I let out a laugh as I read through the texts Ruel is sending me about his studio session since he is literally sending an update every 5-10 minutes. It's a little confusing though since he never sends this many texts, which is saying a lot because we are always texting each other. He's also only been gone for about an hour now considering he left at 7 am and it's barely reaching 8.
As I'm heading into the kitchen of our apartment I feel my phone start to vibrate in my back pocket, I instantly pull it out to see who's calling, only to be left confused because it's Ruel, and he usually isn't allowed to make any phone calls to me during studio time since I'm a "distraction", but I just brush the concerned thoughts away, knowing he's probably just really bored with the studio session today and was able to get a break.
"Hello? You forget something here bub?" I say as soon as I answer the call, knowing there has to be a reason Nate let him make a call to me, and also because Ruel always leaves something important here. I hear silence for a couple of moments before he finally speaks up through the phone.
"No, I just uhm needed to hear you that's all. What're you up to?" He mumbles with a weird underlying tone that I just can't point out, maybe there's something that's actually off with him because the way he's been acting today isn't typical Ruel behavior.
"Ruel you just saw me like an hour ago when you woke me up to lock the door and whatnot, are you okay?" I hesitantly ask him since I know he struggles with talking about how he feels on the spot, especially in front of other people, whomst I know are sitting in the studio listening in. I also don't want to push him and make him uncomfortable if I'm actually just looking into things too much.
"Yeah I'm all good, just recording like usual. I'll try to come home early today, not feeling the studio session today I guess." He says, it throws me off because lord knows that this boy is in love with music, even when the sessions can become a little tedious for him, but today was supposed to be the day he actually gets to record and be one step closer to releasing something for his fans, which I swore he was excited about a couple days ago.
"Of course baby, just take care of everything you need to, and I'll be right here waiting for you when you get back, okay?" I tell him trying to reassure his nerves and to hopefully help him get out of the little mood he's seemed to have got himself in, he's probably just anxious about whether the fans will like the track or not.
"Okay, I have to go now so I can record some more. I-I love you" he mutters through the receiver with a little hitch in his voice causing me to tense up at the sound of his uneasy breathing, making me more concerned than I was seconds ago.
"I love you too, you're gonna kill it today, and I can't wait to hear all about it when you get back. See you soon bubs, alright?" I say putting as much reassurance into my words as I can. He replies back to me and we sign off the call, leaving me perplexed because something was obviously wrong but I couldn't tell if it was nerves or just him being tired.
I decide to go and clean our room and get it all prepared for the movie day I have planned in hopes of helping him relax and calm down from whatever it is that is bothering him or stressing him out. I've got a whole pile of junk food, specifically bags of Cheetos, and then a stack of marvel movies, with all the Spider-Man movies being a large portion of the stack.
It hits about 11 am when I hear the front door getting unlocked and footsteps entering and going into the kitchen. I walk from our bedroom to the kitchen to see Ruel silently rummaging through the cabinets looking for something.
"Looking for something specific babe?" I ask from behind him, causing him to flinch not expecting me to just show up behind him. He's back a lot earlier than expected, but I decide to just ignore it and not question him about it in case it stresses him out even more. He gets over his little shock and turns to wrap his arms around me, squeezing me as close to him as possible. I hold him equally as tight, because I missed my bubs, even if it was only a couple hours.
"I missed you today, definitely not fun without you my love" he mumbles into my neck where he's managed to press his face. I let out a light laugh upon feeling all the kisses he's placing there and on my collarbone. I lightly push him away from my neck and look into his eyes, only for him to push himself against me again.
"Bubs I wanna look at youuu" I whine playfully while running my hands through his hair, causing him to let out a laugh against my shoulder. He ignores my statement and lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, and carries me into our bedroom. He sets me onto the bed before walking into our closet and changing his clothes for just a pair of sweats.
"I can feel you staring at me babygirl." He states as I shamelessly watch him, he then turns his head to me and lifts an eyebrow up, I challenge him by staring straight into his eyes before he finally looks away with a chuckle.
