I stand off to the side of the courtyard watching as Marissa hugs Ruel goodbye, trying my hardest to not seem bothered, because he's just my best friend and nothing more to me. I have no right to be jealous or angry that he's interested in someone, like who can blame him, she's literally gorgeous, and everything I'm not.
Marissa is standing at 5'10, with long lean legs, a toned stomach, and is just overall every boys dream girl. Then you have me, with my head barely making it to Ruels chest, and definitely nowhere near the size 2 she wears. I just wish I could be like her, the one he wants, but instead I'm his childhood best friend, and nothing more than that.
"Hey, you ready to go?" Ruel asks as he jogs over to me once he finishes his conversation with her, since we had plans to hangout today at his house, like we usually do everyday after school, since we live down the street from one another.
"Yeah let's go" I say in a slightly chirpy tone, hoping he doesn't notice my mood change after watching his encounter with her, the last thing I want to do is start a fight or ruin this friendship over my envy.
"Okay, wanna get something to eat first? I know you're usually hungry after school" He says once we make it into the car. I softly shake my head no and give him a small smile, because the lord knows I can't eat with the upset stomach that I have now.
"Nope, I'm good for now, I'll probs pick something up later" I say with a little laugh to get him to not ask questions, like I know he was about to from the look on his face. He stays silent as he drives back to his house and just looks at me from the corner of his eye. He lets out a little sigh and takes a hand off the steering wheel to rest it on my thigh, giving it a small squeeze, causing me to slightly tense up from the action.
"Are you okay? You seem off today bubs" he speaks up after a moment of slight hesitation. I just give him a small shrug and smile before turning away to look out the window.
"Yeah, just a little more tired than usual today, nothing serious though, so calm down Rueloff" I reply back jokingly, causing him to roll his eyes at the name. Thankfully he drops the topic though, but still keeps his hand on my thigh, not knowing the effect it has on me.
We pull up to his house and I jump out of the car and rush into the house, looking for my go to escape plan, and go to main person I vent to about the little predicament I'm in. I hear someone in the kitchen and rush in, thankfully spotting my savior.
"Babes!" I screech throwing my body onto Coco, who screeches back at me with the same level of enthusiasm. Coco Van Dijk, otherwise known as God, is my absolute best friend, besides Ruel of course. Even though he's her brother, she still has no problem talking to me about my feelings for him and even helping me when we have little fights or arguments.
"I missed you, wanna hang in my room, we have loads to talk about" she says noticing the tense look on my face as I hear someone enter the kitchen behind me. I send her a pleading look, hoping that she can whisk me away into her room, since I just can't handle being around Ruel at this exact moment. It's not his fault, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
"Uh actually we're hanging out, sorry Coco" Ruel says with an eye roll dragging me away from her. Coco watches the exchange and the pleading look on my face, before moving her hand down to her front pocket and tapping her phone, signaling me to check my phone once I make it to his room. I give her a slight nod before I'm finally pulled out of the kitchen and practically thrown into his room from the fight I was trying to put up to stay with Coco.
"Holy shit what is your problem?" Ruel exclaims looking at me. I stare him in the eyes before giving a small shrug.
"I just missed Coco and had some things I needed to talk to her about" I say with a laugh knowing that he hates when I tell Coco things and not him.
"What can you tell Coco that you can't tell me? We literally tell each other everything I thought" He questions with a slightly hurt look on his face. I roll my eyes at his dramatics before putting my head onto his lap as he sits on the bed.
"I do tell you everything, but just like there's things you tell the boys and not me, I do that with my girl friends too. There's just some conversations that are girls only, sorry bubs" I say with a laugh as I reach up to pinch his cheek as pouts at me.
"But why can't you tell me everything? I'm your best friend, not her." He says with an eye roll while grabbing my hand and holding it to his face so that it's pressed against the cheek I just pinched.
"Stop whining because you already know you're my favori-" I try to say before I get cut off by Ruels phone going off, I get up and grab his phone to hand it to him just to see about 5 texts from "Marissa :)". The smile on my face instantly drops and I hand him the phone. He looks at me with a questioning look because of my reaction, before glancing at his screen and then looking at me with wide eyes.
"Did you see the messages?" He says with an alarmed look on his face, I step back from him with a confused and hurt face, because what is he talking about with her that I can't know about, especially since we 'tell each other everything' like he said.
"No, I didn't. I'll just go hang out with Coco for a bit, and leave you to do whatever it is that you need to do" I mumble giving him a sad smile. He immediately stands up and grabs my wrist as I'm leaving the room, giving me a pleading look.
"Wait, whatever you're thinking is probably wrong. It's not like that, I'm not hiding anything from you." Ruel states trying to get me to not leave. I let out a soft sigh before gently taking my wrist away from his grip.
"Calm down Ruel, I just wanna see Coco for a bit, I'm not mad, you can talk to whoever you want. We're best friends and I support you" I tell him with a small smile, watching as his face slightly contorts when I say best friends.
Before he can say anything I head straight to Cocos room and throw myself onto her bed. She lightly rubs her fingers throughout my hair as I lay against her legs. I explain everything to her about Marissa and how weird he acted when it came to the messages between the two and wait for her reaction. She gives me a perplexed look, looking deeply confused.
"That doesn't add up" she mumbles lost in thought, forgetting I can hear her. I shoot straight up and stare her straight in the eyes, trying to look for any hint on what she's talking about.
"What doesn't add up? What do you know?" I question wanting to know more about the situation with Ruel and Marissa. She shakes her head softly at me before lightly giving my hand a squeeze.
