© 2014 Emma Norman. All Rights Reserved.
[chloe]
Tomorrow is a new today. Tomorrow couldn't be any worse than today. I would be happier and everyone would keep their mouths shut.
If I told myself that enough times, there was the hope that it may actually become true, and I will be able to actually convince myself that tomorrow was going to be a better day than today. But, even if tomorrow was a better day, it wouldn't change the fact the next seven months were going to be some of the toughest of my life.
It was going to be especially hard when I had no one, other than my best friend, to support me through those months. I would love to have more than Jodie there for me, even if it was Jason, it would still be better than only having one person there for the duration of the pregnancy—though she had already made plans for me to move in with her and her mother when the baby was born, and Debra had agreed to this because she loved children, and because she wanted to help me in any way she possibly could.
And, when the bell rang for the end of the day, I thought that I would be able to escape this hell. Even if I was going straight into another one, I would have the time in between to compose myself and to prepare for the worst, but I would have been lucky if I had been able to escape without Matthew making another appearance and listening to more of his goading.
"Chloe. Just the person I was expecting to bump into," Matthew appeared in the door way to the classroom which I had wanted to vacate for the day, "I am just wondering whether you are going to tell your parents that I the father of that baby? Especially when we had sex at a party which you only held to get under their skin in the first place."
"Are you going to tell them that you told me to get an abortion because you aren't ready to play the role of daddy?" I knew that I had the most powerful card in this twisted game he was playing with me. I could easily tell his parents that he was the one had gotten me pregnant and that he was going to be a father, not that I would ever sink that low and do something that childish, but I had the ability to make his life as hellish as he was currently making mine.
"I meant what I said. If you are keeping that thing, then I want nothing to do with it," Matthew stated, and that was when I knew that it was never going to get better for me. Matthew was never going to accept that this baby was his and he was never going to support me, he was always going to be the immature boy who didn't know how to keep it in his pants.
"You really think I would allow you to have anything to do with them, even if you were interested in their life?" I turned so quickly that I heard the wind rush past my ear, but there was only so much of Matthew which I could put up with for one day, and I was pretty sure that I had had my allowance.
"What about when it asks who its father is?"
"I will tell them that their father was a cruel, heartless bastard who used girls for his own pleasure and he didn't give a damn about what happened to them when he was done with them. I will tell them that you wanted me to get an abortion and that you were never fit to be a father in the first place, just to make sure they don't come looking for you sixteen years down the line," I replied bitterly. I didn't want nor need Matthew in my life and I sure as hell didn't need him to be there for the baby when they were born, because I would make it work the best that I could and I would be the best damn mother I possibly can to my child.
"That is a little hypocritical of you, given that your first thought was to have an abortion," Matthew smirked.
"I will give you two choices, Matthew," I fought to keep my anger at bay and I forced myself to remain calm because I didn't want to do anything which would endanger the life of my child. I know that I had considered abortion, but I was being selfish and I wasn't thinking properly, I was just thinking about my own life and what I wanted to do with all my plans, but abortion wasn't an option; even less of an option now that I had heard the baby's heartbeat and I knew they were growing inside me.
"And what would they be?"
"Either you back the hell off and stay the fuck away from me," I paused, watching as his smirk grew because he thought it was going to be a simple choice between two things, but I wasn't an idiot and I knew how to ensure he never came near me again.
"Or?"
"Or, I will tell everyone, including your own parents, that you are the father of this child," I knew that I had won. He didn't need to know that I would never actually do that to him, that I was bluffing to make my own life easier, but I was doing what I considered necessary to keep Matthew out of my face for as long as possible.
"You wouldn't dare," I didn't know whether Matthew was trying to convince himself of that fact, or whether he was trying to make me believe what I already knew to be the truth.
"I have the power to bring your perfect little world to its knees, and all it will take is four simple words. So don't even test me," I smirked, feeling proud of myself for managing to stand up for myself rather than allowing myself to be beaten down, as I would have previously done. But I knew that, for as long as Matthew believed me, he wouldn't risk me spilling his secret.
His reputation, though not exactly a reputation I would want, was on the line. If his group were to ever discover that he had slept with someone like me, the good girl who could do no wrong and dressed like a plain jane, then he would lose everything he had spent seven years acquiring. And he wouldn't allow that to happen to himself.
His reputation and popularity were the two things which meant the most to him and, unless he was a complete idiot, he would get the message and he would stay the hell away from me for the foreseeable future. We could both get on with our lives, he would never have to worry about his child, and I would be sure to give them more than enough love to compensate for the lack of a father figure in their life.
But, with a father figure like Matthew Jenkinson, it wouldn't be difficult to compensate for that lack of love. The way he uses girls shows that he doesn't have a heart, so I doubt that he would ever be able to love something as precious as our child. He wouldn't know how to love our child and he was always going to be running, much like a rabbit caught in headlights, and that was something I didn't need in my life—it was already going to be hard enough without him making things even worse than they already were.
My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing and, when I looked at the caller ID, the phone almost slipped from my hand in shock. I considered for a moment whether I should actually answer the call, or whether I should ignore it and continue over to the car, where Jodie was waving at me and urging me to hurry the hell up.
And, against my better judgement, I decided that answering the phone was the better option. We had been together for over a year and I did still love him so, if he was making the effort to phone me, then I should at least make the effort to speak to him. I was, after all, the one in the wrong and not the other way round.
"Hello?" I answered sceptically, watching the look of curiosity which came over Jodie's face when I stopped walking across the car park, and just stood there with my phone against my ear as I waited for a reply.
"Look, I was thinking, I overreacted on Friday and I didn't really give you much of a chance to explain yourself. We should meet somewhere and talk about what is going to happen between us now," Braydon knew what it was that he wanted to say, there was no hesitation or obvious nervousness about him, he just knew what it was that he wanted to say and he said it.
"Uh—"
"I will be there at eight to pick you up," Braydon didn't even give me a chance to speak, it was something which I was used to, because it had happened a lot during our relationship. Braydon was the one who made the decisions and I was the one who went along with them, because I loved him and wanted to make him happy, so I never argued and I never made other suggestions when he had his mind made up.
"Bray—"
"I will take us to that spot which I love in the park, and we will talk about where we actually stand as a couple," I shook my head, not daring to speak out against Braydon or even tell him that I was busy tonight. I had a History project which was due in at the end of the week and I was only just over half finished with it, and there was still so much which needed to be done so that I could get the grade which I actually needed.
"Sounds great," I sighed.
"Be ready on time, and I will see you then," I didn't even get the chance to say anything else before Braydon had hung up and, while a part of me was happy that Braydon was willing to speak to me and actually listen to what it was that I had to say, there was another part which couldn't help but wonder whether my parents were right about Braydon and our relationship. I was being given a chance to have back the person I loved and to be reunited with the only other person who had been there for me, other than Jason, and I now found myself wondering whether he was really what I needed right now or whether I was better off without him.