As irritated as Kaycee was with Sean, it satisfied her knowing that he was going through hell. Not the same kind of hell that she was going through, but hell nonetheless.
He chose to back away. Their lips were so close together that any movement forward would've caused them to collide. And at that moment, she had never felt so confident in her entire life, she felt like she was doing the right thing. That was, until Sean denied her access.
He was eerily quiet today, but at least he wasn't ignoring her. He simply sat at the far end of the couch, twiddling his thumbs and listening to Charm as she droned on about the shoot. Neither of them were really paying attention, though, their minds were occupied with thoughts of each other.
"So, we'll start in a few minutes. I just have to set up my equipment." Charm quipped, glancing at the two solemn teenagers in front of her. "Just keep doing what you're doing while you wait, I suppose."
Once the woman was out of earshot, Kaycee heard Sean clear his throat to get her attention. She shifted in her seat to face him and waited for him to speak, which she wasn't so sure he'd have the guts to do.
"I feel like we should talk about our last rehearsal." He spoke quietly, still preoccupying himself with his thumbs.
"What a noble idea, I'm so glad you thought of that." Kaycee rebutted sarcastically. "You're always so wise."
Sean sighed, rolling his eyes at her childishness. "What's your problem?"
"What do you think my problem is, Sean?" She asked incredulously. "That's a stupid question. This is why I said you're the confusing one."
"Okay let's start there." He said, finally directing his gaze to Kaycee. "I said you're confusing because I couldn't understand why you stayed with Jack back then. You don't have to go and turn it into a personal attack."
"I absolutely do, because that's not what you meant by it. We both know that." She spoke so harshly that it almost scared herself, she couldn't imagine being on the receiving end of it.
Sean gulped, stiffening in his seat. "Maybe so, but I'm not really sure what I meant. You're just confusing."
"How am I so confusing?" Kaycee threw up her hands in exasperation. "I feel like I've always been pretty transparent with my feelings."
Sean snickered, "You're about as transparent as a brick wall when it comes to this kind of stuff."
"And what exactly is this kind of stuff?" Kaycee asked cockily. She knew she'd trapped him with that statement, he'd practically dug his own grave.
But unfortunately, before Kaycee could see him sweat, Charm called them over to start filming. "Are you guys ready to start? I'm all set up in here!"
Sean raised his eyebrows in a taunting manner. "Looks like we'll just have to pick this conversation up later." He stood from his spot and extended his hand out to help her up. "That'll give me time to think of an answer."
Kaycee scoffed, slapping his hand away and standing on her own. "You're infuriating. That's not fair."
"What's not fair is you taking something I said months ago and using it against me because you messed up." He replied, more seriously this time.
Kaycee stopped dead in her tracks. "What did you just say?"
Sean shuffled forward a few more steps before turning around, serious regret pooled in his eyes. "No that's not what I meant-"
"Really? Because your words say otherwise. Stop trying to backtrack on what you say, that's not a favorable characteristic." She spat, finishing her sentence and clenching her jaw shut.
"I say things I don't mean, you have to know that by now!"
"So everything you've ever said to or about me is a lie?" Kaycee knew she was being irrational now, but she needed him to know how much he hurt her. "That would've been nice to know."
"Kaycee come on-"
"In the moment I didn't think I was making a mistake, but now I'm starting to think that you're right. This was all a mistake." She hated the words that were coming out of her mouth, but she couldn't stop herself. She'd given him so many opportunities and he'd made countless mistakes the past couple of months, mistakes that she'd forgiven so easily. She felt as though she were at her wits end with him.
"We just have to get this project over with." She continued, brushing past him to get to Charm. "And then we can stop making mistakes together."
Sean never responded, but she could tell that what she said hurt him. When he finally made his way into the room, his eyes were glossy and there was no emotion anywhere in his features. She felt guilty, but he needed to feel her pain. He needed to understand exactly how he had made her feel.
