Group: Mamamoo
Ship: moonsun
Word count: 4632
Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff
Synopsis: Yongsun has been struggling with chronic back pain since her injury in 2018. She usually has it under control with treatments, physiotherapy, and painkillers but sometimes life just hits her too hard. Byulyi hates to see her stubborn girlfriend so dejected and frustrated as she struggles to fight her own pain. She does her best to try and soothe Yongsun when the bad days hit, hoping she can reassure her that she's doing her best and Byul will always be there to hold her through the worst of it.
Content warning: crying, character in physical pain, vomiting, self depreciation, pain induced panic attack
Note: I promise this is fluffy and not horribly angsty. This is kind of me projecting my own chronic pain struggles onto Yong (though my pain isn't strictly back pain nor is it injury related) and wishing my girlfriend was here on my bad days 🥺. I wrote most of this during a chronic pain flare last week so it may be messy but I edited today and I hope it's better. It's just me venting in the form of moonsun hurt/comfort again tbh :')
Comments and feedback are always loved and appreciated and really motivate me to continue writing 🥺
***
Byulyi was up earlier than she would like on her day off. She had tried to go back to sleep when she rolled over at 7 AM but found sleep had decided to evade her. So she got up, made herself some coffee, and curled up on the couch with her notebook.
She liked to be alone in the early hours of the morning or the latest hours of night. It was a calming time for her and also when her creativity flowed the best. Perfect time for writing lyrics, she thought, which was always a favourite way to pass the time.
Byulyi thought about calling Yongsun and asking what her plans were for the day but she knew her girlfriend would probably take advantage of the day off and sleep until 2 PM like always. She shook her head fondly at the thought, knowing Yongsun would be fast asleep and curled up with that beloved bunny plushie of hers. Byul always teased her about it, especially after she basically said during a Solarsido video that it's name was Moonbyul, but in reality she found it incredibly endearing.
She figured she could go over to Yongsun's apartment and just hang out on her couch until she woke up, but she didn't want to be too annoying. Besides, maybe it would be good for her to spend some time alone to work on lyrics. Nevertheless, she sent a good morning text to her girlfriend and asked if she wanted to hang out that evening. With that, Byulyi locked her phone and returned her focus to the scribbled words on her notebook page.
***
Yongsun was barely awake before she knew something was wrong. Sunlight had begun filtering in through her curtains and hit her face, waking her from her previously fitful sleep. She attempted to roll and hide her face in her rabbit plushie but the action was met with a pain so sharp it made her squeak, completely tearing her from sleep.
She immediately stopped her movement, gritting her teeth as she rolled back as slowly as she could. She landed on her back again and yelped as the action, knowing this wasn't just pain from sleeping funny.
Yongsun knew she had pushed herself too far the previous day, judging by how much pain she was in. Her whole back felt like it was on fire, no position comfortable as every little movement sent stabbing pain into her spine. Her neck felt stiff too which didn't help, making every attempt at grabbing for her phone impossible. She slumped back into her pillows, feeling tears slip down her cheeks as she became frustrated with the situation.
This was her own fault really, she knew if she pushed herself it would happen. She had felt a twinge in her back during practice yesterday but kept pushing. She ignored the way her muscles screamed after a performance and just let the adrenaline get her back to the waiting room. She knew Byulyi had felt the way she flinched when she had put a hand on her back on the way to the van but she had smiled at her girlfriend and told her she was fine. She knew that she should have done her stretches that the physiotherapist told her to do and worked the knots out of her muscles before bed but she had been so tired. Now here she was almost completely immobilized by the tense muscles and horrible pain in her back and all she could do was cry and curse herself for being so irresponsible the day before.
Her phone was on her table beside the bed but she couldn't grab it, it laid plugged in just out of arms reach. She knew she couldn't put it off any longer though, she needed her pain medication if she wanted to do anything productive today. Accepting defeat, Yongsun wiped tears off her cheeks in frustration and glanced over at the door.
"Y-yong!" She called out to her sister, flinching when she heard the pain in her own voice. She called to Yonghee a few more times until she heard her coming down the hallway, the door creaking open.
"I was sleeping, what do you w-" Yonghee cut herself off when she saw the panicked expression and tears on her sister's face, "Yongsun? What's wrong."
"B-back," Yongsun muttered, already feeling exhausted despite having just woken up, "Couldn't reach m-my phone."
Yonghee was by her side in a second, passing her her phone and then pressing a worried hand to her forehead, "Are you feeling sick or is just pain? Do you need me to take you to the hospital?"
