3rd POV
The death of Kanae Kocho the flower pillar cause a huge grieve to Sanemi Shinazugawa the wind pillar there both well known close or together.
Sanemi was only sad losing another a precious person in his life, a friend that always there to help him.
He drown his sorrow by drinking sake.
They both have a mutual feelings to each other, but then how did they end up, to be with Someone else.
Sanemi with Kanae, Y/n who grip her chest and try to fix the ties. But know when to stop.
"You promise... But I can see, your happy now with someone else...I should let go of you." y/n said as she saw Sanemi smiling at Kanae.
After pushing y/n away make Sanemi regret his decision.
He have a longing desire, He desire you, but afraid to lose you. But now he lose you on the other way. Y/n said "Yes" To Rengoku who is currently courting y/n. Was overjoyed and shower her with affection "that should be me" Sanemi said to himself, As he watch the one he treasures is now belong to someone.
While y/n misunderstood there relationship. The actual fact is that Kanae and Sanemi is never been together, they were rumours. they are dating, but those are all empty rumours. Kanae and Sanemi just share the same pain, Loving someone they can't have.
Kanae have feelings for Gyomei.
They both are just misunderstood as there lovers cause they always talk about there feelings for someone, who they could just watch from afar.
"Hey Shinazugawa-kun, how about we date?" Kanae said carefree.
"Huh?!" Sanemi said.
"Let's just try, maybe we could get over from them" Kanae said playfully and not really serious about it.
" Fine"
" Eh? "
" I said fine what's with that face"
"Nothing, it's just it's unexpected"
" Didn't you suggest it?"
" Yep, so when I get back from my mission, we officially going to date each other"
"Just go already" Sanemi said.
Sanemi remember the last conversation they have. How silly, they love someone else yet, they using each other.
Y/n was concerned, she know how sanemi is.
She decided to let go Sanemi after seeing how he smile with Kanae. She was jealous, but happy for him, if Sanemi is happy with Kanae, I should let go. So she said yes to Kyojuro. But now Sanemi's happiness is gone. he needed a friend.
"Rengoku-san, are you really sure?" Y/n asked to Rengoku.
" Umu...I trust you, y/n and Shinazugawa-kun needed a friend"
Y/n just hug him and he chuckled and hug back, y/n is a very honest person.
So y/n go to where is Sanemi is, seeing how he is.
"Shinazugawa-san?" Y/n doesn't call him Sanemi like before.
He only look at her and looked away.
He thought, he must be hallucinating.
Y/n pick up all the empty bottles and cleaning up.
"I brought a ohagi and porridge for you" y/n said leaving a bento at the table and a bowl where the porridge is.
Sanemi thought, he sure missing your everything.
He doesn't know, who could he talk about this growing desire of desiring you.
"Y/n..." He said.
Y/n just stare at him.
"I know your sad losing Kanae- san, but you should know, she won't be Happy, if you keep drowning your sorrows by drinking sake" y/n said.
Sanemi just go to her side and carress her face. And look at her in a way, they both know.
She only look at him and look away.
"He must be hallucinating of Kanae-san" y/n said to herself and feel her heart clench.
Y/n is also longing for sanemi, but control herself.
She stand up and continue cleaning up. Sanemi didn't move to where he is sitting.
"You should go,
clean yourself" y/n said.
Sanemi did what she said and clean himself. He doesn't like y/n to see his pathetic self.
(Play the song 👆and on the English caption)
Sanemi POV
I clean myself and try to get rid the alcohol in my system, I might do something stupid. If I let my guard down.
Y/n is already done cleaning up, when I get back.
"Eat it now, so I know you really eat and not throwing it" she said.
She still remember the time, I throw the food she give to me, in order to push her away... Just why?
I remember what Kanae said.
"Fufufu, isn't ironic, Shinazugawa-kun, We both in the same situation, I love Gyomei-san but then, he said he can't return this desire of mine, while you, you keep talking about y/n-san, how much you desire her, but why did you push her away? "
"That's none of your business"
"You and her could be together, I wonder, why did you used me, for pushing her away, much more for her to say yes to Rengoku-san, that's our difference, she is willing to return your feelings for her while Gyomei-san... " Kanae said but she is already tearing up, she was hurt.
