Even if it had been three years since he'd last done it, for Sam, it felt like yesterday. Back on the road, research to do, maps to check, and itineraries to plan were still second nature. The novelty was having Skye by his side and her actually being interested in what he was doing.
A sense of community was building with the others as well, a team long scattered feeling like one sole body once again. And as much as Sam had been absorbed by his own troubles lately, he now had to admit that he'd missed having Jessie around a lot. Being together like this made sense, so he missed Jerry and Jimmy even more.
But he'd take what he could get, so once they reached Egypt, he was more than ready to get started on their adventure. While waiting for the luggage next to the conveyor belt, he studied the map of the surroundings of Cairo.
According to Herrison, their destination of choice was not along the Nile like most ancient burial grounds, but deep in the desert, right off Wadi El Rayan. Of course, the Agency no longer had the map, but Herrison remembered the general direction. So, armed with twenty-five year old mouth-to-mouth knowledge, they were set.
"This is so weird," Skye whispered, and Sam finally took his nose out of the map.
"What is?" he asked as he followed her gaze to the others.
Tom and Angie were standing side by side, conversing in hushed tones while Kyle, Kay and Jessie waited together. Well, mostly together since Kyle and Kay were a good distance from each other and Jessie was hovering nervously between them.
"I'm somewhat used to doing this with you," Skye said. "But not to be a part of a larger team."
"You'll get used to it. They're all really nice once you get to know them." The thought that he had to introduce anyone into the team at this point was a little laughable, but he was sure Skye would fit right in.
"Should I get an update on what's going on?" she asked, her eyes on Kay who was sipping water and glaring around as if looking for someone to kill.
"I don't have one. Tom and Angie are still presumably broken up, Kyle and Kay still together and Jessie... I have no idea what's up with her and everyone else. I just know I missed her and I'm glad she's back."
"Okay." Skye stepped closer to him, until their shoulders almost brushed together.
She looked a little nervous and his chest ached with the need to protect her, see her smile again. He couldn't be grateful enough that she'd decided to come along. To forgive him for his stupid mishap with Christine and still... Well, like him? He had no idea how she felt about him. He also had only a vague idea how he felt about her. At this moment, all he was certain of was that he wanted her around. For as long as possible.
"Why's that damn luggage taking so long?" Kay mumbled loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Hold your horses," Angie said. "It will get here."
"Kay's really pissed," Skye observed, but Sam noticed the slight tremor in her words.
Without thinking, he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "We'll be fine."
She smiled at him, her shoulders relaxing visibly. He wanted to kiss her again, but was abruptly stopped by his phone vibrating. Wondering if Herrison remembered more details, Sam pulled it out and glanced at the screen. Christine.
"Um..." Skye had obviously seen it, too. "Do you want to answer?"
"I don't know," he answered stupidly, glancing at it.
A part of him did, because he'd left it off miserably with her and he needed to fix that in order to move on. The other part of him had sworn he would never hurt Skye again. But maybe there was a way to appease them both.
"Here's what we'll do," he said, taking his headphones out and plugging them in. He then offered her an earbud.
"No." She raised her hands. "It's your conversation--"
"I want you to hear this."
The fact that she then took it without further protest almost made him laugh. She did want to hear this and make sure everything was fine.
"Yes?" he answered.
"Hi, Sam." Christine's voice was mellow and resigned, a lot different from their last interaction. "I just... Um, I wanted to talk. I'm..." She hesitated and he could definitely tell that she wanted to apologize. She hated to admit that she was ever wrong.
"You're sorry," he provided.
"Yes." She let out a breath of relief. "I now realize I came on a little strong and... Well, let's just say that what happened wasn't what I had in mind."
Skye rolled her eyes and Sam had to agree she had a point. What did Christine expect, turning up half naked at his house? But that wasn't the point now. It was time to finally end it.
"I didn't handle it well either. I was exhausted and what I ended up doing, saying, was cruel."
"I guess we both had a hand in it," Christine said, obviously glad to share the blame. "I think we should slow down. Talk."
"No." The word was out before Christine even finished. "There's no point. I've said all I had to say to you and you got what you apparently wanted out of me. Why stretch this out?"
"Wait, what do you--"
"I meant what I said, Christine. I don't want to get back together with you. At all," he added for good measure.
"Sam, I know you." Her voice shook and she strangely didn't sound belligerent. "You love me. You're not one to throw words around. You're not one to get over love in a few months. Or ever."
