This chapter is once again dedicated to Scintillahx for always being so supportive. I am thankful for you. And guys, ya'll need to go check out her amazing story. :)
"Jess," Liam calls hesitantly.
"Yeah."
"There are things about me that you're not going to like. I did things I'm not proud of when I was in New York. I wasn't the kind of person you would have loved." He says, and I hear the anguish in his voice.
I get out of his hold so I can look at him.
"I wasn't exactly a saint either, Liam. I would never judge you for your past." I tell him, and he averts his gaze.
"When we moved to New York that summer, my dad put me in boarding school and made sure I wasn't allowed to leave, even on the weekends to go home and visit. I was told I had disciplinary issues. The next two years were spent in confusion and loneliness. I already knew my father wasn't exactly fond of me, but I didn't know the extent of his dislike for me up until that point. I grew bitter in there. I grew angry. There was so much rage inside me." He says, and I nod, understanding his pain.
He was only, what, 12, 13? How could a father do that to a boy who had just lost his mother? I don't say anything, not wanting to interrupt him. This is the first time he is willingly telling me about his past.
"I started making real trouble then. Getting into fights, vandalism, disrespecting the teachers, you name it. A few counselors tried to get me to talk about my anger. Where it "esteemed" from, as if that wasn't obvious. They tried to get me to talk about my mother. That didn't help at all. I only got more aggressive. At some point, the school board had enough and decided to expel me. When my father heard, he was enraged, but it didn't take long before he found another prestigious boarding school he could throw me in. That's where Jayden and I met, junior year of high school. By the time he joined, I was already labeled a trouble maker and had quite a reputation with the ladies. Nobody messed with me. The guys kept their distance because I was known for losing my temper. Jayden was different, though. He wasn't intimidated by me in the slightest. We ended up in the same dormitory, and whenever he and I spoke, he would make sure to let me know I was the biggest asshole he'd ever met." A little bit of humor crosses his eyes before it disappears again. I'm holding my breath, waiting for him to continue. Surprised that he is finally sharing this part of himself with me.
"I would beat the shit out of anyone who spoke to me that way but the fact that he held his ground and said what he truly felt, I don't know, it made me respect him. We did butt heads a lot, but through it all, we grew closer. He wasn't exactly fond of the way I behaved and the trouble that followed me around, but he was the only guy I could actually count on. He told me about his past, his parent's death, how his aunt and his grandmother raised him and his twin sister, how he chose to stay here, and enroll in a boarding school when his aunt moved to England for work."
I frown. My mind is still trying to process the mention of Jayden having a twin sister, but I don't interrupt him to ask.
"The summer before junior year, I was staying at my father's penthouse while he traveled around for work. Elle and I met that summer. We started sleeping together, but we would also hang out socially, so the lines were always blurred. She knew my reputation, so she never really asked for more. My father, one day, came back from a trip with news that he was getting married. I didn't even know he was seeing someone, so I was livid. I invited all my friends over to the penthouse for a party, and we completely trashed the place. My father was furious when he returned. He kicked me out and said he was cutting me off. So I moved in with an older buddy and got into racing for cash. During the last race of summer, I got into a bad accident. The doctors said it was a miracle that I survived. My father made sure that I got the help I needed, but he rarely came to see me. There at the hospital, I met Louis when he came, injured after a fight. We immediately clicked because of our similarities. When the school year started, he joined our school. That's when it started, the jail times, sleeping with older women, getting into even more trouble at school. Things were getting out of hand when Amanda moved back from England. Considering she was his twin, Jayden didn't talk about her much, so we were curious when he introduced her to us."
My heart sinks when I realize what he is telling me. The photograph I saw in Jayden's room flashes in my head. The beautiful green-eyed blonde on a swing. How have I not seen this coming?
"Amanda was a kind soul that had this light around her. She was bright and happy. Louis immediately claimed her and said I wasn't allowed to go near her. I wasn't planning to anyway. I respected Jayden, and he had made it clear that she was off-limits. She didn't have many friends, so she usually hung out with us, and she became close with Elle. Louis was actively pursuing her by then, and in his attempt to win her over, he stopped getting into trouble altogether. Meanwhile, my father was preparing for a wedding and bragging about his young bride to anyone who would listen. I wasn't in a good head space most of the time. And Amanda would often come around looking for me. Whenever we hang out, it was as friends. And she was easy going and kind, so of course, I enjoyed her company, but after a while, it became clear that our times together meant more to her than they did to me. I tried to stay away from her when I realized what her intentions were, but she would call me nonstop and show up everywhere I was. She just became this whole new person. The weekend my father and Sabrina got married, I was at home angry and bitter. I was drinking myself to numbness in the penthouse when Amanda came." His eyes look into mine, and even in the dark, I see the torment and shame.
