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Chapter Six: A Close Call
Bella awoke slowly, her eyes blinking in the early morning sunshine streaming through her window which caught the reflections of my skin, sending brilliant sparkles cascading across the walls and ceiling of her room. She put up a hand to shade her eyes against the brightness and groaned softly.
"What's wrong, love?" I spoke softly but anxiously. What could be wrong with her? Was she ill? In pain? Waking from another nightmare? Humans were so fragile, and Bella was so much more so than most of her kind. The cast on her leg provided a constant reminder....
"Um, it's just so ... bright ... in here." She attempted to open her eyes and was blinded again by the brilliance. "Ugh ... it's too early for this," she moaned, hiding her face against my chest to protect her eyes. I sighed, feeling relief course through me as I realized that nothing was wrong, and I thrilled to have her in my arms, so close ... and so safe. I wished that I could never let her go. But the brilliance of my skin was obviously causing her pain....
"I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave?" I asked, saddened that this most glorious of summer mornings was being ruined by my presence.
"No!" she said firmly, her voice raised to punctuate her point. "I'll ... adjust. It's just hard to deal with so much brightness so early ...." she trailed off, yawning widely.
She burrowed against me more tightly, if that was possible, her arms wrapped around my neck as she lay half on top of me. I folded my arms more firmly around her too, and we remained so for several too-short, very sweet minutes, just enjoying each others' touch as bird song wafted through her open window on the warm summer breeze.
"I might actually be able to wear shorts today," Bella mused, her voice muffled against my chest.
"Can you get them on over your cast?" I smiled, yet also couldn't help feeling a little trepidation. Bella was so beautifully formed, and seeing her clad in only shorts and a tank top would be more of a temptation than she was aware of. I found it more difficult during these warm summer months to keep my thoughts off her lovely figure, even with so many more worrisome happenings on the too-near horizon....
She frowned at the reminder of her awkward and heavy cast. I cleared my throat, trying to remove the image of Bella in summer clothing (and not much of it) from my mind. "What are your plans for today?"
The sun went behind a cloud as I spoke, thus dimming the glimmer of my skin. Bella felt the difference and raised her head carefully, squinting her eyes against possible brightness. Finding that the room only faintly glowed now, she pulled herself off me into a sitting position, grasping both of my hands in her lap as she did so.
"I was planning to drop off another few more job applications this morning," she said. "Charlie really wants me to get a summer job." Her brow wrinkled. "I'm not sure why he keeps pushing me; it's not like him."
I knew the reason for Charlie's insistence upon Bella working this summer. Although I didn't always catch Charlie's exact thoughts, the tenor of them was clear in this case. My lips tightened into a hard line at the thought.
"You know why, don't you?" she asked, her eyes narrowed. I nodded slowly. She waited, but I didn't tell her; I knew she would be angry with Charlie, and I didn't want to be the cause of family discord.
"Edward?" she prodded.
I sighed. "Charlie thinks that if you're working this summer, then you'll have less free time ... thus less time to spend with ... me," I stated slowly.
Bella sighed too, her brows coming together in annoyance. "Of course." She then leaned over me as I lay on my back, my head on her pillow. She placed her hands on my shoulders and lowered her face to mine to kiss me. I raised my hands to hold her face to mine as our lips moved together. I could hear her heart start to race as it always did when we kissed, and her breath came faster, rougher. The sounds of both made it difficult for me to control myself, and suddenly I found our positions reversed without breaking the kiss, Bella's head on her pillow, her arms around my neck ... and my face above hers, my cold body against her warm, fragrant one.
