Grace Crilly
10/08/19
Dear Harry Kalas (my grandfather),
I didn't know anything about you until I was 13 years old. I was leaving Target one night with my mom, your daughter. My mom told me that you passed away on May 20th 1986. I was in shock and delight. I was born 15 years after you passed away. I felt special hearing that because mom told me, "You were like a gift given me by my father." I'm writing to you because you are the one I've looked up to since I found that out.
That was the only time mom ever talked about you. We do have your photo with Mamo at our house. Mom didn't tell me that was you after she had told me about that. Whenever I would try and ask questions about to her about you, she'd always be "Appreciate having your father in your life," which always makes me feel like crap. She's never let me speak about any issues I have with my father who disrespects me and my feelings, she's always judgmental whenever I've tried to say anything to her. I felt that she's put pity on me, because she doesn't know how my father is to me.
I look up to you because, Mamo your wife, would always describe my personality like you that I have your personality, that I'm so driven and ambitious. That got me though high school, that I received the Golden Mustang award for being in sports all four years. You were what got me through it, knowing I was like you. I don't believe in giving up, but there was many moments that I wanted to. I thought of you when I wanted to give up and I know that isn't what you would want me to do. I wanted to make you proud. So I would ignore those feelings to achieve the goal I wanted. Having the trait of ambition like you, another part of your personality that I like to think I have is being strong. I don't like to get things or anyone in my way. Mamo had told me, "Nothing or no one would ever stop him, just like you," because of the fact she had said that I always want to be like that, even to the point I would still be that way when I don't feel strong. I would think since you were the man of the house when you had your family, you wanted to be tough for them and not show your weak side. (I'm only saying this because I know most guys act that way). (I had to grow up with all boys in my family). I act the same way, I'm insecure about being weak and being emotional when I always like to act rough in front of others. One of the last reasons I admire you, is that I wanted to know who you were. The only way I'm capable of knowing about you is from Mamo. Mom won't budge.
I like to believe that you look down at me and know who I am, but at times I feel unsure that I wanted you to know who I am. Since I like to act tough I'm afraid to be vulnerable with other, I knew I would be able to with you because I really needed it. I knew you would understand. Just one more thing I'd like to say Mamo showed me another photo of you which made me really happy. Mamo is doing well, she gets really tired, but she's good. Mamo just turned 86 on the 6th. We love you very much.
Your only granddaughter,
Grace Crilly
P.S. That's the same way I signed Mamo's birthday card.