This chapter is dedicated to user39759836 for all the votes. Thank you so much for supporting the story.
In World History, all I do is think about him and our fight. I don't know what the hell happened. I am glad Jayden is willing to try and be friends again, but I feel guilty about how it all went down. I pull my phone out when my anxiety gets unbearable. I feel like I can't breathe.
I'm sorry. I swear it's not what it looked like. It was just two friends working things out.
I send it and wait for a reply, but nothing comes. When I leave class, I rush to the parking lot, but he is gone. So I get in my car and call him, but he doesn't pick up. Maybe he just needs time. I decide to go over to his house later if he doesn't call me back.
My heart feels like it's cracking the whole drive home. I find the house empty when I get inside, and I realize mom must have taken the boys out to The Arcade like she sometimes does when she doesn't have the night shift.
I sit curled on the couch and wait for Liam to call me to no avail. Lux keeps me company and keeps my anxiety at bay with her loving cuddles. Two hours pass, but nothing comes. He hasn't even replied to my earlier text. As crazy as it sounds, this is the longest we've gone without talking. I feel a wet spot on the couch cushion and realize my tears are falling without my knowledge. Lux whines beside me cause I'm not giving her any attention anymore.
I sit straight and fumble with my phone, typing and deleting messages to send to Liam before I settle on one.
Liam, I'm really hurting. Why won't you talk to me? I don't want to fight. Please.
I wait for about thirty minutes and when he doesn't reply I decide to go over. I tie my hair back and wipe my puffy eyes before grabbing my keys. I hear a knock on the door, and I take one last look in the mirror before rushing to downstairs. When I open the door, I am greeted by a breathtaking sight. Liam, in a tux, his hair slicked back, looking like he belongs in one of those tuxedo catalogs.
I stare up at him in shock.
"I'm sorry, Jess." He eyes me longingly. "I don't want to fight either. You're my best friend. Your last text really pained me. I never wanted to hurt you. I just..."
I throw my arms around him and pull him into a hug.
"It wasn't like that, Liam. With Jayden, it wasn't like that." I say, and he nods.
"I know, baby. I'm so sorry. I hated seeing you like that with him."
I nod, clutching him tighter.
When we pull apart, he wipes my tears and kisses both my eyes, then my cheeks, then my nose, and I giggle.
"You look handsome," I tell him, and he smiles.
"We have an Anniversary to get to." He says, and I know this is his way of apologizing.
He really didn't have to do this, but I love him so much right now it hurts.
"Now, go get dressed." He says as I stand there staring at him with hearts popping out of my eyes.
I nod with a laugh and rush up the stairs, a grin plastered across my face. I spend most of my time fixing my makeup, and I pick out a simple black cocktail dress and black strappy hills.
Liam approves of the look with heated eyes. I smirk at his expression as I grab a coat for the cold.
***
Château de Colmar is a French restaurant with a beautiful vineyard in the back that's usually reserved for weddings. The fact that it's a fall/winter night has not diminished its beauty in the slightest. It's decorated with small twinkling lights hanging from the vines, and there are fairy lights in mason jars in every corner and on every circular table, accompanied by beautiful purple Salvia bouquets. It looks absolutely magical.
We have missed the renewal of the Vow, but Mrs. Hamilton is still beyond ecstatic to see us.
"Mrs. Hamilton, congratulations. Sorry, we run a little late. The place looks amazing." I tell her.
"Oh, Jessica! Thank you so much for coming, darling girl." She smiles at me warmly and kisses both my cheeks, European style. "Liam, I almost didn't recognize you. You look absolutely dashing." She says, giving him a hug.
She makes small talk, but Liam is beyond stiff beside me, and she senses it, so she doesn't overstay her welcome. She tells us to help ourselves to the food and drinks. And she goes over to her husband, who shoots us a small but kind smile.
I grab a virgin strawberry daiquiri instead of the one with alcohol because we are around parents, and Liam says he doesn't want anything. Some of Elliot's family members that I recognize look at me with a frown. They're probably wondering what I'm doing here since Elliot and I broke up.
Isaiah and Emily make their way towards us with a smile, and Liam and Isaiah give each other the guy version of a hug. Emily smiles coolly at me, seeming not too pleased to see me. I remember what she said the last time I saw her, but that seems like forever ago now. They stay and chat with us for a while but inevitably, Emily drags Isaiah away with the excuse of wanting to dance. I haven't seen Elliot so far, and I can't say that I am displeased.
I watch people dancing on the small rectangular platform while sipping on my daiquiri. And it makes me smile that some people are even worse dancers than I am. I look up at Liam to find him staring at me intently. My smile disappears, and my cheeks instantly feel hot as he holds my gaze.
When a new song begins, he extends his hand.
"May I have this dance?" He asks, and I laugh.
This is less than ideal. I am a terrible dancer. But I shrug my coat off anyway, placing it on a nearby chair.
