Three Months Later...
Wall Maria
By now, it had become apparent that hope was severely dimmed.
We all engaged in a furious battle against the titans in Wall Maria and moved forward despite the uncertain future. Plan for the worst and pray for the best. In this heat of the moment, Commander Erwin devised a plan for just such a false victory. The attack, begun in the early morning, was about to become an utter failure. The significance of that defeat soon became apparent.
As soldiers, we can't run away, no matter how bad the situation is. No matter what the enemy is, we have to be ready for it. The Titans emerged from the womb of the earth to live up to its surface and eventually trampled the residents in great numbers. How tall of a mountain of corpses did those titans raise?
In Wall Maria, humanity is starved out and we are painfully aware that their lives are quickly overshadowed by the struggle for mere survival.
When those soldiers fled, they got up in the tops of the houses and sought to defend themselves with their blades. As soon as they had sight of the titans, they took themselves to flight. It was horror beyond imagination when our comrades were eaten so badly that blood and flesh flew in all directions. Despite overwhelming grief and terror, soldiers including civilians fled for their lives. The sad thing is... no one can outrun a titan on foot.
No matter where they fled, the blood of innocents spilled out of the titans' mouths as the titans bloodied our walls. At this point, the titans have eaten more than fifty scouts, some under extremely gruesome circumstances as we suffered many hardships.
The entire city was so thickly covered with mangled and bleeding innocent people that it was difficult to thread my way among them. Some were mortally injured, the life fast escaping through a ghastly wound; the limbs of others were shattered or missing; the faces of others so disfigured as to seem scarcely human, which the ground was strewed, made up a scene more pitiable and horrible than I had even conceived possible before.
I only wish for our people to breathe in peace and live quietly within the walls. But my nightmares bled into reality. I nearly gave up on almost everything, and I hardly knew what was going on around me.
"Shit... they're scurrying away like rats." Zaiya hissed, not knowing how to save herself at this point. Viktor and Abel are currently trying to get everyone to stay together, but it is nearly impossible when the titans are in sight.
Physically and emotionally exhausted, soldiers are risking all in attempts to protect or reunite with their loved ones again. They would surely suffer an even worse fate than that currently endured.
Erwin plotted more attacks and we swiftly pressed forward as we cling to life by the skin of our teeth, but we couldn't wipe them out. At this point, we were powerless to do anything about it.
I turn my eyes to Levi, hoping he has a peaceful solution to the situation. Aside from his remarkable battle skills, Levi can quickly analyze situations and make calculated decisions in the heat of battle to save himself and his comrades on many occasions.
Is it because he believes in his own strength? Even when I believe in my strength, the outcome will remain the same... no matter how things change.
Levi's squad continued to fight and saw many soldiers either flee or feed themselves to the titans. A stream of blood flowed down the roads ...where our comrades were dispirited and demoralized. They defended themselves so bravely that we now lost hundreds of soldiers and as many horses.
Now, the sun is lowering on the horizon before we even realize it and the weather has gotten cooler, signaling that winter is around the corner.
Erwin was aware of his own vulnerable position, but the retreat was not in his nature for now. Rather than fall back to the safety of the walls, he took a strong defensive position and marched further with his men.
Erwin ordered his soldiers to fall back to a more defensible position, but the undisciplined soldiers ran toward the rear in confusion and panic. Erwin attempted to reform his men, but could not compel them to stay in formation. Some simply lost control of their panicking horse as it carried them into the oncoming titans. Whatever Erwin's intent, the result was fatal and sent them scurrying in retreat. He lost control of the situation, which led him to think this battle was nothing more than a great inconvenience to be briefly endured.
"Retreat! Withdraw all units!" Erwin shouts at the top of his lungs. "Follow me if you want to live!"
Since the death of our comrades was so great a mischief, we mounted on our horses and speedily departed, assembling for escape. We retreated, leaving our dead comrades littering the city.
As we escaped, it was already evening in our world. The evening brought cool air and dense fog into the bloody city. We then passed along the road and quickly disappeared amid the trees during the young night, our horses splashing through the pool of bloodied mud. The sad truth is that our comrades' deaths were unfortunate and not sufficiently avenged.
After returning to Trost for safety, the battle was officially over.
We all expressed guilt and sorrow not to have seen many of us survive. Looking around me, these soldiers underwent such experiences. We dreamed of a world where we could live without fear, but the battle left a legacy of bitterness that the passage of many years would not erase.
Once again, Levi's squad and a handful of us survived. My heart gets heavier the more we lose our comrades and no one knows who will survive the next expedition. I look over at Zaiya, because every time we return to Trost, she glances around on her horse to see if her family is around. If only she was off duty, she would run off to see them, but at the same time, there is hesitation holding her back from doing such a thing.
"Soldiers," Erwin speaks calmly despite the gloom. "Thank you for your strength, sacrifice, and devoted spirit that has accompanied your efforts to protect our beloved humanity. Your commitment and bravery have brought a sense of security to so many individuals, and you are playing the role of changing this world into a better place."
