One Week Later...
I had yet to recover mentally from that day's tragic event in Shiganshina District and the outside. My life would be taken by now and I can move to the next life, but that didn't happen.
Lately, I've been locked up in a cell below the training camp and banned from training for who knows how long. All that time awake really took it out of me and I found myself asleep in seconds. The night passed in a breeze, leaving me staring at the ceiling the next morning.
To this day, I did not regret everything, because that was the day when I finally saw a titan before my own eyes. I even rescued a soldier with a shattered leg and discovered that Levi was alive, except for Farlan and Isabel.
My thoughts disappeared in an instant when a voice called out to me; the source was from behind the bars to find Keith Shadis standing there. As usual, I give him a straight face.
"I will accept any necessary disciplinary action next." I've been forced to clean the entire camp alone and work out until my body gave out. Even though I wasn't supposed to be involved in the expedition, I did it by my own free will.
"Now you understand why a trainee like you shouldn't leave the walls," Keith speaks in a calm, yet strict manner. "But, there won't be a reward for your efforts and there won't be any more disciplinary action given."
I furrowed my brows at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Suddenly, I hear echoing footsteps until I see a tall figure standing right next to Keith. I was met with blank stares, and as I looked closely, It was Commander Erwin.
How did he know I was here? And why is he here?
"Sina Vogel," Erwin was smiling down at me, a very warm and approachable smile. "I want to continue our conversation from the last time we met. Do you mind coming with me?"
I wonder what he wants to say to me this time, and it's most likely about me joining the Survey Corps. That is when my curiosity got the best of me. I politely accept, and Keith lets me out of the cell, which probably means I am no longer suspended. I follow Erwin outside, and the sun shines brightly above us, feeling the warmth embracing my exposed skin.
"I apologize for not reaching out to you sooner." Erwin suddenly feels bad. "There have been a lot of tragic events happening recently, and I was also busy tracking you down."
"I-It's okay." I waved at him shyly. "I know the Survey Corps is very busy..."
There was a thin wall of ice between us until we reached a wooden building.
"This way." Erwin opens the door for me and it is a building right next to the barracks on the training ground. It seems like we're heading to an office or something in particular, and when we finally reach the end of the hallway, he opens the door for me once more and I nod at his gesture before stepping inside.
Upon entering, my heart skipped a beat when Levi was sitting at the table in the center of the room. He was deliberately sipping a cup of tea until he saw my presence as I stood there.
He makes my heart flutter, so I cannot breathe without him and feel like I am going to die. Now, I can finally breathe when I'm with him, but my heart still aches from the last time we met. I can't necessarily say how I feel towards him. I felt like I was going to lose my mind because of this man.
I stiffened when his face was wiped clean from everything but boredom and Erwin led me to a chair in front of Levi. It was indeed awkward because I could feel him glaring down at me as he raised the teacup to his lips. With all of the regret in this shattered world, I flickered my brown orbs up at him again, taking in one last look at his emotionless but glorious face.
Erwin can feel the intensity of silence in the air, so he attempts to make things less awkward for us by offering me some tea as well. "It may be too late, but I am deeply sorry for my actions in the Underground District." Erwin suddenly brings up the past, and he is apologizing to both of us. "And Levi, about Farlan and Isabel..."
"It wasn't your fault." Levi dismisses him, waving a hand to cut him off. "I just didn't save them in time... and I acted selfish."
"If only I hadn't dragged them along with you, they would still be here today." Erwin still feels guilty, but Levi thinks that the past is in the past. "And Sina, I'm sorry you had to suffer alone in the Underground. You must've been very lonely."
"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad to find peace between us." I reassure him, hoping he won't have to carry this burden anymore. He only did it because that was his job under the Military Police and possibly the King.
And since when did Levi become his right-hand man?
"I know you two have a lot to catch up on, but I want to jump right into something with you, Sina." Erwin then takes a seat between us at the very end of the table and his hands interlace together.
I nodded. "I'm listening."
Something was lingering in his eyes, which meant he had bad news to deliver to me. "Yesterday morning, the titans breached the walls."
My pupils dilated as a swarm of fear encompassed me, leaving me speechless. The walls were built to protect humanity from the titans. "How... did this happen?"
There was pure hatred and disgust in Levi's eyes, and it tells me how much he resents those monsters.
Erwin then continued to add on. "I received many reports about a fifty-meter titan, destroying the gate of Shiganshina District and allowing the titans to rapidly spread within the wall," he said in defeat. "Not only that, but another titan also appeared with armored-like skin, destroying the next gate that leads to Wall Maria for titans to invade even further."
"Are you telling me, those titans are eating thousands and thousands of innocent people as we speak?" I never wished this day to happen to humanity, and we are now living in a nightmare.
