when you sat by yourself in a cafe sometimes, surrounded by couples.
It kind of stung when you stayed up late, waiting for him, but the door never opens.
It kind of stung when all you wanted to hear was his voice, but your phone call is never answered.
/winter came and you woke up, shivering, the bed empty next to you/
//the rain continued to pour//
Sometimes you wondered if you weren't good enough.
If you weren't beautiful enough. Loving enough. Supportive enough.
Were you too pushy? Too demanding? Too clingy?
Did he find someone else who was doing so much of a better job, as a lover, than you?
/it was pitiful how you cried so painfully, the teardrops running down your cheeks, dripping, dripping, silently/
That day you decided to visit him, for once. You'd made him a bento, in case he was hungry after training.
You'd dressed nicely, as if you were going out on a casual date.
Oversized sweater, lace-up shoes, a small shoulder bag.
Their practice was almost ending as you stepped into the campus. Reception let you in as a visitor, and you made your way through the walkways, you shoes clicking softly with each step.
It had been a while since you were last here.
The hum of the water pumps.
The faint sound of water splashing.
The ever-present smell of chlorine.
It was familiar. Comfortable.
And you were excited to surprise him, your heart skipping, in a nice way, in your chest.
Pushing open the doors, you entered the pool area, that pungent aroma of chlorine rushing into your nostrils. You let out a soft cough, choaking a little on the sheer concentration of chlorine vapour in the room.
The swimmers were finishing up, one by one they left the pool, and you scanned the water, your eyes quickly resting on that familiar figure.
His swimming is still beautiful, as always.
You see him finish his set, grab the ledge of the pool and pull himself out.
Taking a step forward, you head towards him.
Then promptly stop as you see a vivacious girl run up to him, holding out his towel.
"Shiina-senpai~"
That sickly sweet voice made bile rise to your throat.
Frozen, you fingers loosened their grip on the lunch bag that you held in your hands.
It dropped, the "thunk!" of plastic on tile echoing around you. Most people didn't notice, but he did. His eyes darted towards you, and a look of surprise rushed onto his face.
It was blurry through your tears.
It was almost as if you didn't recognise that face anymore.
Bending down, you grabbed the bag, spun on your heel and marched out.
The room was too noisy to hear his reaction.
To even hear your own thoughts.
/it was cold, the wind and the rain/
You didn't notice how much your hands were shaking until you stopped walking. Sinking down onto a bench not far from the swimming complex, your core hurt from how much you had been tensing your body.
Your jaw throbbed from how hard you had been gritting your teeth.
Your eyes stung from how desperately you'd been trying to hold back those tears.
Jagged breathing. Cold sweat. Pain.
That scene.
How long had it been?
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-," you sigh softly, leaning your heads into your hands.
I want to punch him really hard in the face right now.
You stayed like that for quite a while.
Watching your tears drip slowly onto the cold, hard ground.
A clap of thunder, and the downpour of rain,
barely missing you because of that shelter above your head.
It seemed that even the weather reflected your mood.
Somebody was texting you, calling you.
/The vibration of your phone was kinda dull though./
//Whatever.//
The sound of shoes squeaking on the wet ground. The sound of heavy breathing. A runner, perhaps?
The tears had long dried from your eyes and your heart wasn't clawing at your chest anymore.
"I should go," you muttered, flipping open your bag to pull out a small umbrella.
It opened with a soft click and you made your way towards the exit of the campus.
Red hair, matted and dripping.
Fuscia eyes, wide-open and desperately searching.
That familiar figure, standing in the middle of the downpour; despondent; his clothing, bag, shoes drenched.
His head flipped towards you, the jerking movement causing water to disperse from the ends of his soaked hair.
"[name]-chan," he called, barely audible.
You glanced at him, then walked straight past, anger seeping up your chest. Disgust. And he comes back calling for me now?
"[name]-chan."
"[name]-chan!"
"[name]-chan!!"
"[name]-chan!!!"
His desperate cries grew louder as he chased after you.
You felt slim fingers grab your wrist, and you pulled away, flicking them off.
"[name]-chan, please," Frantically. Pleadingly. Guiltily.
You want to keep going, but you stop, turning back to look at that sickening face.
It had lost its usual glow. His eyes, they were dull. Remorse streaked all over, painted in thick, fat brushstrokes.
"Please," he choaked out, weakly, running his hand through his hair.
"I..." He started, "didn't mean for that to happen."
What the heck is he saying now?
You cocked your head, unamused.
"Whatever you say, Shiina-san."*
Turning on your heel, you take a step forward.
"Wait, no!"
His hand wrapped around your wrist, tugging you back. Then his other arm came over your shoulder, pulling you towards him. You were locked to him, your back resting on his chest, the dampness from his clothing seeping into yours.