For the first time, she wasn't treating his feelings for her as a weakness, as an advantage she had over him. And it warmed him up a little that she did know him. It meant their relationship hadn't all been a lie.
"Be that as it may, the Christine I fell in love with never existed. I told you this once before and you promised she did. Guess you couldn't pretend forever. And you shouldn't have to pretend for me to love you anyway. "
He'd apparently left her speechless. She kept sobbing and he had no idea if he should hang up. There was nothing left to say.
"You can't do this to me. To us," she finally said.
"What I can't do to myself and to us is to take you back. It's over, Christine. Really over. And I'm not going to change my mind."
"Is it that other woman?" For the first time, there was poison in her voice.
Sam bristled, taking her jab at Skye a lot worse than warranted. He could tell that, so he took in a deep breath to calm down.
"No, it's you. You're the one who lied and cheated, remember? And it's me, for putting you up on a pedestal you didn't deserve and putting so much pressure on you to be someone else. And it's Skye, because she helped me see that."
"But you slept with her!"
"I also slept with you. That doesn't--"
He halted before he blurted out that it hadn't meant anything because it had. Especially with Skye. And just as well, she was staring at him, waiting for the bomb to drop. Nope, he was not going down that road.
"It doesn't mean that's why I'm doing this. Can't we just say goodbye like normal people? Stay civil?" He had to cut this conversation short before he messed up.
Fortunately, Christine dropped the subject of Skye which was weirdly mature and a blessing since she was standing right there.
"Civil won't cut it, Sam. I've been a part of this for so long, it's hard to imagine my life without you. Without seeing you, knowing that you're safe. Can't we... Can't we at least stay friends?"
"Were you ever friends?" Skye muttered, keeping her voice low enough to make sure Christine couldn't hear.
Sam just shrugged, having no idea what to say to that. Christine had been a big part of her life, but the thought of staying friends with her sent tingles down his spine.
As if reading his mind, Skye whispered, "You should if you think it will do you good."
At the moment, he had no idea. All he knew was that he liked the friendly, forgiving Sam a lot more than the frustrated, hateful one. Maybe without exhaustion, he'd be able to steer his relationship with Christine is a healthy direction. Cutting her off could prove more damaging than talking from time to time.
"Okay," he finally said. "But just friends. If you start flirting or making any sort of pass at me, our friendship is over."
Skye beamed at him, and at that moment, he felt mighty proud of himself.
"Of course, Sam. I know what friends means." Christine's tone was half-sarcastic, but it only proved that maybe they could do it. Stay friends. Or become friends.
"Great then. Talk to you later."
"Okay. Bye. And thanks." She hung up, proving that she could be mature about this.
"I'm so proud of you," Skye said, giving him a side hug.
"I can't believe you're cool with this," he said, because the lack of jealous, overreacting girlfriend was a little strange.
"Sam, as much as I try not to think about it, I know what Christine meant to you. What she could still mean in the long run. I'm not blind. And I also know that if I want to be with you, there's going to be luggage involved."
Even if her words weren't exactly optimistic, Sam felt a flutter in his stomach. She actually wanted to be with him. It was a miracle in itself that life could still be happy, so he was going to make the most out of every little thing it gave him. Including the perfect outlet to pour his endless stream of love into.
Who cared if it was real or not? In that moment, he loved her to bits.
♠️
Kay couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so annoyed. A constant headache pounded away and nothing was going the way it was supposed to. Not Kyle who was ignoring her while hanging out with Jessie, not Angie who was standing much too close to Tom, not the damn luggage that refused to come.
Ever since Jessie showed up again, Kay's world had gone into a downward spiral. Again. She'd thought Kyle would be pissed at her, give her a hard time for running out on all of them. But no, instead he was all over her, as if her coming back was the best thing ever.
At least Jessie had the decency to be a bit awkward around the rest of them, even if Sam, Tom and Angie had accepted her back too easily. But Kay couldn't. Not when they were supposed to be best friends and Jessie lied and ran away and didn't care what she left behind.
With a groan, Kay massaged her forehead. If only this headache would go away...
"Are you okay?"
Jessie's voice made her jump. "I'm fine." She didn't need help from the traitor.
"Are you sure?" Jessie's tone was wary, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You look a bit skittish."
"What's that even supposed to mean?"
Jessie squinted even more. "Any reason you're snapping at everyone?"
"What, you think you don't deserve it?"
