I pulled on a black hoodie and my favorite pair of jeans and yellow shoes before heading downstairs and getting in Charlotte's car. The sun hadn't yet risen, but we were on the way to the boy's school with our coffee. My knee was shaking, and I flicked off the radio without consideration. I turned to see Charlotte's expression, but she was still smiling in her little way.
"What if I'm not as smart as you say I am?" I asked her, breaking the tense silence.
"Your intelligence isn't determined by my portrayal of it." Charlotte said, her deep blue eyes catching mine. I looked away.
"I didn't think I was smart before you..." I explained in an incoherent mumble.
"That doesn't mean that you weren't, Maya."
I nodded and looked back out the window. Houses changed to fields of green grass which changed to the town. Eventually, I saw the bright white buildings of what must be the school. They looked too clean, like nobody had been in one before.
I followed Charlotte to the administration building by the flagpole that had people going in and out, despite school not being in yet.
I opened the door for her so as to force her to go in first, and then caught up to her side. I didn't want to look like a child, but I didn't know what to say or do.
The office was large and dark, with a red brick interior. It was cooler than the air outside, and I was thankful for my jacket by the time we reached the main hallway. I pointed to a sign that told us where to go, and we began walking past cases of football and volleyball trophies.
At the end of those, I examined rows of pictures showing the Prom King and Queen of every year in the past decades. When I had almost reached the end, I stopped in my tracks. I grabbed Charlotte's sleeve and pointed to the picture of Dominic in a tuxedo, and a short blonde beside him. She looked kind of like a fairy.
"Yep." Charlotte said with a bit of a smirk. "He was named Prom King a couple years ago, although we had to get the tux the night before off Amazon!"
I laughed and said, "Who's the girl?"
Her lips tightened and eyes squinted angrily. I raised my eyebrows. "That bad?" I asked.
"She was a nightmare. Let's just say she wasn't pregnant, Dominic actually attends classes now, and it's lucky she isn't a little spot on my driveway." She said matter-of-factly.
I laughed in surprise. The fire that Charlotte had in her was nothing you would expect in such a compassionate and empathetic person. I guess that's what made it so funny.
She smiled down at me, and kept walking, heels clicking against the linoleum tile.
Finally, we reached a desk where an angry looking older woman with bright red hair sat. Her face was hanging tiredly whether from the monotony of her work or a general disposition, I couldn't tell. Charlotte spoke.
"Excuse me? I'm Charlotte Anders, and this is my daughter, Maya Anders. I spoke to a Mrs. Wolfson about taking a placement test today?" she said to the woman. I looked up at her in shock. Maya Anders? Why was she lying about my name to the lady?
She said I was her daughter. I felt an uncomfortable twinge in my stomach. Not real. Not real. She was lying.
The woman looked up from over her small spectacles and pointed to a couch on the opposite wall, saying she would call Mrs. Wolfsen out shortly.
We nodded and went to wait on the blue sofa alone. I looked up at her, asking the question with my eyes. Why did she lie?
"Just protocol, Maya. We want to give you the opportunity to start fresh and not be bothered by anything from before, like unexcused absences!" she said cheerfully.
I nodded, hesitant. Why would unexcused absences from 8th grade affect my situation now?
The woman that Charlotte must've spoken to earlier walked into the room and led me to a quiet gray room where I could take my test in peace. I didn't rush through the questions exactly, but I responded to the best of my ability and worked hard with what I knew. The test really called into question the value of geometry though. Was it necessary? Why was it a part of the education system and why weren't the questions about how to stay alive? I could tell you how to clean an injury. I could tell you how to go to the store, or pay a bill, or change a fucking tire but I was supposed to know about the diameter and area of shapes?
Luckily, I had access to a lot of books at my last house and in my current one. I just hoped all the reading I had done in my life would be enough to get me accepted. As anxious as I was about attending high school, it would be nothing compared to missing it and staying home all day while the guys went to class.
When I had finally finished the last problem, I handed my packet back to the woman in charge and walked back to Charlotte.
"Done." I said awkwardly, with my arms behind my back. She looked up from a book she was immersed in and smiled hugely.
"Yay! Congrats! Wanna go do something fun now?" she asked eagerly, standing.
"Can we just go home, do you think?" I asked, cocking my head to one side.
She nodded and led me back out into the cool air. I took a deep breath as she put her books in the trunk of the car, and then got inside as well. Was I ready to be at a school doing classwork, and being around a bunch of students again? What if they didn't like me? What if they knew something was wrong with me? Would the Anders boys even talk to me? I guess only time would tell.
When we got home, I faked happiness for Charlotte and then asked to go to my room for a while. I threw on pajamas and got under my covers, curling up in the dark. I pulled out the laptop and put on a Disney movie, trying to ignore the feeling that was drowning me.
I wasn't her daughter. I wasn't their sister. I was an outsider here and I would have to remember that no matter what. If it got any worse, I would have to leave. It was the only way to keep myself safe. The warm darkness of my room eventually put me to sleep, and I fell quickly.
That night, Brooklyn informed me that Charlotte was holding an annual seminar event in town and was going to be gone for a whole two nights.
"She wanted to say good-bye, but you were asleep." He said, after I came downstairs later that night.
I smiled vaguely and nodded, uncharacteristically silent. He quirked an eyebrow at me, but let it go. I wandered into the dining room to find money and a note on the table. Damon walked in, downing a Monster energy drink.
"Wanna order a pizza?" he asked after taking another huge gulp. He threw me the bulky home phone and I threw it back to him like it was on fire. He smirked and looked curiously at me.
"I don't like calling people." I said truthfully.
He snorted at that and said "Alright. What do you like on your pizza?"
"Pineapple!" I said, cheering up. One of the benefits of having my uncle as my only guardian meant the dinner, we had was always up to me. He might complain if I cooked something strange or ordered something too expensive, but a love of pineapple pizza was something we shared. A part of me wondered if we could find enough similarities between us, would he remember that I was his only family, too? Surely, he would stop hurting me then. I banished the childhood fantasy as it swelled in me once more. That was the only commonality we would ever share. I would make sure of it.
"Pineapple!" Damon groaned with a laugh. "No sister of mine will like pineapple on pizza."
He looked up with a smile, pushing back his hair from his eyes, and then froze as he saw my expression. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights as I held myself very, very still.
"Sorry!" he blurted out unnecessarily. "I just meant- "
I cut him off. "It's okay. That's really sweet. But you should get what pizza you want. I'm not very hungry at all."
And as I said the words, they became true. And as I thought about what I needed to do now it became fact as well. I had always needed to do it. I just hadn't recognized it before now.
He tried to protest, but I mumbled about not feeling well until he let me leave.
A part of me was cursing him. Things were going so well here! Why did he have to go and say... well, that.
In my rational mind, I knew it wasn't his fault. But that part of my mind was much too silent or much too scared to change things now. I went up to my room and silently began to prepare to leave.
I just didn't want to be hurt again.