Surprisingly, the scene that they'd had so many issues with in the beginning, the table scene, went off without a hitch. Charm only had to do two takes, and that was her own error, not either of theirs. Kaycee had even managed to keep eye contact the entire time, looking into the perfect brown irises that she had committed to memory.
Stop thinking like that, you're mad at him, she scolded herself internally.
She looked over to him now, they'd moved from the table to the staircase, Sean sitting down on one of the steps above her. He didn't make eye contact, but she could tell by his glazed eyes that he wasn't really in the mood to be here.
You're mad at him. Remember that.
"Take a picture, Rice. Someone once told me it lasts longer." Sean whispered, his lips curling into a small smile.
Kaycee snorted, turning back around to face Charm, who continued to set up her equipment. She heard thumps a few moments later, and turned to see Sean sliding down the stairs and taking the empty space next to her.
"Can I ask you something?" He inquired, settling into his spot on the hardwood step.
Kaycee shrugged, "You just did."
Sean shook his head, ignoring her sarcasm. "What did you mean when you said this was all a mistake? You weren't talking about our partnership, were you?"
"Of course not." She sighed, rapping her index fingers against the wooden step. "You know what I was talking about."
Sean bit the inside of his cheek, looking down at his feet. "Then by that sense you should've known what I meant when I said you're not transparent with 'this kind of stuff'."
Kaycee nodded, glancing up from her busy fingers to watch Charm, who bustled around setting up props and cameras along with the rest of her crew.
As if he knew what she was thinking, Sean spoke up. "If we want to get out of here at a decent hour we should probably make ourselves useful. We can finish this...conversation? Argument?" He paused, chuckling slightly. "We can finish whatever this is later."
Sean stood, extending his hand out for Kaycee, which this time, she took. He held onto her hand for a moment too long, like he always did, and though she was trying to convince herself she was mad at him, she couldn't deny the minor coronary it gave her. It was almost as though he had complete control over her, their relationship being cause and effect, action and reaction. Everything she did revolved around him.
"Hey, are you good?" Sean asked curiously, placing his hand gently on her arm.
There's that stupid burning again. Kaycee moved from his grasp, reaching up to her bicep and rubbing her hand along where he just contacted her. "All good. Totally fine."
In reality, she wasn't good. She wouldn't be good until she figured out why Sean had this effect on her.
****
The shoot had taken far longer than it should've. Kaycee was too distracted to perform properly, she continued to make silly mistakes, and despite Sean and Charm reassuring her, she couldn't help but feel as though they were irritated with her.
Now she sat in the passenger seat of Sean's car, waiting for him to take her straight home. She wasn't in the mood for any pit-stops.
"Hey. Stop being mad." Sean quipped, climbing into the driver's seat and slamming the door shut behind him.
Kaycee scoffed. "You telling me to not be mad isn't going to miraculously make me less mad."
"I should've known, me telling you the steps an hour ago didn't miraculously help you remember the choreography." He replied, biting down on his lip to keep himself from laughing.
"You've metaphorically shot me so many times today, I'm surprised I'm not dead yet." Kaycee teased, clutching her chest in mock hurt.
Sean chuckled lowly, keeping his eyes fixed on the road ahead of him. "So, about that..."
"About what?" She asked absentmindedly.
Sean shrugged, "I mean, if you forgot, I'd be happy to just not talk about it for now."
Kaycee furrowed her brow, almost forgetting about the conversation they had earlier. "Oh, that. No, I definitely think we should continue."
Sean exhaled, throwing one of his hands in the air in near-exasperation. "So where did we leave off?"
"You tell me." Kaycee played with her cuticles. "I forgot."
Sean rolled his eyes, "You told me this was all a mistake."
"Because you told me I made a mistake." Kaycee countered. "And you told me I'm not transparent with 'these kind of things'."
"Okay I get it, I put my foot in my mouth." Sean flicked his blinker to merge onto the main highway. "And we both decided that we understood what 'this' means."
"And that's what we need to talk about." Kaycee declared. "What does it mean?"
