“Lost & Found” (Revised), Ch. 13 (PG-13, D): Fallout, November 19, 2014 Gratiana Lovelace
(An original fiction copyrighted by Gratiana Lovelace; all rights reserved)
[(1) top right. story logo]
[I will illustrate my story using my dream cast of --Richard Armitage for Matthew Drake, Kate Beckinsale for Jocelyn Burrows, Brenda Blethyn for Aunt Madge, Michael Crawford for Michael Ferguson, Gina McKee for Marcia Glass, James Frain for Vicar Nelson Marshall, and others.]
Author’s Mature Content Note: “Lost & Found” is love story with mature themes (D for drama and S for sensuality) of love and relationships. Most chapters will be PG or PG-13. However, if you are unable or unwilling to attend a movie with the ratings I provide, then please do not read that chapter. This is my disclaimer.
Recap from the previous installment: Matthew’s and Jocelyn’s relationships as lovers was revealed to Aunt Madge when Matthew wanted to stay the night with Jocelyn on Tuesday, August 17th. A disagreement ensued with Matthew’s legal guardian--due to his car accident injuries--Aunt Madge threatening to legally eject Jocelyn from their lives. A tearful Jocelyn begged Matthew to return home with his Aunt and to try to be hopeful and positive with others he meets as she bade him farewell. Matthew goes to sleep that night dreaming of Jocelyn and hoping for a life with her—not knowing then that his Aunt will not let that happen. Jocelyn’s dreams are of Matthew--and their future that she fears now will never be.
“Lost & Found” (PG-13, D), Ch. 13: Fallout
Jocelyn’s parting from Matthew Tuesday night is more than her heart can bear and she cries herself to sleep. Her bed still feels warm from her and Matthew’s lovemaking earlier tonight. She aches for Matthew—his sweet and uncomplicated way of living in the world. And she misses his love. Jocelyn knows intuitively that Aunt Madge will not let her see Matthew in the morning--or on any of the mornings to come. Jocelyn thinks that she has come to London to find a new life, only to lose it before it even had a chance to begin.
When Jocelyn awakens on Wednesday morning, she calls Aunt Madge’s cell phone to see if everyone has calmed down. But curiously, Madge’s cellphone doesn’t answer, nor does it go to voicemail so that Jocelyn can leave a message. Jocelyn realizes that Aunt Madge has blocked her cell phone number--and probably deleted her contact information as well. Rather than trying to call Aunt Madge’s flower shop--which Jocelyn feels would only lead to more confrontations--Jocelyn makes a heartbreaking decision that will affect her love Matthew, as well as, affect herself.
With Aunt Madge’s vehemence last night--and her shunning her this morning--Jocelyn forlornly now knows irrevocably that she will not be allowed to have any kind of relationships with Matthew. This realization washes over her in waves of weeping for her lost love. And Jocelyn guesses that Matthew will also be distraught--which worries Jocelyn, her not wanting him to lose the progress in improving his health that he has made thus far.
So Jocelyn tries to not think of herself, but what is right for Matthew. And she knows that he will not see it that way--mostly because Jocelyn is still having a hard time convincing herself that it is the right thing to do. Eventually when she calms down, Jocelyn surmises that she will have to change her hotel so that Matthew is not tempted to try to see her--further angering his aunt--despite the heartbreaking wrench it is to Jocelyn [(2) right], knowing that Matthew will not be able to find her. Matthew and Jocelyn have already said their goodbyes to each other and Jocelyn must respect that.
But, before Jocelyn leaves for her new hotel lodgings in another section of London, she calls Matthew’s Speech Therapist, Marcia Glass and is connected by the office receptionist.
Jocelyn on phone: “Marcia, this Jocelyn, Matthew Drake’s … friend.” Of course Jocelyn is more than Matthew’s friend.
Marcia on phone: “Jocelyn! Before you say anything else, I have to tell you that Matthew’s Aunt Madge informed us this morning that she does not want Matthew to have any contact with you.” Marcia says quickly.
Jocelyn on phone: “Ohh!” Jocelyn sighs deeply in a hushed whisper as her worst fears are confirmed and she covers her mouth as her tears begin to fall again.
Marcia on phone: “Madge Drake is Matthew’s legal guardian and we have to follow her wishes. I can’t facilitate contact between you and Matthew. Nor can I discuss him with you.” Marcia intones professionally--if not her personally totally agreeing with Aunt Madge on this decision.