"Babes, I don't know anything about Marissa, so I couldn't tell you what that's about. I will tell you though, I don't think there's anything going on, because let's just say I'm not only your confidant, but I'm also his." She says with a soft smile and I feel my heart break.
"So he talks to you about girls.." I trail off trying to act like I don't care, even though Coco knows me better than that and can tell I'm hurt. She lets out a laugh and rolls her eyes. Before she can reply and confirm my terrified thoughts, I interrupt with a statement of my own.
"It's whatever though, I mean I heard Luke liked me and was thinking about asking me on a date, so I might just take him up on that offer." I state trying to sound like I'm not heartbroken, only to look up and see Coco staring behind me with a shocked and terrified look on her face.
I turn to see Ruel standing in the doorway with a pissed off expression, completely glaring at me. He lets out a scoff as he comes into the room and stands in front of where we are sitting. I stare at him in shock with my mouth slightly parted, not even knowing what to do about this situation.
"Let's go. We need to talk." He deadpans with no emotions on his face as he easily lifts me up and takes me to his room. He sets me on his bed before going to close his door and standing in front of me. I sit silently and play with my fingers, waiting for him to speak up.
"Are you fucking with me? You ditch me to go talk to Coco about that dick Luke?" He angrily snaps while pacing in front of me. I give him a weary look, not understanding what he's so worked up about, considering I never even said I'd accept this kids offer.
"I went to Coco so that you could do what you needed to do and whatnot, that was literally my first time mentioning Luke the whole time I was with her, why do you care?" I say in an exasperated tone, because he has no right to get mad at me when he's over here talking to Marissa, and telling me nothing about it.
"Of course I'm going to care! I'm your best friend, why the fuck do you even need another guy if you have me?" He yells out before slowly getting quiet at the end of his question. I sigh as I look up, his tall frame making me lean back a little just to make eye contact.
"Ruel you're acting like I'm trying to replace you? I literally just said he was interested and I might take him up on the offer, what's the big deal?" I say calmly, trying my hardest to not burst and let everything out. He stares at me like I'm crazy before throwing his arms up in the air exasperated.
"How do you not see what the problem is, I've made it pretty fucking obvious" he groans out as he drags his hands down his face, leaving me confused on what's supposed to be oh so obvious to me.
"I literally have no clue what you're talking about, like what's wrong with Luke?" I say rolling my eyes at how dramatic Ruel is being about this, especially when I was being nice about his situation with Marissa, that's currently tearing my heart apart.
"What's wrong is the fact that he's not the guy for you! Can't you see that?" He shouts, his voice cracking with emotion. I sit there silently staring at him, knowing that he's not done yet with what he has to say.
"I've been here your whole life and it's like you don't see me, I try and get your attention but I'm just Ruel the best friend, I don't want to be your fucking best friend." He states with so much emotion in his voice, leaving me there with nothing to say.
"You don't have to be my best friend, I'm sorry if you feel like you had to stick with me all this time.." I whisper, my throat closing up, and tears welling up in my eyes. Ruel notices this and his eyes widen and fill with panic. Before he can even say anything I get up and rush to his bedroom door, to open it and leave so that he doesn't see me breakdown.
"Fuck stop, that's not what I meant at all" He shouts alarmed grabbing my wrist and pulling me to him so that I can't leave. I stay silent as I stand in front of him, tears streaming down my face, and wrist still snug in his grip.
"I get it, you don't want to be friends and that's okay. You like Marissa and I'm just getting in the way of all that and you living your life. It's okay Ruel, I want you to be happy and if that means without me, then I accept that." I say looking up at his face with a small heartbroken smile as a sob tears through my throat.
Ruel stands there shell-shocked at what I just said, not being able to fully comprehend everything I said. Before he says anything, he yanks my small frame into him and pulls me tight against him, so that my face is buried in his chest, soaking his hoodie with my salty tears.
"You're right, I don't want to be friends with you anymore. I want to be more. I want you to want me the same way I want you. You're the only girl that makes me happy, and I definitely don't fucking want Marissa. I was scared when you saw her name on my phone because she was giving me advice on how to finally tell you my feelings." He whispers softly into my ear with a trembling voice, as he rocks our bodies side to side, completely holding me in his embrace.
I look up into his eyes to see if he is telling the truth, and all I see if love and affection as he stares down at me, slowly lifting a hand to brush the tears off of my cheeks.
"But she's perfect Ruel, she's literally the type of girl you should be with, she's everything I wish I could be" I whimper with a small sob breaking through. He looks at me as if I told him I was 7 months pregnant with his baby.
"You have to be fucking with me, have you ever looked at you? You're so gorgeous that I literally get weak just watching you, sure Marissa is pretty I guess, but you're absolutely stunning. There's no words to explain just how beautiful you are." He says with so much emotion in his voice, causing my eyes to water and me gripping him in the tightest hug possible.
"Does this mean we're together now?" I mumble in a shy tone, barely peaking up to make eye contact with him. Ruel throws his head back with a laugh before leaning down and giving me a small chaste kiss.
"Yes it does bubs, so make sure Luke knows you're off limits." He says with a light laugh, but slightly dead serious look in his eyes. I roll my eyes knowing that he has nothing to worry about, all I need is right here in front of me.
"Just friends my ass" is all we hear from the doorway in a slight whisper as we turn and see Coco sticking her head through to watch us. We both laugh as she smirks at us and makes her way back to her room, knowing I'll be in there in a few minutes to tell her what happened.