I held myself on my elbows so that none of my weight was upon her and continued kissing her soft, warm, willing lips. Bella's breathing now came in quick gasps, only slightly faster than mine, so I moved my lips to her throat so that she could catch her breath a little. I pressed my cool lips against the warm pulse in her neck, and my own throat burned with the delicious scent, the outrageous fragrance of her sweet blood, coursing so closely under her translucent skin. I could perfectly recall the taste of her blood from a couple of months ago. Even tinged with James' venom and the morphine Carlisle had injected, her blood had been unbelievably sweet-it had seemed so impossible to stop drinking when her blood was free of the venom. My throat imploded into flames at the clear, perfect memory, venom filling my mouth, my arms tightened around her warm body and lifting her slightly, my jaw tensed in preparation to break her fragile skin with my teeth and to drink deeply of her this very moment....
Abruptly I broke free of her, looking down at the beautiful, human girl in my arms with heartbreak in my eyes...heartbreak and desire burning in my gaze. Her eyes had flown open at my quick move, and her eyes were melted pools of deep brown, darkened with passion but turning to confusion at my expression. With a quick motion, I raised myself away from her, fully sitting up beside her, my mouth still welling with venom from her sweet scent, my muscles still tensed for the attack I had so narrowly avoided....
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Was that too much?" Her breath still came in quick gasps, and her heart was pounding a jagged rhythm as a blush stained her pale cheeks with the most beautiful-the most tempting-color. Wordlessly I reached out my hand, ever so lightly brushing my fingers along her cheekbone. She was so beautiful, and so unaware of the desire coursing through me: desire for her physically, and desire just as strong, if not stronger, for her blood....
I shook my head, despicable creature that I am, and whispered, stress making my voice rougher than usual," No, it's not you, Bella. It's...me."
She frowned, not understanding fully. I had to explain, yet in such a way that would not frighten her unduly.
My words came quickly, as they often did when I was upset. My eyes seared into hers as I spoke. "Bella, I can't lose control with you. Ever. You must never forget what I am: a monster who never stops thirsting for your blood. I am always, ALWAYS, thirsting for you. Always. Even when I desire you..." I paused, not sure how to phrase my confused longings, "...in other ways, there is always this deplorable creature in me, wanting you for all the wrong reasons, all the most dangerous reasons." I swallowed the venom that had accumulated in my mouth at the scent of her blood and continued. "We must...*I* must be more careful with you. I can't allow myself to lose control the way I just did." I closed my eyes in despair, knowing how close I had come to killing her just now.
Bella's hand cupped the side of my face, and I opened my eyes slowly. She looked at me...miraculously still without fear. How could she NOT fear me after what I had just confessed to her? "Sssshhhh," she hushed me, comfortingly. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I got," she paused, and blushed deeply, "a bit carried away. I didn't mean to--"
I interrupted her apology. "Bella, no, sweetheart, it's not YOU. I just need to be far, far more careful with you, that's all. I can't allow myself to be swept up in the moment and lose control." I looked into her trusting eyes and stated slowly and emphatically, "We are going to have to stop this."
Her brow furrowed in confusion. "Stop what?"
"Being so...physical...with each other. It's just not...safe...for you."
Her face fell, and she looked so extremely disappointed that I couldn't help smiling a little despite the seriousness of the situation.
I moved even further away from her, ducking out from under her hand, beyond her warm touch. She looked hurt and confused at first, then reluctant understanding flooded her face.
Still standing beside her bed, I leaned back over her, my face close to hers. "We're just going to have to be more careful, that's all, Bella. I'm just going to have to control myself, not allow us to cross some lines. It's for your safety, love" ... and for my sanity, I added silently. I bent over her, lightly pressing my lips to hers, pulling back after just a second or two. I got up, standing above Bella as she lay on the bed, her breathing and heart rate finally slowing to near normal. I felt awkward as she looked at me with an unfathomable glance. How I wished I could read her thoughts at this very moment! What could she be thinking?
"I'll let you get dressed, Bella," I said, with a warning in my voice. "I'll wait for you downstairs." I turned my back, walked out into the hallway and quietly closed the door behind me. I stopped outside her room with my hand on the knob and sighed deeply. It was going to be a long summer...a very long summer.