𝕐𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕄𝕪 𝕙𝕠𝕞𝕖 - 𝔹𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕁𝕠𝕖𝕝
"You're my castle, you're my cabin
and my instant pleasure dome
I need you in my house
'Cause you're my home"
Hendrix POV
I spend the next few days reflecting, deeply. I can't stop thinking. All I want to do is think. My brain is a beehive of activity. I can't sleep. I can't comprehend school. I can hardly even pay attention when I go to work. It's like I'm a zombie waiting tables.
It all stems from one thing, Cedric. Of course, when does my life not center around him? He's taken control of everything. Nothing is as important as Cedric.
And then there's the distractions that I've riddled myself with. My friends have made some things better for me, they're always happy to cheer me up, except that it doesn't work for very long. I always go back to daydreaming about my boyfriend. I'm hopeless.
A whole week goes by. He's not in class. He's not answering my texts. I even become desperate enough to ride my bike past his apartment once or twice, slipping on the icy sidewalks and freezing my butt off. Cedric's motorcycle wasn't out front.
I immediately felt guilty immediately after. I've turned into some sort of stalker. He deserves his own personal space to think about what happened. Process his anger, because he has to be out of his mind with hatred right about now.
The only thing is is that I'm drowning in my own guilt, and the sooner I talk to him and beg his forgiveness, the sooner I'll be relieved of the pain and suffering.
My hellish feelings bring me back to that night. He didn't want it, he didn't want to have sex. Well, he did, but he wanted to wait. I'm kicking myself. It was a mistake. I was terrible. He probably hates me.
Miranda keeps reminding me to stay positive, despite her dislike for Cherry and our relationship. She said that it's paranoia egging me on. Cedric doesn't hate me. I've been chanting those four precious words to myself every minute of every day. It's a good reminder to not let myself run away with terrible thoughts that are too painful for me to bear.
Today I woke up early to go to band practice. It's a long two hours of rigorous rudiments and drilling beats into my muscle memory. We have a few gigs here and there, and Dylan is as determined as the rest of us to get it just right. The only thing is that I'm not truly invested. Not anymore. All I can focus on is a scared face with bright ruby colored eyes staring at me with so much love. I want to see that again.
After a frustrated argument about the set list, and a headache later, I'm back at the apartment ready to crash. My eyelids flutter as I scan the pantry with my lazy gaze.
Miranda and Stacey aren't here, and I wonder absently where they've gone. The last time I checked, neither of them have classes at 9:00AM on a Saturday, but who am I to question them? The last two months I've done hardly anything but galavant around with Cedric. Half the time they didn't know where I was. They deserve some payback.
I turn around when I hear the front door open and then close, ready to lose myself in the company of my best friends.
What I'm greeted with instead is Cedric. I haven't seen his handsome face in a week, and I'm catching up now. I've been starved of his company. I stare at him and his confused expression. He stands tall and stiff in my living room, his nostrils flared as he looks at me before shifting his gaze around the apartment with a heavy amount of curiosity.
"They're not here. It's just you and me." I inform him, because I know how much him and Miranda despise one another in the worst way.
Cedric gives me a short nod, and I can't help but push myself closer to him. I have to resist the desire to run and jump on him with my arms wide open. I want nothing more than a hug after a painful week of silence.
Instead, he's the one to embrace me. I sputter in surprise, but quickly get over it. I can't say no to him. His warm body is my safe haven.
I hug him back, tightening my hold. There's an odd drop in my stomach. It clenches reflexively, and for some reason I know something's not right here.
He doesn't pull away, doesn't make a sound. He hasn't said a word since he showed up out of nowhere. I clear my throat. Nothing.
After several minutes, I ease back until I'm staring a foot and then some up into his face. I'm struck by how handsome he is, but also how tired. Haggard. He appears worse for wear since the last time I saw him. Dark circles assault his eyes, tired lines adoring his normally healthy looking skin. I'm startled by his harsh appearance.