"J-just pain..." Yongsun replied, "No hospital. I can't move... hurts. I need... my meds."
"Where are they?" Yonghee asked her, glancing around the room. Yongsun tried to prop herself up on her elbows but immediately fell back, tears slipping down her cheeks again from the pain she caused herself.
"Hey, slow down, Yong." Yonghee pressed a hand to her sister's shoulder to get her to stay, worry creasing her brow. Yongsun was shaking, crying more out of frustration than pain at this point. She had plans to work on YouTube stuff today, errands to run too, but here she was unable to sit up or even remember where she left her medication.
"U-unnie," Yongsun hiccuped as she tried to speak through her crying. Yonghee just hushed her, sitting on the edge of her bed and brushing hair out of her eyes. Yongsun looked up at her helplessly, eyes full of pain and defeat.
"What do you need, Yong? Tell unnie, I can help."
Yongsun tried to catch her breath and calm down, knowing crying would only made it worse. She grabbed around beside her until she found her bunny, holding the plush to her chest tightly. Yonghee watched as her sister tried to compose herself, reassuring her gently and being as patient as possible.
"I n-need... B-byul. Please unnie."
Yonghee nodded and stood up, "Okay, I'll call her. It's okay, Yong, we'll sort this out."
Yonghee left the room to get her phone and call her sister's girlfriend. She left Yongsun's door open and could still hear her soft sobs as she tried to calm herself down. Her heart ached to see her strong little sister like this, knowing the chronic pain from her injury two years before hurt her more than she liked to let on. Yongsun had once told her that the pain now was worse than it was when she first got hurt and sometimes the pain medication she had didn't even touch it. It was frustrating, knowing Yongsun had learned to hide so much pain that she only ever saw what happened when her resolve broke and she couldn't push through silently.
Byulyi picked up the phone on the second ring and Yonghee could almost hear the stupid smirk in her voice when she spoke, "Yonghee unnie, to what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Not the time, Byulyi," Yonghee replied, "You need to come over."
"Why?" Byulyi immediately dropped her greasy tone and sounded worried, "Is Yongsun okay?"
"She woke up in a lot of pain. Refuses to go to the hospital but doesn't know where her painkillers are. She asked for you, Byul, she needs you here."
She heard Byulyi sigh shakily before she spoke, "Okay, I'll be over in like fifteen minutes. Do you need me to get anything?"
"Can you get some of those pain patches? The big ones she used to buy when she first got hurt? She ran out a while ago."
Byulyi hummed her agreement and Yonghee heard shuffling on the other end like she was trying to put her shoes on one handed. She told her she'd be over as soon as possible and went to hang up but then spoke again.
"Oh, Yonghee. Her meds, either in the top drawer of her dresser or the smallest pocket of her suitcase."
"Thank you, Byulyi."
"I do what I can," Byulyi replied, "Bye, unnie."
With that, the younger woman hung up. Yonghee pocketed her phone and then walked back to Yongsun's room, flicking the light on. Her sister looked up at her with half lidded eyes, clearly struggling though she'd stopped crying. Yonghee went to her dresser and dug through the top drawer until she found the small prescription bottle she was looking for.
Yongsun accepted the pill her sister offered her and the bottle of water from beside her bed, taking the painkiller and slumping back into her pillows. She thanked Yonghee, who nodded and set the bottle down within arms reach.
"Byul will be over after she picks up some of those pain patches for you, okay?"
Yongsun nodded weakly and pressed her cheek into the stuffed rabbit she still had a tight grip on, "I hate this."
"I know, Yong. I'm sorry."
Yonghee sat at the end of the bed again, just holding onto her hand as they waited for Byulyi to show up. There wasn't anything Yonghee could do and they both knew that, but her presence and reassurance was enough for the time being and Yongsun was thankful for her sister in that moment.
A knock on the door made them both look up and Yonghee excused herself. She made her way to the door and was met with a worried looking Byulyi, who had a couple bags in her arms. Yonghee let her in and she went to set the bags on the kitchen table, taking out what she brought.
"Pain patches, some nausea medication since her painkillers can make her stomach ache, mints for that same reason, her favourite tea," Byulyi listed off as Yonghee came up beside her. The older woman smiled at the level of thought Byulyi had put into this in such a short amount of time, knowing how much she cared for Yongsun.
"Her favourite blanket from my apartment is in that bag," Byulyi continued as she pointed to another bag, "And one of my sweaters. Also I brought some tteokbokki, though I don't know if she's up to eating right now."