His speech soured the mood of his soldiers and found it even more difficult to sustain hopes for a great reward. A handful of soldiers who survived were scarred for life, both physically and emotionally.
We can't change what is already done, but we continue to look toward an uncertain future with a mixture of hope and apprehension.
⚔︎
Yet again, we were left in an immeasurable emptiness.
After our return, the military branches collaborated with journalists to announce the deaths of soldiers through newspapers in the obituaries, and letters were also sent. As expected, the losses mourned greatly. Any surviving soldiers were sent to the infirmary and some retired to their quarters for a well-earned rest.
Erwin suddenly assigned multiple squads to deliver a death notification to those losses. Such a grim task to say the least.
Levi's squad has been split up and for some reason, Levi suggests I should follow him, but I didn't mind at all. As for Viktor and Abel, they are going to search for their family after what happened in Shiganshina District. Zaiya is not planning to visit her sister and father just yet, probably because she is still frustrated with herself and decided to be alone for now.
During our comrades' pitiful demise, we carried back their dying words to their families.
In Trost, we arrived at our first house to deliver the news to a fallen soldier's family, and deep down, I was nervous to face them. When Levi knocked on the door twice, he glanced back to see my body tense and my skin pale in fear as my mind raced. What should I say to them? What should I do?
My heart jumped when the door opened and our eyes aligned with an elderly woman. Her expression was puzzled at us and we were in our uniforms, which gave her the idea that we were the scouts.
I then asked. "Are you Mrs. Gareth?"
Her eyes widened ever since we uninvitingly came to her house, but now, she is more concerned than confused. "Yes... what is it?"
At this point, I am struggling to find words to explain the heartrending news to the families of our fallen comrades... for my feelings can be better imagined than described.
"I'll do the talking." Levi whispered before taking a step forward with a hand over his chest and I lowered my head to let my bangs cover my eyes as he said, "With great sadness, we are here to announce the passing of your son, Dean Gareth."
There was a dramatic pause until the mother slowly fell on her knees with her mouth hanging open at the devastating news and the news shocked her brutally. She was in great denial, so she looked up with a tearful expression. "My son is not weak! He's not dead!"
How should we convince her? Should we explain how he was killed by the titans? My mind was in such a rush until another voice came from behind the door.
"What's going on?"
A young lady ran up to Mrs. Gareth with a worried look on her face when she found her crying on the floor and glared at us. "What did you two do to her!?"
"We did nothing." Levi bluntly answers in his calm demeanor. "We only informed her about her son's passing."
The lady's heart was visibly broken at the news and was nearly speechless. "You mean... my fiancé?"
I felt heartbroken after learning that her bright future with her fiancé had been tossed away. As for the mother, she is disheartened that she has lost her son unexpectedly. Even though she was in denial at first, she finally gave in because she knew the scouts would never lie about someone's death. Our reason for being here is to ensure the family that our fallen comrades had fought bravely for humanity and are now resting peacefully in a safer place.
Levi and I had nothing else to say but to watch the two cry together on the floor in front of their house.
Next, we continued our task and arrived at another house to announce the death of Connor Bretfield, a father of two and a wife. Levi and I were suddenly invited to sit on the living room couch by his wife to speak calmly about her loss.
Her two little children were roaming the house freely until they learned about their father's death, not really understanding what we had meant. At their age, it must be difficult for them, but once they do understand, they will realize our pain and sadness.
"We're deeply sorry for your loss..." I bowed my head with sympathy, but she softly smiled with tears in her eyes.
"Please, don't feel sorry. I knew this day would come..." she spoke with a broken heart. "My husband was a carefree man, and I loved him for that. But because of that, I lost him..."
We both watched her embrace her children in her arms, finally breaking down in tears. "How will I take care of my beautiful children without him...?" As a single mother, she is devastatingly lost and I secretly pray for her future.
We came across many homes and witnessed many disheartened reactions, which made me sympathize even more with these families. Each death represented a life cut short, a dream unfulfilled, a family deprived of a father, a son, a daughter, a brother, or a sister. Our final house was an elderly man who was in a wheelchair because of his amputated left leg, then his heart couldn't take it after learning about his brave daughter's passing.
Surprisingly, he became one of the few families that handled the news very professionally and is relieved that his beloved daughter is finally resting in a better place now. "Thank you for informing me about my daughter, Kira. I wish you two the best of luck..." He is then determined to live until it is time for him to see his daughter again in the afterlife.
I leave the house saddened once more and Levi is clearly wearing a mask to hide his true emotions.
"You'll get used to this, so get over it," Levi tells me with a straight face, then turns his back towards me, and a few drops of rain fall between us. "It's finally raining, so let's meet back with our squad members and hurry back to the headquarters."
Now that we were done with the task, I silently cried to myself as I followed him from behind. Thanks to the rain, I can hide my tears.