"Sorry about earlier," Hansol smiled while hugging the taller boy from behind. They were walking with a very drunk Xero and a very annoyed Hojoon back to Byungjoo's place after the wild party they had just escaped.
"Xero, go forward damnit," Hojoon huffed as he aided the ditzy boy in walking.
Byungjoo laughed at the scene before replying, "It was a dare, and I look fly as hell so it must have been hard to resist." B-Joo blew off the situation with ease not wanting seem affected by the endeavour.
Hansol just smiled to himself as he walked with his chin on the shoulder of the boy who had claimed him. Hansol knew bring up their matching hickeys or the fact Hansol had indeed turned the other on would only make B-Joo shy and uncomfortable, so he chose to say nothing and simply smiled in absolute happiness at the events that he would surely hold as fond memories.
It took all three of the boys to force feed Xero a sandwich, get him out of his party clothes, and make him to lay down on the makeshift bed they had made on the floor of thier living area. Once successful, the other boys changed themselves and joined Xero with all of the pillows and blankets on the floor. B-Joo cuddled up next to his snoring brother and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
The next morning (more like afternoon) Hojoon, Hansol, and Byungjoo worked together to make an enormous breakfast for the four of them after the suffering from the previous night. Like clock-work, Xero entered the kitchen completely deranged just as the boys had plated the food.
"What time is it?" His scruffy voice sounded.
"12:47," Hojoon replied before shoving a plate of food at him.
They all sat at the small kitchen table in the corner, silently scarfing down their food before Xero spoke up. "What happened after... um.. last night?" Xero scratched the back of his head looking for the right words, finding it much more difficult to do so with his massive hangover. "All I remember is dancing then playing truth or dare, then I kissed Hyunsoo and Hansol gave Joo a lap dance, then fucking B-Joo was a dick and dared me to take 5 shots when I was already at my limit..."
"Yeah, sorry about that..." B-Joo apoligized with a laugh as his brother glared at him.
"Well you did a lot of shit," Hojoon began. "First you dared Ghon to do the pepero challenge with Yano, which was funny as hell. Son of a bitch took of his jackett and slammed Yano against the wall and fucking ate so much of the pepero that they kissed than Yano flipped shit. After that, you took off all your clothes except for your hat and claimed you wanted to go streaking.."
"My underwear?" Xero interrupted.
"Yeah those came off too. You were insisting on me going streaking with you and at that point I was still pretty tipsy so its kind of fuzzy, but I know Hyunsoo tied her boa around you like a diper and..."
"Fuck," Xero sighed before dropping his head to his hands.
"She seemed to enjoy the scene... as did everyone else. And you also quite enjoyed the attention... you posed as a model with only your hat and Hyunsoo's boa while people took pictures of you. Then I think you and Hyunsoo made out in the bathroom, or you all did something in there..."
"Fucking hell."
"Then B-Joo and I made you put your clothes back on so we could leave, and I ended up having to leave with you because you could barely stand, and on the way out you begged us if you could dance for a little bit more. So we stayed for another hour and danced then it was hell getting you home and in bed.... Oh! And you threw up on Seogoong which is why he had to leave early."
"Holy shit."
"Sorry?" Byungjoo smiled at the distressed boy, remembering how he laughed with Hansol at every moment Hojoon recapped.
"Wow... I was already so drunk before the 5 extra shots of Tequila... damn... I should probably call Hyunsoo... fucking hell." Xero shook his head as he got up from the table and brought his plate to the sink.
"That was rough," Hojoon sighed. "But hell, we will remember that shit forever." Hansol and Byungjoo laughed along with their hyung before returning to the kitchen to wash the dishes.
"I'm gonna go check on Xero-ssi," Byungjoo said while setting down a dish rag after everything had been cleaned. The other boys nodded in response before he walked down the short hall to their room. "Xero?" He asked while opening the door.
"Yeah?"
B-Joo walked in to find his brother laying in their bed with a pillow over his face. "Did you talk to Hyunsoo?"
Xero painfully sat up causing his head to ache even more. "Yeah, I was so fucked up last night, Joo."
Instantly the older boy felt a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry for daring you to do that, I didn't know who else to dare and I was flustered as hell, and just needed to get attention off of myself and..."