Jessie didn't even blink at her nastiness. Kay gritted her teeth, hating that she still admired Jessie and her capacity to keep her cool. But that was just who Jessie was. She'd come back, apologized and picked everything up with ease, making friends with Sarah when she and Angie hadn't even tried, talking to Skye, accepting the two of them as the replacements of Christine and Tina.
Kay rubbed the bridge of her nose again. It felt so hard to keep up at the moment, but it was true. Sam and Jerry had changed girlfriends and the dynamics of the group had shifted accordingly. The only problem was, how long would Sarah and Skye stick around? Sarah didn't even know about the Agency.
"I'm not going to leave you alone," Jessie said.
"Why not? You're pretty good at running."
"Strange, you don't seem to have that problem when Angie is concerned."
"Hey, I heard that," Angie called.
"What? It's true." Jessie turned to Angie, spreading out her arms. "You had your reasons and I had mine. I don't blame you."
"Are you really going to have a fight here?" Kyle asked, silencing all of them.
Jessie punched his shoulder, but didn't continue harping on Kay, and Kay wasn't sure if that annoyed her or not. After all, she was acting warm and friendly with Kyle and he was a lot more relaxed in her presence, reminding Kay of the Kyle who was supposed to be in love with her.
Fortunately, the luggage decided to finally roll in and they were able to get out of the airport and take a cab to their hotel. Sam kept providing details on where they were and where they would be going and how he'd picked a hotel on the edge of town, in a more scenic place, but Kay didn't really care.
Her head still throbbed, and it only eased up when she drank some more of the special water. Those electrolytes worked miracles and even if she knew she should save them for the desert, she couldn't help it. It was the only thing giving her solace at the moment.
The hotel was a big limestone building with winding arches and spectacular flowers, decorated in a traditional style. Kay looked around, from the urns with ancient Egyptian motifs, to the rich rugs, but she couldn't be bothered to care. All she wanted to do was lay down and rest for the night. The sun was already setting, the reddish light engulfing everything in an apocalyptic halo. It was hot.
When Sam finally headed off to take care of checking in, she zoned out and focused on her pounding head. Once Kyle picked up her rucksack and headed up the stairs she followed, when he opened the door to their room, she entered.
White curtains fluttered in the breeze and the fresh air managed to bring a smile to her face. The furniture was dark wood and the bed had a cream canopy that matched the sheets. They also had a balcony overlooking the hotel garden.
"This is actually nice." She turned to Kyle and her eyes widened. Her rucksack was by the door and the room was empty.
Heart pounding, she hurried into the hallway. Kyle was three doors down, opening another room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
He turned to her with a look that said it was perfectly normal to go sleep somewhere else. "I'm bunking up with Tom. Why?"
Why? How could he even ask? She went back inside and slammed the door. The noise restarted the throbbing inside her head. This was it, wasn't it? Even if he'd claimed it was up to her, his decision was clear. They were done. So done.
Tears filled her eyes and she grabbed her water bottle again. Her ears buzzed and she wasn't sure if it was the exhaustion, the anger, the sadness or the jet lag. She threw herself on the bed, trying to hold the sobs in. Now what? A big chunk of her had torn open, barely hanging by a thread. This couldn't be it.
She'd abandoned her family, had given up everything she'd ever planned just to move thousands of miles away and be with him. Even her career choice had been influenced by him. What was she supposed to do, where was she supposed to go? How could she break off?
Her bleak thoughts were interrupted by a much darker one. How could he? Why was he doing this? In their years together, he'd only showed her the deepest love, the fullest loyalty. Until... Until they'd gone to Texas and Jessie had ruined everything with her presence. A black ink stain spreading and corrupting every memory she held dear. Like in a bad dream, she could remember Cecily Howard and how she'd claimed Jessie and Kyle had chemistry.
That's stupid. There was a good reason that was stupid, but between hiccups and a pounding head, it was hard to remember what that reason was. All she could see was Kyle and Jessie on stage together, singing, leaning against each other, coming much too close.
Jimmy. Jimmy was in outer space and had broken up with Jessie. Kissing once didn't mean they were back together.
This is crazy, what the hell am I thinking? And yet, her mind spun and an insistent voice inside her head kept growling. She shut her eyes and forced herself to stay on the bed, think about something else, but she couldn't. Instead, her mind decided it was the perfect time to dissect every interaction Jessie and Kyle ever had.
They'd always been close and she'd never complained about it because they were friends. It was okay. She trusted both of them. They'd shared a room in France, for heaven's sake, and she hadn't found it the least bit weird.
Now she did. Now she found everything weird.
