Kyle wobbled back to the bar, Jessie half-holding him up for safety. Dancing drunk had been fun, but now, walking was precarious at best.
Jessie sat him down then took the stool to his left and turned to watch the dancers, a smile on her face.
"Just look at them," she said, nodding towards Sam and Skye.
They were slow dancing, arms around each other, foreheads pressed together, goofy smiles on both their faces.
"Not love my ass," Kyle mumbled. He still had a tiny bit of whiskey in his glass, so he made short work of it.
"Which one of them is denying it?"
"I don't think they are anymore. Skye admitted it, but said she hadn't told Sam yet."
"She should," Jessie said. "It would make his day. And Sam needs good news. And love."
"Lots of it," he agreed turning on his stool so that his back was against the bar.
He was done drinking anyway. There was a soft pounding in his head, his muscles were relaxed and his vision a little blurry. It was enough. He'd just wanted to numb himself out and the alcohol had done the trick.
"Still tastes like shit," he mumbled, looking from Sam and Skye who were now kissing, to Tom and Angie who seemed to be talking. "God, I hope he's telling her that he wants to get back together."
"Does he, though?" Jessie asked.
"What do you think?"
"I really wish they would. I also hope they've learned something from all this."
"Tom has. And I think Angie, too. They both need to trust people more."
"Trust each other," she said with a nod, then turned to him, her eyes misty. "What about us?"
He winced. "I still believe you'll be okay. Jimmy's not a moron."
"Neither are you, and still..."
He really didn't want to think about it. At least not until tomorrow. So he just shrugged and looked away. His breath hitched in his throat. Kay stood in the doorway to the restaurant, watching him with wide eyes.
Even if he knew something was wrong, that the pain inside him had a reason, seeing her made his heart beat faster. With careful movements, he stood and walked to her. The closer he came, the more he realized little things. How pale she was, how there were dark rings under her eyes, how her shoulders were tense.
And yet, he couldn't help finding her gorgeous. The light in her eyes, her golden hair, her body... her. Always her.
"Want to dance?" he asked the moment he reached her.
"Are you drunk?"
Wow, that question was getting old. "A little."
"How?"
It was amusing how everyone focused on the how rather than the way. But it suited him just fine. He didn't even want to think about the why.
"It's possible. You just have to be very careful. And very miserable."
Kay winced. "Kyle..."
"You don't have to say anything, you know."
Her eyes shone with tears and she put her hand on his cheek. That was a nice surprise. He put his hand over hers. Something was wrong. They shouldn't be doing this, but he wrapped his arm around her waist anyway and pulled her against him.
She didn't fight it, just put her other hand on his other cheek, a sad smile on her face. Old habits died hard. And hurt. Proof was in the pain. Proof that it mattered, that it was everything.
"Why did you come here?" he whispered.
"My mind is still wonky, and I didn't want to be alone. Plus, when you left, it felt off..."
Off was putting it mildly. "Are you sure you don't want to dance?"
"I'd love to," her voice was so small, he could barely hear her. "But I don't think I can. Everything is so blurry and..." Her legs gave out.
He tightened his hold on her to keep her on her feet. "What are you doing? I'm the drunk one."
She giggled though it was weak. "You're better than most men at everything, including being drunk."
"Not true. I'm very uncoordinated."
"You're also a happy drunk."
"I'm a wise drunk."
"I'm a sad, miserable drunk. And apparently a sad, miserable junky."
Her words didn't make sense, but he was a little more concerned about how frail she looked at the moment. So he scooped her up in his arms. The world swayed, but he stayed vertical.
"I think I should go back to bed," she mumbled into his chest.
"Sounds wise."
"Please don't drop me down the stairs."
"As tempting as that sounds, I'll do my best."
It was hard to plan anything anyway. Seconds, minutes ticked by and he just did things because why not? His mind stayed numb and his feelings swirled between amusement, pain and confusion.
What was he doing? What was Kay doing? For the first time in months, it felt like it was them again. Like they used to be. Like he wanted them to be forever.
She tightened her hold on him as he stumbled up the stairs, probably sensing how he could drop her at any moment. It was worth it, just to feel her next to him. This would probably hurt so badly in the morning. But right now... He was all about right now.
He hit his shoulder against the wall as he made his way towards her room. Kay let out a small giggle, pale and filled with pain. The moment they reached her door, she fished out the keycard from her pocket and opened up.
Kyle managed to drop her on the bed before his head starting pounding. With no notice, his stomach heaved and twisted. Shit. He stumbled to the bathroom and kneeled before the toilet.