"Joo, you don't need to be sorry at all. I was the one who actually took the shots, and I drank before. Besides, it was the fun of the game and even though people thought Hansol would make it interesting... people are going to bow down to you because you were the one to stir things up. And also, I really don't mind the attention."
"But did you and Hyunsoo... umm... are you all cool?"
Xero scratched the back of his neck with his eyes holding a look of disblief. "Actually, she called me 'baby' when I called her. So I told her that I was so drunk everything was fuzzy and if she could re-cap the night after I did your dare, and she told me pretty much the same thing as Hojoon and that parts are still fuzzy to her, but we did go into the bathroom... and uh... apparently we made out and then some... and I ended up asking her to be my girlfriend while in the bathroom so... yeah, we're dating now?"
"That's fucking awesome!" The older boy exclaimed shoving his brother.
"Yeah, it is." Xero smiled then suddenly remembered something. "Oh! Joo, did you get to tell Hansol?"
"Dude... Hansol, Hojoon, and I went right to sleep after dealing with you, but I'll get the chance." His words seemed a little hesitant, but he still knew he had no other option than tell everything to the boy who had stripped for him the previous night. Remembering the events with Hansol brought a smile to Byungjoo's face. "But he did give me this." B-Joo pulled down the fabric of his hoodie to reveal the redish-purple hickey just above his collar bone.
"Holy shit!" Xero exclaimed as he pulled his hyung's sweatshirt down further to get a better view. "How the hell did I not see this! So you were the one that gave Hansol that love bite on his shoulder?"
B-Joo nodded in response earning a high-five from Xero. "Turns out last night was a big night for both of us after all."
"Hell yeah it was, hyung."
Later in the afternoon, after helping his oemma put the groceries away, Byungjoo decided to leave the hungover boy to Hojoon and go with Hansol to his flat. The two boys picked up a very late lunch on the way over and plopped down on the couch in Hansol's living room, clicking through the TV channels as they ate.
"So was Xero okay? Because honestly, I've already seen multiple picture of him dressed in only that boa posted online," Hansol laughed and the younger boy joined him.
"Yeah! He and Hyunsoo are actually dating now, and he quite likes the attention."
"Are you okay?" He asked while taking a bite of his Ramen. Something had seemed a bit off about his dongsaeng ever since they left Byungjoo's appartment.
B-Joo seemed a bit taken aback by the question, but nodded his head. "Why do you ask?"
"I don't know," Hansol shrugged as he reclined into the couch. "You just seem like you have something bothering you."
Byungjoo sighed heavily in the realization of his perfect opportunity. But he didn't want to ruin anything. He was terrified to speak, to lose his best friend, the guy whom he wanted to be more than his best friend. He whished he could snap his fingers and have Hansol already know, because the act of actually finding the words and telling the other was the hardest part for Byungjoo.
"Joo-ah," Hansol whispered as he wrapped his arms around the perturbed boy. He nuzzled his face into the crook of B-Joos neck as he scooted as close as possible. "Tell me what's on your mind."
Byungjoo became extremely nervous and anxious as he breathed deeply. Maybe if he only told him the beginning. Broke it up into pieces. B-Joo reassured himself with this thought and inhaled deeply. "There is something I should tell you. I f-feel bad I haven't yet. It's part of me that I... I don't really like sharing because um... other people d-don't really take it so well."
Hansol immediately sat up to look at the other in the eyes, being as attentive to the younger boy as he possibly could.
"Um, so... I have... " Byunjoo paused rubbing his eyes, and suddenly he felt a soft hand caressing his back.
Hansol rubbed his back for comfort before encouraging the distressed boy, "you can tell me anything, Joo."
"I don't know where to start," Byungjoo admitted while running his fingers through his hair.
"Start with the first thing that comes to your mind, then go from there and you can back track and reiterate as much as you need," Hansol reassured the other.
Appreciating Hansol's perfect patience and understanding qualities, B-Joo listened to his words and said the first thing that came to mind. "You know how you have never met my dad? Xero and I haven't either... but our oemma was in love once... she loved a doctor with all her heart although it was sort of, um... forbidden I guess you could say. My mom was born to a rich family, and didn't ever need to work because her parents supported her financially, but when they found out about her love they cut her off and stopped talking to her... Still, she was okay because doctors make good money, and they were able live happily with just a little less spending a little more saving... Um, but because they were not really supposed to be together they couldn't get married, but they really wanted to be a family with kids. So, um, that's where Xero and I came in.."
