This is it... Today is the day I have to face my past and hopefully put it all behind me once and for all. I started off the morning with no sleep of course,followed by a long shower and minimal makeup. I can't get my anxiety to calm down, and if I'm not thinking about the trial that is in just a about 2 hours; I'm thinking about yesterday with Deacon. I mean seriously what was I thinking. Yeah, he was flirty and what not, he kissed me back and it would have most likely gone further if Jim hadn't came back. Honestly though, I can't let myself do that, it would ruin the relationship with him and my brother thus making it hard for them to work around each other.
I was almost finished getting my stuff together, including an outfit for work if I don't decide to call off; when someone knocked on the door. Since I was getting ready to walk out I just yelled "Just a sec!" I grabbed my keys and opened the door. "Deke?" I asked confused.
"Hey sweetheart. Uh I just didn't feel right letting you drive yourself today. I know you said you would be fine, but your brother and myself would feel much better if you would let me drive you." I sighed and just nodded my head. I wouldn't win and argument right now. I followed him to his vehicle and we started the twenty minute journey to the courthouse. It was silent for the most part, other than the sounds of the radio playing rock music quietly in the background. I could feel the tension between the two of us.
"I'm sorry about yesterday Deacon. I shouldn't have came onto you the way that I did" I stated softly as we pulled in front of the building. He looked over.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. I-" I cut him off before he could continue with my hand on the door handle.
"But I do. You work with my brother and I can't mess that up for the group. I'm sorry." And with that I got out and headed inside to where I was meeting with a lawyer. As we were discussing the case I felt Deke come up behind us and place a hand on my lower back almost in a protective manner. When I looked up to turn my head, that's when I saw him. The man of the hour. I felt my body grow rigid as the walked him into the court room. The lawyer finished what she was saying before we had to follow behind into the room.
Everything went as you picture in the movies. We all had to sit and listen and then it was my turn. As I gave my statement in front of all the strange faces, the only thing that kept me together was when I caught a glimpse of Dekes face. He was the only one in the room who didn't look at me with pitty. Afterwords it was Charlies turn. It started off with the "im not guilty" crap, but it got worse. "Ah hell she asked for it! She didn't listen and was disrespectful." He continued until the judge yelled for order and asked the jury to step into another room to come to a decision. We waited an hour before they returned.
"Will the jury foreperson please stand? Has the jury reached aunanimous verdict?" The juror answered with a yes, before handing a paper to the officer standing nearby. The judge read it over before nodding. "The jury finds the defendant guilty of the following. Aggravated Battery." He paused before looking at Charlie. "At this time I feel that you should be sentenced to four years at California State Prison, and with no chance of parole until your third year and that is with good behavior. You are also obligated to pay a fine of $8,000. Court is adjourned." I felt Deke pull me into a hug, but I was still in shock. It actually worked. Hes not an issue for me, as I came back to reality I heard Charlie yell from where he was being help by two security officers.
"I'll kill you when I get out you stupid bitch! I'll kill you!" I couldn't listen to anymore I broke away from Deke and ran out of the room and straight for the bathroom. My anxiety couldn't stay bottled anymore; I started hyperventilating and I was getting dizzy. The only thing that ever helped was a punching bag, but I was in a bathroom with no bag insight obviously. So, I did the only thing I could... I slammed my fist into the bathroom mirror, causing it to shatter leaving splinters of glass in my fist.
"Fucking hell. Oww. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." I cried out at the stupidity of my decision. I shoved my hand under running water, rinsing the blood just to see the damage.
"Kara?" I heard Dekes voice as he came into the women's restroom. "Woah, what did you do?" He said walking over to me. As he got closer he saw exactly what I did. "Let me see. You okay now? Feel a little better?" He didn't flinch at the blood as he reached for my hand. I tensed up at the contact, leaning slightly away from him thanks to the nerves.