His stomach lurched again, but it was a false alarm, so he was able to hold everything down. Panting, he leaned his head against the wall, pressing his cheek on the cold tiles. It helped sober him up a little, but with it came a pain he wasn't sure he wanted yet.
"Kyle?" Kay's voice sounded panicky, desperate.
He couldn't move. Couldn't get up and see what was going on, couldn't help. He was never drinking again.
She burst into the bathroom and dropped to her knees beside him, her hands on the toilet seat. Unlike in his case, it wasn't a false alarm. She heaved, tears streaming down her face.
Even if the tips of his fingers tingled with numbness, he moved an inch closer to her and held her hair back. His head was spinning, and the pain continued to grow together with confusion.
She was finally done and turned, leaning her back against the toilet. "I hate this. I hate this so much."
He just nodded, because he did, too.
"We're a right pair, aren't we?"
No, not anymore, but he couldn't help leaning over and wiping her eyes with his thumbs. The gesture sent another pang through his heart. This was his job. Whatever happened, he was supposed to be there to wipe her eyes, even if he was the reason for her tears. He'd just forgotten, and doing it now made it seem so obvious.
Yes, she'd messed up, but so had he. Being cold, and aloof instead of talking. Instead of telling her exactly what he expected of her when he knew her flaws.
"You're suddenly quiet," she observed.
"I'm starting to sober up."
She looked a little disappointed at this. "Can you help me stand to brush my teeth and go to bed then?"
He did. His legs were wobbly, but he was doing much better than her. What had happened to her? Could he still ask?
After she was done washing up and he tucked her into bed, he pulled back, ready to retreat to his own room and a night of confused misery.
"No, please don't go, I need you," she said, grabbing his arm.
"Kay, what are you doing?"
Her eyes were wide and innocent. "What do you mean?"
"I mean first you break up with me and now you need me?"
"Break up with you? I didn't break up with you." She sounded honestly surprised and her words breathed some life into him.
"Then what was all that stuff about love flying out the window or however you put it?"
Her eyes widened even more before she frowned. "No." There was so much fire in her voice, so much determination. "You said I could decide, and I did. The answer is no. We're not breaking up. We're fixing it. And if you have something against that, then you break up."
"Wait, I'm getting very confused." And dizzy. He lay down next to her, propping his back against the headboard. "What was all the painful sorry for then?"
She immediately scooted next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Angie. Eric. Me. Jessie. Everything. I realized that you had a point. Everyone had a point. I was so invested in Tom and Angie and look at them. She healed fine, they're getting along, there's even a chance for them to get back together. I didn't help with that at all. All I did was nag her, nag him, and destroy us."
He just hummed, totally agreeing with her, but not wanting to piss her off by saying it.
"And with Eric," she continued. "I knew it was a bad idea, but I liked the attention he gave me. He was not tired or stressed out and made me the center of everything. It took me a while to realize he was doing it because he has no idea what my life is really like. He'd probably run or go crazy if he had to face half of the stuff you do on a daily basis. And you went through such a hard time, what with everyone breaking up, Jessie leaving, your parents divorcing... I just sucked so much! Instead of realizing those things had every right to get a part of your attention, I just felt like you were ignoring me. Like you were maybe tired of me."
Her voice was now filled with tears, but he didn't say anything. Just let her rant and finish because she was finally being honest with him and herself and now he could understand.
"That's what I'm sorry for," she said. "For what I did. For the time we lost. For how happy and safe I could've felt these past few months. Both of us, actually. If only I would've told you this."
"If only I would've asked..." he said.
"That too." She tightened her hold around him. "But you were right not to push it under the rug. My attitude I mean. Though I'm convinced we would've gotten together and we'd be fine now, I don't think I would've learned this lesson. Our lives are hard, and we have to know that sometimes, there will be stuff out there consuming us, making us unable to treat the other right. But that's when the other needs to wait and be there, because no matter what, we'll always return to each other."
He took her hand and entwined his fingers between hers. "Don't let go til we die."
Tears filled her eyes and she nodded. "Til we die."
They sat in silence, and for a moment, Kyle felt completely happy. Like he was in love with her all over again and there was nothing but brightness in front of them. But they had been on the verge of breaking up, and some things were still unsaid.
"I have a question. Why were you so sure I wouldn't break up with you?"
Kay let out a short laugh. "Because if you wanted to, you would've done it. You're honest, you don't bullshit. You only made me do it because you knew that this way I'd actually have to think for once."
"Not exactly. I wanted you to take responsibility. I'm..." Here came the hard part because he was still a little unsure if what he wanted was healthy. "I meant it when I said I don't want you to be a passenger on this ride. I want us to drive together."