"She said she was in love with me. She was really distraught, so I tried to console her. But if I'm being honest, I didn't really care. I didn't believe in love. I slept with her that night, and I felt like shit in the morning. She wasn't a virgin, but she had little experience, and I knew that she hadn't even slept with Louis. What we did meant something to her, and the worst part is I couldn't even remember it. After that, she became more clingy. I tried to sit her down and explain that I wasn't the right guy because I really wasn't. But she wouldn't hear it. So I completely cut her off. And not too long after that, she came to Ellyn's place and caught us together. I thought she already knew we were sleeping together because it wasn't exactly a secret, but since Elle was seeing Jayden at the time, she apparently thought that they were exclusive. Jayden was furious when he found out I slept with Amanda. I tried to apologize and explain the circumstances, but at the end of the day, I really did mess up. Louis, on the other hand, downplayed everything. He didn't blame me once, not even once. That same weekend Ellyn and I were at a party, and we each got a text from Amanda. It said I'm sorry. We didn't know what she meant. We tried calling her, and when we couldn't get a hold of her, we decided to go over to her house. Apparently, Jayden had gotten the same text because he was already there. When we showed up, the place was surrounded by police cars."
Liam looks devastated, and my heart stops momentarily realizing what was to come.
"It was too late when Louis found her in the tub. Jayden was a mess. He blamed me for everything, and rightfully so. I didn't know how to make any of it right. It was already too late. She was gone." He looks into my eyes, showing me his pained soul.
"Then, Elle got sick. She was devastated. Her legal guardian was Emily, and she wasn't there at the time, so I had to be. I was with her day and night. I did whatever I could to keep her mind off things. I even read to her sometimes. The guilt was eating us up, and I was afraid she would do something stupid. Louis flew back to London without telling anyone when the school year ended. Jayden decided to call my father and tell him about all the mess I got myself into with Louis. All the nights in jail that he never found out about, the women, the fights in school, everything. He was angrier than I had ever seen him. He said I wasn't his son. I didn't exactly feel like dealing with him either, so I came here for the summer, needing to get away from everyone and everything. Isaiah offered I stay with them when he found out. I was spending most of my time up here at the bike shop anyway, so I figured it was okay. At the end of summer, Sabrina convinced my father to purchase a house here, and so he did, but we haven't spoken since I left."
I try to sort through my emotions when he looks at me remorsefully. This is definitely a lot to process. So many things that never made sense finally make sense. Jayden's hate for Laim, Ellyn's mention of nights spent with him reading to her, Louis' disdain towards Liam, the reason he and his father don't talk.
My heart is breaking for Jayden. To have lost his parents, and then his sister like that, no wonder he holds so much hate and anger towards Liam. The world really is cruel, sometimes. But my heart is also breaking for Liam. I can't imagine what it must be like holding onto that kind of guilt. I don't know if I'd be able to carry the burden. He made a drunken mistake like so many others, but it, unfortunately, had grave consequences for him. What happened to Amanda is terrible. But there is no way he could have known what she was capable of.
"It's not dark enough to hide the look on your face. I can't bear to watch as you fall out of love with me." Liam says, burying his face in his palms. And it suddenly makes sense why he chose to confess here.
"I know this is really fucked up, Jess. I am fucked up." Liam looks at me with stark misery. "I can't look you in the eye and ask you to want me after hearing that. But if you leave me, I will never recover." His voice cracks, and with it cracks my heart.
"Liam!" I wrap my arms around him, climbing onto his lap, so I'm straddling him. I squeeze him to me. "I'm not going anywhere, baby. I understand how you could think that it's all your fault. But who knows what else was going on with her. From what you told me, she sounded troubled. Maybe she wasn't as happy and bright as she seemed." I tell him.
Liam pulls away and looks into my eyes with confusion. I know he didn't expect me to stay with him, let alone be understanding. He looks more vulnerable than I have ever seen him look as he brings his hands to my cheeks, looking like a fragile little child.
