A/N: I hope you all enjoy it! Please let me know in the comments!
Alexis' Pov:
Baltazar left the table with the dirty dishes heading for the kitchen. I kept my eyes on Corciel as I waited for his answer. Luckily he didn't have me waiting for long.
Corciel sucked his teeth before he answered, "You already know the answer to that question, Doll."
I rolled my eyes as I said, "Right, the whole soulmate thing, that I don't really believe in."
Corciel sighed heavily as he rubbed his forehead then he spoke in a slow manner while clenching his jaw, "No, Alexis. The whole, all I've wanted for 22 years is you, thing. A guarded nature and overthinking mind won't deter me in any way from having what I want which is you".
He was saying the right things, not the things I wanted to hear, I threw more facts in his face. I threw my arms in the air in my frustration as I continued, "You keep saying that but all I can think of is, I will keep you for as long as I deem necessary. What happens when you change your mind?"
Corciel stared at me as if I suddenly grew a second head, his voice held astonishment as he said, "You can be really stupid sometimes, you know that?"
My eyes started to water as his words burned into my brain. It felt punishing, demeaning and foul, equal in my mind to him calling me a whore.
Great, both of my so-called soulmates think I'm stupid now. How long until my stupidity goes from amusing to annoying and they leave me?
"Don't call her stupid," Baltazar said in a calm tone as he returned to the table staring at Corciel then back to me.
Corciel turns to face Baltazar before he shouted his frustration as he gestures towards me, "What else am I supposed to call her when the answer is right in front of her face yet she still doesn't understand it?"
Reality crashed into me as my vision blurred with my coming tears. This wasn't going to work at all.
I'm the problem and I always will be. The tears started to leave stained trails on my face as I choked out, "I'm sorry."
I stood up quickly pushing my chair away as I tried to leave the room. I needed air, and somewhere quiet so I could cry my heart out without bothering anyone.
Five steps from the table are as far as I got before someone grabbed my hand. Sunlight wrapped around my skin like a security blanket, this feeling only cause more tears to pool in my eyes.
I groaned as I tried to pull my hand free, Baltazar called out in a plea, "My love, wait."
"Why should I?", I snapped angrily as I realized that they are just as 'stupid' as I am.
They think just because I'm their soulmate that I'm their best match or something. Maybe even that they have to be with me because fate or God said so.
I decided to really show them how wrong of a choice I am with this soulmate thing. I'll show them parts that I've never shown anyone in fear they'll leave.
They need to leave so I won't get hurt in the end and they can have better lives. It's a win-win for everyone.
I turned to face them both, not bothering to wipe my face clean as I poured out some of my ugly insecurities, "He's right I am stupid. And selfish and greedy and impatient and worthless. You both will see how unworthy I am, what a waste of space I am."
More tears fell as my throat and voice strained with emotion. I felt the walls I spent years building and reinforcing start to shake.
I raised my voice forcing the words out, "You'll decide it's better, easier to live without me, just like my mother. You'll leave me alone like I'm nothing!"
I felt Baltazar's hand loosen slightly on my own, probably from the shock of my words. Corciel stood up, walking around the table as he called my name softly, "Alexis"
Corciel reached out to touch me as well, I pulled away from Baltazar as I yelled, "No. Don't!"
If I am to crumble I want to be in control of it, not compelled to, by their touch. I don't even know what will happen from their touch because it's only happened once.
I can't have them touching and caring for me now, because it's not real. I'm not their girlfriend, I'm a convenience to them at best.
I shouldn't even be that, so I continued, "I'm a coward, a cry baby."
A humorless laugh bubbled up as I whipped a few tears away. Clear evidence of how easy it is to make me cry.
I looked between them to see they didn't find it funny, so I kept going, "A fuck up. Do you want to know why I like pain? It's because I deserve it as punishment for existing in the first place."
The tears returned as I continued in a lower volume, "I'm just a burden, my birth mother knew it when she had me that's why she gave me up for adoption. This is me, unguarded. Fuck the soulmate bullshit. Can you honestly say you want that in your life? The broken girl."
My eyes looked from Corciel to Baltazar and back again. I felt so exposed and it had nothing to do with the fact that I am still naked.
They looked like they were still processing everything I told them. My anxiety spiked and I started to shift my weight from foot to foot.
Why is it taking them more than a few seconds to come to the same conclusion as everyone else aside from Lilith has so far? The irrefutable fact that I am not worth it.
"In pure, unfiltered honesty, Yes. I want you in my life, Alexis. I've felt this way since I first met you in your dreams. I have known how you hate yourself and I have not and will never change my mind or feel regret for wanting you." Baltazar smiles at me as he reaches out brushing his fingertips against my cheekbone.
