Josh's POV,
We where sat in the hospitals eating area for visitors. Most of the people already gone, Ethan, Po, Sammie, Marie and Harry have left. It only being me, Tobi, Simon and JJ left, yet Barry was talking to the doctor still.
"I'm sorry about today josh." Simon whispered. I looked up at him. Tobi asleep with his head resting in his arms on the table. I looked up at him. His arm laid down and in front of him on the table, him laying on it and his eyes staring at his other hand which traced shapes into the table. "It's okay I guess." I whisper back, being cautious not to wake up Tobi.
"I always make everything about myself and I need to try and make myself better again. And I know that's going to be hard, but I think the first step is saying sorry." He says, still drawing shapes into the table. His eyes sparkling as he stared at his hand.
"Well, thank you I guess..." I say, looking down at my hands which were picking at one another, trying to distract myself. Me remembering back to me punching him, and thinking back it was so inconsiderate, and emotions where so heightened because of everything I reacted in a harsh way. When all he was doing was making sure I was okay.
And maybe I am still a bit hurt by the way he said that, and that things between us always end so negatively, yet for some reason we always end up in this limbo of not knowing what to do with one another. "Sorry for punching you." I whisper, he looked up at me, before back down at his hand, smirking lightly. "It's okay josh, obviously you're not in the best state at the moment." He says, noticing my hands picking at them. "You should stop that your hands are going red." He says, placing his hand on mine to stop it.
His hand lay perfectly on top of my hand, and the feeling of familiarity coursed through my broken veins, and my heart felt like it was in my throat as I didn't move it, I didn't want to move it. And he didn't move it either, we just stared at them, his hand just there.
He slowly interlocked his hand with mine, his hand still on top of mine, his hand squeezing mine gently as he smiled at me. I smiled back. Feeling the gentleness of his hand as he stroked me with his thumb. That familiarity was so distant yet so close now that it felt comforting. And I needed comfort.
"I'm sorry josh." He says and I sigh, feeling tears well up in my eyes. I unlocked our hands, wiping my face as I breathed in heavily. "Sorry Simon, just, it's not fair." I whisper, looking down at my boyfriend, the beautifulness of him, and how when sleeping he looked so peaceful and happy. Yet my veins still felt electric with Simons touch and emotion.
"I didn't mean for it to go like that." He says and I nod. But I think we both knew that there was a deeper meaning behind it. "I know." I say, smiling small at Simon before kissing Tobi's cheek. Tobi's eyes opening slowly as he looked up at me and smiled. "Are you okay?" I ask and he nodded. "Tired." He says, before moving his hand to interlock with the hand Simons just held. My cheeks blushing as instant guilt stuck me. Simon smiling down at Tobi and then me.
He nodded at me, before getting his phone. "It's 9pm, JJ should be out soon." Simon says to me and them looks down at Tobi. "You can finally get some good sleep then." Simon smiles, Tobi nodding. "Yeah, I need it." Tobi says, I smile down at him, kissing him quickly before hearing footsteps. Looking up and seeing JJ. "Hello everyone." From his voice, it instantly clicked that it was Barry, Barry folding his arms and his eyebrow raised.
"Hello Barry. How's JJ?" I ask and Barry closed his eyes, but shook his head. "I'm not sure, he isn't near the front, from the sounds of him talking to the doctors, I don't think he's doing to great." He says before looking over at me. "I'll go with you Barry." Tobi says and Barry's eyes widened. "Really?" He asked Tobi, Tobi smiling. "Yeah, I don't want you to be alone." Tobi says, looking back at me and smiling, I smiled small, but looked over at Simon, seeing him smirking at the both of us.
Tobi grabbed my hand, kissing me quickly. "Thinking about others, like you said." Tobi whispered, making me have a genuine smile on my face. "You can drive my car back to yours if you want, I'll stay with Barry." Tobi says, standing up, me and Simon starting to stand up as well. "I'll drop Simon off at his." I say and Tobi nodded, looking at me and then at Simon, I know him being a little cautious.