"So the doctor was your dad?" Hansol interrupted only to make sure he was following B-Joo's story precisely.
Byungjoo's head dropped before he lightly shook it left to right. "Had the doctor been my father their love would have been accepted." He desperately wished for Hansol to catch on so he wouldn't have to say it explicitly, but the other boy just stared at him utterly confused. "The d-doctor was, um... another woman."
Hansol's expression wasn't at all what Byungjoo thought it would be. Hansol didn't scrunch up his nose in disgust and shy away from the other, but rather widened his eyes in intrigue and full interest of Byungjoo's background. "So your grandparents turned her away because... wow, they must have been extremely prideful." B-Joo just stared in awe at the other boy who's reaction couldn't have been more unexpected and more perfect. "Please continue, I want to hear the rest."
Still dumbfounded, Byungjoo picked up where he left off. "Well they wanted kids. And since two, um, girls can't really have children they sorta went to the doctor to get a donor, and they found one that made Xero and I. One of our moms got pregnant first try, but it took the other two tries which is why Xero is younger." B-Joo bit his lip in worry that he had confessed too much information.
"That makes a lot of sense, but if you don't mind my asking... you only live with one oemma, um, what... happened?" Hansol looked slightly worried, but desperately wanted to know everything about the boy he was falling for; he wanted the purple-haired boy to share his life with him, trust him, have no secrets with him.
Byungjoo swallowed hard as he felt a lump forming in his throat. "Like I said she was a doctor, and when people found out she was, um... with a woman... she got a lot of shit for it. But it got way worse when they discovered our moms had Xero and I. They told her that it was wrong to bring children into that kind of environmet and that she was a horrible person for, um, being so selfish to bring kids into such dishonor..." tears were rolling down his cheeks as he remembered his mother. As an 8 year old boy Byungjoo had very few memories of his mother where she was truly happy, and many sad memories resurfaced in B-Joo's mind and his tears overflowed down his face with hiccups escaping his throat. "She couldn't take it. Xero, my oemma... and me... none of us were there that night. She hadn't told my other oemma that she was... she just told her what people said, and told Xero-ssi and I not to worry... but we were 8, w-we knew she was s-sad but oemma didn't tell us what people said to her s-so we thought i-it was... but we weren't there that night, and we couldn't get to her, we couldn't save her... and she, she..."
Hansol had tears spilling down his cheeks as well, and didn't need to hear any more to understand what happened. Not wanting put his dongsaeng in the pain of actually saying the words, Hansol reached over and pulled the boy into a warm, comforting embrace. Hansol tried to stay strong for the other, but the soft sobs coming from the boy clinging to his chest made it extremely difficult for Hansol not to cry too. He didn't question why Byungjoo had kept this from him for so long, didn't wonder why he was telling him now, but was grateful B-Joo trusted him enough to tell him and he admired how strong Joo and Xero had been after hearing their background. Hansol wanted to be the one to ease the pain of his oemma and bring him to a state where he could speak of her and remember happy times, not fear the world and what it did to his family, and love him. Hansol wanted to love the other boy, and show him that the world was capable of love and not only hate.
Byungjoo felt the other's sympathy and compassion without pitty or disgust, and it made him feel guilty for thinking Hansol would ever be less than the perfect human being he never fails to be. With comforting arms wrapped around him and his face buried in the soft cotton shirt adorning the perfect boy's chest, Byungjoo felt certain he was in a safe place, a place where he could get the weight of everything that had ever happened in his life time off his chest. So without moving from his position, he did exactly that.
