February ; 2017
NamJoon finds himself repeating the past; he seems to always push back his New Year's resolutions until February. At least until there's another opening in his schedule for him to visit the bookstore.
He barges in through the door and makes a grand entrance as the bell signaling his arrival resonates throughout the bookstore. He looks around, half expecting that JungMi would be standing somewhere already waiting for him.
When he sees that the room is empty of her presence, he takes a step towards the courtyard but is stopped by the bookstore clerk who turns around at the sound of the bell.
The bookstore clerk is holding a shabby, unkempt copy of JungMi's book in his hands open to a page in the middle. The condition of the book brings horror to NamJoon; it's a miracle that the book is even still hanging onto the spine. NamJoon would be too scared to even flip to the next page, afraid that the other pages might fall out.
What did he put that book through?
"Welcome to the Daeo Boo—" The bookstore clerk freezes in place behind the counter. NamJoon is almost sure that he would have dropped the book to the ground considering how inattentive he is to maintaining its quality.
When the bookstore clerk falters in his greeting, NamJoon spares him a glance. The clerk appears shell-shocked at NamJoon's presence. He proceeds to only gawk at NamJoon in a state of disbelief from behind the counter with JungMi's novel barely balancing on the ends of his fingertips.
NamJoon isn't in the mood to be bombarded as a member of the global sensation, BTS. His initial reason for visiting the bookstore was specifically to get away from that life momentarily. He doesn't want to be bothered in the Daeo Bookstore of all places.
NamJoon tries to casually pull down his beanie to cast shadows over his eyes and lifts his scarf to cover half his face. He lowers his head to keep his face from the clerk's view and tries to pass the counter and enter the courtyard without interacting.
"A-Aren't you NamJoon?" The clerk stutters out still in a trance.
NamJoon halts right in front of the doorway, but keeps his head down. He's surprised that the clerk used his real name rather than his stage name.
But then again, that can easily be searched up on the internet...
"The boy with an IQ of 148? The NamJoon that JungMi wrote about? That NamJoon?"
At the sound of the syllables that make up her name, NamJoon tenses up and turns on his heels. He pulls his scarf back down to rest on his neck and pushes his beanie away from his eyes to get a better look at the man behind the counter.
NamJoon faintly recalls the clerk's face. He's the same one who showed him where to find 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea and the one that JungMi made stories about from the corner all those years ago. He's also the one who was working the register the last time NamJoon met up with JungMi here at the bookstore.
Has it already been so long since NamJoon had last visited the bookstore?
Still taken aback by the bookstore clerk's trivia, NamJoon turns to the man behind the counter.
"How do you know about that?" NamJoon asks airily.
The bookstore clerk's eyes go wide like a deer caught in the headlights. It's a simple question, but he acts as if he was caught committing a crime.
"Huh?" The bookstore worker is rendered immobile and at a loss for words. When he finally blinks away his trance, the worker vigorously shuts JungMi's book with one hand.
"Uh... I'm a friend of JungMi," he holds up the book for NamJoon to see that JungMi had in fact signed his copy of her book with her own little message. The clerk sets the book down on the counter, "I also remember your face... Since you used to visit so often."
"Ah...right..." NamJoon acknowledges him, but completely blanks when he can't remember the bookstore worker's name. He glances at the clerk's name tag before addressing him formally, "...HyunSeok... It's good to see you again."
NamJoon unwinds and relaxes his posture. He feels much more comfortable with showing his face since the clerk already knows his face. NamJoon ponders out loud, "I just don't remember ever sharing that with you, let alone my name..."
HyunSeok nods in understanding before explaining, "JungMi told me much about you."
It wasn't the whole truth; JungMi did express her heartache regarding NamJoon, but she never actually named him. HyunSeok only came to know his name through reading JungMi's writing journal.
Of course HyunSeok wouldn't be able to forget his name.
He risked everything when he opened that notebook.
HyunSeok lost JungMi's trust just to learn his name.
His curiosity cost him everything.
