Brayden,
Looking back at December, I only feel sorrow. I want to tell you so badly that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry for treating you the way I did. I know my attitude was unwarranted more times than not. A lot of my actions that month were unwarranted. Its been too long to clearly decipher whether I'm putting you on a pedestal you didn't earn while beating myself into the ground, maybe I'm just calling a spade out. To put it simply, I know I was a lousy excuse of a girlfriend, and I'm sorry.
I won't excuse my behavior and contradict myself, but I will say this more as an outsider looking in.
Sometimes I felt like you saw me more as a friend than girlfriend.
So I would get mad, annoyed, and even act out to force your affection.
Remember when I said I was scared to let you in because I didn't know how you'd react?
Seeing how well you interacted with my family helped ease that fear a little. You didn't back away from the crazy, but embraced it with open arms.
111, 5.21.20