"I've been thinking about that, too. But when's the last time you saw a car with two wheels? I do need to get my ass out of the backseat though and be your copilot."
He smiled because she got it. That was exactly what he wanted. He was okay with leading in their relationship. He was also convinced that once they had kids, she'd take over as the head of the family and set the rules for everyone. The thought sparked something within him, a desperate desire to be a family with her. Take it further. They were no longer at the beginning of their journey. It was time to move on.
"I love you so much, Kyle," she said. "And I promise I'll never forget that again. Just the thought of a life without you made me sick. And not because I wouldn't manage, because I would, but because I'm sure I wouldn't be as good as I am and will be with you. From the first day I met you, you only made me grow."
Her words warmed him to the core. "I love you too, sweetheart." He leaned over and kissed her hair. "And trust me, you've taught me a lot and gave me the love and stability I've always craved for." Something he hadn't gotten anywhere else. The first and only person to love him unconditionally, all his darkness included.
They lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes, then Kay's body twitched and his mind sobered up even more.
"Are you okay?"
"Not really," she moaned. "Withdrawal sucks. Jessie and Angie think the Agency or someone else put something in that water I kept drinking and now it's getting flushed out of my system. They think that's the reason for me hallucinating the whole you and Jessie thing..."
A wave of anger broke through the numbness instilled by the drink. Kay pressed her palm on his chest and he immediately relaxed into the pillows.
"Don't get mad yet. We need to figure out who we should get mad at first and how to approach it."
Her voice was filled with pain and he could tell it was about more than the effects of the water.
"Kay, do you have a problem with Jessie and me? Honestly."
She hesitated and it said everything.
"I don't think so," she finally said. "But it's hard to tell with that image still in my head. I can tell you I didn't use to. Not until Cecily Howard pointed out that you had chemistry. Not until Jessie ran off and I saw how much it took out of you."
Kyle huffed. "You still let Cecily get into your head? I'll admit I love Jessie, but you already know that. She's like a sister to me. Of course it hurt when she left, especially because of how she left. But I can assure you I've never been sexually attracted to her, not even the tiniest bit."
"I know. I'm just being an idiot." She cuddled closer to him. "I'm cold."
It was hot like an oven in that room, but he pulled the covers over her and wrapped his arms around her.
"Don't worry. I'll keep you warm."
The content sigh she let out filled his soul. Her breathing evened out, and for a moment, he was sure she'd fallen asleep. Then, she sat up, looking at him with groggy eyes.
"I feel disgusting, I need a shower."
"Are you sure?" He scooted on her side and helped her out of bed since she seemed unable to stand properly.
She just nodded, so he led her to the bathroom and, still holding her up with one arm, turned on the shower. It made him crave for one, too, but there was no way he was leaving her alone. She seemed to be thinking the same thing, because she stepped in fully clothed, dragging him along.
The hot water hit him and had all his muscles unwinding. Part of him was glad, another was freaked out, and another was reminded of all those morning showers he and Kay had taken together. Which was not an appropriate thought at the moment.
"Need help?" he asked instead.
"Need..." Kay seemed to chew the word and try to determine its taste. She then leaned forward, her eyes more alert and filled with mischief. "Not need. Want. Want you."
"Kay..." It was more than a little tempting, but they were both a little out of it.
"Only if you want to, of course," she backtracked. "If not, I'll just need a bit of help to wash up and then we'll go to bed."
He wasn't sure if she was doing it on purpose, but at that moment he didn't care. He'd missed her in every possible way. And once he got her heart back, he needed her body as well.
It didn't matter that he was still a little drunk, that she was maybe a little loopy. Peeling the wet clothes off her was more than satisfying, as was letting her do the same to him. Then spreading soap all over her body, shampooing her hair... It led to more, to a lot more, and as she gave herself to him, he finally felt complete.
It was no longer unhealthy, or unnatural. They had both admitted their flaws and decided to grow and move past them, settled into their roles and completed each other. In every possible way.
And as they finally lay in bed, Kay cuddled by his side and sleeping, all Kyle could think about was the engagement ring his mother had given him. He still believed it was cursed, especially after Freider died, and there was no way in hell he was giving it to Kay.
But maybe it was time he started searching for one he actually liked.
♠️♠️♠️
And we have another update. I hope you guys are happy now. I am truly starting to fix things now. Who knows? Maybe I'll fix more next.
Nah, just gonna make something blow up.
In other huge news, I actually finished the book. Yay me!
Which means I can update faster. Would you guys like to switch to updates twice a week or faster or what? Please let me know. We're so close to the end.
Don't forget to vote and comment if you're still enjoying the ride.