JungMi's notebook was like opening Pandora's box; he saw something he shouldn't have and now HyunSeok is cursed to forever be subpar to him, the boy with an IQ of 148.
"She, uh... Let me read some of her works in her writing notebook. That's where I saw it from." HyunSeok tries to evade the full truth.
NamJoon squints his eyes and tilts his head in confusion. He strays to the front of the counter to face HyunSeok. He questions the validity of HyunSeok's statement, "She let you read her writing journal?"
"Oh yeah," HyunSeok affirms, "She shared some of her stories with me. I always knew she'd make it big one day. JungMi is an incredible writer."
NamJoon nods modestly, "Yeah, she is..."
NamJoon recalls how it took months for JungMi to be comfortable with giving him access to her writing journal; there was only one poem that she never let him read, but she trusted that NamJoon would respect her privacy and not read it. She trusted that NamJoon would never eat the forbidden fruit from the forbidden tree in the Garden of Eden. He could read any of her other literary works, but not the one poem about him.
But before reaching that level of trust, MiMi never let Namjoon read through her journal. When she wanted to share something she wrote, she would either recite it out loud for him or make sure he only stays on the page she wrote on. She would pinch the other pages of the notebook together between her two fingers while he was reading so he wouldn't turn the page.
It wasn't until NamJoon gained her trust that she let her guard down.
A writer's journal is filled with their thoughts and feelings, their insights and opinions, their inspirations and aspirations. Filling a journal with words is the same as the writer pouring his or her heart out onto pages. Thus, the writing journal becomes an entity of its own; it becomes the writer's mind. Their whole heart. Their soul. How extensive a writer goes to guard their writing journal is reflective of the intimacy of the writing that could be revealed otherwise.
And JungMi went to extreme measures in order to protect what she treasures most: her own thoughts and feelings and keeping them her own.
NamJoon remembers how much she cherished her writing notebook...
NamJoon casts his eyes to HyunSeok's copy of IQ148 on the counter. He's pretty sure there's faded coffee stains on the edges of the pages. Some pages are even sticking out, having been unattached from the spine in what appears to be a frenzy of a storm. The corners of the book cover even curl in on themselves, probably after memorizing the creases where HyunSeok unconsciously rolls the corners between his fingers.
It's a wonder that such a reckless human being works at a bookstore...
How could JungMi let such a careless person such as HyunSeok read through her notebook so offhandedly as HyunSeok so claims?
It's questionable to NamJoon...
They must be very, very close for JungMi to let him anywhere near her writing journal.
Did they grow closer in NamJoon's absence?
H-How close?
In-Intimately close?
It doesn't seem that way...
HyunSeok says he's just a friend...
But did she let HyunSeok read the poem he was never allowed to read?
"Speaking of JungMi..." NamJoon fumbles with his scarf and scratches his head through his beanie as he skips straight to the point, "Has she come by here? Did she visit recently?"
HyunSeok rests his palms on the edge of the counter as he hums in thought, "Once—Actually, a few times in the past two months—but very rarely since she's still on her national book tour."
NamJoon almost forgot JungMi is on a book tour right now, largely in part because he's also on a tour of his own. Being on tour means that his schedule is not only hectic, but also sporadic, and he assumes JungMi's is the same way.
"Do you know when she'll be back?" NamJoon desperately pleads.
"She didn't visit for months until her book signing event. Her book signing was the first time she came back in ages," HyunSeok shakes his head, "So I'm not sure when she would be back."
"Not anytime soon?"
"She doesn't visit as often as she used to," HyunSeok mumbles under his breath, "Or as often as she should."
NamJoon sighs in defeat, but still full of hope.
"Well, if you do see her," He shrugs solemnly, "Let her know I passed by." NamJoon pulls down his beanie and wraps his scarf back up to his chin. He bids HyunSeok farewell before stepping outside the bookstore and back into the frigid temperatures. It feels a lot colder than it did before.
=====
Human connection is beyond words; it is not something that can be verbalized to its full capacity. Perhaps it can be better described as an unspoken understanding on an intimate level.