Yonghee was about to reply when they heard a distressed sound come from down the hall. Yonghee winced and motioned for Byulyi to go, telling her she'd put stuff away where it should go and bring the blanket and stuff in later. Byulyi nodded and walked down to her girlfriend's room, frowning when she saw the state Yongsun was in.
"B-Byul," Yongsun mumbled, reaching for her weakly. Byulyi gave her a sympathetic look and crossed the room to sit where Yonghee had been earlier, letting Yongsun grab her hand.
"Oh, baby," Byulyi sighed and touched her flushed cheek gently, "Have your meds helped at all yet?"
Yongsun shook her head, stopping and grabbing at the side of her neck when the motion hurt her. Byulyi immediately replaced Yongsun's hand with hers, fingers pressing gently into the muscle to work out the knots in her neck. The older woman leaned into her touch even though it hurt a little, feeling her muscles let go and the stiffness in her neck relax a bit.
"Thank you," Yongsun breathed when Byulyi pulled her hand back after a bit. Her girlfriend nodded and leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead, making Yongsun smile despite her pain.
"Everything for you, Ddun," Byulyi promised, "Do you need anything right now?"
Yongsun looked at her sheepishly, "I really need to pee. I haven't been able to get up."
"Want me to help you to the bathroom? I know it'll hurt but you'll be more comfortable afterwards."
The blonde nodded and let Byulyi push her blankets away. She felt her girlfriend's hands slip behind her to help her sit up, trying to ignore the shooting pain that went through her back at the motion. Byulyi told her they can go as slow as she needs to and Yongsun nodded again, swinging her legs over the edge of her bed. She was almost panting by the time she was sat at the edge of the bed, leaning heavily into Byulyi as she waited for a moment.
"Take it slow, love," Byulyi reminded her gently, "Let me know when you want to move."
"I'm good," Yongsun replied and wrapped her arms around Byulyi's neck, letting her pull her to her feet. She was barely able to stifle a whine of pain at that motion and knocked her forehead against Byulyi's shoulder, apologizing under her breath.
"Don't apologize, Yongsun. We have all the time in the world. Just don't push yourself, I'm right here and I'll wait for as long as you need."
They stood for a few moments before Yongsun nodded and loosened her grip on her girlfriend. Byulyi had a gentle hold on her waist and let her keep her arm around her neck, supporting her as much as she could. Slowly they made their way out into the hall, Byulyi leading her into the bathroom. She asked if Yongsun needed any more help but the blonde shook her head, insisting stubbornly that she would be fine.
Byulyi waited in the hall for Yongsun, hearing her shuffling around slowly as the toilet flushed. She expected the older to open the door in the next few moments but instead she heard a gasp of pain through the door. She flinched but didn't want to barge in on Yongsun, instead she leaned closer to the door and asked if she was alright.
There was no reply and instead Byulyi heard coughing and a sound akin to gagging. She knocked on the door, worried.
"Baby?" She asked gently, "I'm gonna come in, okay?"
She took the noncommittal sound she heard as agreement and slipped into the bathroom. She found Yongsun slumped on the floor by the toilet, clearly having thrown up. Tears were actively streaming down her cheeks and she looked up at Byulyi weakly, apologizing in a barely audible whisper.
Byulyi shook her head and leaned over to flush the toilet again before grabbing a towel from the drawer in the bathroom counter and wetting part of it under the sink. She crouched down beside her girlfriend and gently cleaned up her face and wiped away her tears, assuring her that it was okay. Tossing the towel into the hamper across the room, Byulyi reached behind Yongsun to gather her short hair into a messy ponytail, securing it away from her face with the elastic around her own wrist.
"You okay?" Byulyi asked, "Do you still feel sick?"
Yongsun shook her head, "It just hu... hurt s-so much. I c-couldn't handle it."
"I know, Yong, it's alright," Byulyi promised and gave her the most gentle hug she could. Yongsun leaned into her for a bit, sighing shakily as she tried to gather herself again and fight back tears.
"I bought some anti nausea medicine if you want some. We can see if you keep that down and then try the painkillers again later, yeah?"
Yongsun nodded, "Okay."
"I'm gonna help you up now, alright? It's going to hurt but we got this far, just a little walk to your room and then you can lie down."
"Yeah," Yongsun let Byulyi lift her to her feet and ignored the protest of her back. She relied heavily on Byulyi to get the back to her room, the physical and emotional strain of the morning already taking its toll on her body. Getting her into bed was a bit of a struggle but they made it, propping her up a bit on her pillows. Byulyi left and returned with a bottle of medication, a cup of something, and a plastic bag.
