Okay...quick little grammar lesson because a lot of you guys were freaking out in the last chapter
Gotten is not a word
A lot of people say it, but it's not grammatically correct
"Gotten" most people believe is the past particle of "got" but it's really not no matter what google might say (I learned this in my honors English class)
The correct past participle of "got" is :
Got
Have got
Have received
So in correct grammar terms, Patton should have said "I shouldn't have got so upset"
Gotten is not a word and literally everyone is using it incorrectly
And I've made the same mistake, you can look through earlier chapters, on that note, because it's happening again, STOP FREAKING POINTING OUT MY GRAMMAR/SPELLING ERRORS, I am begging you
Anyways...
TRIGGER WARNINGS : drugs, alcohol, talks about abusive relationship, attempted suicide, aNgSt, #issactheidiot, cutting, blood, seizures, PTSD stuff
Damien POV
"What the fuck do you mean?!" I screamed at Roman.
"Remus is gone!" Roman yelled back. "All I have is this note."
I snatched the note from Roman's hand. Evan and Quinn peered over my shoulder to read the note with me.
Dear whoever
I'm a fuck up. There's no question or doubt about it. I'm an idiot that's done bad things as doesn't deserve to live. Issac showed up earlier and reminded me about a lot of things. And it made me realize that I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be with Damien, Evan and Quinn. I don't deserve my family. I don't deserve happiness anymore.
I'm sorry for this but it had to happen. I'm done bothering and scaring everyone. I'm done ruining people's lives and hurting them.
Damien, Evan and Quinn I'm so sorry I fucked up your relationship. I ruined your happiness and destroyed your relationship. I didn't mean to, I'm sorry.
Quinn, I hurt you. Badly. I scared you and tried to force you with me when you obviously weren't comfortable. I'm a total asshole for doing so and I'm sorry. I know it's my fault you hurt yourself and I know I'm never going to forgive myself for being the reason you did those things to yourself. But don't blame yourself for this because I have a lot of pent up problems and I'm just done and tired. I did care a lot about you, I guess I showed it the wrong way.
Damien, thanks for being there and talking my out of relapsing multiple times. You're a good person. Take care of Evan and Quinn for me.
Evan, forget me. You made a mistake by being my friend and then wanting to date me. You're perfect and nice and you don't need someone like me. I don't deserve someone like you. Be happy with Quinn and Damien.
Roman, you were a good brother. I'll miss you and I'm sorry for being a total dick to you when we were younger
Mom and Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being the son you wanted. I'm sorry for being such an embarrassment. I hurt you two when I dropped out and ran away with Issac. It was wrong of me and it's my own fault. I'm sorry I was such a disappointment. You two deserve a better son, like Roman.
Issac, I'll see you in hell bitch
To everyone else, I hope you all stay happy and get out of this fucked up town. Don't do drugs or alcohol. Don't drop out. Don't date assholes. Don't make my mistakes.
Goodbye
Love, Remus
Evan fell to the floor and started sobbing when he finished reading. Quinn just stared at the note in complete and utter shock. Silent tears were rolling down his cheeks.
I just stared angrily at the note. I don't want to loose Remus. I know I need him, and that I like him a lot. I know Evan cares about him and misses him. And Quinn was finally starting to warm up to him.
"I'm going to fucking murder Issac," I growled. "This is his fault. Remus...he can't..." But I trailed off as the shock hit and tears filled my eyes.
"We have to find him," Roman said. "But I don't know where he went."
"No ones found him yet?" Evan sobbed, looking wide eyed at Roman.
"No," Roman answered softly. Quinn, Evan and I rushed over here as soon as possible while all the others started driving around town to try and find him.
Quinn sat down but he was still silent. But he was scratching at his bandaged arms again. I didn't bother stopping him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to scratch through the bandages.
"He can't die, I don't wanna loose him," Evan sobbed, hugging himself and rocking back and forth.
I sat down and pulled Evan into my lap. I then wrapped an arm around Quinn and pulled him against my side. He sobbed into my shoulder while Evan sobbed into my chest. I leaned my head against theirs and allows myself to cry a bit.
"I'll leave you three alone for now," Roman told us awkwardly. "I'll let you know if anyone finds him."
"Thanks," I mumbled, not looking up. I heard his footsteps walk away.
The three of us just sobbed and held tightly to each other. I don't know what to do. Remus could've gone anywhere. He could've skipped town and killed himself cities away.
Or maybe he just ran away and left a suicide note to fake his death. Or maybe he's laying overdosed in an alley somewhere. Or bleeding out from trying to shoot himself.
I'm starting to sound like Virgil.