"After her death, the expenses of the funeral and everything... all we had left was what was in savings. My oemma didn't work because she didn't need to before, and our home was too much to pay for monthly - plus the memories and heartache of living there - so we moved here. We didn't know anyone and could essentially start over. Xero and I were young, way to young to work or worry about financial issues, so our oemma had to take everything on herself. Being in retail was not a sustainable job and she didn't have a degree, so she decided to use the money in savings to go to nursing school. My other oemma had talked to her about medicine and the field so she already knew a little bit about the trade and full on medical school would be too much, so nursing school it was. With her having to use what was in savings for school we had to live really thin. Xero and I sold a lot of our toys, not that we needed them all, but it was still hard for us. We couldn't buy new clothes and if we did, we had to buy something that would fit us both and Xero has always been taller than me. So I wore a combination of Xero's old hand-me-downs and clothes that were much too big. I remember the winter of the first year we were here - the winter you and I were in the same class and first met - we had to sell a lot of our old clothes that wouldn't fit anymore, and one of those things was my winter coat. Xero had outgrown his as well, but it fit me fine so I wore it and Xero wore one of my oemma's. The coat I wore had a small hole in the sleeve and the fabric was frayed and tattered with a broken zipper. You didn't know why I wore it every day and you were one of the only people to have the courtesy not to ask, but you bought me a new coat that fit me just right for my birthdy. Your gift brought my oemma to tears, and I was so exited to have something new again. I wore it for the rest of that winter up until I was 14 when I had outgrown it so much that I couldn't raise my arms." Byungjoo paused to smile slightly at the memory of him at 14 years old trying to squeeze into the jacket Hansol had got for him on his 10th birthday. "We were really struggling and I thought you were sent to be my angel at the time. You probably don't remember this, but times when I didn't have the money to buy a lunch or pack my own, you would offer me some of yours. Sometimes you packed two lunches... but you never asked why I didn't have one most days, and I was very thankful for that. From then on I considered you my best friend and guaridan angel... I know it's stupid, but aside from Xero and my oemma, you were all I had and you treated me with so much kindness." The salty droplets of water once again stung his eyes. "Sorry for crying so much, hyung," he mumbled as he swiped the sleeves of his long-sleeved shirt under his eyes.
"Byungjoo-ah, you don't need to be sorry for showing emotion. And back then, I was honestly just doing what any other person would do. Any person with a conscious that sees their friend without food would easily offer them some of theirs..."
"No, Hansol," B-Joo smiled at him. "You are just a rarity. Your compassion and lovingness excedes that of anyone, Kim Hansol... and you don't know how much I admire and appriciate that."
Hansol could sense how genuine the other boy's words were, but he had only done what any other 10 year old would have at the time. Rubbing small circles into Byungjoo's back, he encouraged him to continue, wanting to know everything and anything about the boy he adored. "What happened after that? I know your mom works late as nurse now, but, um... tell me more."
Byungjoo continued to be surprised in the older boy's interest in his life and his acceptance of everything. "Well, my mom ended up graduating nursing school and becoming a nurse. One shift was only enough for us to scrape by every month so she picked up a double every day except for Thursdays and she gets paid double on Christmas Eve for working a holiday so we are okay now. We are able to live comfortably thanks to my mom working from four in the afternoon to three in the morning... she has a lot of weight on her shoulders with being a single parent of two teenage boys and working from afternoon to early morning everyday, but she handels it like a pro. She is honestly the strongest woman I have ever met. She works so hard... and it's for Xero and I, she does it all for us... and after losing the love of her life the way she did... so I try to do what I can with keeping the house clean and cooking or ordering a bit extra for her, because... she is my oemma and I love her. She has suffered and doesn't deserve to suffer... But thankfully, she is stronger than 1,000 soldiers and ends every day positively with a smile on her face." B-Joo took a deep breath feeling relieved fo finally have almost everything off his chest. It felt so good to finally tell Hansol what Xero had been bugging him about for quite some time, and he had an enormous weight lifted off his shoulders. But when Hansol's hesitant voice asked if the nightmares were about his mother, a new weight dropped and he knew he had to explain this which would lead to telling the other something Xero would never push Byungjoo to tell. "Not exactly," he sighed. "They started right after oemma passed... Xero had the first one. It was of me trying to do the same thing oemma did because I was being made fun of for... um... and Xero couldn't get to me and... he woke up sweating and crying and ran to sleep with me. The next night we tried sleeping in our own beds again and Xero had the same dream, and I also had the dream but it was Xero trying to.... ya know... because people made fun of him for being girly. They are really vivid and it, um... terrifies me every time I have one and I know it does the same to Xero-ssi. So we sleep in the same bed because when we are next to each other we don't have them... and because Xero has an interest in fashion and is a little more feminine, I worry that it could happen, and Xero worries the same because what he dreams about is also true...."
