How am I drowning? After you slaughtered the lamb, how am I finally choking on the blood three years after the fact? Tell me how the fire that went out between us is somehow rekindling and blazing in my heart? Tell me why I can't move on so that I will stop playing the part, of the one who doesn't recognize that like the sheep I too am lost.
But I ask for forgiveness, I never would have thought. After all the time of putting myself together, three years after I am finally breaking apart. It's not you that I'm angry with, it's that I don't understand. Why is time revealing the changes in my character and how you didn't play a good part?
Strangely enough I thought the wounds on my heart were fully patched and disappearing from sight but, the looks on the world's faces tell me they'll never depart. I'll never stop hurting about something that doesn't matter. I laugh as I write this because I know how you must feel. I know the power and joy that most radiate through your chest when three years after your stab wounds, the shot gun still has its affect. I'm still afraid and still sad, still broken and still mad. But I guess to consecrate your earnings, there was a reason you you kidnapped my heart.
You'll never stop winning because it seems I've finally lost. Why is time like a curse, giving me space to reminisce of all the things we shouldn't have done and all the things we bought?
***
Unrealted to this, I want to say that you never fully know someone. I asked my friend to give her thoughts on this piece and the conlusion she got was not the message I intended. I don't expect each and everyone of you to come away with the same thing. That's not why I write. I understand that who we are causes us to look at the same peice of writing and take away different things. That's wonderful. That's beautiful. Just please don't think you know me based on what I write. Obviously what I write is apart of me. The feelings I express are my true emotions but there's always more to the story. Don't forget that. You don't know everyone's truth and that's okay. Be a friend and love yourself. That's all we can really do.
~ Have you ever said yes to something that you really didn't want to say yes to?
👀
D.O.