"This is my fault," Quinn whispered. I quickly grabbed him by the shoulders and made him look at me.
"Don't say that," I told him sternly. "This is not your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself."
"But...he said...he blames himself...because I hurt myself..." He gasped out between sobs.
"Remus is gonna be okay," Evan mumbled. "Don't blame yourself."
Quinn nodded a bit but he obviously didn't believe us. I pulled him into my chest and held him tightly.
After everything we've been through, I don't want to loose Remus. I think I've come to love him. I want him in our relationship.
"Virgil found him!" Roman's voice yelled from the kitchen.
Instantly, we all bolted up. Evan went running to the kitchen and I followed quickly, dragging Quinn with me. He was shaking too much to run.
"Where is he?" I asked as soon as I reached Roman.
"Remus is at the river bank, by the park," Roman told me. "Virgil says that you have to follow the old dirt path that your technically not supposed to go down."
"I know where that is," Quinn said.
"Let's go," Evan said, pushing us towards the front door.
~•~
"Remus!" I screamed as the three of us ran down the old dirt path.
Many parts of the trial were way to close to cliff sides that dropped down towards the river. I held tightly to the other two whenever we passed those parts.
"Remus!" Evan yelled next.
Neither of us were getting a response. I don't know where Virgil went either. He said he headed back towards the actual path but we never passed by him.
We finally came out of the brush to a rocky beach against a rapid part of the river. Remus was lying on the ground, surrounding by beer bottles and a pill bottle.
I rushed to Remus and quickly turned him on his back. He was barley lucid. Evan and Quinn knelt next to me, both shaking and crying.
"What?" He grumbled.
"How many pills?" I asked. "How much did you drink?"
Remus just motioned to all the beer bottles. There were five empty ones. I grabbed the pill bottle. It was painkillers.
"How many did you take?" I asked. "Don't lie."
"Seven," Remus mumbled. I let out a sigh of relief. That'll just give him a stomach ache, it won't kill him.
"Have you cut or harmed yourself?" I asked gently this time.
Remus just nodded 'yes' slightly, his eyes closing. Evan quickly shook him awake, now holding tightly to Remus.
I looked at his wrists. He only was wearing a thin long sleeves green shirt. I could see blood soaking through the sleeves.
Gently, I rolled the sleeves up and looked worriedly at the cuts. Quinn turned and buried his face in my shoulder. Evan gasped and put a hand over his mouth.
There were about six deep cuts going down the undersides of his wrists. I pushed the sleeve back down. We need to get him back to his house.
"Can you walk?" I asked.
"Don't wanna," He grumbled. "Just wanna die." He was very drunk.
"You're not dying," Evan told him sternly. "You're going to be okay."
"Just leave me alone," Remus growled, trying to turn away from us.
"Why'd you do this?" Quinn asked softly.
"Deserve it," Remus answered softly.
"Is this my fault?" Quinn whispered.
"No," Remus said, turning to Quinn with wide eyes. "You don't...no wrong..." He slurred.
Quinn tilted his head a bit in confusion. As did Evan and I. Then again, Remus is drunk off his ass.
"It might be my fault," Said a new voice. Then a beer bottle slammed into the rocks just past us.
Quinn screamed and jumped backwards. Remus barely reacted, just slowly turning his head towards the broken bottle. Evan grabbed tightly to me.
I turned around quickly to see Issac. Rage filled me as I looked at him. He just smirked evilly at us. The was a pack of beer bottles in his hand.
"Why the upset faces?" He asked. "I'm just riding the world of that mistake."
"What did you do to him," I growled, standing up.
"Just told him the truth and reminded him of his place," Issac said with a shrug. He grabbed a beer bottle and tossed it in his hand. "Looks like I need to do the same to you three."
"You leave us the hell alone," I said lowly, my hands curling into fists.
"Wonder how many bottles I'd have to throw to trigger the psycho?" Issac laughed. "That's what your dad did to you right? Smacked beer bottles against your head?"
Quinn was silent and motionless besides his shaking. He was staring wide eyed at the bottles.
"What triggers seizures?" He asked Evan, pointing the bottle at him. "Lights right? Would a strobe light work? I have a portable one with me."
"Leave them alone," I growled, pushing them both behind me.
"I don't think much triggers...anything enjoyable to watching in you," Issac continued with a frown. "But I know you care about these three and it'll hurt you if I hurt them."
"Don't fucking touch them," I said lowly. I slid my hand into my pocket, grabbing my pocket knife.
Issac just laughed and threw a beer bottle at our feet. I felt Quinn flinch behind me. More anger filled me. This douche will not hurt any of them.