Jocelyn on phone: “No, of course not. I understand.” Jocelyn sighs with sad resignation--because she really doesn’t understand why Matthew’s aunt feels the way she does about their relationship. But Jocelyn regroups to continue with her reason for contacting Marcia Glass. “That’s not why I’m calling. I don’t expect you do to anything that would compromise you or Matthew. I just … I just wanted to thank you for the guidance you have given me. And, well, and to give you my cell phone contact information in case Matthew needs me at some point in the future--and you deem it appropriate or necessary for him to reach me.”
Marcia on phone: “Alright, that sounds fair.” Marcia bites her lower lip and shakes her head. She no more believes that Jocelyn is the bad guy in this scenario, than she does herself. Though perhaps, Marcia feels a little guilty for essentially recommending Jocelyn think of Matthew foremost as a man, rather than a man with health issues. But however contrite Marcia feels, she cannot break her medical patient confidentiality codes.
So, Jocelyn gives Marcia her contact information. Then Jocelyn transfers to a hotel in another part of London.
***
When Matthew awakens in his bedroom in his Aunt’s apartment on Wednesday morning, his Aunt Madge refuses to let him see Jocelyn. Matthew tries to counter her arguments, but his calming medicine--that his Aunt Madge insisted that he take before he went to bed last night--clouds his mind. And without Jocelyn by his side, Matthew does not have his strongest supporter. So, he acquiesces to his aunt’s wishes. But in the back of his mind, Matthew knows that he has lost something precious again--a chance for a loving future--and he grieves for losing Jocelyn and regrets bitterly how his aunt treated her.
And then for Matthew, today--Wednesday--becomes like any other day in his life the past two years--filled with meaningless work at the post office, helping his aunt in the flower shop in the afternoon, and being and feeling alone. Except, the previous five days with Jocelyn in his life, gave Matthew a glimpse of and a hope for a different way of life--back to a full and rich life that he once had. A life that Jocelyn’s love might have made possible.
Matthew tries to contact Jocelyn at her hotel by walking there Wednesday afternoon--without his aunt’s permission--him reasoning that Jocelyn might be out job hunting in the morning, since that was her pattern when they were together. But the hotel apologizes that with regret they are not able to be forthcoming about Ms. Jocelyn Burrows transfer to a new hotel--at her express wishes. Matthew becomes completely disheartened about his relationship with Jocelyn. He thought that Jocelyn would at least try to see him--and allow him to see her--if only secretly, until they could convince his Aunt Madge that they should be together. But Jocelyn has left and Matthew does not know how to begin to find her. Matthew feels even more alone and abandoned now, than before he met her. However Matthew does not blame Jocelyn. He blames his aunt.
Aunt Madge is just finalizing a later afternoon sale.
Aunt Madge: “There you go dearies, your Mum will love this flower basket.” Aunt Madge smiles [(3) right] at the brother and sister who bought a lovely arrangement as part of their Mum’s birthday.”
Teen boy: “Thanks Aunt Madge! Mum always loves your arrangements.” Madge Drake is always Aunt Madge to her long time customers.
Teen girl: “She really does.”
Returning from Jocelyn’s former hotel late Wednesday afternoon, Matthew bursts into the flower shop to confront his Aunt Madge--with customers still present. The teens and Aunt Madge look up at Matthew’s angered face.
Matthew: “Aunt Madge! You have to help me find Jocelyn! She’s gone!”
Aunt Madge: “Run along, dearies.”
Teen boy: “Are you sure?” He looks at her worriedly.
Aunt Madge: “It’s alright. This is my nephew, Matthew. He’s just a little upset right now.”
The teen boy and girl nod and head out of the flower shop with their gift basket.
Matthew: “Upset? Is that what you think I am?” At this point in the day, Matthew’s calming medicine has worn off and he is alert and agitated. And his mind is sharp as a tack. “I would be upset if I knocked over one of these plants--then I would have to clean it up.” Matthew knocks over a small plant and dirt spills out.
Aunt Madge: “Matthew.” Aunt Madge admonishes him. “You must calm down.”
Matthew [(4) right] sits dejectedly on a stool by the flower work table, his head bowed, his eyes not connecting with his Aunt Madge..
Matthew: “Why must I calm down? Will it help bring Jocelyn back? If I calm down, will you help me find her?” He negotiates pleadingly.
