"What happened with the two of you? Why are you acting like you're in some sort of lover's quarrel?" Yuta asked with a combination of a little teasing to Taeyong and Doyoung who are eating at the moment at each end of the cafeteria table. It's been a week already since they become like this and no one's more bothered than their friends.
At first, Lucas, Yuta, and Jungwoo thought that it's nothing- that it's because they're tired of studying for the Midterms exam and practicing for each club activities. But with the absence of nonstop bickering, they figured out that something is definitely wrong.
"Both of you are the brains of the group so don't be like this. We won't be able to finish our project." Lucas said which made Jungwoo look at him.
"What about me?"
"Oh I forgot! You're the second brain!" Lucas said, tapping Jungwoo's back who smiled cutely at him
"You know what? You two are creepier than Doyoung and Taeyong!" Yuta said, pointing at Lucas and Jungwoo who just laughed. Poor Yuta.
"I'm finished." Doyoung said as he stood up from his seat and left without looking back.
Yuta eyed Taeyong a 'What's-with-him' look but he just got ignored.
"What happened?"-Jungwoo
"I don't know."
"Why are you like this?"-Lucas
"I don't know."
"Why don't you know?" -Yuta
"I don't kno-" he wasn't able to finish what he is saying as Yuta hit his head. "Why di-"
"How can we help you if you won't say a thing?"
"I don't need any help."-Taeyong
"You clearly need it"-Jungwoo
Taeyong put down his spoon and fork and look seriously at the three of them. "Look. I have no idea what he is pissed off about. I was the one who got offended by those harsh things he said but why is he the one angry? I actually tried talking to him the other day because of our project but he didn't even answer me. Now tell me, how can I ask you to help me when I don't know the problem myself?!" He said, raising his voice a little. When he realized he isn't his usual self anymore, he sighed. "Sorry.. I just..."
"What is he for you?" Lucas asked and suddenly, without telling it to, Taeyong's ears felt hot. Seriously?
"Whoever."
"We're not dumb not to realize something, Taeyong."-Yuta
"We've been friends just as long as you and Doyoung but we weren't like what the two of you are." Lucas said, agreeing with Yuta. Taeyong believed these things are better not said at all.
"We're late for class." He said, brushing off the topic. No matter how close they are, he doesn't want them to know the truth. He doesn't want them to be disgusted by the fact that Taeyong likes a guy. He's losing Doyoung now and he can't lose his other friends also.
He stood up but Jungwoo suddenly pushed him back to sit. "I don't care what issues you have but if ever you think we will oppose the two of you, then you really didn't think of us as your friends." Jungwoo said so seriously that Taeyong can't help but to realize the sadness he's been keeping from them. This is Jungwoo. He's so innocent, so carefree but... he's telling me this.
Silence enveloped the 4 of them, even Yuta and Lucas are shocked by Jungwoo. Taeyong thought of what excuse to say but he knows that it will just makes matters worse. Yuta felt his hesitation to speak first so he asked him directly.
"Since when?"
That question is enough for Taeyong to speak "I don't remember. As far as I can remember, I just want him by my side."
"Then why not tell him?" Lucas
"Easier said than done." Taeyong
"Easier said than kept."-Jungwoo
"Woahh! You're the best" Lucas secretly mouthed to Jungwoo, not noticing how Yuta frowned with the unusual sweetness.
“But why not at least ask him why he is like that? Keep your feelings all the way you want but are you sure you can keep on being like this with him? So distant?” Yuta finally advice something really eye-opening.
Can I? I’m fine just the way we were but with what's happening, am I still fine?
Taeyong thinks back very carefully his years with Doyoung. Those bickering that made him feel home. Those challenges that let him be a better person.
Am I willing to let go of that because of a misunderstanding?
After a couple of seconds of letting his true feelings sink in, finally, he stood up. Better than doing nothing.
He stormed out of the cafeteria and into the crowded hallway of their school. His three friends thought of letting him go alone but they suddenly realized that they shouldn't. If things come to worst, the two could get into a fight and they don't want it to happen, so they followed.
Taeyong searched for their room but no sign of Doyoung. If he isn't here, then? ... Oh I know! How could I forgot that their performance is in less than a week?! He must be practicing!
He ran towards the event hall in hope that the one he is looking for is there. And HE IS THERE. Alone.
