hi!
this is the second part for "takes a bit more". if you haven't read that yet i suggest u do x also, this story is all from rhiannon's pov unless stated.
that's all. really hope u enjoy n stay for the ride . keep safe Xx
—
i want to feel deep guilt for running away from my responsibilities.
the responsibility of being someone's girlfriend, after promising to be there no matter what.
the fuck happened to that, rhiannon?
i promised matty i would be there for him.
i didn't last even two weeks when he left.
george must have been the one to break the news. or ross or adam, probably, to lessen the impact.
adam had been the last one to see me before i left. i told him i had to get somewhere, and just disappeared after that.
i wonder what he felt when he found out. sometimes that just keeps me up at night. did he cry? was he blaming himself? he always liked blaming himself didn't he?
truth is i didn't want to feel responsible again for his sadness. maybe that's why i took off and never looked back. i didn't want to make things worse.
i had matty's blood in my hands and i dealt with it by disappearing.
but that was more than a year ago.
they got this new album. i like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful—
it's so fucking long.
and from the looks of it, it's clear that he—and everyone else—have forgotten all about me in the first place.
—
last year
"rhian?"
george sounded desperate. he'd been calling every day for a week.
"rhian, fuck. where are you?"
"you don't need to know, george."
"at least tell me you're safe."
"i'm safe. i..." i took a deep breath. "i'm okay."
i felt awful.
he fell quiet for awhile. of course he didn't know what to say. i didn't.
"he's fucking worried, rhian." george said, desperation in his tone. "he... he's calling every day asking if you'd come back home."
the pain in my chest felt like it was going to explode. "he broke up with me, george."
"he didn't mean that." he said at once. "i mean, i know he doesn't. he's probably lost his head at the time and—"
"he meant that."
out of all the things matty had said, it was that one i probably believed the most.
i cleared my throat. "i suppose he's better off saying that, anyway."
"rhian, i—"
"i can't—i can't do it anymore, george."
i bit my lip and i could tell it was bleeding.
"it felt like hell sleeping in his bed waiting for something that wasn't going to happen. he doesn't want me anymore. you don't want me anymore."
the other line was dead silent. "you and adam and ross knew matty's better off without me, i saw it in your eyes every single day and you just didn't want to say it."
my eyes were dripping in tears and i was trying to hold everything together. i didn't want george to see me break the second time around.
"i'm so sorry." i said softly before hanging up.
i didn't know what to feel.
—
george sent me a text a few hours later.
"rhiannon, if theres anything u need... let me know. ring me whenever u can. i always want u to be safe, rhian. matty may not be the best one for u, but u will always have me.
- G"
—
9:01 am
"rhian, aren't you gonna be late for class?"
ollie is alice's new—dare i say, actually decent—boyfriend.
he's got luscious blond hair and a jawline that could effortlessly cut my whole life if he wants to, and he says he's no model but he could totally fool anyone and say he poses for gucci.
he also lives together with me and alice, and he's almost always in the kitchen, cooking. like right now.
"who are you, my daddy?" i snicker, dipping my finger in his pancake batter and licking them off in front of him, batting my rather-short eyelashes. "oh, daddy, could you please hurry up with the cooking?"
"you're fucking disgusting." he shakes his head, pushing me out of the way with his torso. "your landlord will hear about this and kick you out of this flat right away, i'm telling you."
"yeah, she clearly wants me out of the place, considering you moved here and literally hogged all the fucking space." i say.
ollie rolls his eyes. "you should be glad someone's cooking for once. didn't you say before i moved in that all you two ate were sandwiches and drugs?"
"yeah." i smile. the drugs were the best part.
"sick." he says, then goes back to cooking.
actually i am pretty late to class.
i hate university. let's just flat out say that.
after about a month of living with alice, i finally had the courage to ring my sister eunice and ask her for any financial assistance, because alice could only earn so much, and my mum's practically dead to me. not a big deal really.
eunice had some terms before she agreed to sending in money each month.
one of which is i have to go to college.
second is i have to see her at least twice every month, just so we could talk and "catch up" or whatever bullshit she wants.
i only agreed to both because i badly need the money.
and life's been quite boring lately. i only ever talk to alice and ollie and a few people from uni who i only know from parties.
the parties are great, literally the only thing i like about uni. everyone's shit faced and doing drugs and just fucking about. it's a great distraction, really.
shit. almost everything is a distraction. i just don't like saying it out loud.
—
2:17 am
i'm way too drunk again.
someone must have laced something in my drink because i definitely am seeing stars.
i like to think of house parties as the only good thing about college honestly. but tonight's a particularly boring one and i suppose i should be going home but i'm too stoned to think.
the party's gone to be a bit chill now, since it's 2 in the morning and it's a school night. someone had turned down the music to a soft sound playing in the background, in case there's a police down the block and they start searching the house for drugs or whatever.
i had been on this sofa for as long as i can remember, drinking the only alcohol that's left from the beer keg.
it's only now that i'm sat with quiet sleeping drunks do i finally hear the music that's been playing for the past two minutes.
come on baby
this aint the last time that i've seen your face.
fucking hell.
come on baby
you said you found someone to take my place.
i've heard the song before. only cried to it for about five listens then decided to just let it be for what it is: a fucking song. matty always liked writing about shit that never even happened to him.
what a pretentious twat.
"fucking hell." i whisper to myself, letting my eyes roll to the back of my head, because i'm way too shit-faced and the gaping hole in my chest feels like it's expanding with each fucking note.
i don't want your body i don't want your body i don't want your body i don't want your body i don't want your body i don't want your body i don't want your body i don't—
"rhiannon."
i look up and see alex.
strawberry-blond, dreamy blue-eyed alex.
alex is from my philosophy class.
i think he's my only friend in college.
he's terribly good at math and he's also an incredibly intelligent person, and unlike most people in my classes, alex isn't actually a show off.
we go out to dinner together, show up to parties, i slept in his room a couple times.
though i don't know what exactly to call him.
"i'm sorry..." i look blankly at him. "you were talking to me?"
he smiles, the dimples on his cheeks making an appearance. "yeah. you good?"
i try my best to tune out the sound.
george is an excellent fucking producer. i wonder if he knows that.
"yeah, yeah." i talk over matty's voice which i fucking miss more than anything. "where've you been? i thought you left."
get someone you love
get someone you need?
"i drove patrick home. you should've seen him, rhian, he was all over the place, i think he even rang up his professor and told him to fuck off over the phone. it was hilarious, but i knew he needed a lift. and then i had to come back for you."
i can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone.
tonight's a terrible time to cry over something that happened a year ago, isn't it?
i look at alex.
i like alex. i fancy him quite a lot actually.
although i dunno. i'm too drunk to think.
and the music's too fucking loud it's almost crawling inside my head.
so i lean in and press my lips onto his.
i've never actually kissed him before.
i don't want your body but i hate to think about you with somebody else
"you've never kissed me before." he whispers, his skin smells like cigarettes and i frown.
get out of my fucking head, matthew.
i nod my head slowly.
"is it wrong?" i ask, gently brushing his cheek with my fingers.
i'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone and then leaving with somebody else
i can feel him smile a little. "not at all, rhiannon."
no i don't want your body but i'm picturing your body with somebody else.
his mouth is so soft and i want to cry.
—
a/n: im so bored in quarantine i decided to make a sequel. really excited about this, as usual let me know ur thoughts. how are u feeling? tell me anything xx