The sight breaks my heart. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but he closes it again, and his eyes well with tears.
Ah, God! My heart can't take it. I feel my own eyes watering.
His hands-on my cheeks tremble slightly, his eyes raw with emotions.
"I love you, Jess."
My world stops. I gape at him, utterly shocked. Fat tears roll down my cheeks before I can stop them, and a sound between a laughter and a sob escapes me.
"Say that again," I beg.
"I love you," Liam repeats without hesitation. "So much, my heart hurts."
I put my hands to his nape and pull him to me roughly. We kiss madly, holding onto each other for dear life. I know how hard it must have been for him to admit this out loud, considering how he felt about love.
Rain starts pouring as if a bucket has just been tipped from up above, releasing its contents.
Liam doesn't let go of me. He holds me tighter as the rain soaks us, kissing me with feverish passion. When we finally break apart, I get off him, and we run to the bike, slipping on the mud and laughing hysterically.
On the ride back home, I hold on to him as the rain pours down on us. I learned more about him today than I have the entire relationship, and my love for him has only intensified if that's even possible.
I suddenly get the urge to feel his bare skin, and I slip both my hands underneath his clothes, feeling his cold skin. Liam swerves slightly, and I pull my hands out. I have never been one to act out of an impulse, especially when it involves danger, but I'm so drunk on him right now, my rational thought seems to have left me.
***
When we get home, our clothes are latching onto our skin, and we are still covered in mud. I take off my shoes at the door, not to get anything on the carpets. Liam joins me, taking his shoes off. And before I know it, he is hauling me over his shoulders.
I yelp and gasp at the same time.
"What are you doing?" I squeal as he starts walking.
"You've been bad." He swats my ass, and I yelp as my bottom burns.
"Ou! What was that for?" I ask as he walks us up the stairs.
"You know what!" He says, opening the door to the bathroom and putting me down. "Do you know how painful it is to ride a bike with a hard-on? Not to mention very dangerous!" His eyes are blazing.
I laugh and bat my eyelashes innocently.
"I can't say that I do, but I'm willing to make it up to you."
He closes his eyes and inhales deeply before exhaling slowly. He takes his jacket off and places it on the hanger.
"Let's get you cleaned up." He steps closer, and my smile slowly disappears when I see the heated look in his eyes.
He grabs the hem of my drenched sweater, and he pulls it off. Then my tank top, then my jeans. His eyes roam my body, fingers tracing my nude lacy matching set of underwear and panties. Then his eyes search mine, asking for permission.
After everything we have done together, the fact that he is even asking amuses and touches my heart at the same time. I nod eagerly. He always makes me feel beautiful. And though there is a small voice in my head screaming, cover yourself and run, I have learned to tune it out.
Liam removes my bra, then my panties, and his eyes hungrily take my body in. I can see his chest heaving with every breath he takes, and his eyes are dark with desire.
The tension in the room is so thick right now that you could cut it with a knife.
I step closer.
"Your turn," I say before lifting his shirt over his head, admiring every inch of his skin, both inked and creamy perfection.
The defined muscles of his chest and abdomen make my insides clench. I run my fingers down his V-shaped torso, and his breath starts coming out faster. I look up at him, and he's watching me with hooded eyes, his lips parted.
I grab his belt, and I unbuckle it before undoing his fly, and he helps me take his jeans off. His boxer is tented with his arousal. I hook my fingers inside and slide it off. His large member swings free, and he is harder than ever. My eyes fixate there.
How's that gonna... Jeez! I can't even finish the thought. My face turns even more scarlet, and I feel splotches forming on my neck.
Liam extends his hand, and for a second, it doesn't register because my mind is on another part of his body. But then I snap back, and I hold his hand. He opens the glass door to the large walk-in shower, and we step inside.
Liam takes the handheld shower-head out of the holder after adjusting the heat of the water, and he starts splashing my body. He rubs the spots where mud has dried, avoiding all the parts I want him to touch. I watch his heated eyes as he teases my body with gentle scrubs, coming close but never close enough. He gets behind me and starts washing there, the scalding water gently massaging my back then my legs as Liam slowly cleans me. Then the water suddenly stops, and he is so close behind me, I can feel his erection poking into my back, his hot breath tickling my neck.
I close my eyes and lean back, laying my head on his chest. His hands come around to cup my breasts, and I arch my back with a soft moan.