Aunt Madge: “Matthew, I think this separation will give you both time to think. You rushed too quickly into intimacies before you barely knew each other.”
Matthew: “But I did know Jocelyn. I do know her. We have spent days together getting to know each other--while you and Michael reconnected.” Matthew intones a bit more snidely than he intends.
Aunt Madge: “That’s not fair, Matthew. Michael and I have known each other for twenty years.”
Matthew: “Oh? So did you and he sleep together?” Aunt Madge blushes and Matthew has his answer. “Then why can’t you understand about Jocelyn and me?”
Aunt Madge: “I just can’t believe that you can forget your wife and child so quickly.”
Seeing the hurt look on Matthew’s face, Aunt Madge instantly regrets her words. But it is too late. And she can’t take her words back. Stunned speechless for a moment, Matthew responds haltingly in a hushed voice.
Matthew: “So quickly?” He stares at her in disbelief as his tears fall. “The accident that took the lives of my wife and son was over two years ago now--more than 730 days. And I miss them every day, every hour, every minute.” Matthew passionately speaks. “Each day I wake up and hope that it was all a bad dream. That I will see them again. Then I remember the car accident. And I know that I will never see them again. They will never get to have a tomorrow. My son, my little boy, will never have a future.” Matthew is weeping inconsolably now--giving vent to his grief that he had not done so previously. “I wish I had died with them. At least then we could have been together.” Matthew buries his face in his hands as he rocks forward and back as he weeps. He has never voiced the depth of his despair--as he has just now.
Aunt Madge: Weeping with him, Aunt Madge says sorrowfully. “Matthew, please don’t say that. I couldn’t take losing you, too. Not when we almost lost you in the accident. You will get better and then …”
Matthew: Matthew looks up at his Aunt Madge. “Then what? I’ll continue to spend my days medicated into an oblivion that I can’t get out of? Jocelyn helped me see that I can function again in the world. Jocelyn gave me hope that maybe I could eventually find a way to get through my grief. I love her, I want to be with her. Without Jocelyn, I have no future.”
Aunt Madge: “Can you not see how extreme you sound, Matthew? You only knew Jocelyn for five days.” Aunt Madge shakes her head in frustration. Though her frustration is born of having to deal with her nephew’s new assertiveness, she cannot see the irony of it being a twin reflection of Matthew’s frustration in having his activities controlled by her.
Matthew: “And yet, they are the five days that changed my life for the better. Why can’t you see that?” Matthew groans in frustration.
At that moment, Michael Ferguson steps into the flower shop. The teens had gone to his pub and alerted him that there was trouble. Michael notices that both Matthew and Madge have been crying.
Michael: “Madge? Is everrrything alrrright?” Michael looks in concern [(5) right] from Madge to Matthew and back again.
Michael’s relationship with Madge has been tense since last night after leaving Jocelyn at the hotel and they returned home with Matthew--because Michael had taken a slightly more moderate stance to Matthew’s revelation of he and Jocelyn being lovers than Madge had. Though, Michael did not say as much in front of Matthew--so as not to undermine Madge. Michael just hopes to eventually convince Madge to see another perspective--one that includes Jocelyn as a positive part of Matthew’s new life.
Matthew: Holding up his hand, Matthew sighs wearily. “Don’t worry, Michael. I won’t do anything rash. I’ll go take my calming medicine like a good boy.” Matthew sneers at his Aunt. “But one day, Aunt Madge, you will have to face that I am not a boy, but a man.”
Aunt Madge: “Oh Matthew.” She sighs shaking her head.
This assertive side to her nephew Matthew is not one she has been accustomed to the last two years. At first, Matthew’s physical injuries were so severe that his waking hours revolved around pain and mental confusion--due to the strokes he had. Then once he was released to her care last year, his behavior has been largerly governed by the calming medicine he took--to help him manage his frustration.
Speaking quietly as he puts his arm around Madge’s shoulders and she lays her head on his chest, Michael suggests.
Michael: “Laddie, would ye leave Madge and I to talk for a little bit? I’ll come fetch ye to have dinnerrr at the pub tonight--my trrreat.”
Matthew: “Alright.” Matthew sighs in resignation. He takes one last accusatory glance at his Aunt Madge, then he walks upstairs to his bedroom.
Aunt Madge: “Oh Michael.” She bursts into tears and Michael holds her close.