"You have changed me in ways I never thought of. You've made me more open to experiencing things that I would never consider. I can't wait to experience the moment when you are more open to loving yourself. I want to be by your side forever, Alexis." Baltazar finishes his thoughts and allows his hand to fall from my face.
I searched his face for any trace of deception and found nothing. Chills went through my body as his words burned in my mind.
Tears forming in my eyes as I felt truly wanted in an unconditional way. A part of me whispered how undeserving I am of this.
"Alexis", Corciel said in that same soft tone, I wiped my tears before I looked at him.
As he spoke, my eyes lowered to the ground, "Your birth mother gave you up because of me. She knew as long as she had you, I would be hunting you both down. She was trying to protect you from me by giving you up. That's my fault, not yours. I didn't want to scare you to the point where you never come back to me, so I said for as long as I deem necessary."
I lowered my head further as his words sunk in. He thinks I'm this way because of him, that doesn't make sense to me at all.
From what I remember what Corciel said before, my birth mother summoned Corciel if she could do that she could have fought to keep me. But it doesn't really matter whose fault it is, the problem is how I act in response to it.
I'm fucked up because of me and no one else. Why can't they see that and run away?
Corciel grabbed my throat lightly, pushing my head up with the back of his hand. His hand tightened on my throat until I looked him in the eye.
Corciel spoke again with a tenderness that shook me to my core, "The words that I wanted to say and will never regret or change no matter how fucking insane or self-destructive you get is, You are mine until you know with one hundred percent clarity mind, body, and soul that you don't want me anymore. If that day does come, I will be waiting for you to call me back to your side."
I didn't know what to say to that, to any of this. It wasn't the reaction I was prepared for at all.
A sob left my throat as more tears left my eyes. They moved closer as I stood there too emotionally shocked to move away.
Just as they were about to pull me in their embrace, Baltazar spoke up in a soothing tone, "I never dreamed that I would have anything in common with a demon. I became more open to that possibility thanks to you, Alexis. I learned last night, that Corciel and I are in love with you."
Too many sweet words at once can cause pain, just like too many sweets can cause a toothache. My cowardice and skepticism shot through the roof and helped me to move away from them again.
"No. That's not possible. It's been barely two months since we first met. What could either of you know about being in love?", The words poured out of me like venom in a way that I couldn't stop.
I pointed at Baltazar as I continued to show them how damaging being with me can get, "What your feeling is servitude. God said to love your soulmates and you are, but that isn't real love, not towards Corciel and I. Which isn't fair for us either."
"And what about me?", Corciel said in a deep tone that sounded almost taunting, gone was the tenderness and softness.
My finger moved from Baltazar to Corciel. I continued with a wicked grin that didn't match the shine of tears in my eyes at all, "Perfectionism. You have a plan to become king of Hell and you're smart enough to know that every King needs a Queen. You're doing whatever it takes to make that plan a reality. That is not love at all."
Baltazar tried to reason with me, soothe me with similar words that he spoke in a dream so long ago, "It's ok to be scared. Give us the chance to show you that you don't need to feel that way, Alexis."
"I'm not scared!",I growled the words out as I knew that Baltazar is right, yet before I could continue Corciel interrupted me.
"Go on a date with us," He commanded, not asked yet from the look in his eyes I knew I still had a choice.
By the way, his lip twitched fighting a smile, he knew what my answer would be. I blinked a few times before I said something different not wanting to give him the satisfaction.
My eyebrows pulled together and my head tilted slightly as I said, "What?"
Corciel chuckled before he explained himself, "You're pissed because we are out of order from your perfect fairytale media-driven garbage that's been shoved down your throat since you were a little girl. So let's start over and go on our first date, the three of us. So, what do you both say?"
Baltazar smiled as he said, "That is what these two months are supposed to be. So I'm ok with us going on dates."
I frowned as I accused, "This is just to get in my good graces so that I'll agree to be your Queen."
"Or I want to make you happy and prove to you that what Baltazar said wasn't a lie as you have already convinced yourself", Corciel said as he poked the tip of my nose.
"Why the hell would I say yes to that?" I huffed out the words as I wiped my nose in annoyance.
Corciel leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "To prove you're not afraid."
"You could say no, and just spend the day showing me those cartoons you like, instead,'' Baltazar offered with an innocent look on his face, already knowing which option I'd choose.
A/N: Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment, I love reading them. The next chapter should be up on Feb 7, 2020.
If you want to read ahead, check out my Radish and my Dreame.