"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. How are you real?" He whispers in my ear, his voice husky and thick with desire.
I could say the exact same thing about him. I turn around with shaky legs.
"It's my turn now," I say, taking the shower-head out of his hand.
I wash him just like he did, only slower. Exploring every inch of him with the water and my hand even after he is squeaky clean. When I warp my fingers around his erection, he groans loudly and shoves me against the cold ceramic wall, taking my lips hungrily. His brows crease with passion as he kisses me wildly, and I throw my head back with a moan when he licks down my neck and bites the sensitive skin there. Everything he does with my body turns my insides to mush. The glass wall around us gets covered with a thick fog, and the desire coursing through my body mixed with the heat makes me feel like I might pass out.
"I need you, Liam," I say with a moan. "Take me to bed."
Liam looks up at me, realizing what I am asking. His long, thick lashes cast a shadow on his cheeks, making him appear otherworldly. And his utter beauty steals my breath away.
"Not yet." He says, and before I can respond, he is taking my lips in a searing kiss.
I forget what I was even saying and melt into him.
"I can't get enough of you. I don't think I ever will." He says before dropping to his knees in front of me. I watch him with glassy eyes as he lifts one leg up and places it over his shoulder.
"Lean back, baby. I'll hold on to you." He says, placing one hand on my stomach to hold me against the wall before bringing his mouth to my most sensitive spot and taking his sweet tortures time.
***
When we leave the shower, my body is limp as he carries me to bed. He takes a shirt out of his drawer and hands it to me, but instead of taking it, I pull him to me. I thread my fingers through his dark wet hair and bring his lips to mine. I slowly lay back down, so he is hovering over me, and I explore his warm mouth with my tongue. I know all of him now, and I love all of him. I want all of him. I don't want to wait anymore.
Liam's hands roam over my body as if he hadn't just touched me minutes ago, and I can feel how ready he is for me through the fabric of the towel. He kisses down my jaw, and I slightly lift off the bed pulling the towel off my body completely. Liam greedily takes a nipple into his mouth in a deep suction, and I arch my back, moaning out his name. He alternates between my breasts, giving them equal attention, and I feel like I might come undone.
"Liam, please. I need you now." I beg, sending my hand down and tagging the towel off him.
He looks at me, his eyes hooded with desire mingled with a hint of uncertainty.
"Please," I say again.
"Are you sure?" He asks, searching my eyes.
"I've been sure for a long time. I love you." I tell him, and I watch as the uncertainty slides off him like a worn-out cloak. He leans down till his lips are brushing against mine, and he just hovers there, sharing my air.
"I love you, baby. I love you so damn much." He whispers, taking my lips in a kiss again.
His fingers slip between my legs, and I cry out. Liam teases me with his fingers till I'm moaning with a combination of agony and pleasure. My hips arch off the bed needing more than he is giving me. He lifts off me, and after a second, I hear a foil tear, and then he is back on top of me again. Suddenly I feel the tension growing inside my chest. I am going to cross a new territory, and even though I am beyond ready, it's still a little terrifying. I inhale as much air into my lungs as I can, and I close my eyes, waiting for it to happen.
"Look at me, baby," Liam says gently, and I open my eyes.
I find him looking down at me with so much love, the tension instantly leaves my body. We hold each other's gaze, our love for one another shining in our eyes. He doesn't break eye contact as he slowly connects us, and the moment is more intimate than I could have ever imagined.
Liam touches me with so much care and reverences the whole time like I'm something fragile. He tenderly kisses every part of my body he can get his lips on as I tremble ever so slightly beneath him. I feel him reaching into the deepest part of my being, claiming me whole. My world has him at its center as he moves above me with measurement, making sure that I am with him, telling me over and over again how good I feel and how much he loves me. I'm so overwhelmed by him that tears run down my cheeks. This is so much more than I ever hoped for. He is so much more than I ever hoped for. He pours love into his every glance, his every touch, his every kiss. The love I feel for him can't be put in words, can't be measured or compared. He has become an integral part of me in every way there is, and I know without a doubt that he is now forever embedded in every fiber of my being.
***
Hey, guys. I know this chapter is LONG but it didn't feel right to break it into two. And call me a prude but I struggled with writing the last part, lol. It was kinda out of my comfort zone but I hope you guys enjoyed it. The upcoming chapters will be much shorter I promise. Don't forget to give me a star and leave me comments.
Much love,
Becca :)