"You dance?" I ask, taking his hand.
"Occasionally." He admits leading me to the dance floor.
"You should know that I really suck at this. I might step on your toes." I warn, and he chuckles.
"I think I'll take my chances."
Once we get to the dance floor, he wraps one hand around my waist and grabs my hand with the other one. I look around to see if anyone I know is watching, and he laughs at my nervous expression.
"Get out of your head, Jess. Just move." He says, smoothly swaying us from side to side, and I try to follow his lead.
Once I get the hang of it, Liam grabs my hand delicately and twirls me around.
I giggle, and he smiles down at me.
When a much slower song comes on, he wraps both hands around my waist and pulls me to him. I encircle my hands around his neck, and I lay my head on his chest as we move to the music. Liam really is full of surprises. I would have never taken him for the slow dancing type, but the boy moves with grace. Earlier I was on my couch feeling like shit, and now, just a couple of hours later, I'm so full of happiness it seems unreal.
I feel a gentle pat on my leg, and I look down to find a young boy about six years old looking up at me.
"Hey, there," I say, slightly confused.
"I think you're pretty." The boy says shyly, then turns around to look at someone.
I follow his gaze and see a woman who I'm assuming is his mother smiling and nodding at him encouragingly.
"Oh, thank you. You're quite handsome yourself." I say, and he giggles.
Liam smiles down at him.
"Can I...um... I mean, may I dance with you?" He asks, and my heart melts.
I look at Liam, and he nods.
"Alright, buddy. Just remember she is taken, okay? No funny business." He says to the boy, and the little cutie nods earnestly, looking up at him with innocent eyes.
Liam steps away, and I bend a little to hold the boy's hands.
"What's your name?" I ask, smiling down at him as we move.
"Patrick." He says. "What's yours?"
"It's nice to meet you, Patrick. My name is Jessica." I tell him, and he nods.
I twirl him around the same way Liam did with me, and he laughs.
"I think I am supposed to do that." He says, and I chuckle.
"Maybe when you're a little taller," I tell him just as a figure stands over us.
I'm startled when I see that it's Elliot.
"Hey, bud. Mind if I cut in?" He asks Patrick.
"Not fair, Elliot!" He pouts but steps away.
"Ice Cream on me, next weekend," Elliot promises, and that seems to satisfy Patrick. He walks away with a smile.
When Elliot steps in front of me, I look around.
"He is with Isaiah," Elliot informs me, stepping closer.
"I don't think this is a good idea, Elliot," I say, feeling uneasy.
"It's just a dance, Jess." He says, slipping his hand around my waist. "I'm glad you came. Even if it's with him." He says, and I push him away.
"Okay, okay, sorry. No bad-mouthing. I promise." He says, pulling me close again.
"Elliot!" I sigh.
I don't think Liam will like this.
"Just let it be, Jess." He holds me swaying with the music. "I see how you are with him. It's like you two are connected by some invisible string. Everywhere you are, there he is. I see the way he looks at you, the way his eyes follow you around a room. It's too much of a burden to be someone's everything, Jess. You don't need that kind of pressure." He says, and I try to push him away again, but his hold on me tightens.
"I'm only saying this because I care." He continues. "I know I am the last person you wanna hear this from, but he isn't the right guy for you." He says, and I finally get out of his hold, stepping on his toes so hard he actually wails with pain.
When I turn to walk away, I see Liam as he rushes out the door. I turn back to Elliot with wide eyes, and he gives me an arrogant smirk.
The fucking asshole!
I don't say a word to him. I turn around and run after Liam with all my might, not caring that I don't even have my coat on. My heels click loudly against the marble floor as I make my way through the restaurant and then outside. I run my hands up and down my arms when the cold, crisp air hits me full force, making my skin prickle.
I see a silhouette heading for the parking lot, and I follow. The parking lot is dimly lit and secluded, the light coming from the lamps giving it a yellowish golden luminosity.
"You're really just going to leave?" I yell after him.
Liam stops in his tracks and turns around.
"What else am I supposed to do? Stay and watch you two dance? I turn around for one second, and you are in his arms."
I finally catch up to him.
"I admit that was probably stupid, but it was still just one dance, Liam."
"And how do you think that looks? He is an ex who is still in love with you, for fuck's sake!" He snaps. "You know, you two look perfect together. It's guys like him destined for a bright future and a beautiful girl. All fucking preppy and untarnished. Everyone who looked over at us saw you and couldn't comprehend why you were standing with me instead of him."
I gasp. I honestly can't believe we're having another explosive fight. This day has been such highs and lows that I can't even wrap my head around it. We should have just stayed home. Why the hell did I not keep him snuggled in my bed when I knew he didn't even want to be here?
"There is no way you believe that, Liam. Everyone who looks over at us sees you. They have no time to be looking at me. And even if they do, the only thing they see is an ordinary girl with a guy that's too good for her."