"Medicine and ginger ale for your tummy," she said with a sympathetic smile, "Some mints here too since I know brushing your teeth isn't an option right now."
"Thank you," Yongsun replied as she took one of the anti-nausea meds, "For everything."
"Just doing what I can, love," Byulyi replied. She took the cup when Yongsun passed it to her to set down and handed her a mint instead. She emptied the plastic bag onto the bed and then tied it to the railing of her sliding desk, explaining it was for if she felt sick again.
"I brought your blanket," she held up the Kakao characters themed fabric up to show Yongsun, "And one of my sweaters, if you want help changing out of that shirt."
Yongsun knew her shirt didn't smell great after her vomiting mishap, so she agreed. She also liked the idea of wearing Byulyi's sweater, since her girlfriend's scent was always calming and never failed to make her feel better.
Byulyi went to shut the door and then helped her sit forward again, asking her to lift her arms as much as she could. She lifted the fabric off Yongsun as gently as possible, apologizing when she flinched a little.
"Want me to put some pain patches on your back before the sweater?"
Yongsun nodded weakly, hands fisted in the blanket she had been holding tightly to her chest as a flash of pain went through her. Byulyi pressed a reassuring kiss to her cheek before opening the box of medicated hot-cold patches, grabbing a couple and asking Yongsun to hold one.
She opened the first and applied it to Yongsun's lower back, hushing her softly when the touch made her whimper. She took the second one and put it a little higher, spreading the thing down as gently as she could. When they were secure and didn't look like they'd peel off, Byulyi took the garbage and threw it away, turning back to help Yongsun into her sweater.
Once Yongsun was bundled in the sweater and Byulyi's blanket, she shuffled as close to the far edge of her bed as she could. Ignoring her own squeak of pain at the movement, she asked Byulyi to lie down with her for a bit. Of course she agreed, laying down on the small bed with her distressed girlfriend.
Yongsun immediately sought out comfort in Byulyi's arms, leaning into her warm body. Byulyi held her close, smiling when Yongsun nuzzled into her neck and pressed an appreciative kiss to her skin. They laid in silence for a while, Byulyi hoping that Yongsun would be able to get some more sleep.
It did seem like she fell asleep at one point, her breathing evening out to a relaxed rhythm. She was tucked securely into her girlfriend's arms and clearly the patches were helping some. Byulyi was relieved when she felt Yongsun relax completely against her body, knowing she was finally getting some rest. She spent the next 45 minutes or so just laying there, holding the older woman close and hoping she would wake up in less pain. The calm atmosphere was short lived though, when Byulyi suddenly felt a few tears falling onto the skin of her neck.
"Baby?" Byulyi asked worriedly, "Hey, Yong, what's wrong?"
Yongsun shook her head, trying to press herself further into Byulyi's body but letting out a sob when the action hurt her more. She was very clearly awake by this point and Byulyi felt how hard she was shaking in her arms.
"Yongsun, calm down," she spoke slowly in her ear, "Deep breath, love."
"It h-hurts," Yongsun gasped, "I don't... I d-don't want it to hurt a-anymore. B-byul... please I just w... just wanna s-sleep."
"Oh, baby, I know. I know you're hurting and I'm sorry. It's okay, you're okay. This will pass, I promise."
Yongsun whined and grabbed onto the back of Byulyi's shirt, barely hearing the reassuring words. Her head was so overwhelmed with the pain she felt and she couldn't focus, all she knew was it was all too much and she couldn't handle it.
"Yongsun. Ddunnie, look at me," Byulyi held onto her cheek to force eye contact, "You're going to be okay, I promise."
The pain and distress in Yongsun's eyes was enough to break Byulyi's heart. She didn't want her girlfriend to have to deal with any of this and she would take it all away in an instant if she could. Still, the most she could do right then was reassure her and calm Yongsun down, so that's what she did.
"Deep breaths, c'mon baby, I know you can do it," Byulyi held her close and kept speaking softly, coaxing Yongsun to breathe and focus on her voice. It took some time but Yongsun began to calm down again, her sobs reducing to small whimpers and the occasional sniffle.
"Good girl, you're okay," Byulyi reminded her softly, "Do you feel up to trying your painkillers again? They might help if you can keep them down this time."
Yongsun nodded slowly against her shoulder, though she whined when Byulyi pulled back to get the medication. She coaxed Yongsun to let go of her and grabbed the right bottle, passing a pill to her along with the cup of ginger ale. Byulyi helped her prop her head up to take it, letting her lay back down after.