"This'll be fun to watch," Issac laughed like a sociopath. "A PTSD episode, a seizure, a mental breakdown, and an overdose."
Before I could register what was happening, Quinn screamed behind me. A beer bottle flew at us from Issac.
I pushed us all down. Quinn curled into himself, shaking and mumbling something to himself. He was saying 'I'm not there, it's over', whatever the meant.
When I turned to Evan, Issac was running to him. He pulled something from his backpack. I tried to get up and punch him but he kicked me in the face.
I fell back to the ground, blood now pouring from my nose. Quinn grabbed tightly to my jacket, trying to make sure I was okay.
However I was more so concerned with getting to Evan than my own well-being. But I was too disoriented to get up.
Issac turned the strobe light on and put in up to Evan's face. He tried to shut his eyes and not look at the lights but Issac forced him too.
Within seconds, Evan was stiffening up with an impending seizure. I struggled to my feet, anger and worry filling me.
Issac looked at me with a sociopathic grin. He just watched in amusement as Evan started to seize badly.
But before I could register it, Issac punched me again in the same spot. I cried out in pain and hit my head again a rock as I went down.
I watched in horror as he descended on Quinn with a beer bottle. Quinn tried to scrambled over to me but Issac brought a beer bottle down on the back of his head quickly.
Quinn curled up and started screaming at nothing. Mostly his dad. His breathing got sporadic and I could tell he was having a panic attack.
I tried yet again to push myself upwards but the world was spinning. My head hurt horribly and I worried I got a concussion.
But before Issac could started attacking me, Remus pushed himself up. He looked pissed. Issac made the mistake of pausing to look at Remus in confusion.
Remus ran over to Issac and wrapped his hands around Issac's throat. Remus forced him to his knees. There was an unexplainable look of rage in his eyes.
"I may by drunk off my ass," Remus growled, tightening his grip. "But you don't hurt the only people I care about."
With that, he shoved Issac down onto the rocks. Remus swayed a bit on his feet, the alcohol taking over again. But then he pushed Issac in the nose. Issac was instantly unconscious on the ground.
Remus titled sideways a bit before falling and passing out himself. I could hear Evan seizing behind me and see Quinn completely loosing it in front of me. But the pain in my head was brutal. I let myself close my eyes.
~•~
I forced my eyes open, cringing at the sunlight. I was back in Roman's house, lying on the couch in the living room.
The throb in my head was blessedly gone but I could feel a bump on the side of my head when I touched it. I forced myself up and instantly regretting it.
I felt instantly light headed and my vision went spinning. When my vision finally fixed itself, i looked around.
Remus was lying on the other end of the couch, still asleep. Bandages were on his arms. A glass of water was on the end table next to him.
Evan was sitting in the recliner, cradling a still shaking Quinn in his arms. He smiled when he saw that I was awake.
"What happened?" I mumbled.
"Everyone else showed up a bit after you and Remus passed out," Evan mumbled. "Emile helped me with my seizure, I had another grand mal on, which isn't good. Virgil tired to calm Quinn down but he hasn't calmed down and it's been about an hour now. You took a bad hit to your head but Logan said you luckily don't have a concussion. Remus will be okay too, he woke up earlier and he's starting to sober up."
"Can you two come here?" I asked. I leaned against the back of the couch and made grabby hands towards them.
Evan forced Quinn up and then walked him over to me. I pulled Quinn into my lap and he instantly latched onto me in a coping manner. Evan sat down next to me and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
"What's wrong?" I asked Quinn but he didn't even react. Still shaking slightly and staring at something that wasn't there.
"He's thinking about his dad," Evan mumbled. "He tends to get like this when it has to do with his Dad."
I frowned in worry and pressed a gently kiss to Quinn's forehead. We stayed silent for a bit, just taking comfort in each other's presence.
Then Remus grunted a bit and slowly woke up. He was mumbled something under his breath and rubbing his eyes furiously.
"My head hurts like a bitch," Remus grumbled, now holding his forehead in his hand.
"Come here," Evan said, making grabby hands towards Remus.
Remus grunted but forced himself up. He scooted over and leaned against Evan. There were tears in his eyes but he was obviously trying not to cry.
"I'm sorry," He mumbled after a while. "This is all my fault."
"No, it's Issac's," I argued.
"I shouldn't have tried to kill myself," Remus sighed.
"I do agree with that but you shouldn't blame yourself," Evan told him.
We were all silent again. As horrible as the circumstances were, this was nice. Cuddling with the three of them.
I'm still not sure about Quinn's feelings towards Remus. But that's a problem for another day. Right now, we have each other. And that's enough for me.