Get out of my head. She wasn't even sure who she was talking to, but the pain threatened to drive her mad. She opened her eyes to darkness. For a moment, she panicked, but then she realized the sun had set and it was actually nighttime. Her throat felt like it was filled with sand, so she emptied her water bottle. She only had one left.
Fortunately, the headache alleviated. Maybe she was just severely dehydrated and exhausted and that was why her mind was filled with nonsense. If only the nonsense would just stay that and go away.
I can't be in here alone. There was no way the others hadn't gone down for dinner or something. She needed to talk to someone. Better yet, she needed to talk to Kyle or Jessie and prove to herself that she was being crazy and there was no way... She couldn't even think it.
Determined to put an end to the stupidity, Kay wiped her eyes and stood. The dark room spun for a second, but after a few blinks, everything steadied. It still felt a little ethereal, like the edges were smudged. It could be the darkness.
So with that thought in mind, she stepped out into the hallway. The light made her hiss and cover her eyes. Her temples pounded again, but there was no way she was going back inside that room with her dark thoughts.
There's no way, she kept telling herself as she stumbled down the hallway from wall to wall, avoiding ornamental wooden tables and potted plants. There were doors on her right, leading to secluded balconies. She tried to focus on that, but her mind took it so much further, to a scenario in which she and Kyle weren't over, but would take one of those balconies and enjoy the view together. Her heart ached at the image. She wanted that, wanted that so much.
Except he wouldn't take her to the romantic balcony to admire the full moon together. He would take Jessie.
Kay froze, her hands leaning against the edges of the glass door. She blinked, then shook her head. She wasn't imagining it. Jessie and Kyle really were on that balcony, leaning their folded arms on the sculpted railing, heads together. She could hear muffled voices, but couldn't concentrate enough to pick up the words.
Kyle suddenly turned, leaning his back against the railing, arms folded over his chest. Jessie turned to face him too, wiping a tear from her cheek. Whatever they were talking about, she looked upset. Kyle frowned too, though in a more thoughtful way. Jessie's words didn't move him enough since she felt the need to take his face in her hands and force him to look at her.
A pang of unease dove into Kay's stomach and coiled there, like a constricting snake, then it slithered up her throat, making her sick.
She was touching him. He wasn't pulling back. He turned towards her, wiped the tears off her face. They were having a moment. Jessie was crashing, looking away, her lips moving, forming words Kay couldn't care to understand.
It was like her vision tunneled, the edges becoming black and shimmering, and all she could see was her boyfriend and her best friend sharing a tender moment.
Jessie's face snapped back up and she poked Kyle in the chest. He just smirked. She kept talking, threw her hands in the air, but when he finally answered, she just looked numb. Then, out of the blue, she hugged him.
The pain in Kay's chest burned, setting her insides on fire. Let her go! Let him go!
Why weren't they pulling apart? Why was Kyle's hand in her hair, the other holding on to her waist? Why wasn't she moving away, letting him know that it was enough, that he shouldn't touch her like that?
Jessie raised her face from his chest, her eyes shiny with unshed tears, but smiling. He was smiling, too, looking down at her with more tenderness than Kay had seen in months.
She wasn't imagining this, this was real. She'd just been so stupid, so blind. Everything caught a grainy tint and it was hard to see through the tears.
But when Kyle leaned over and kissed Jessie, Kay could see it just fine, with a clarity beyond her senses. And it only took her seconds to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him back, rubbing up against him, damning all sense of loyalty and fairness.
This couldn't be happening. She should do something.
And yet, all Kay could do was stare, take in every detail, from the way Jessie's curls looked like fire, to the familiar way Kyle moved, the way the moonlight sent blue highlights in his hair. The way their skin glowed, how they seemed to become one person. This pain was too familiar, like that one time she'd accidentally caught him and his ex girlfriend kissing.
Except that time, it was justified. She had been the outsider. Nothing justified this.
Something broke inside Kay. Her vision blackened completely as pure rage took over her muscles and bones and pushed her forward. Her hand touched the glass of the door and she felt the cold, the resistance as she pushed it open.
This was over.
♠️
We're going on an adventure! Then shit happens because have you met me?
Some things get sick, and some things get broken and some things... Yeah, I don't even want to talk about the other things (I'm kidding, I totally want to).
I decided to start updating again because maybe this way I'll be motivated to write more. Writing is not going great. I thought I'd get it done but the world sucks right now in every imaginable way, so focusing on writing is proving nearly impossible. But I will try. I need all the support I can get.
Vote and comment if you know what's good for you.