I couldn't even take a sip of my tea, and my eyes stared down at the table in great horror. The titans are probably on their way to devour us right now.
"I understand it's a lot to take in all at once. But you have the right to know."
"And why are you telling me this...?"
"I've summoned you here for a specific reason." Erwin remains formal. "And it concerns your graduation from the training corps, Sina."
"Graduation?" I lift my head to find Erwin staring back at me with some seriousness. "But... I still have years left on my training."
"But do you wish to join the Survey Corps?" Erwin paused dramatically. "With Levi?"
"Stop dragging her into this!" Levi gives us a look with a mixture of disbelief and pity. "I can't believe it. Why can't you just have her work in some craft workshop or something?"
"But according to Keith Shadis, she has maintained top marks from the very start of her training." he then gives me a promising look. "I suppose you'd make a fine soldier, Sina."
My mind starts racing as sweat trickles down my temple, not knowing what to say. It's so sudden that I can't even remain calm and I don't think I'm as skilled at the Survey Corps yet. All of this is putting a lot of pressure and expectations on me.
"The Survey Corps is desperately short on manpower." Erwin continued. "We need fresh blood like you, Sina."
I then thought about it, but Levi was indirectly telling me to decline across the table with his cold, steely eyes. Even though I do not wish to be separated from Levi, I am not capable... or maybe that's just my fear speaking.
I now see why Erwin is doing this. He wants to make up for the things he did between Levi and me in the Underground District, and Levi is a lonely soul with a tormented mind. He does not want to separate us since we only have each other, but Levi acts stubbornly only to keep me out of danger.
And that is why I aspire to be as strong as Levi, so he wouldn't have to worry about protecting me. Levi was born to be a soldier and maybe I can become like him too.
"Why are you helping me?" I ask Erwin out of the blue. "I'm a total stranger to you."
"That's not true."
I was surprised when Erwin started clenching his fists on the table. "I can't believe I'm saying this now... but I was there the moment you were born."
"Huh?" I blinked, trying to decipher what he had just said.
"You could say... It was me who burdened you with the fate of being the titan's child twenty years ago."
"Twenty years ago...?" I parroted in shock, not quite understanding him.
"Before I found your mother, she was swallowed by a titan. And the day that I found her body in titan vomit outside the walls, she was pregnant with you." Erwin tells me with a straight face. "She was close to giving birth, so I was the one who slit her belly open. You were then born from that day."
Levi set his teacup down as he listened and I froze in my chair. So Erwin is no stranger to me from the beginning. He was the one who brought me into this world.
But this also makes me wonder about my birth mother. How did she end up getting eaten and where did we come from? This is all too much to think about...
"I couldn't end your life, because you were just a baby..." Erwin tightened his fists in guilt. "And because of me, you lived your life as a titan's child within the walls and..."
"I'm glad that I'm alive." I give him a comforting smile to change the gloomy atmosphere. "Thanks to you and Levi, I have a lot ahead of me and my life is worth living. Please do not regret your choices."
Erwin and Levi are putting themselves in terrible danger to protect me and give me a chance to live.
"I feel like you accept me regardless of what I am." My words touched his heart, so he smiled back with a hint of sadness. "I'm relieved..."
I then stand from my seat and they both stare at me. "I've made up my mind. I am going to join the Survey Corps, and it's all because of you, Commander. You saved my life and I have no intention of dying a meaningless death. You didn't see me as a monster either, and now, I want to protect what is precious to me, so thank you for giving me this opportunity to prove myself to the world that I am human just like you all."
I have a calling to save innocent people. And humanity must live on forever. Precious, beautiful souls are not meant to be eaten.
The look in Levi's bluish, silver eyes screamed out in horror and antipathy. He then slams the table in front of us out of anger and turns to Erwin. "Sina will not be joining the Survey Corps. She's been cursed ever since birth, and to escape that curse, she risked her life just to see one for herself... just to be sure she wasn't really the child of the titan."
"Sina is no longer the titan's child... in our eyes at least. She has the right to live a world apart from titans and have the same happiness as anyone else." Erwin defended me and Levi had to accept our choices even though it was difficult for him.
"It is better to do something than nothing at all," I added, which made Levi only grunted in agreement.
"As of today, you are now a member of the Survey Corps. Congratulations, Sina. " Erwin announced and I was feeling a mix of emotions.
"So... I'll end up in the Survey Corps for sure," I said, placing a hand over my chest to keep myself calm as I took deep breaths. "I'll have to be on my best behavior..."
Abruptly, Levi pushed himself back to leave his chair and I leaned over across the table to reach out to him. "Levi, wait..."
Levi growled at me instead, slapping my outstretched hand away and storming out of the room. I quickly turn over to Erwin to bow my head. "I'm sorry. I need to speak with Levi privately..."
