Kaycee had taken a page out of Sean's book and started avoiding Jack. He'd text her and she'd reply with minimal word answers. When he'd call her, she would feel herself dissociate from the conversation to the point where she wouldn't even hear what he was saying. At first, if Jack noticed, he didn't say anything, but then the conversations got shorter and less personal. Kaycee would go a full day without saying anything to him, which evidently irritated him. After a week and a half, he'd had enough, and nearly demanded that he see her.
She did everything she could to push it off, she needed more time to think about things, they settled with a lunch date at a restaurant this coming weekend. In the meantime, Kaycee knew she needed to talk to someone, the more she held in her feelings, the worse she felt.
So who was she supposed to go to? She couldn't go to her friends, they all knew Jack too well, and most of them had never even been in a relationship. She couldn't go to her parents, this was a conversation far too awkward to have with them. She definitely couldn't go to Sean, even though he was wise, she felt like things between the two were almost too comfortable.
That only left one person. Kaycee stood in front of Kylie's door, petrified to knock, because once she did, she'd have to follow through and actually talk about her problems. She wasn't the type of person to ask for advice, especially not about boys.
She took a deep breath, clenching her sweaty hand into a fist and knocking on the wooden door once, twice, three times. A few seconds passed and Kaycee didn't hear anything, so she knocked again, louder this time. Seconds later, she heard a sigh and footsteps padding toward the door. She watched the doorknob turn and the door swing open, revealing a puzzled-looking Kylie.
"What's wrong with you?" Kylie asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"Can I come in?" Kaycee asked meekly. "I need to talk."
Kylie's eyes instantly softened, moving to the side so Kaycee could enter her room. Kaycee obliged, walking in and sitting herself down on the end of Kylie's bed.
"You look sick, you're so pale." Kylie uttered, shutting her bedroom door and joining her sister on her bed. "What's wrong?"
Kaycee moved her gaze from her lap to the older girl in front of her. "You have to promise me something first."
"Okay, and that is..?"
"It's about Jack." Kaycee started, "And I know you're not his biggest fan, but please listen to everything I say and give me honest, unbiased advice. That's all I'm asking."
Kylie nodded slowly, gauging the seriousness of the girl in front of her. Upon sensing the gravity of the situation, she complied. "Yeah, of course."
Kaycee let go of a breath she didn't know she was holding. She looked up to her older sister with fear in her eyes. "Bailey said that Jack and I are like parallel lines, we should've never crossed."
Kylie cocked her head to the side. "Okay, that's actually a really good comparison. Continue."
"She said Jack and I have more potential as individuals than we do as a couple." Kaycee continued, picking at her cuticles as she did so. "And that my reasons for getting back together with him were basically foolish."
"What were your reasons?"
Kaycee sighed, "I only really had one reason, and I said that I felt like Jack and I had so much potential as a couple and that I didn't want to give it up."
"You've been together for months, you should have more than just 'potential' to hang onto." Kylie quipped, smiling ever-so-slightly.
Kaycee groaned, throwing her head back in exasperation. "That's exactly what Bailey said!"
"She's one smart cookie." The older remarked. "Anyways, what are you gonna do about it?"
"That's the problem. I don't know."
Kylie adjusted herself so she face Kaycee with her legs crossed underneath her, her hands folded in her lap. "Tell me exactly how you're feeling."
"There are certain times when I'm happy with Jack and I feel like I'm on top of the world." Kaycee said hesitantly. "And then there are times when I feel absolutely nothing."
"How often do you actually feel happy to be with him?
"When we first got together, I was so genuinely happy, but then he started getting jealous and that was a huge turnoff." Her voice wavered, pondering what to say next. "And ever since we took that break, he's been better with the jealousy, so I've been happy recently."
"But how long until he starts getting jealous again?" Kylie questioned. "You and Sean are going to get more jobs, do more things together. Do you really think he's going to be able to accept that?"
Kaycee shook her head. "I don't know, Ky. That's kind of why I'm asking for your advice."
"You can't change people." Kylie stated matter-of-factly. "You're going to get approached for something huge with Sean eventually, and the jealousy is going to come out again. I've dated guys like that, Kayc. They won't change."
Kaycee groaned, throwing herself back on the bed so she was staring at the ceiling. She felt defeated, she really enjoyed Jack's company at certain times, but then there were times when he was overbearing. She didn't know if she was ready to let him go yet, though. They had so many good times together, but then there were the fights. The amount of times they bickered nearly outweighed the good memories that they had. No matter how many times Kaycee went through the pros and cons in her head, she always came to the same conclusion; she was stuck.
"I know this sounds stupid, but the thought of breaking up with him makes me queasy." Kaycee mumbled, still staring at the white ceiling above her. "I feel like I've almost become dependent on him for validation."
Kylie exhaled, lying down beside her sister. "That's not stupid at all. Breakups suck, and in some ways, you probably have become dependent on him."
"So what do I do?" Kaycee whined in exasperation. "I've run through so many lists of pros and cons that my head is spinning, and they kind of even each other out! I'm stuck."
Kylie tilted her head so she was looking at Kaycee now. "When it comes to a pros and cons list with relationships, the pros need to heavily outweigh the cons in order for you to stay with that person."