“Hey... busy?” Taeyong asked. Obviously, Doyoung is busy correcting the song he'll be performing but Taeyong just don't know what to say other than that.
Doyoung nodded as an answer without even looking at Taeyong. The latter find it hard to say something again but he must, so he did.
“What will you be performing? If I was in here, I'll sing better than you!” he said, trying hard not to let the nervousness show but he failed. His voice cracked halfway.
But still, Doyoung didn't even move a bit. He is determined not to answer Taeyong at all which made him down, yet he continued.
“How can you be this quiet when you're not even mute?” He awkwardly teased just in time for Lucas, Jungwoo, and Yuta to arrive.
At last, Doyoung turned around to look at Taeyong. “Finished talking?” he asked coldly. He doesn't want anyone to find out what he is thinking of, nor talk to anyone at all.
Taeyong felt something pierced his heart. This isn't the Doyoung he knows. He never acted this way to him. They indeed fought countless of times already but not like this. With him being so hard to approach, Taeyong knows this isn't going anywhere good. He already lowered his pride just by talking to him but Doyoung is just so hard to deal with and he knows talking to him in a nice way won't help. “What is your problem?! You were the one who said foolish things that day but why are you the one like this?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Taeyong burst out but Doyoung stays calm but eyes glaring.
Without saying a thing, he threw something hard to Taeyong, it’s edge hitting Taeyong's cheek. For a second, Doyoung regretted doing that, but he immediately hide the concern look that was resurfacing. Get a hold of yourself, Doyoung. You don't care about him.
Taeyong picked up what he threw and his eyes widened by what he saw. His journal.
Then it hit him!
He must've read everything in here and hated me for that. But F*ck! Just because of this?!!?-Taeyong
“Sh*!” he shouted as he pushed Doyoung away. He almost got out of balance if Yuta wasn’t behind him. Lucas held Taeyong’s arms, afraid of what he’ll do. “It’s freaking hard to be your friend!”
Sadness was more evident in Taeyong’s eyes than his anger.
As if he was punched by the truth, Doyoung felt his chest heavier. The coldness in his face that he tried hard to make seems to fade away. This is Taeyong, Doyoung. Will you really let him go like this? He told himself.
“I never asked you anything! I never asked you to be anyone. That was just a freaking journal! It means nothing!” Taeyong continued, raging with both anger and sadness. It doesn’t suppose to end this way.
“How can I act like that was just nothing when it clearly explains everything!”
Then it hit Taeyong again. Whether there is a journal or none, the idea of him falling for Doyoung shouldn’t even existed. “Does you saying this serves to show your disgust?” he said, almost crying.
Doyoung can’t move at all. Taeyong’s words hurt him as much as it hurts Taeyong. He knows he isn’t disgusted with him but he just can’t say it. He had been used to hiding himself that clearing the misunderstanding seems wrong for him.
“Then I’ll take that as a Yes.” Taeyong said as he shrugs off Lucas’ hands. “Don’t worry. Let’s just finish senior high then I’ll leave your sight“ he said, leaving Doyoung speechless, staring blankly.
“Let him be. You’re still our friend, Doyoung. Just make sure, you won’t regret what happened.”
“Hiding the truth is easier than saying it, right?” Lucas said then gestured Yuta and Jungwoo to leave with him. As soon as both of them left, Doyoung let go of the breathe he has been holding as tear fell from his eyes. Idiot! he told himself, thinking about what he had done just to be with Taeyong but are now wasted because of his own foolishness.
Just as Taeyong got out of the hall, Jaehyun appeared just in front of him. Without bothering to say a thing, he tried to walk pass him but failed. “Come and cheer for me, okay? It's just a rehearsal but I'll be expecting you.”
“I won't”, Taeyong answered, looking down as tears seems to fall any second. Please leave me alone, Jaehyun. I need peace the most right now.
“I'll stop messing around you, Taeyong. Just watch me, please?” he pleaded but a sob was heard from Taeyong. He wanted to hide the pain but he just got tired and the pain wants to take its way out on its own. His heart still beats faster than it should with heavy breathing.
What happened a while ago with Doyoung hurt him too much to the point that he wants to cry his eyes out but he can't especially with Jaehyun's presence. The one he thinks Doyoung likes.