Yongsun reached out to weakly tug on her hand, clearly wanting Byulyi to hold her again. She complied and settled back down, pulling Yongsun closer until she was basically on top of her. Though getting into this position hurt, she knew laying on her stomach was more comfortable in this situation and also knew her girlfriend wanted as much contact as possible. Byulyi asked if this was okay and the blonde just nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around Byulyi so she wouldn't move.
"Are you alright now?"
"Yeah..." Yongsun sighed, "I'm sorry."
Byulyi frowned, her hand tracing the outline of the patches on Yongsun's back, "What are you sorry for?"
"Being such a handful," she murmured, "It's your day off and I've just been a pain all day."
"Yongsun, you have no reason to apologize," Byulyi told her firmly, "I'm here because I love you and I care about you. I only ever want you to be safe and happy, and if me being here makes you feel better then you know I'll be here in a heartbeat."
"I just..." Yongsun sighed, "I hate this. I feel so useless. I can't even go to the bathroom without being in so much pain I throw up. You've done so much for me today and all I've done is cry; I feel like a burden."
"My love, please don't say that," Byulyi kissed her temple gently, "You're not a burden and you're certainly not useless. You're in pain, Yongsun. You're allowed to cry and ask for help. I want you to ask for help when you need it, it's what I'm here for."
"But-"
"If I was in your position would you be here? Would you take care of me if I was hurt?"
"Of course I would, I love you," Yongsun said without a thought.
"And it's the same for me. I'm here because you're my girlfriend and my best friend and I love you more than anything. I hate seeing you in pain because there's not much I can do, but I can be here and hold you when you need me. I want to take care of you and make sure you're okay. You're never a burden to me, Yongsun."
"Promise?"
"I promise," Byulyi replied, "You can't control your pain, Angel. This isn't your fault and you're doing your best given the circumstances."
Yongsun sighed and nodded, "I had so much planned for today. I was going to make a video and run errands. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go see that new movie tonight. Why did this have to happen today? Why did I push myself so much yesterday?"
"Because you're my stubborn yeba," Byulyi smiled a little, "You can do that another day, baby. Well go see the movie if you're feeling better on the weekend, okay? Bad days happen but they're not the end of the world."
"I just hate when I can't do anything."
"I know that, but right now your body is asking for rest and patience and you should give it that so it can be stronger in the future."
Byulyi had begun rubbing Yongsun's back ever so gently, trying not to aggravate her pain. The gentle touch was enough to work her muscles though and even if it hurt in some places it was soothing. Yongsun hummed in reply, too preoccupied to answer coherently. Byulyi chuckled a little as her girlfriend leaned into her touch, knowing she was calm and ready to sleep again.
"I'm not hurting you, right?" Byulyi spoke softly in her ear. Yongsun shook her head and snuggled into her chest, mumbling something that Byulyi didn't quite catch.
"What was that, Ddun?"
"Thank you," Yongsun repeated in a soft tone, "I love you."
"I love you too," Byulyi answered, "So much."
"I'm sleepy."
"I know, angel," Byulyi traced her spine lightly as her other hand came up to let her hair out of its ponytail, "Your medicine has probably started working, it makes you tired. Why don't you try and sleep again?"
Yongsun nodded and relaxed against Byulyi, letting her fuss over her hair and rub her back. She leaned up to kiss Byulyi's jawline, making the younger smile at the affection.
"I'm not too heavy, right?" Yongsun asked, knowing she was putting a lot of her weight on her thin girlfriend. Byulyi just shook her head and leaned down to steal a chaste kiss from her lips, bringing a tired smile to Yongsun's face.
"You're completely fine," she said when she pulled back, "Let your body rest, Yongsun. I'll be right here when you wake up."
"Okay."
With that, Yongsun closed her eyes and let herself surrender to her girlfriend's comfort. The touch on her back wasn't causing her any pain but instead soothed it, gentle fingers working out knots and relaxing the muscles. The rhythmic rise and fall of Byulyi's chest was enough to lull Yongsun to sleep, her own heart slowing to mimic Byulyi's calm heartbeat.
She snuggled down and held onto her girlfriend, thankful for how patient and loving she was especially on these days. Chronic pain was overwhelming and her bad days always seemed to happen during the worst times. Nevertheless, Byulyi's care and comfort was enough to make Yongsun feel better and reassure her that even strong leaders like herself needed rest and love on bad days.