"And what is that?" Hansol asked with curiosity, not knowing it would be something extremely difficult for the other boy to admit to.
"Only Xero-ssi and oemma know this. Ever since I was young, I always paid more attention to... boy characters, and thought more about guys. It isn't because of my moms and I'm so scared people will think that, but my brother likes girls and my oemma always encouraged me to say which girls were pretty until I told her that I thought the boys were prettier and... I tried... I did... only Xero knows what I've done to try and make myself straight, but I can't... I mean I'm not... and im terrified of people hating me like they hated my moms and I just..."
Hansol pulled Byungjoo in to a hug and laid his hand on the back of his head, softly messaging his sclap as he comforted the once again crying boy.
"I did bad things, Hansolie. I took advantage of multiple girls and hurt their feelings just so I could try to make myself straight. I didn't like them, but they seemed to like me, and I hurt them. I kissed and did other things with them and when... when it failed... I tried with someone else. I did it to four girls, Hansol. Four. None of them... they all were hurt by me, but I didn't want to hurt them... I just wanted to be... Xero asked me if I got butterflies with any of them, or thought about them first thing in the morning, or couldn't wait to see them; but.... there was only one person my 16 year old self felt like that t-toward and it wasn't a girl."
"Byungjoo-ssi, you are an incredible person, and you don't need to try to change who you are for anyone or because of anyone. You are perfect Joo-ah... my little slice of beautiful perfection. And anyone who doesn't accept you or treats you differently because of who you are or what you've been through will have to answer to me."
B-Joo couldn't believe the words coming out of Hansol's mouth, or how the other boy still messaged soft circles into his back as his other hand's fingers traced through the soft purple locks. "H-Hansol, you still want t-to be my friend? You aren't s-scared I will g-give you my gay or something?" He asked as he tilted his head up to meet the older boy's eyes.
Hansol brushed his thumbs beneath Byungjoo's eyes to capture his tears before a smile spread across his features as he let out a soft laugh. "You can't give someone gay, Joo. Especially not someone that already is." The perplexed, purple-haired boy raised and eyebrow at his hyung. "Tell me, Joo, who was this boy that gave you butterflies?"
B-Joo bore deep into Hansol's eyes trying to read his thoughts and decipher his words. "Are you...?" He was unable to finish the question, but it was still answered with the glint in Hansol's eyes accompanied by the devilish smirk of his. Completely disregarding the question Hansol had previously asked, he looked at him with shock spread across his features; it only continued to grow as his hyung grabbed the back of his neck and pulled B-Joo's face centimetres from his own.
"You didn't answer my question." Byungjoo shivered feeling Hansol's lips brush ever so slightly against his. "Because there is a boy that I have had a massive crush on since I gave him a coat for his 10th birthday, and I got my hopes up when his brother called me before a party telling me to dress sexy. And I got my hopes up even further when the boy allowed me to give him a love bite and gave me one right back. So tell me Kim Byungjoo, who is this boy that you fancy?"
"You," Byungjoo whispered, and within a matter of seconds Hansol's lips were on his. Fireworks he had never felt before erupted in B-Joo's stomach and the left side of his body went numb with tingles. Hansol moved his hands to tug on the purple hair and the boy he passionately kissed let out a whimper. "Hansol," he moaned as the older boy's lips explored the soft skin on Byungjoo's neck. Their bodies moved in a synchronised manner and somehow Hansol ended up straddling the other and rolling his hips against Byungjoo's lap as he feverishly kissed him. B-Joo had no idea how he got so lucky or how he deserved someone like Hansol, but he kissed the older boy with every ounce of passion and love he had in him. He knew that when it came to Hansol, he meant every loving action he brought fourth - whether it be voluntary or involuntary. "I love you." Byungjoo confessed the last secret he had as they parted leaving swollen lips and heavy breathing.
"I love you too, Joo. I always have," Hansol smiled finally being able to say the words he had always wanted to say and hear the words he had only dreamed of hearing.