"It's fine Tobi." I say and Tobi smiled at me and nodded. Before sighing. "Well I'll see you later Simon." Tobi smiled and Simon smiled at me and then at Tobi. "I'll see you later Tobi, and I'll see you hopefully as well Barry." He says and Barry just nodded. Before Tobi left the cafeteria with Barry. Leaving me and Simon standing there awkwardly in the large room.
"Come on. Let's get you home." I say and Simon nodded, looking down at his hands and holding them as we left the hospital, thanking the receptionist before leaving.
"So how are you and Tobi?" Simon asked and I felt my heart pang slightly. Like someone flicked it with the mentioning of us two. "We're good at the moment. Just a few spats." I say and he nodded. Us getting to Tobi's car and opening the doors, getting into the car.
"What was that fight between you two about?" Simon asked as I started the engine, putting my seatbelt on. I looked over at him, him looking down at his hands, but a concerned look was still on his face.
"It was an argument that I don't know. Got out of hand." I say and Simon nodded. "So like the argument we had?" He said and I looked at him. Swallowing as I remembered the hurt that I felt from his untrustworthiness. And that he couldn't trust me when I trusted him with everything.
"I guess." I say. Driving out of the car park and onto the main road. "Was it about vik?" Simon asked, my blood going cold as I heard his name. A name that didn't deserve the outcome of what happened to him. "Kind of." I whisper. Him nodding.
"I often think to myself if he would still be here if I didn't push him over the edge." He says and I nod. Staying focused on the road. "I think rebecca really turned you into a nasty person, and made you feel like you needed to express your hurt through other people, and being horrible." I say and Simon nodded. "I don't really see her anymore, the medications helping me a lot." "You take medication?" "Yeah. Ever since Lucy came into the mix she really helped try and ground myself again." He says and I nod.
"So why did you persist on making me angry back at the house." I say and Simon sighed. Looking out at the window.
"I was hoping you would get so angry and to shut me up you would kiss me." He admitted. My heart dropping as he said that. And I went into a silence as I was shocked that he would. Think it would work.
"That wouldn't have worked." I say and he sighed. Yet I think we both caught onto that small bit of uncertainty in my voice. "I know... But you was so close to me that it felt right." He says and I just sighed.
"I don't know Simon." "You feel something still. I know you do. And I can't say that I don't feel anything. You're the only thing keeping me going." He says and I shook my head on instinct. Yet for some reason I couldn't bring the words up to say that there wasn't something. The overwhelming statements of what he's been saying these past few days have been insanely spiralling around my head.
"Even if I did feel something, it's not like I can act on that." "Why not." "Because I love Tobi." I say and he shakes his head before smiling small. Turning his body so he was facing me.
"If you loved Tobi you would of insisted on taking Barry home and not me." Simon stated and my cheeks went red as I knew exactly what he meant. "Tobi was waiting for you to say for you to take Barry home. And you never said anything. That's why he needed reassurance by the way he looked at me. Let's face the facts josh. You're better friends with Barry than everyone else in the group. So how come you're in this car with me tonight and not with him." He says and I was completely tongue tied in not knowing what to say.
We pulled up to simons house. Simon sighing as I parked up. Yet both of us didn't move. Didn't speak. Just stared at each other. Stared and really took in the reality of the situation.
"I'll walk you to your door." I say and he nodded. Yet didn't move, just looked at me, and then down.
"Josh." Simon says, his voice quiet and nimble. "Yeah." I say and he looked down, picking his fingers this time as he bit his lip, his leg bouncing slightly. And my heart exploaded and shattered into nervous butterflies as the feelings of sadness from Viks death and the overwhelming feeling of need as the five words left his lips.
"Can you stay with me."
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Maybe you didn't see this ending, but I don't knows it leaves it on that scenario of maybe a love hate relationship.
I hope you guys enjoyed this book. And I hope the ending wasn't too out of the blue. But yeah. I enjoyed this book even after not writing it for a year, but I think after that little writers block we did pretty well haha.
Please maybe leave some suggested ideas for new books or anything, I have some drafts but I don't know if I will continue with them. Thank you for sticking with me along the way and not giving up on this book like what I did. And you stayed to see the ending you guys deserved. So thank you!
Love you all
Sammie x