"Go after him." Erwin nodded. "I just wish Levi would be more honest about his feelings towards you."
"We're not that close..." I blushed in embarrassment, which only made him chuckle. The minute I was about to leave the building, I opened the entrance door and stopped, blinded by the orange rays of the sun. Luckily, I see Levi walking in the distance across the training ground and call out to him. "Levi!"
He continues to ignore me in the distance and I finally catch up to him when I latch on to his right arm, begging him to stop in his tracks.
"I know what you're thinking!" I shouted, hoping he'd listen to me for once. "You think of me as a burden, right!? Now that I'm officially a part of the Survey Corps, you're only worried about protecting me!"
Levi finally listened, but his back was still facing me so I continued. "You don't have to protect me... I can protect myself!"
I've finally told him that I am not as weak as he thinks. Now, I am tired of hiding from this world and not doing anything.
There goes the silent treatment until...
"I'm such an awful person..."
My eyes widened at his words, not knowing what was on his mind right now and he stood still. "You came back from the outside with your life intact and now I'm just sulking over your decision..." he clenched his fists, and I slowly let go of him. "But why do you want to fight? How can you have seen that titan and still want to fight?"
I slowly put my hands over my chest, trying to understand why as well.
"When you snuck into that Survey Corps expedition, I felt my anxiety crushing me." Levi couldn't stand the feeling he was experiencing right now and I lowered my head in guilt.
"I'm sorry..." I mumbled under my breath. "I made you worry..."
"Why do you want to join the Survey Corps... even after that terrible experience you went through!?"
"Maybe it's because... I care for the people of this world." I finally found an answer, mainly coming from my heart. "The weak must be protected. I don't want anyone to go through all of this. I am human just like you guys are."
Levi finally turns around to lock eyes with me and my face flushed at the sight of his sharp features in the orange light.
"You know... I was in a cage from the moment I could think for myself. All the people I saw from my cage, were the whole world to me."
Levi did nothing but feel sympathy for me because, in the past, we've both suffered from something.
"They were dressed so nicely, had a family, and looked out for one another. When they saw me, I could sense their hostility towards me and their feelings of fear. Everything outside the cage was frightening, a source of pain to inflict on me..." I spoke with integrity. "I then saw their other emotions, not just their hostility and fear towards me. They were the emotions of families, lovers, and friends... emotions meant for each other. I felt those emotions and thoughts of many different people. Emotions from the outside world."
Levi is now staring at me with hurt in his eyes, but I didn't mean to make him feel sorry. I just want him to understand me and see me differently.
"They had a fear of the titans, hope, and anxiety about the world and their lives... everything." I force a breathy smile. "We're so different from each other... yet we are the same because we're humans."
When I saw the titans, the world was just another cage. The titans look like human beings, but when I finally saw one, it was nothing like us. I didn't sense any emotion from it...
"Sina..." Levi wanted to comfort me, but not physically since he hates touching people. I remember how much of a clean freak he was back when we were in the Underground District.
"When I first met you, my entire world shifted." I look into his eyes, finding peace within him. "My father, Aziel Vogel, bought me from human traffickers and raised me as his own daughter. He taught me words through books and all about this world. When I was in that cage, I didn't understand the people's emotions that they possessed. I didn't know what else existed out there until I was free. And my desire to go see the outside world... all came from you, Levi." I then begin to tear up for some reason, but I continue to force a smile.
His anger slowly abated as his shoulders relaxed in front of me. I was choking back my tears.
"It's been a long journey of surprises since I left the mansion. Now that I've seen it for myself, the world is so much bigger and brighter, but cruel." I then pull out the knife from my back pocket. "This knife you gave me saved my life on numerous occasions, but now is the time to return to you."
"You can keep it."
"But, isn't it important to you?"
"Consider it as a gift from me." Levi gently wraps my fingers around the knife, wanting me to keep it as a symbol of him. "Use it when you're in danger... or when I'm not around to protect you."
I blushed, even more, hoping he wouldn't notice and I averted my eyes from his gaze. He looked completely relaxed, yet there was something in his mannerisms that seemed a little disconnected.
"If there is something you wish to protect, become stronger," Levi tells me. "You must be strong to fight."
"I guess I should thank you. Because of you, I was able to get this far. I just think the idea of death scares me the most."
Levi noticed how determined I was, so he heaved a long sigh. "If you don't want to die, you have to think."
I nodded so I wouldn't make him worry. "I trust you more than I trust myself, so please trust in yourself." In my eyes, he is by far the most trustworthy person in the world. He is someone who will find his way no matter what. "Whatever choice you make, whatever people say, I am always on your side."
Humans are fragile. That is why we must protect each other.
I don't think I've ever seen Levi smile once, but at this very moment, he finally accepts me.