But no matter how hard he tries to hide it, the more he fails. “How can I even watch you perform when you'll be singing with him?” he finally looks back at Jaehyun and he doesn't need to be asked about what he feels because his eyes say it all.
Doyoung, you coward! Better fix this now or I might as well really think of liking Taeyong! -Jaehyun
“Is...is liking him this wrong? Is being this way a sin?” Taeyong cries as those words come out of his mouth. Few people pass by but he doesn't care anymore. He's been hurt too much.
Suddenly, a pair of arms pulled Taeyong and wrapped around him, trying to calm him down. “shhh.... It's almost time for me to go on rehearsal. Just watch this last performance... take this as a final goodbye on Doyoung. Hmm?” Jaehyun said as he pats his back.
Taeyong closed his eyes while still sobbing. If I go, it will hurt more than it did before. But... this might actually make me stop, right? I... I'll stop...
He lets go of the hug and looks at Jaehyun then nodded. He's too tired for words.
Jae gave him a reassuring smile as he wipes Taeyong's tears. Without a word, they go inside the hall- Jaehyun straight into the backstage while Taeyong sat at the farthest seat. He's too preoccupied that he didn't notice his friends sat beside him.
Meanwhile, on the backstage, Doyoung got punched by Jaehyun before they perform. Taeil Senior and Haechan was shocked and went between the two of them.
“You better not regret this day, Doyoung”, he said to Doyoung who doesn't even move a bit and just stared blankly.
“COMING HOME IN 3...2....1...” The 4 of them heard Mr.Seo, the event organizer, said and as if nothing happened, they went on their positions before the curtain finally opens.
The music plays... Taeil, Haechan, and Jaehyun focused to make themselves feel the emotion of the song. But Doyoung, was distracted. Too much to think at once.
As if he was the only person around, Doyoung didn’t notice that it's time to sing. The only thing that put him back to his senses is Mr. Seo shouting. “STOOOOP! DOYOUNG!! DO YOU WANT TO SING OR NOT?!?” He immediately bows down and apologized for being distracted. What the h*ck? This is only a rehearsal but you're already like this? Fudge Doyoung! He said to himself.
As the music starts to play once again, he found himself looking at the seats even though he knows they don't have any audience but....
his eyes landed on him. Taeyong. They are almost at each end of the hall but Doyoung can't help but to notice his glittery eyes. Not because of adoration. But because of pain. His heart didn't beat faster like before but instead, it beats slower. As if it wants him to catch his breath.
[AN: Play Coming Home by NCT U]
Finally, remembering he had to sing, Doyoung opens his mouth as he lets out that wonderful voice while his gaze fix on Taeyong.
내 시간은 멈춰 있어
(My time is frozen)
우는 널 두고 돌아섰을 때
(To when I turned around from you as you cried)
He never expected himself to feel too much emotions from a song. He was used to giving off the feeling of the song by practicing it but right now, the song just feels like his own heart, speaking for himself.
While Haechan and the others took on the next lines, Doyoung's chest felt heavier.
I didn’t even say
A last goodbye
But you told me to come back
And rest anytime when I get tired
I really didn't even give you a proper goodbye... or an explanation. You.. you talked to me despite your pride but I.. Taeyong... - Doyoung
Tears also began to flow on Doyoung's eyes. This isn't what he wants. This isn't what both of them wants.
When I walked for a while
On the snowy street
If I turn around, feels like you’ll be there
Memories flashed back to him. He remembered their stupid ice skating. They were just 10 that time and no one dares to admit how scared they are, so they both tried and ended up spraining their feet.
Right when the journey is over
I will know
Then I’ll hold you tight like before
I’m coming home ~ ~ ~
He remembered how he threw the chocolates that Taeyong was supposed to give to a girl in Middle School, because he doesn't want him to be distracted by anyone.
Darkness greeted me
When I was lost and wandering
On the other side of the stage, Taeyong is clenching his both hands. He's hurt and confused. He had never seen Doyoung look at him like this, as if they're feeling each other's pain. But... why...
As Doyoung sings, finally, he surrendered.
