He changed. He made sure to call me every day, to meet me at least twice a week and every time we would meet, he would surprise me with something. Roses, expensive chocolate, branded clothes, even a couple bracelets.
We enjoyed our free time at amusements parks or at the restaurants he would empty for us. His presence had a strong impact on me, it was so strong that I forgot how near the time of our goodbye was.
I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I will be quitting my career as an idol. Maybe it wasn't because it would hurt him, but because I was afraid that if I said that aloud it would break my own heart.
To be honest I didn't even know why I wanted to quit...if I felt this miserable when I was still a full time kpop artist, how I'm going to feel when I sign the papers and terminate my contract with YGE. The hate was hurtful, but this seemed like a torture to my soul.
"Where are you taking me today?" I asked him and smiled widly. I couldn't hide my smiling face from him, I was just too into him.
"You will see," he said and winked at me.
I pouted but said nothing. It was our "last" day together. We were done with the promotion of As if it's your last and I knew that I had to give my final answer about whenever I want to quit or stay. As much as I was afraid of our Boss, what really scared me was how my unnies would react. When I leave, there would only be the three of them left and as many other groups that lost a member, they would fear disbandment. I couldn't forgive myself for crushing their dreams as well.
"What are thinking so hard about?" I heard his soft voice against my ear.
"Oh, nothing."
I could see it on his face that I didn't convince him but I was thankful that he didn't dig deeper.
"We are here," he said and grabbed my hand.
"But this is..." I started saying, but he didn't let me finish.
"Trust me," he said and I followed him even though my heart was everything but at ease right now.
We walked into the dark practise room at BigHit. Only then he let go of my hand and disappeared for a minute.
When I saw him again, the darkness of the room was replaced with bright lights.
"Would you mind explaining why are we here?" I asked confused.
"So, you could see our new choreography. I decided that you will be the first, that is the VIP fan of Jungkook, to see what we will be presenting to our fans soon.
The song is called Mic Drop and now if you let me, I have to get warmed up," he said and without another word he left me there alone.
I watched him get ready and my heart started to beat faster. Was I that into him?
Flashback
"Lisa, what do you see here?" my Boss asked me.
"I see myself getting ready to practise," I answered.
"Mhm, do you remember when this video was taken?"
"It was right when I joined the company, I think I was here only for two weeks when this was filmed."
"Right, now watch this till the end and after you are done, you can leave," he said and before I could say anything, he was gone.
I saw the younger, smaller version of myself that tried her best to shine among other talented trainees. I struggled with language so much back than and even thought I didn't understand Korean, others weren't allowed to speak anything but Korean with me.
There were many times when I caught the glances of pity from others when I got scolded because I wasn't improving as fast as I should have. I remembered how many nights I fell asleep with my cheeks totally wet from all the crying, how many night I didn't even sleep just to study the language more...
I faced so much hardships back then but I thought it would be worth it, I thought that if that meant my dreams coming true, then it's worth the pain.
The end of the flashback
He turned the music on and started to move. It was breath-taking how good he was with controlling his body, how he could picture every note with his movements.
Flashback
"Here, watch this and leave after that." It was the same sentence that I've already heard once.
What was this even about?
It was me, the slightly older version than I was in the previous video.
I got complimented from all the mentors that day, even Taeyang from Bigbang that I adored so much.
I remembered the day very clearly to be honest.
It was the day when I was offered to dance in Taeyang's single song called Ringa Linga and I thought that I would die there on the spot. I accepted the offer (who would be crazy enough to turn it down?!) and I never regretted it.
It was so much fun and I learned so much from it. I smiled while remembering the excitement I felt in my bones when I was on the set.
End of the Flachback
He was covered in sweet already, but he didn't stop. He danced for half an hour and even though he seemed a little out of air, he had that look in his eyes that spoke the volume of determination.
Flachback
Again, I was left in the room to watch yet another video of myself or this time it was also the other three members.
It was our debut stage. I remembered how happy I was that day and how nervous it made me feel to stand on the stage, but once I started to move and rap, it seemed like not a single person in the world mattered because I was finally living my dreams.
I was finally doing what I dreamt about for so long.
It finally felt that after so much effort I put into it, it finally paid off.
End of flashback
He ended his practise and joined me on the floor without me even noticing.
"I would give a million dollars just for a sneak peak of your mind," he said and gulped down some water.
I looked at him for a second.
"Will you mind if I leave you now? It's just that I really need to be somewhere right now," I said and jumped on my feet.
To my surprise, he didn't seem surprised at all.
"Okay, just make sure to call me later and tell me that you made your way back home safe," he said and stood up himself.
"Yeah."
Before I left, he said: "And don't forget that you will always have my support and love. You can always count on me."
With the kiss on my forehead we bid goodbye to each other. I knew that I won't be leaving him. Not for a long time.
I nodded my head without really thinking twice why he was telling me that.
On my way to YGE, I received a massage from Jennie.
"We are waiting for you Maknae, hurry up or the noodles will get cold!" I smiled when I read what she wrote.
I was a trainee for so long, I had a dream and I made it come true, I knew very well that being an idol was something I wanted to do all my life and even thought life may get hard sometimes and even though not all people can like me, I wasn't doing it for haters.
I was doing it for my unnies, for my family, for people that loved me, for our fans and lastly for myself.
I should have known that being an idol had its bad sides, but that didn't mean I should quit. I shouldn't let others decide my fate, since I am the one in the hold of it, so why on the earth would I stop doing something that meant so much to me because some people decided that I didn't suit their taste.
I was always determined; I was always a ride or die girl. I was never half heartily doing something; I don't stand up for fake friendships or relationships in general, I'm was always loyal as a servant but also as honest as it gets.
I know that I'm not perfect but at least I'm real.
I'm a human being just like everyone else and just like everyone else have the right to perceive and reach their dreams, I have too.
I will not give up on my dreams for others, if I ever want to quit it will be because I wanted to and not because others made me do it.
"Boss, can I come up?" I asked. My hands were shaking as I was holding the phone and waiting for his answer.
"I'm not at the office Lalisa, it's 10 pm," he answered.
"Oh, right...,"
"But I know why you called...so, tell me...what did you decide to do?"
"I will stay, Boss," I whispered.
"Just as I assumed," he said and I could hear that he was laughing softly.
"How?" I asked curiously.
"Because it's your dreams we are talking about and your determined character wouldn't let you give up on something that you worked so hard on, it isn't all about talent, it's also determination and hard work and you have them all. Besides you have more fans than haters and as I could see there this one fan that makes you think twice about the decisions you make. Goodluck Lisa, I'll be seeing you girls soon. Now, I have to go. Bye," he said and hung up.
Jungkook? He knew about him? And the other question was, how did Jungkook know that I wanted to quit? Mingyu? Did he tell him?
I had many questions, but one thing was for sure. I was grateful that Boss made me realize how many work I put into becoming the person I am today and also Jungkook whose performance heated my heart so my wish to dominate the stage light up again.
By watching him earlier, my wish to better myself too grew stronger with every step he took.
I wanted to bring powerful performances for many years and I couldn't let anyone take that away from me.
************
Another update! I hope you like it! Thank you all for reading and special thank to MissAnchal98, Queenie1148, Yeccygg, KriyanshiRaina1 and keavanui for upvoting. Also special thanks for Queenie1148 for commenting; I hope you will continue reading this story :D
p.s. now that we have our Lisa back, it's time for little action, so prepare yourself for it in the next chap.