HyunSeok is a strong believer in the strength of human connection; he believes that there are such things as soulmates.
Believing in soulmates is akin to religion in that he believes in something that cannot be seen; this is defined as faith.
But just like many religions, HyunSeok has his own differential beliefs about soulmates.
Some people believe that soulmates are spiritual twins. According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. And they forever longed for their soul and physical other half. Their physical nature would feel a burning desire to be completed with the physical nature of the other sex, and their soul alike would yearn for their soul's other half be complete, their soulmate.
Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. And according to the myth, when these two halves find each other, there will be a silent understanding of one another, they will feel joined and exist with each other in unison and will know no greater joy than that.
Some people believe in the Japanese legend that an invisible red string of fate connects soulmates no matter where they are in the world. Human relations are predestined by a red string that the gods tie to the pinky fingers of those who find each other in life. Legend has it that the two people connected by this thread will have an important story, regardless of the time, place or circumstances. The red string might get tangled, contracted or stretched, as surely often happens, but it can never break.
One Japanese legend tells of an old man who lives on the moon and comes out every night to search among kin spirits to reunite them on Earth, who have something to learn from each other, and when he finds them he ties a red thread to them so they find their paths. Thus, everyone's red string ends in someone else.
Some people see soulmates as their missing piece.
Some see soulmates as their compliment.
Some believe it to be an exclusive lifelong bond.
The term 'soulmates' commonly holds the connotation of being the strongest bond with another person.
HyunSeok has considered all of these myths and legends in the past and has believed in many irrational notions throughout his life.
HyunSeok once believed that a bell rings when two people who are soulmates pass by each other...
Of course, this was only after watching a fantasy movie.
Although it's only ever been portrayed in movies, he believes it can happen in real life because human connection is magical. Metaphysical, even.
He just hasn't seen it happen yet.
HyunSeok suddenly remembers all of this when he sees NamJoon standing in front of him in the bookstore. It's different from HyunSeok's relationship with JungMi.
When HyunSeok looks at NamJoon, he sees someone on a mission; that's a man who is searching for his soulmate. That's a man that's been gone for a long time and is searching for what he was missing. That's a man who's returned from the hero's journey.
"Journeys end in lovers meeting," William Shakespeare wrote.
Perhaps NamJoon's journey isn't over...
Perhaps JungMi is still on her own journey...
Perhaps that's why they can't seem to get their timing right...
"Well, if you do see her... Let her know I passed by." NamJoon waits for HyunSeok to agree before daring to move. With a final, longing glance at the vacant courtyard, NamJoon walks our with a wave of his hand.
The bell rings at the door, signaling his departure.
HyunSeok feels like he can finally breathe when he hears the sweet ringing of NamJoon's exit.
He looks back down at the book on his counter, JungMi's published book. HyunSeok waits for the bell to stop ringing once the door hits it a second time while closing.
As the ringing drones on, HyunSeok picks up the book. He examines her name printed in large font on the cover: Lee JungMi. He visualizes her name into her face and he smiles to himself at the thought of her.
He's so preoccupied by the thought of her that he doesn't register that the bell above the bookstore's door still hasn't stopped ringing.
Confused, he looks up to see that the person that he was just thinking of has just walked in. He instinctively shoves the book under the counter before she can see it's mistreatment, probably wrinkling some pages in the process. JungMi looks around and inspects the bookstore the same way NamJoon did just moments ago.
Had they passed by each other just as NamJoon left and JungMi entered?
Did NamJoon leave one way while JungMi came through the other side of the street?
Had they completely missed each other by mere seconds?
Had they missed each other by a single ring of a bell?
She stands in the same exact spot that NamJoon stood on as she leans on the counter to ask a bewildered HyunSeok, "Has that man I've been meeting before come by here recently?"
HyunSeok is a big believer in fate.
It feels like their fate is in his hands and he's pulling them both on a very thin string...
But would telling her the truth be fulfilling their fate or toying with it?
He stares down at her expectant face, the face he was just thinking of before she walked in.
"...No..." HyunSeok denies, "...No, not to my knowledge..."