everything fucking aches
~[|]~
Gerard was almost at his car when he felt someone tug his arm.
"Gerard, please just listen-"
"Leave me alone." Gerard said as he unlocked his car, and he felt his eyes sting. God, he hadn't cried this many times- or actually felt like crying this many times in his entire life.
"I didn't kiss someone else- they kissed me." Frank said hurriedly, his eyes running all over Gerard like he was worried he'd vanish any second.
"I don't wanna fucking hear it, Frank." Gerard's voice cracked as he spoke, opening his car.
Frank was quick to yank him out and slam the car door shut. Gerard's heart squeezed at the notion of Frank's aggression, he never thought he would be at the end of Frank's anger issues but now that he was, God he forgot he was dating someone who beat people up a lot.
"What the fuck?" Gerard asked incredulously as he glared at Frank. Hoping to hide his fear, because that would just make this all worse.
"Will you just let me explain without you fucking blowing things out of proportion?" Frank asked angrily, and Gerard had to admit that it was scaring him just a tiny bit. He swallowed as he leaned against his car.
"I was pouring this girl a drink and she confused me with her boyfriend and kissed me," Frank said with a sigh, "I didn't initiate anything and I certainly didn't fucking make-out with anyone."
"Why the Hell would she confuse you with her boyfriend?" Gerard asked with a slight scoff.
"I work in a fucking bar- she was obviously drunk." Frank said and there was still this pissy tone lodged in his words.
Gerard was silent for a moment, not looking up at Frank. He knew he didn't have a right to be mad- or even upset at Frank, but he still felt this intense urge to punch someone and if it wasn't going to be that drunk girl it was gonna be that stranger walking down the street.
"I'm sorry, okay?" Frank said in a softer tone, he placed his hands on Gerard's face but Gerard didn't want to look up.
Frank lifted his chin up with his index finger, his eyes were warm, bleeding into his own. But Gerard still felt this strange hurt- like he knew Frank wasn't at fault but he knew someone was and it just wouldn't stop nagging him, the fact that that girl kissed Frank. It just made him so pissed.
Frank lay a gentle kiss on Gerard's lips but Gerard didn't move, in fact he actually felt himself begin to tremble.
Because fuck, he just needed it all to stop.
Their arguing and the thought of Frank kissing someone and the taste of vodka he was getting from Frank's lips. He felt his hands begin to shake because fuck he felt sick- he wanted to vomit.
Frank pulled back with sadness all across his face, "What're you-"
The hurt across Frank's face was really the last thing he needed, and Gerard couldn't even let Frank finish before he was bursting out in tears.
So much for not reaching a new low, Gerard thought.
Gerard was quick to push Frank away from him before turning to face his car as he cried. He didn't need Frank to see him like this.
He felt Frank's hands on his arms in what he knew was meant to be a comforting gesture but it just made his heart beat faster, and soon he was sobbing harshly.
"Fuck, Gerard." Frank mumbled as he carefully turned Gerard around, with Gerard objecting softly but deep down inside knowing that maybe he did want Frank's comfort.
He just... He just didn't really know how to ask, but he was still so fucking angry and he could practically feel the bile at the back of his throat and it wouldn't leave.
"Shh, it's gonna be okay." Frank cooed softly, wrapping his arms gently around Gerard's frame.
Gerard didn't even know what to do with himself, everything ached.
"No, it's not." Gerard chocked out, and he buried his head in Frank's chest a she sobbed, he just wanted to fucking disappear.
"Why wouldn't it be?" Frank asked carefully, running a hand through Gerard's knotted hair.
Gerard pulled back to face Frank fully,
"Because I can't stop picturing you kissing someone else." Gerard whispered, and that was possibly the most honest he had been with Frank since their last argument, and the way Frank's eyes seemed to fill with sadness at his statement made him feel worse for telling the truth than lying.
Frank's lip quivered subtly, and Gerard let more tears roll down as he stared at him intently.
"Gerard..." Frank trailed off quietly, and Gerard now realised how much he fucking missed being called 'Gee.'
"I didn't- I didn't kiss her- I- I love you." Frank said and his eyes were watering beyond fast as he spoke.
Then there was a horrific silence, the kind where you could only really hear Gerard's crying and Frank's laboured breathing, and Gerard just couldn't take it.
"I-I think I should just go." He said, he wiped his eyes quickly before taking a deep breath.
Frank shook his head, "Don't go- we still haven't finished talking." His stern tone faltered as his emotion shone through it.
"What else is there to say?" Gerard asked, slowly letting go of Frank's shirt that he had been clutching moments ago.
"I..." Frank's eyebrows furrowed, "I don't want you to go... this is just a rough patch- we can get through this." Frank insisted.
"Frank, this doesn't feel like a rough patch," Gerard whimpered, and Frank gripped his body tighter once the words left his mouth.
"Wait.. you- you might not get over this?" Frank asked almost inaudibly, his eyes tearing up.
"I- I don't know." Gerard's heart was racing again, and he couldn't breath.
