You stared at your phone, a bitter feeling twisting your stomach.
Of course you were mad at him, he wouldn't ever get this wrong. He had always known when you were upset. He knew you. However, you couldn't tell him anything, because he had done nothing wrong. It wasn't his fault.
You were mad at him because he made you feel like things were back to normal, as if you were still together and everything was still perfect. You were mad at him because he wasn't yours anymore, but how could you take him for responsible ? He was just being himself, holding your hand, making your heart beat faster or your cheeks blush. It was just him being himself.
You should've told him to sleep somewhere else. You were the one at fault. If you had let him leave the night before, your heart wouldn't feel so broken now.
-
"Okay, tell me what's wrong."
You looked up at Namjoon who was watching you with a comforting smile. You pretended not to know what he was talking about, letting out a sour laugh.
"What ? Everything's fine," you said, playing with the grass you were seating on to distract yourself.
"Is it about who I think it is ?"
"Might be," you reluctantly answered after a moment, knowing he always knew everything without even asking anyway.
"What happened ?"
You looked away from his piercing gaze, discomfort taking over you. You weren't so fond of talking about your feelings, even more when it was about Jungkook.
"Nothing," you started but his face showed you lying to him would lead you nowhere, "I just, brought my hopes up for no reason. But nothing happened."
He nodded softly, and you knew your confession was in good hands. He wouldn't repeat it to anyone and that's what made it all easier.
"Why don't you make it happen ?"
"What ?"
"You said you brought your hopes up for nothing. Make it happen, this way you won't have to be mad at the universe," he said calmly, watching your reaction carefully.
"I'm not-" you started, but the way this felt like a lie on your tongue made you realize you weren't fooling anyone. "I- I don't think I can make it happen, Namjoon. It's not that easy."
He sighed, shaking his head slightly.
"Why does he have to be the one who makes the first move ?"
"I never said-"
"Then what ?" he cut you off, "You're gonna wait for the relationship to start without any of you doing anything ?"
You looked down, feeling a lump in your throat as your eyes started watering. You hated that Namjoon had to raise his voice against you.
"Come on, Y/N," he said after a few seconds, his voice way softer, "What are you scared of ?"
"Rejection."
A tear escaped your eyes and you wiped it quickly, not allowing yourself to be weak in front of Namjoon.
"Look at me," he said quietly and you did as told, locking eyes with him. "Do you actually think he would reject you ?"
"I don't know," you whispered, blinking away the few tears that threatened to fall from your eyes, "Maybe he realized he was better off without me. Maybe he loves Soyeon more than he loved me."
He didn't answer immediately, lying down on the grass to look at the sky. You lay down next to him, waiting for him to say something, anything, that could reassure you.
"You know," he started slowly, "He is probably as scared as you. And even if I haven't talked about that with him, I can tell you he would never in a million years reject you."
You stayed silent and he turned his head towards you, waiting for you to look at him before speaking again.
"You'd have to be blind to miss the way you both look at each other. There's no reason to be scared, Y/N."
-
When Taehyung opened the door of his apartment, you were waiting there, fidgeting. He didn't notice the nervous expression on your face although you almost seemed frightened.
"Y/N ! What are you doing here ?" he asked as he quickly hugged you.
"I came to talk to Jungkook," you let out quietly, your stomach twisting as the words left your mouth.
Taehyung's smile faded a little as a flicker in his eyes showed you he knew exactly why you were here.
"He is in his room, come in," he said, his voice softer now, stroking your back as you stepped inside as if to give you some strength.
He called Jungkook while following you to the living-room, giving you encouraging smiles every time your eyes met each other. You sat on the couch, your heartbeat increasing with every second passing.
When Jungkook arrived and saw you seating here looking uneasy, he glanced at Taehyung and it seemed they were having a silent conversation, while you stayed there watching.
"I have to see Jimin for something, don't wait for me for dinner Jungkook," Taehyung eventually said hurriedly as he started getting ready to leave, Jungkook nodding without a word.