Same for Sanemi who still keep on checking his emotion check. Reason he push you away "I don't deserve her, how many times did I break my promise, how many times did I make her cry, she should forget about me and be with Someone else, it must be better for her to be happy with someone, not with me, who always hurt her"
She's still the same, even she become more and more beautiful.
The atmosphere between her and I is a bit suffocating, cause of me surpressing my desire.
We shared a quiet atmosphere only while I eat she only look outside.
"Take care of yourself, Sanemi..." Y/n said.
After she say my name, like she used to call me.
All My will to control my desire vanish.
I don't care anymore, I don't give a single care anymore.
I just want her, I want her to be beside me. I just pull her in my arms feeling her warmth like before, intoxicated by her scent.
"Don't leave me alone..." I mumbled to the crook of her neck as she didn't move but then I look at her in the eye, I slowly lean in, I know this is wrong, I know that, afterall it's my fault.
Y/n POV
The moment when Sanemi hug me and said don't leave him alone, make my heart who long for him beats so fast. This is wrong,I'm not supposed to be this close.
My heart aches, as my moral and feeling for him is clashing.
The hug didn't help my situation as I can smell him, the same scent he have when we were kids, The same warmth I feel comfortable and the warmth I love. When he lean in...it was a blink in the eye,
We're sharing our first kiss. A kiss that is so wrong, it was a sinful kiss, the gentle kiss become passionate as he press his lips to kiss me more firmly, he only hold the back of my head as he tilt it to deepen the kiss,
I'm getting drunk, the taste of alcohol and ohagi in his breathe as my hand wrapped around his neck. He lick my bottom lips and asked for my mouth to open, our tongue touch as he explore every nook of my mouth.
We keep on going, until I feel light-headed to it. We're both panting at each other as he have catch his breath and we share another a passionate kiss, his hand wander to my hips supporting me when he look at me again and give me time to catch my breath he lean again, but I gently push him.
"This is wrong... Kanae-san just... passed away, I'm not her... I'm with Rengoku-san..." I said holding back my tears, As the kiss doesn't meant for me, but for someone, I just took advantage of him. I feel so disgust to myself.
I don't deserve anyone.
Not Rengoku-san or Sanemi.
Sanemi POV
When she push me gently, I didn't push my luck, that kiss was intoxicating, but then her words when she left.
Tch...I should have clear myself, then maybe, just maybe you and I be together.
Kanae and I are just friends.
Now your out of my reach. But then something push me and I just found myself running and chasing after you.
Y/n POV
I go back to Manor, I said I tried to love Rengoku-san but I end up missing and kissing Sanemi.
I don't deserve his love.
I just cried, that kiss isn't for me either, it was supposed to be for Kanae-san.
Your so stupid. I let my longing feelings for him took over myself, now I did something reckless.
Rengoku-san notice that odd behavior. And I just tell him, what happened. He give me a sad smile and hug me.
"This sound stupid, and I know, I keep forcing myself to you, but...I still love you, I can't let go of you, and thank you for being honest for me, I still want you y/n, that fact won't change from what happened between you and Shinazugawa-kun" He said and I just feel guilty for him
" No, get mad at me, this is called unfaithful, even I just said" he won't let go of me and just held me in a tight embrace.
3rd POV
Sanemi just chase her and want to clear the things up, he wanted you to be his. But then Rengoku saw him and just hold you. He was jealous at Sanemi. If he said he wanted and love you, for sure you go to his arm.
Now that he have this chance, he won't let go of you.
The two male just stare at each other. The one who is being love and the one who is loving you.
Rengoku give him a hint.
"Didn't you already push her away, stop hurting her any further"
Sanemi just clench his fist, Rengoku is right, he hurted you alot, he left you a lot of wounds that turn into a scar. A scar that couldn't never disappear.
So he turn his back to leave.
Rengoku feel guilty for acting out of character, when it comes to you, he can't help to be greedy.
After y/n calm down, Rengoku just wipe her swollen eyes and kiss it.
"I won't do anything you don't want me to do"
"... Why me? There's alot of—don't say a word, y/n..." Rengoku interrupt her.
After comforting her, Rengoku just wanted to apologise for being rude to Sanemi.
"Shinazugawa-kun, I" Rengoku said.
"No, you did the right thing" Sanemi said.
"But what I said" Rengoku said.
"She choose you, I should be the one who supposed to apologise, I make a move on her" Sanemi said.
Rengoku just look down, Sanemi just left him.
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