Thankfully, my phone had been back at the bar where we had been drinking the previous night, much to my relief. Now I didn't have to worry about someone leaking the private pictures I had of Harry and I and the messages we had sent back and forth to each other. I don't think I could've handled it if someone had leaked the contents of my phone to the public.
Zayn has been letting me stay with him, none of the boys thinking that I should be home alone during this breakup. I didn't protest because it meant that I wouldn't be bothered with the constant harassment from the people that were still waiting outside my apartment, until they find out that I'm staying with Zayn and find out where he lives.
I just don't care anymore. I don't care about the rumors of Zayn and I dating. Let them think what they want. Maybe then they'll leave me alone.
I've dove into my course work, doing anything and everything to keep my mind off of Harry. I've deleted all of my social media, not wanting to see all of the news about him or myself. I've even gone so far as to buy a little sketchbook to practice my drawing when I've finished all my other work for my classes.
I don't watch the news, hell I barely even watch TV. I avoid looking at billboards and listening to the radio all because I can't bring myself to know what Harry is doing.
It's been two weeks since the phone call. Two long weeks. When I had gotten my phone back and charged it, there were so many calls from Harry from right after I had called him that night. So many voicemails and texts that I didn't have the heart to read or listen to. I deleted them instead.
I try my best to act my normal self in front of my friends, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes my mind wanders to what Louis said to Harry on the phone after I had run into the bathroom to puke. I never work up the courage to ask him.
It's a week until spring break and the boys and I was planning to go to the states on vacation, but no one has brought it up.
It's a nice day out and we are in the park playing footie. The bright warm sun shining down on me and the fresh air puts me in a good mood today, and for the first time in weeks I feel happy.
"Lou, over here," I yell, running towards the goal where Liam is playing goalie.
Louis passes me the ball quickly, narrowly avoiding Zayn who tries to steal it and I run it the rest of the way up the field. I fake Liam to the right and he falls for it. I kick the ball to the left of the net and it soars into the goal.
I start to cheer and Louis tackles me to the ground, cheering with me. The wind almost knocked out of me when I hit the ground with him on top of me, but I lay there, laughing so hard. Zayn and Liam both join in on the fun, jumping on top of us too. We are laying in a pile howling with laughter.
When the laughter stops and we all sit up in a circle, smiles still on our faces, Louis asks, "So what are we doing for our last spring break?"
The smile falls from my face. I had been thinking of going to the United States to visit Harry, and I had secretly purchased a ticket to go, but now we are no longer together.
"You guys can come to the States with me," I ask, hopeful.
"Sounds brilliant," Louis says, his eyes lighting up and a grin breaking out on his face that only makes me feel relieved, "Where to?"
"Vegas," I reply, a smile creeping up on my face as his grin gets bigger.
"Even better," he yells, "Let's goooooo!"
"I'm in," Liam laughs at Louis.
"Me too," Zayn adds.
"It's a plan then," I say, excited now that I won't have wasted money on the flight, "We should see if you guys can get on my flight."
They agree and we play footie for another half hour until we are tired and there's too much banter going on for us to finish a game.
We pile into Zayn's car and when he starts the car, the radio is still the channel we left it on.
"Next up is Harry Styles' newest song, Falling," the radio voice says and my stomach churns.
"Sorry Ni," Zayn says and switches the radio station as Louis glares at him.
"It's okay, put it back on," I tell him and all three boys look at me, unsure.
"You sure?"
"Yes," I nod and Zayn switches it back to the other station as the piano starts to play.
"I'm in my bed
And you're not here
And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands
Forget what I said
It's not what I meant
And I can't take it back
I can't unpack the baggage you left
What am I now?
What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm fallin' again
I'm fallin' again
I'm fallin'
What if I'm down?
What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?
I'm fallin' again
I'm fallin' again
I'm fallin'
You said you cared
And you missed me, too
And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you–"
"Okay, you can turn it off now," I say, emotion thick in my throat.
Louis turns the radio off completely before turning around in his seat to look at me.
"Think it's about you?" he asks and Zayn smack him on the arm, "Ow! What? Sounds like it's about him."
I shrug and look out the window, "Could be about anybody."
Louis snorts and rolls his eyes, before turning back around in his seat, "Yeah, right."
I chew on my lip, "Could be about that girl he's so in love with."
No one says anything in response to that. The rest of the ride is silent and I'm thankful it's not very long until we reach Zayn's place because I'm not left alone with my thoughts long.
We pile out of the car and head up to Zayn's flat. I kick off my shoes and hop over the back of his couch, settling down.
"You seem surprisingly okay with this song," Liam says carefully, sitting down on the other side of the couch.
I shrug, "I'm not really sure how I feel about it."
I can't help but think if that song is about me or her.
"Okay then," Louis says, coming into the room with Zayn's computer, "Let's get these tickets, shall we?"
"Hell yeah."
_________________
I fall into my bed, fresh from my shower. I had convinced the boys to let me go back to my apartment, after assuring them for hours that I'm fine. I grab my headphones from the table by my bed and I pull up YouTube.
Harry's new song is trending, and I click the video and close my eyes, taking in every word of the song. The emotion in his voice is enough to choke me up with tears.
The song finishes and I pull up his contact on my phone. I stare at the picture I have set. His eyes are crinkled at the sides and his grin is so big and just by looking at the picture I can hear his laugh and it makes my heart ache.
I debate calling him for a long time. Eventually, I decide against it.
I'll go see him in person when I get to the States.