이 길의 끝에 만난 건
(What I encountered at the end of this road)
너라는 등불이
(Was your light)
내 곁에서 언제나 빛나던 사실
(It always shined truth next to me)
You light of my life uh ~ ~ ~
Taeyong really did light up my life. For the first time, he made me want to protect something, someone. He made every challenges seems so interesting that I wanted to try overcoming it...
When I walked for a while
On the snowy street
I turned around and you were looking at me
Even when my time is up
I will go to you
And we’ll go back home where it’s warm
Yeah Yeah ~ ~ ~
That's right. We'll go back to where it's warm. And right now, the warmest place is by your side.. Taeyong...
잘 왔다고 말해준 너의 그 말
(You said that you’re happy I came)
Yea---
Doyoung's voice cracked, not being able to reach the high note. Mr.Seo almost shout at him but Jaehyun gestured to stop. Everyone, including Taeyong, looks at him with worry. Never in his life, did he fail to reach a note. Doyoung just looks downward, still feeling a lump on his throat. I can't take it anymore... he said to himself as tears continues to pour.
He lifted his head and found the only pair of eyes he wants to look at. And as if they are the only person there, both of them didn't look away despite being both in tears. “Hear me out.” He said through the microphone.
Taeyong's hands still trembles because of his nervousness. He can't be talking about me right now, right? But... Doyoung...
Wiping his tears and breathing heavily first, as if afraid to run out of breathe, Doyoung started...
“You’ve been with me for almost half of my life and within those times, the only thing we’ve ever done is fight and argue. There wasn’t a peaceful day at all. It’s physically tiring, you know? But it’s hella comforting deep inside. To the point that a day without your irritating voice, without doing something to ruin your day, is f*cking hard to live.
I convinced myself that it was only because I got used to it. But the more I do that, the harder it became to approach you because I just wanna let this feeling out. But I was also afraid”, he doesn't want anymore tears to fall but he just can't help it and no matter how hard he tried to catch his breath, he just seems to run out of it especially when he went down the stage and slowly walk towards Taeyong.
“The moment I saw you got serious on your studies, I became afraid. Afraid that we might not be on the same class anymore and you'll end up getting closer to someone else. So I studied hard. The bike that we bought? I honestly hoped you'll lose to me ‘coz I don't wanna see you have the same bike as the girl you like.. and...” just as their distance is just a few steps away, Doyoung stopped. “I know... I know I've hurt you by pushing you away. I just...I... I thought it's easier... but... *sobs* I just love you too much to let go of you for the 2nd time. *sobs* I’m sorry Taeyong... I--" before he even finish what he is saying, Taeyong took the courage to stood up and pull him into a hug.
“F*ck Doyoung! That's more than what I wanted to hear from you!” He shouted, resting his face on Doyoung's collarbone. The latter hugged him back, still sobbing from the dramatic confession he can't believe he has done.
Once they let go of the hug, Doyoung took the courage to wipe Taeyong's tears and notice the slight bruise he got from the journal he had thrown. “I'm sorry I threw it to you. I... I decided to not tell you what I feel but.. I failed. I...”
“Aren't you stuttering too much?” Taeyong teased, smiling brightly which made Doyoung pulled him again in a hug.
“I just can't believe I loved and love you too much.” He said, squeezing him while smiling.
“I love you too"-Taeyong
“EHEEEEEM" Lucas, Jungwoo, Yuta and Jaehyun suddenly said in unison.
The two lovers didn't notice their presence around them as they are too occupied confirming each other's feelings. They let go of the hug as they scratch the back of their heads.
“Can't believe I had to be a 2nd male lead before you both finally realized what you meant for each other.” Jaehyun said, smiling teasefully to them.
“You both know we're not the only once who know what just happened here, right?” Yuta suddenly said which earned a questioning look. He pointed at the second floor of the seats where many students are currently smiling from ear to ear”
“HUH?!”
“WHAT THE-"
“Someone had left the door opened and they heard Doyoung's failure to hit the note. It's unusual so, they went in to find out why.” Lucas said, almost laughing at Doyoung and Taeyong's reaction.
“DON'T WORRY WE APPROVE OF YOU!”
“IT'S BETTER THAN FIGHTING OVER AND OVER AGAIN!”
“DOTAE!!!”
Doyoung and Taeyong look at each other then laugh with the reaction of their fellow students.
They held each other's hand as they both shouted while smiling....
“SHHHH.... IT'S A SECRET!”