"You think so?"
Kylie nodded, "I know so. You've gotta be with a person who makes you happy a majority of the time, not just half of the time."
Kaycee closed her eyes in thought, trying to remember back several months ago, what life was like without Jack. She was certainly less stressed, being in a relationship was hard work. She remembered back to when her and Jack first started talking, how great it was to just have him as a friend. Once they crossed the line from friendship to dating, she didn't enjoy his company as much, and she could see that now.
But she didn't know if she could end things, she was too much of a chicken. She knew she'd see Jack two days from now and the walls she was building up now would come crashing down. She was terrible with confrontation, and she'd never broken up with someone before, she still cared about Jack deeply, but in more of a platonic way.
"We're going out to lunch on Saturday." Kaycee spoke into the silent room. "I've been avoiding him and he's upset, so he wanted to meet up and talk about it."
"Well there's your opportunity." Kylie opened her eyes and cast them back to the younger girl, who still stared at the ceiling.
"I don't think I can do it." Kaycee shook her head. "As soon as I see him I'll chicken out."
"If you've completely made up your mind, you won't chicken out." Kylie replied, still staring at Kaycee's side profile.
Kaycee winced, squeezing her eyelids shut. "I'm still having doubts."
Kylie sat up again, reaching her hand out to Kaycee for her to take. "Get up and look at me." She spat, waiting until Kaycee had complied to speak again. "The fact that you came to ask for my advice tells me that you've already made your mind up. If you hadn't, you would've asked somebody else. We don't exactly see eye to eye in the boy department."
"I asked for your advice as kind of a last resort, I didn't know who else to go to."
Kylie pointed an accusatory finger back at her sister. "Exactly. You rarely ask anyone for advice, so you came to me to get a confirmation that breaking up with Jack is the right thing to do. If you had doubts about it, you wouldn't have asked."
Kaycee scrunched up her face in annoyance. "What are you, a psychologist now?"
"No, that's just common knowledge. You're stubborn and you need validation." Kylie replied confidently.
"Gee, thanks." Kaycee rolled her eyes, playfully slapping Kylie in the arm.
"Okay, but on a serious note." Kylie blurted, grabbing Kaycee's arm so she wouldn't try to leave. "Did anything or anyone else influence this? You know, maybe a certain friend of yours...that's a guy?"
Kaycee furrowed her brows. "What are you asking?"
"Did Sean have any influence on your decision?"
Kaycee sat back on her hands, pursing her lips in contemplation. "Indirectly, I guess. He told me that he doesn't think I'm happy with Jack."
Kylie narrowed her eyes at the younger girl in front of her. "I've been telling you that for months and you never listen to me, but as soon as Sean says one thing you listen to him."
"It's different." Kaycee retorted. "Sean's never had problems with Jack before, so hearing him say something meant more."
"I think it meant more because everything with Sean means more to you." Kylie teased, the smile on her face growing with every second.
Kaycee shrugged, "He's my best friend and my partner, I trust him."
"Have you ever thought of him as more than just your best friend?"
Kaycee thought back to all of the times she felt differently around Sean. How her heart would beat one million times too fast, the butterflies in her stomach were always threatening to escape. Anytime he'd compliment her, her heart would soar, how she knew he'd go to any extreme just to make her happy. How she'd catch herself stealing longing glances at him and vice versa. How everything felt right when they were together, even if they'd been fighting.
Kylie interrupted her remembering, "Penny for your thoughts?"
"I don't know. I don't think I've ever really thought about it until now." Kaycee said nonchalantly. "But I know Sean and I have something special, that's for sure."
"You've never thought about him romantically?"
Kaycee scrunched her face in disgust. "I hate that word. And no, absolutely not."
Kylie smirked, "I won't push anything now, but maybe you should think about it."
"Not happening." Kaycee muttered, pushing herself up to a standing position. "But thanks for your advice. Not the last part, everything about Jack."
"No problem." Kylie responded, lying back on her bed, phone in her hand. "And Kayc?"
Kaycee stopped walking out the door and turned back around to face her sister. "Yeah?"
"Ending things with Jack won't be the end of the world. I think it'll be the start of something really good for you." Kylie spoke quietly.
Kaycee smiled, "I hope you're right."
She walked down the hallway to her own room, flicking the light on as she entered. She looked around at the pictures that decorated her walls, though Jack was present in several, there was one other boy that showed up in nearly all of them.
Trust that I need you in my life because you're one of the only constants. She remembers saying that to Sean in their apartment back in Boston. Sean truly is the person she can count on and confide in the most.
In Kaycee's mind, if she were to start thinking of Sean in more ways than just a friend and a partner, she'd be putting their relationship in jeopardy. She was willing to lose a lot of things, but Sean wasn't one of them.
Playing it safe is the only option.
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Author's Note: Mmk so, this is a really short chapter, but I thought it would be good to get an insight into Kaycee's mind and all that jazz, so here we are.
My spring break starts Friday (thank God), so HOPEFULLY I'll be able to finish writing this thing while I'm home haha.
Have the best week, crazies, next update on Sunday ;)