He laughs sardonically, his eyes clouding once more.
"You know what I think people see, Jess?" His voice goes from angry to bitter. "I think they look at us and see a beautiful girl. A girl who shines from the inside out. I think they look at us and say, what is a girl like that doing with a guy like him? Because it's not that hard to tell that I am a misfit. You can do much better than me, and everyone knows it."
His words punch a hole in my chest, and it takes me a second to catch my breath. I almost want to laugh at our world's apart point of view. But I understand that having a screwed up past plays a huge role in how he sees the world and himself, that, and his self-loathing tendencies.
"That is just not true." I sigh.
"But it is. Anyone can look into your eyes and easily see a light. There is no light in me, Jess. My soul is twisted and dark. I've seen too much sorrow, done too much damage to be normal." His voice is ominous, and I shiver.
"I know what you're doing. You're pushing me away. Don't do this!" I feel the cold slowly sip into my every pore.
Liam looks at me desperately with those haunted Hazel eyes.
"You have not seen all of me, Jess. When you do, you won't want me. That's why I can never lose control with you." He says.
I shake my head, stepping even closer.
"I don't care if you lose control or show me all of you. I don't care! It's never going to change how I feel. I know your heart. You can't scare me away." I tell him, and he closes his eyes like he is in agony.
I wish he would stop fighting it. I wish he would just let me in. My bottom lip quivers, but I bite down on it. I can't cry now.
"I am afraid that I am going to damage you. I am afraid that your light is going to burn out. It'll kill me if I do that to you." He says, and I watch as his shield comes up again, keeping me from reaching in.
This fight somehow feels worse than the ones we've had so far. This isn't at all how I saw this night going. But once again, Liam's mood has gone on a downward spiral in a fraction of a second. I don't know how to keep up with him. He is like an optical illusion, an image that is constantly changing right under your eyes. When you think you've finally figured it out, it changes into something completely different and fucks with your mind.
The wind blows stronger. And the sound of the whistling trees makes me what to cover my ears and curl into a ball.
"So, what are you saying? That you don't want me. That you think I should be with someone else?" I ask, my lips trembling.
Liam's eyes widen.
"No. God, no. I can't even tolerate the thought. I just don't get why you stay with me when the whole world keeps telling you to leave. When you have so many other options."
It breaks my heart that he thinks it's even a choice. I take a long calming breath. I have never really been good at articulating my feelings, but it's time that he knows just how much he means to me.
"If you're waiting for me to leave you, you can stop waiting. Because I can't be without you. You are it for me, Liam." I tell him. "Because I love your soul just as it is. I know you can't see it, but you do make me happy. You make me feel alive, Liam. I don't care what the world has to say. The world doesn't know who you are or what we have. The world has no idea how much I love you. I love you, Liam."
My chest somehow feels lighter after letting it out. I have finally said what I have been dying to say for weeks, and I have no idea how I even went this long without screaming it from the rooftops.
Liam looks shell-shocked. The words hang above us like a dark cloud, and the silence stretches out. His eyes search mine frantically like he is afraid this isn't real. He is looking at me with so much yearning it hurts my soul. I wonder how long it's been since someone said these words to him and truly meant them.
"I love you, and I'm not letting you push me away. Okay?" I tell him softly, and his chest heaves with every breath.
"I don't deserve you." He says so quietly that I almost don't catch it. "But I can't let you go. I can't. God, I wish I was strong enough, but I'm not. You're my heart. I need you too much."
My eyes immediately fill with tears.
"Don't you dare let me go!"
Liam pulls me to him roughly and slams his lips against mine. There is nothing measured or gentle about his kiss, it's sloppy and full of need. He kisses me hungrily, desperately. My hands fall limply at my side, and I moan into his mouth helplessly.
"Hold me, baby. Let me feel you." He says, and I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him to me and kissing him just as fiercely.
The kiss is raw and full of emotions. My tears fall down my cheeks, and he kisses them away. I grab a fist full of his shirt when I feel like my knees are about to give out. His fingers shove into my hair, and they pull hard, making me gasp and whimper in pain and pleasure. He bites my lower lip pulling it between his teeth, and when I moan, his fingers wrap around my throat, pulling me flush against him. And then his tongue is in my mouth, moving hurriedly, impatiently. He bends his knees and shoves his leg in between mine, making me feel his arousal. His fingers tighten around my throat, making me gasp, and he groans erotically into my mouth.
This is him, I realize, finally unhinged.
He doesn't say that he loves me, and I don't expect him to. He has shown me in so many ways just how much I mean to him. His kiss is enough. It means more to me than an overused word could ever manage to. So I allow him to kiss me till I'm drowning in his dark, turbulent sea.
Hey, guys! :) these two chapters were a roller coaster ride for sure. I hope you enjoyed them though. Give me a star if you did. It'll only take a second so do it for Jess and Liam. :) and makes sure to leave me a comment.
Much love,
Becca.