Michael: “Therrre, therrre, me Dearrr. All tis well.”
Aunt Madge: “But it isn’t well. I don’t know how to handle Matthew when he is like this.”
Michael: “Like what? Like a man who wants his own life again? Ye must see sense, Darrrlin. And I know ye will in time. I just hope that it won’t be too late for Matthew and Jocelyn when ye do.”
Aunt Madge: “We’re back together five days and you’re already bossing me around?” She pouts.
Michael: “Nay, Madgie. But ye are being unreasonable about Matthew and Jocelyn.”
Aunt Madge: “But … but …”
Michael: “Matthew learrrning to rrreally live and to love again had to happen sometime. Jocelyn just happens to be the perrrson whom Matthew fell in love with. And ye liked the gerril. I know ye did.”
Aunt Madge: “That’s not the point.” She pouts.
Michael: “Then what is the point?” Michael stares her down, but with a bemused twinkle in his eye. He thinks that he is making progress with her about Matthew.
Aunt Madge: “Well, It just seems too sudden for Matthew to form a romantic relationship so quickly.”
Michael: “Aye, I can see yourrrr point. And yet, Matthew and Jocelyn have begun a romantic relationship. Ye canna turrrn back the clock. It is done--and canna be undone.”
Aunt Madge: “But Michael, …” She will not concede the point.
Michael: “Nay! Leave it for tonight, Madge.” Then he leans back and looks at her and gently pinches her chin. “Ye are so tenacious! Arrre ye parrrt pitbull?”
Aunt Madge: “I beg your pardon?” She fixes him with an indignant glare.
Michael: “Granted.” Michael says impishly to Madge’s astonishment. Then Michael leans down and rubs noses with her and then kisses her adoringly.
Matthew trods downstairs to the flower shop and sees Michael and Madge kissing--and he pouts, frustrated not to have his Jocelyn with him.
Michael: Releasing Madge, Michael suggests. “Let’s go back to the pub for dinner. My treat.”
Matthew and Madge nod--an uneasy and unbrokered peace between them for now. With Michael acting as a buffer, they manage to get through dinner without world war three breaking out. But even if Madge can’t see it, Michael knows that it is only a matter of time before her nephew Matthew Drake becomes an independent person again. And that will be a good thing for Matthew.
***
Matthew’s weekly Friday therapy appointment with Marcia Glass gives him the opportunity to further try to break out of his shell once more--since his Aunt is not allowed in on their session and he can talk to Marcia in private about the situation. With Matthew’s Aunt Madge still forbidding him to see Jocelyn again--Matthew chafes under the restraint, especially with him not being able to locate Jocelyn since she did not leave him forwarding contact information--Matthew talks with Marcia [(6) right] about it.
Marcia: “So, Matthew, it’s good to see you again. What’s new?” She asks hesitantly, knowing the heartbreak that he is feeling.
Matthew: Matthew stands up quickly and begins pacing the floor of her office. “Aunt Madge refuses to let me continue to see Jocelyn or she said that she will call the police and have Jocelyn arrested!” Matthew [(7) right] says angrily as he tensely flexes his hands and fingers--unconsciously trying to find an outlet for his frustration. “Aunt Madge has chased Jocelyn away and won’t let me see her. Jocelyn’s gone.” Matthew sighs forlornly.
Marcia: Trying to calm Matthew down, Marcia’s face and voice remain soothing. “Matthew, How do you feel about Jocelyn leaving?” Although Marcia can tell already what Matthew is feeling by his expressive voice, face, and tense hands, he needs the outlet of their therapy sessions to vent his frustrations in order to diffuse them.
Matthew: “Angry, sad, and lonely.” These are all emotions that he has not expressed since the accident, let alone talked about them with others. “Marcia, I miss Jocelyn. She is the one person who treated me like a person—not as someone with an illness or a person with deficits. I love her and she loves me.” Matthew pleads.
Marcia: Marcia nods, but then tries to get Matthew to see all sides of the issues. “I appreciate that, Matthew. But do you also understand why your Aunt Madge was upset?”
Matthew: “Yes! … She was jealous.” He looks at Marcia sadly as he softens his tone.
Marcia: “Jealous?” She asks him, startled by his insight into his aunt’s emotional state.