"Cherry, what's wrong?" I plead, patiently waiting for an answer that doesn't come. He just stands there with his arms wound around me. His eyebrows are so set in place that they look like stone. "Is this about what happened? You know... between us?"
He shakes his head, beautiful black hair fanning out. His hair is softer than it looks. I want to run my fingers through it right at this very moment, but I think that would be slightly inappropriate in this situation.
"Then what is it?" I press after a few torturous seconds. I've waited all week to hear from him, I can't wait much longer or I might explode.
His shoulders lift slightly, his leather jacket crinkling, as he takes a deep breath.
"I'm leaving." He says simply. It's just a short sentence. A statement. A handful of syllables. It shouldn't shatter me, but I feel myself coming apart at the seams anyway.
I flinch, reeling back out of his hold until I'm a good foot or two away from him.
He can't be serious. That has to be a joke.
"But you... but we..." I try, not able to grasp the concept of words. It's too much for my already deteriorating mind to handle. Maybe I'm imagining things, maybe my worst nightmare is so overpowering that I'm hallucinating it right here in my own reality.
"I got a new job, a temporary one. I'll be coming back." He explains, and I detect frustration building in his voice. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to leave me. I already know him enough to pick up in his signals, and he's not happy.
I take a quick few steps towards him, thinking quick.
"You don't have to take it. Stay here, with me. Please. Please don't leave me." I practically beg, taking hold of his hands and squeezing.
The position of his body is enough to show he's serious. He's as straight as a board, unyielding.
"I'm coming back." Cedric says slowly, as if it's hard for him to speak through his tight lips. "I love you, you have to know that. I will come back, I promise."
I can't really see with all the tears blurring my vision. This wasn't supposed to happen. I gave my heart to this man, and he was meant to keep it safe. Being left behind is my worst possible fear, and here it is.
I don't know how long goes by. Minutes, hours, it doesn't matter, neither of us speaks for a long while. Cedric's hands turn into fists at his sides, for once they're not in his pockets.
"Well, say something." He intrustructs impatiently, clearly becoming agitated by my depressed silence.
I rapidly blink away tears, wiping them out of existence.
"Like what?" I ask, my heart thudding insistently in my chest like a bird with a broken wing. Cedric runs a hand through his hair.
"I don't know. Something! Anything! Do anything but cry, I can't take it when you cry, baby." He tells me, shaking his head and looking down at his shoes.
I sniffle, trying to pretend like I'm not breaking down.
"How long?" I wonder, and his peculiar red eyes are back on me in a second.
"I'm not sure. A few weeks, maybe months." He relents. Cedric blows out a deep breath, and every passing moment is sheer agony.
My brain twists, ringing itself out as it works double time. Several ideas pop up in my head. They're risky, but I know I'd risk it all to be with him. I don't want to be separated. I need to be at his side, it's where I belong. I don't exactly know how I know that, but it has to be true. It's my gut instinct.
"Take me with you." I offer, a little too much excitement in my crackly voice. I know it's a leap. We've only been dating a short time, but I'm ready to go all the way. Cedric's eyelids close hard, little wrinkles appearing as he sighs.
"Hendrix, you can't come with me. You can't leave school, your job. I won't let you."
"But we'd be together, don't you get it? There's other schools, other jobs. I don't care where we go. I just want to be with you." I'm desperate, pleading. The tears are back full swing. I know he doesn't like to see me cry, but I can't help it. I'm only human.
I look up at him, but he won't meet my eyes. He looks at the ground, at the coffee table. Our hands are still connected, fingertips brushing.
"You can't come with me. I'm sorry."
Everything inside me crumbles like my bones have turned to ash.
"You're sorry?" I ask, appalled. "You don't seem too torn up about it."
He says he loves me, but he's also leaving me. It doesn't make sense. He could very easily take me with him. Decline the job. Anything that's in his power could be done to make certain we remain together. But no, he can't. He doesn't want me anymore.
I start at the realization. We had sex. What if I let him take what he wanted, and now he's abandoning me. It's my Daddy leaving all over again.