"I'm okay, i was just trying to breath, but I couldn't. Normally I hit soft things or punching bags when I get anxious... but it's been bottled up all day and I.. I just needed to be able to breath again. Now I have to pay for a mirror and thats gonna cost me seven years of bad luck.. " He furrowed his eyebrows.
"Yeah you sure did a number on it." He teased, as he started to rinse the cut out himself even though I told him I was fine. I don't know why but it hurt more than the cuts themselves. I flinched when he ran his thumb over one of the cuts to wipe away the blood. "Sorry. I have to irrigate the wound."
"That hurts worse." He laughed.
"Yeah, but if i don't do it, it'll get infected."
I let him do his thing,and it gave me time to get a good look at the man in front of me. I could smell his cologne, it was woodsy and sweet at the same time. His brown eyes were completely focused on the task,and every few seconds he would twitch his nose. I've noticed a lot of things over the last few months since i've been training with him. I don't know how hes not married yet but god the way he makes me feel.
"I think you need stitches." I heard him speak but didn't catch exactly what he said. His eyes were soft, but when I didn't respond he repeated himself. "You need stitches."
"Thats fi- wait, say what now? I'm sorry I thought you said stitches." I laughed as I looked up at his face. He was serious. "Oh god!" I groaned, throwing my head against his chest not thinking. "I can't do that. Needles and me, we don't get along."
His fingers threaded through my hair. "Sorry sweetheart, but I'll stay with you the whole time, okay? Lets you to the hospital and I'll call your brother on the way." I snapped my head up, face inches from his but he didn't pull away.
"You don't have to take me." I spoke too quickly, he cocked his eyebrow nearly up into his hairline.
"Well you cant drive yourself, even if you had your car; especially after they give you meds. Not to mention your brother would have my ass if I let you drive yourself and he isn't here to take you."
"No, but I can get an cab, I'm sure you need to get to work." His face turned stern, something in his brown eyes made me sit up a little more straight, and pull back just an inch.
"You absolutely are not getting in a strangers car while you're messed on drugs and cant defend yourself. End of discussion." I opened my mouth to argue again but stopped. I knew he was right l so i just looked down. "Exactly, so let me take you."
"No, it's okay, really, I prolly don't even really need stitches just a band-aid." Irritation clouded his handsome features.
"Why won't you just let me take care of you?" He sucked in a harsh breath the moment the words left his lips, eyes widening like saucers as i sat there and looked at him a little taken back by the change in tone.
"It's just a cut, you can relax. I'll even explain in detail to my to my brother." Take care of me? God i'd love that but I gotta keep my distance. He stared at me long enough I started to get uncomfortable. He was making me nervous as hell. A feeling that only grew when he grabbed a hold of my face with both hands.
"I want to take care of you."
"Okay. Okay im sorry. You can take me then." He rolled his eyes at me. This man just really rolled his damn eyes. God if he wasn't so damn hot trying to make sure im okay, I would let him know thats rude.
"No damnit, you're not listening." Does he has a concussion? What's happening right now?
"I want to be the one to take care of you. I want to be the one who makes the bad things in your life disappear. I want to hold you when you cry, be who you call when something good happens, when something bad happens. I want to be the one who makes you smile and laugh because thats all you should do. I want to be the one you make memories with. I want to be the one to go to the hospital with you because you busted your hand. I want to be the one to kiss you goodnight, who wakes up to your messy bedhead and debates calling off to be with you all day. I want to take care of you."
I couldn't speak. He wants me. His eyes lingered on my lips before coming back up to my eyes. He smiled.
"I want to be the one you eventually love." I let out a small chuckle. And He dropped his gaze.
"Deke," You whispered, going onto your toes to press your nose to his. "Don't you know? I've had a thing for you since i got here.."
"Lets get you to the hospital." He kissed my forehead. "Later well talk about everything okay." I nodded and let he lead me outside after he talked to someone about the mirror. I felt like he is going to be the one to lead me away from the past. I just hope I can figure out what to do about my brother...