"You're my boyfriend, I have every right to stare at you" I sass him with an eye roll, causing him to laugh at me and flick my forehead once he makes it back over to the bed. He then climbs onto the bed and lays right on top of me, letting out a small sigh as he does so.
I get up to put one of the movies into the DVD player, only for Ruel to grab me and pull me back down into him. He instantly wraps himself around me, caging me into his body so that I can't get up or leave. I look at him with a questioning look, only for him to look away and avoid my eyes.
"I got us movies, let me get up really fast so I can put one in, and then we can go back to cuddling, okay?" I ask him as I run my hands through his soft hair, he looks up at me with a soft look in his green eyes and nods his head. Before I can get up from the bed, he turns his head and gives me a soft kiss before laying back down without me. I smile at him and run my thumb across his cheek before finally putting the movie on.
I get back onto the bed and let Ruel get himself situated, since he seems to want to be really close to me today. I move so I'm leaning against the headboard, with Ruel resting his head on my chest because his back is against my stomach, or at least part of his back because that boys torso is 2x the length of mine. I bend my knees so that his body is resting between my legs and I'm practically caging him against my body.
"I love you. Like I really fucking love you princess" Ruel mumbles while grabbing my hand from playing with his hair to press a kiss to my palm. I move our hands and rest them against his chest as he leans farther back into my body.
"I know, I love you just as much" I whisper pressing a kiss to the side of his head, to which he responds by turning his body and just laying directly on top of me. He turns his head a bit and nuzzles it into my chest, leaving soft little kisses every now and then, whilst completely ignoring the movie, even though it's one of his favorites. I notice that while he's laying here and I'm running my fingers through his hair, his grip on me seems to be pretty tight and unmoving. Not enough to be uncomfortable or hurt, but enough to wear he's making sure I can't move away from him.
He gets up mumbling something about needing a bottle of water and pauses the movie, the surprisingly turns around and lifts me off the bed, carrying me to the kitchen with him to get his water.
"Uhm what're you doing babe?" I question him as I cling onto him, since there was literally no need to bring me when it takes 30 seconds to get a water bottle and be back in the room.
"Getting water?" He questions back acting like he doesn't know what I really mean. I give him a deadpanned look only for him to just look away and start to walk back to the room after retrieving the water bottle.
He lays us back on the bed but sets me down and then moves to lay in front of me, giving me the signal that he wants to be the little spoon, rather than the big spoon like he usually is. I wrap my body around him and feel him put his hands over mine that are resting on his abdomen. I turn off the movie when I realize he's not watching it and instead looking at our hands.
"Is there a reason you're being so clingy today my love?" I whisper in his ear as I trace little shapes on his stomach. He tenses up at my question and shifts to move away, causing me to grip onto him.
"I'm not trying to be clingy." He mutters while staring straight ahead to the wall, with a slightly anxious look on his face.
"It's not a bad thing, I love when you want to be around me like this. I'm also not going to judge you, I'm here for you to talk whenever you need it bubs, I just want to know if you're okay. Are you okay baby?" I whisper while moving one hand from his stomach to run through his hair. He turns his body pressing his face into my neck while gripping me against him.
"I don't know, I feel anxious and it hurts and everything is hurting me. I just don't want it to hurt anymore." He whispers as I feel tears soak into his shirt that I'm wearing. I lean back and wipe the tears away with my thumbs, feeling sad that my baby is hurting so much and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
"What do you want me to do baby? I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel better" I tell him while planting a kiss on the tip of his nose, because I know he likes when I do that, something about how it's just a loving gesture that makes him feel good.
"I just need you." his voice shakes as he says this, showing that today just really wasn't a good day for him and his anxiety. Knowing how much it can get to him, I pull him even tighter against me while pressing light kisses to his forehead.
"I'm not going anywhere don't worry. You have me, all of me" I whisper before giving him a kiss and letting him relax into my arms.
Everybody needs a little extra love sometimes, because some days are just worse than others, and I'll make sure to give him all the love he needs.