Once Taehyung had left the apartment and your focus went back on Jungkook, waves of anxiety came crashing in your body and you honestly thought for a second you were going to faint right then and there. He sat next to you on the couch and suddenly, you felt like an eight years old being alone with her crush for the first time. It didn't feel good.
"So, what did you want to talk about ?" he said carefully.
You managed to smile slightly and his comforting doe eyes looking at you calmed you down a little.
"I lied to you," you started and immediately regretted it when you realized how bad of a start it was, but it was too late now anyway. "When I said I wasn't mad at you, I lied."
"Well, I kinda guessed that," he chuckled and it helped you relax, your heart not beating too fast suddenly.
You didn't reply, a smile staying on your lips for a few seconds as a silence settled in the room. Jungkook was waiting for you to speak again, staring at you with soft eyes.
"Yesterday," you said hesitantly, keeping your eyes on your hands, "When I woke up and you were there in my bed, holding my hand, almost cuddling me, I don't know why I felt that but I was hurt."
He stayed silent, his smile no longer there as he looked at you intensely.
"It just-" you paused, looking for words, "It got me mad because, that's something we can't do anymore, you know ?"
"Why can't we ?"
"Jungkook, we're not-" you looked up at him and you wish you hadn't, because suddenly your throat was burning as you felt tears come, "We just can't do that."
"Did I make you uncomfortable ?" he asked after a few seconds and that's only then that you noticed the uneasiness on his face.
"No, not at all." You shook your head and he looked relieved for a second before frowning.
"Then why can't we hold hands ?"
You wondered if he was pretending like he didn't know or if he really was that oblivious, but you knew you would have to be the one to say it.
"We're not a thing, Jungkook. You were still with Soyeon not so long ago-" you eventually said but he cut you off.
"She doesn't matter now. I broke up with her, she isn't a part of my life anymore," he shook his head firmly.
"Still, three years have passed and we've both changed," you said and he shook his head, a faint blush reddening his cheeks.
"Y/N," he said softly, a little smile forming on his lips, "Even if a hundred years passed, my feelings for you wouldn't change."
"What ?" you breathed out, your heart missing a beat.
"I never stopped waiting for you because my love for you has never disappeared."
You stayed quiet at first but you could feel tears coming. He was looking at you with something in his eyes so raw you had to break the eye contact. There was so much love, so much hope, it was overwhelming. How could he have hidden it for so long ?
"Why didn't you say anything ?" you said, your voice barely above a whisper. A tear rolled down your face before you could stop it and worry immediately painted his face.
"What's wrong ? Did I say something wrong ?" he asked, ignoring your question when seeing your tears. He took your hands in his and you let him do, biting your lips nervously. "Y/N ?"
His soft voice made you want to cry all over again as you wondered whether you should tell him what had been keeping you awake for weeks. But when you felt his thumb carefully caressing the back of your hand, soothing you, you decided you didn't want to hide anything anymore.
"I wasn't sure you wanted me back," you breathed out, anxiety making your heartbeat increase as the words left your mouth. You kept your eyes down, feeling Jungkook's stare on you.
"I will always want you back."
You looked up at him. All his focus was on you, his eyes gazing at you like you were all he needed. He must have seen your eyes shining as tears filled them all over again, because he opened his arms for you.
"Come here," he whispered and you let yourself get engulfed in his embrace, hiding your face in his chest. He took a deep breath, taking in your scent as he snuggled his face in your hair. "You know nobody could take your place, right ?" he eventually let out, his voice muffled by your hair as he held you even tighter.
You hummed, not trusting your voice to speak. He traced patterns on your back with his fingers, soothing you. All your insecurities had come colliding inside you, but he made you forget about them just by being himself, stopping your tears so easily.
And suddenly, he didn't feel so far away. Suddenly, you had him again, and it was just enough. He was enough.
When Taehyung came home later, he found the both of you cuddled up on the couch, sleeping soundly. It was like a weight had been taken off his shoulders as he watched Jungkook pulling you closer, a small smile forming on his lips.
This was how it should've always been.