/There was a sort of heat radiating off him. A comfortable, soft warmth just spreading from where he touched you./
"Ah...how do I say this?"
"That girl's an underclassman. She's been following me for weeks now."
"I know it's hard to believe, but please, trust me. We don't have anything on, really. I've told her that I'm dating you, numerous times, it's just that she keeps bugging me. I...I..."
He inhaled deeply, dropping his head onto your shoulder.
/The rainwater was cold but his body was warm./
"I know I haven't been that considerate lately. Ignoring you and everything. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to, it's just like I want to talk and everything but I'm so busy or someone comes or I can barely keep my eyes open to even type properly, I know that you work like crazy to be able to stay close to me, but I just neglect you like this, oh, I'm really horrible..."
A sob caught his voice, and he gasped,
"I'm so sorry, so sorry."
/His tears that dripped onto your forearm were strangely hot./
You felt your heart soften, the annoyance that was burning up you inside slowly dissipating.
"Asahi," you say softly, "It's alright."
He sniffled, his grip on your hand loosening.
You turn around, being careful to lift the umbrella up so water wouldn't drip on the two of you.
He looks at you, the leftover tears sparkling in his eyes.
/at that moment, they were strangely beautiful, those pink eyes./
He takes the umbrella from your hand, though it was pretty much useless considering the state the two of you were in.
"Your place?" He asks, a gentle smile spreading across his face.
It had been a while since you last saw that smile.
And you couldn't help but throw your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.
Perhaps it was because it was so sudden. Perhaps it was because you didn't usually display affection so openly. Perhaps it was because he simply didn't expect it.
The umbrella slipped from his hand, tilting to the side, before dropping to the ground. Raindrops splattered on the two of you.
"Gwahh, I'm sorr-"
You pressed your lips to his, gently, then pulling apart quickly, you laugh, a lighthearted giggle that you hadn't produced in a while, when you see a flush as pink as his eyes spread across his cheeks.
"Look, Asahi, the rain's stopping."
The sky had cleared up, the streaks of sunlight filtering in through the clouds, falling around you two in patches.
"It's beautiful," you breathed, lacing your fingers with his.
"Like you, [name]," he muttered, pressing a chaste kiss on your forehead,
"Shall we?"
Through the thinning rain, the two of you walked, hand in hand. You didn't care that you were soaked, that everyone else around you hid under umbrellas, that everyone else was staring curiously at this sight of two drenched youth.
Asahi lifted up your interlocked fingers, kissing your ring finger.
And that fallen umbrella lay in the middle of the pathway, the sunlight streaming through the clear plastic, refracting into a million rays, bouncing off, saturating in, forming a kaleidoscope of colours in the raindrops that hung on every surface.
The sky had cleared, the once-grey clouds, thinned and white, light, in streaks.
It wasn't dark anymore, that heavy grey sheen that covered everything had lifted, replaced with magnificent colours and vibrancy.
And through the muted "pitter-patter" of the rain, all could be heard was the sweet exchange of word between lovers.
"I love you."
.
.
.
"I love you too."
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昨日の僕守る為に 笑うくらいなら 泣い立っていだろ? ねぇ 止まないの雨が 夏空を鮮明に 描いたって 僕達は不完全で 未完成 な
To protect the me of yesterday, is it alright if I cry until I laugh?
Look, the unstopping rain has painted the summer sky vividly.
And we are imperfect and unfinished.
[A/N]
"Whatever you say, Shiina-san."*
This is a pretty savage line. Basically, in Japan, it's common to call people by their surname. So for Shiina Asahi, Shiina is his surname (that's why that horrible underclassgirl called him "Shiina-senpai" --> this shows that they aren't that close. It would have been super infuriating if she called him "Asahi-senpai".) By calling him "Shiina-san", you're implying that you're not very close to him; additionally the "san" is the most generalised honorific (meaning "Mr" or "Ms/Mrs/Miss") that further shows you are not very close. This is kinda a big blow to Asahi because the two of you are supposed to be dating.
Asahi uses the honorific "-chan", which is mainly used for little kids, girls and also between lovers, which shows that he is pretty close to you. Between guys-guys and girls-girls, if people aren't close to each other, it's unlikely that other honorifics apart from "-san" will be used.
So this line is a big burn to Asahi. I included it because I wanted to show your annoyance at him. Hope this helped to clarify my intent if you didn't get it.
Later on, I removed the honorifics when you were speaking to Asahi and when he was speaking to you. This highlights how intimate your relationship is.
※※It's been a long time. I've been way too busy with school and swimming.
But I really didn't expect those 12K ++ reads. And I'm so grateful for all the votes and lovely comments/dms left. Hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
※※In light of the current covid-19/coronavirus cases, please remember to stay healthy and wash your hands :))