What have I gotten myself into?
When I slowly start to back away, Cedric is quick to reach out for me with his strong arms. I swat them away. My tears are flushing down my neck now.
"No. No. Don't touch me." I demand, and his jaw clenches, powerful muscle and bone straining against his skin.
"I don't want this. I love you, you know that."
"Do I?" I press. He doesn't seem to like that question. "Words are just words, Cedric. You can say whatever you want to someone, but you have to prove it's the truth."
It's an unspoken ultimatum I've provided for him. I know he can tell how serious I am because I called him by his actual name. This is serious. I can't indulge in silly pet names when my happiness is on the line.
Cedric collects himself.
"I do love you, more than life itself, but you can't come because it's not safe." He explains, a glint of indecision in his deep, throaty voice, as if he shouldn't be telling me this.
"What?" I scoff, "Is it in a bad neighborhood? Is it in the middle of a frozen wasteland? Where are you going that's so dangerous that you can't take me with you?"
I watch as his jaw works again, he's chewing on the inside of his cheek. He looks dangerous. Intimidating. I've never been scared of him before, but I see a different side of him. I hope and pray to any God that will listen that Miranda and Stacey stay far away. I have no idea how I'd explain this to them, or how I'd get them to leave willingly. They don't exactly listen to me. No one does.
Not my Momma, not my friends, and certainly not Cedric.
He has me questioning everything that happened between us, everything we shared, every word exchanged. I want to believe he'll come back. I love him, of course I want him back as soon as possible. I just don't know if he's telling the truth.
"No, no. The area isn't dangerous. I just mean that there are people who could find out about you and me, and there would be... consequences."
"Last time I checked, age of consent is 18. We're not going to get into trouble." It's a lousy excuse. I didn't think that my age mattered to him. He hasn't given me any reason to believe it bothered him.
He sighs out a frustrated sound, rubbing at his temples with nimble fingers.
"No, that's not what I mean. Let's just say that people are after me, and they'll do anything to blackmail me. It's not safe for you to be associated with me. At least, not for a while." He shakes his head adamantly, "They can twist anything. I don't want you to pay the price."
I go blank at that. I knew there could be ramifications for our relationship if we were caught by the school, but other than that, what could possibly keep us apart? Maybe his limitless excuses.
We both stop talking. My silence is obvious, because it's technically my turn to talk. This is a back and forth kind of thing. I keep my mouth shut tight, mulling things over.
"Please, don't leave me here." I finally say, my broken heart controlling my tongue. I sound as pathetic as I feel. I realize that I can't feel my fingertips, or my feet. The numbness is spreading.
"I have to, baby. I'm so sorry. I love you." Cedric replies, and even though his words are sweet, all emotion is gone. It's gone from his words, his expression. He's turned his feelings off like some kind of robot.
I'm scrambling while I fall apart, scheming for ways to keep him here as long as possible. It's not enough. I'm not quick enough.
His enormous body is in front of me in a second, those safe arms of his entangling me. I fit snugly against his chest. A perfect puzzle piece in this broken world. He bends down slightly, pressing a firm kiss to the top of my head. It's long and short all at the same time. Then he's gone.
I'm too shocked to register the door slamming shut, or the ringing in my ears. This place still smells like him. I can still feel him, he has to be here somewhere, I would bet my life on it if I didn't just watch him walk away.
But no, he's disappeared on his bike. When it finally settles at the bottom of my brain, I crash, crumbling to the floor in a heap of sobs.
I know I'll have bruises on my knees, but I don't care. Those will heal with time. Unlike my heart, which is irreversibly torn in two.
✰ ★ ✰ ★ ✰ ★ ✰ ★ ✰ ★ ✰ ★ ✰ ★ ✰ ★ ✰
If you're reading this, you're a beautiful person:)
May have shedded a few tears writing this while listening to this song. It's one of my favorite songs of all time, in case you were wondering lol.
Feel free to let know what you think in the comments. I'd love to hear from you
Next chapter will be on Friday!