"No," Frank said shaking his head, "I- this isn't fair- please don't leave me over some stupid fight about nothing."
Gerard didn't answer, he just looked at the ground, Frank lifted his head back up with his index finger.
"I love you."
"You already said that."
- -
Gerard was laying on the couch of his apartment, a book in his hand as he read silently. He had tear-stained cheeks and possibly the most bitten lips known to man, but that wouldn't come in the way of his reading.
It was around three in the morning, and God he really should be asleep, he did have work in a few hours, but he just couldn't stop thinking, and it was really taking a toll on him.
He kept thinking about Frank- and how he didn't even know where they stood in their relationship. Thanksgiving was a week away, and that thought didn't even bother Gerard like it had done a few days ago, because damnit he was always just so sensitive.
Gerard just couldn't tell Frank he loved him too, and he couldn't even turn to sympathy when he drove off after their talk, and Frank had been trying to call him but he just couldn't pick up the damn phone.
Gerard just wanted Frank's hugs again, and his wonderful laugh and his dizzying eyes- he wanted it so badly, but he couldn't find it in himself to talk to Frank after their argument.
He just realised how much value Frank held, and how he could crush Gerard's heart with a single action. And that thought scared Gerard more than anything, and definitely more than Bryar ever could.
So he sat there, reading his book, somewhere deep inside praying that maybe Frank would show up, show up by his door and kiss him. Make his confusion go away, and make it so there was only unfiltered love again. But that wasn't Frank's job, it was Gerard's, and he had to own up to the fact that he was dramatic and pushed Frank away when he had done nothing wrong.
Gerard looked out of his living room window, God he really had to fix things with Frank before he actually lost him.
- -
The flowers Gerard had purchased for the second time in a week, were once again clutched in his hands, though this time he wasn't heading to the bar. He was heading to Frank's apartment.
He was wearing a sweater that was way too big for him, and actually showed off a little bit of his collarbones, and skinny jeans. Gerard didn't want to look like he put in no effort at all, but he was still so drained from work and crying and being an overall mess.
Once Gerard reached Frank's apartment door, he knocked softly, biting his lip as he heard shuffling from inside.
And then Frank's face appeared, his adorable and handsome face, which the longer Gerard looked the more he noticed, had bags and irritated red skin. Gerard frowned.
"Hi." He said quietly.
"Uh, hey." Frank mumbled in return, and he opened his door for Gerard to step through it.
Gerard's hands shook as he walked through the door, "I um, got you flowers."
"Thank you." Frank smiled weakly, though it looked quite pained. He watched as Frank placed them carefully on his counter.
Gerard sighed quietly, "Frank, I- I wanted to say I'm sorry."
And it was like a trigger because the moment the words left his lips he felt like crying again.
Fucking goddamnit.
"I'm so sorry, Frank." Gerard put his head down as he bit his lip to stop it quivering.
"Gerard-"
"I'm sorry I wasn't man enough to tell my family about us- and I'm sorry I threw those flowers at you, and I'm sorry I ran off, I-I," It was like Gerard couldn't stop, his mouth just kept running on it's own accord, and the more words left his mouth the more tears escaped his eyes.
"Gerard, I-"
"And I'm sorry accused you of cheating on me, and I'm sorry I told you you couldn't call me Gee anymore." Gerard had barely finished speaking when he felt Frank envelope him in a tight embrace.
"Shut the fuck up." Frank said, and Gerard immediately forced his mouth shut.
Gerard buried his head in Frank's shoulder as he tried to calm his breathing.
"It's okay. You don't need to be sorry." Frank said softly, but Gerard just shook his head.
"I get if you want to leave me- I'd leave me too." Gerard hiccuped, and Frank was quick to pull back and force their eyes to meet.
"Don't say that." Frank said with a frown, "Don't fucking say that."
Gerard whimpered and looked away from Frank, only to have Frank force their eye contact again.
"I don't exactly know how many times I have to say I love you for you to realise that you mean everything to me, but I'm gonna keep fucking saying it if that's what it takes." Frank said seriously, making a small smile form on Gerard's lips.
"I.. I love you too," He said back softly, "and I'm sorry I couldn't say it back the other night."
Frank's eyes lit up at Gerard's words, and his eyes trailed down to Gerard's smile.
"um can I, can I kiss you now?" Frank asked quietly, his hands coming to hold Gerard's face in his hands.
Gerard didn't answer verbally, he just nodded and leaned in, and the moment their lips connected Gerard knew that maybe it wasn't so scary that Frank held his heart in the palm of his hand, because Gerard trusted Frank more than anything in the world.
Gerard quickly pulled back when he remembered something, making Frank's eyes turn curious.
"Does this mean I can still meet your family?" Gerard asked softly.
Frank didn't answer, he just grinned and smashed his lips back onto Gerard's, and Gerard took that as an affirmative yes.
♡ ♡ ♡
HEY I UPDATED
AND HEY WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT I MADE IT FLUFF AGAIN
i'm sorry okay i just- i love me some good emotional support
if y'all have any thoughts or feedback man i'm absolutely down to hear it :)