"Do we really need to define it, I've always been bad with definitions-"
"What is this?" Kaycee exclaimed, gesturing to Sean and then back to herself. "It's not that hard, Sean."
"A friendship? A partnership?" He shook his head in confusion. "I feel like this is a trick question."
"Why do you think it's a trick question? What-"
"Kaycee! You...you-" He cried, looking to her momentarily before turning his attention back to the road. "You got too close."
Kaycee narrowed her eyes at the boy to her side. "Too close to what?"
"That border. That imaginary border that we've never talked about, but we've always known is there." Sean tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "That border between our friendship and, I don't know, something else."
Kaycee sat still, boring holes into the side of Sean's head and thinking about what she wanted to say back to him. Should she play dumb? Keep asking questions she knew the answer to? Should she drop the conversation entirely? Should she be bold and tell him what she was feeling?
Unfortunately, Sean took her silence as discomfort. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Damn, I'm really awful with my words around you." He chuckled softly, biting down on the inside of his cheek.
And there it was, that flash of boldness that Kaycee was looking for moments before. "Why is that?"
"Why are you asking me so many questions?"
"I mean, it happens to me too," Kaycee stated, trying to be nonchalant while her heart was beating out of her chest. "You make it impossible for me to think straight, let alone formulate a sentence correctly."
Sean shrugged, staring at the road ahead of him, not making any move to blink. "It seems like you're thinking just fine right now."
"If that were true I wouldn't be talking to you about this." Kaycee sat up straighter in her seat, smoothing out the material of her leggings. "Whenever I'm around you it's like I can't control any part of my being. It's just like action-reaction."
Sean visibly tensed, "I don't think I understand what you mean."
"You do, but I'll let you play dumb for now." Kaycee inhaled deeply, garnering any courage she still had left to push out the next sentence. "Lately, whenever you've been around, my heart beats 3 times too fast and it feels like there's a herd of elephants running around in my stomach."
Sean snorted, "Most people just call those butterflies, you know?"
"That's all you have to say?" She asked incredulously. She had just confessed something so big, and all he could do was make fun of her. "You're kidding me, right?"
"I'm just surprised," Sean started, she could tell by his posture that he had relaxed a little bit. "I've been thinking about all of that for months and you just figured it out and had the guts to say something."
Kaycee's eyes widened, did he just say months? He's been thinking about this for months and he never said anything?
"I didn't say anything, for one, because up until a few weeks ago, you were still in a relationship, and two, because I'm too much of a wimp." He said nonchalantly, reading her mind.
"So that's why you were acting so standoffish when I got back together with Jack." She mumbled, coming to the realization out loud. "Because of...whatever this is."
Sean blinked, making no move to respond. She watched him out of her peripherals, waiting for any inkling that he was going to confirm her suspicions, but he never did.
He flicked his right blinker on, pulling into Kaycee's driveway swiftly. He took a deep breath, looking to Kaycee while her eyes remained fixed forward. He reached over, using his index finger to guide her chin to the side so she was looking to him now.
She couldn't help but melt into him, when she met his eyes, there was that familiar golden gleam, but this time, his irises burned so much brighter than she'd ever seen. It was mesmerizing.
Sean smiled at her, leaning forward and planting a kiss on the crown of her head, a small gesture that made her heart swell.
"I have to go, Kayc." He jerked his chin forward toward her house. "I'll see you."
Kaycee had to dig her fingernails into her palms to prevent herself from breaking out into a goofy grin. She nodded and slid the door open, shutting it quietly, then she watched Sean back out and drive away.
Nothing else compared to the feeling she was experiencing at that moment. She couldn't even articulate it, all she knew was that she never wanted it to stop.
_________________________________
Author's Note: Hi, I hope you're all doing well, I started online classes on Monday. I have no idea what day it is now. This sucks. For those of you who have done/do online schooling, I give you so much credit. I hate not having a set schedule lol.
Anyway, here's your chapter, I think I may have updated a day later than I was supposed to, and I'm truly sorry. Love you all, let me know what you think in the comments :-)