Matthew: “Yes, Aunt Madge has been so good and kind to me, letting me live with her while I recovered and helping me find a job. But, I was just existing with Aunt Madge. It was Jocelyn who really helped me begin to get better—to find my way again. And, I don’t think Aunt Madge appreciates that.” He shakes his head ruefully.
Marcia: “Hmm.” Marcia stays silent, not wanting to concur with Matthew--though she does--because it would undermine further the deteriorated relationship that his has with his Aunt Madge. “So, what are you going to do now?”
Matthew: Matthew shakes his head and responds forlornly. “I don’t know where Jocelyn is. She changed hotels. And Aunt Madge deleted Jocelyn’s cell phone calls in her cell phone so she doesn’t have Jocelyn’s phone number any more. All I know is that Jocelyn hoped to find work at a university in London.” Matthew looks at Marcia pleadingly.
Of course, Marcia has Jocelyn’s cell phone number. But, she does not think that it is appropriate to give it to Matthew at this time—so soon after the blow up between Aunt Madge and Matthew. So, she suggests redirecting Matthew’s thoughts for now.
Marcia: “Well let’s switch back to talking about you, Matthew. You will still want to keep taking your bed time calming medicine. Your body is still adjusting to this lower dose in your system--which might account from some of your outbursts as have been described to me. Then over time, you should feel more relaxed and we can then think about removing the medicine altogether.” Matthew nods. “What about you and work?”
Matthew: “I hate the monotony of my postal job! I sit in a cubicle all morning by myself with stacks of letters that have bad addresses on them, that I have to reroute to their intended destination. I hate it! I miss, the human contact and connection--and the creativity--that I had with my former career.”
This is the first mention that Matthew has made in therapy sessions about his old life, and his wish to reclaim parts of it.
Marcia: “Do you think you might like to try some voice over and acting work again, now that you’re getting better?”
Matthew: Matthew thinks for a moment, then admits morosely. “I suppose so. Yes, I could.” He thinks hopefully. Then he frowns. “But I don’t think I could handle being on the stage live just yet. My memory is fine, but I still don’t like to be in a crowd or around a lot of people.”
Marcia: “Fair enough. So, let’s see if we can work in earnest on your speaking voice and then line up some commercial and other voice over work for you--where you can work from a script.”
Matthew: Matthew nods in agreement. “That will be nice. I always enjoyed the theatre and voice over work.”
And maybe, thinks Matthew, if he tries to interact with others more--as Jocelyn pleaded with him to do when she said goodbye to him Tuesday night--that he then might be able to live his life. And for Matthew, any life or future that he has, must include Jocelyn in it.
To be continued with Chapter 14
Lost & Found” (Revised), Ch. 13 References for Wattpad, Nov. 19, 2014 Gratiana Lovelace
1) “Lost & Found” title graphic representing Matthew is an artistic blurring of a portrait of the Spooks character Lucas North (as portrayed by British actor Richard Armitage) found at http://www.richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/Spooks/Spooks9/album/episode2/album/slides/2_199.html
2) Image representing Jocelyn sad is a portrait of the British actress Kate Beckinsale found at http://www.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Kate-Beckinsale-4.jpg
3) Image representing Aunt Madge Drake is a cropped and brightened portrait of British actress Brenda Blethyn found at http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-H_ETHv0i8i0/Ti2-TA0VimI/AAAAAAAAask/iPSoRfv9KpI/s1600/Brenda%2BBlethyn4.jpg
4) Image representing a dejected Matthew Drake is Richard Armitage portraying Lucas North (top of head manip by Grati) in Spooks, series 8, epi 7, pix 6 found at www.RichardArmitageNet.com at http://www.richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/Spooks/spooks8/album/Episode7/slides/ep7_006.JPG
5) Image representing Madge’s boyfriend Michael is a portrait of British actor Michael Crawford that was found at http://crowdfusion.myspacecdn.com/media/michael-crawford-interview-1-part-i-621x322.jpg
6) Image representing Marcia is a portrait of the British actress Gina McKee found at http://cineplex.media.baselineresearch.com/images/240116/240116_large.jpg
7) Image representing Matthew angry is a portrait of Lucas North (portrayed by Richard Armitage) from Spooks series 8, episode 4 (pix239) http://www.richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/Spooks/spooks8/album/Episode4/slides/ep4_239.html
“Lost & Found” (Revised), Ch. 13 Images for Wattpad, Nov. 19, 2014 Gratiana Lovelace
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